Fallen Too Far (9 page)
Authors: Abbi Glines
Rush pressed his lips together tightly then shook his head. “You don’t see the real me. You don’t know what all I’ve done.”
“Maybe,” I replied, leaning forward. “But what little I have seen isn’t all bad. I am beginning to think there might just be another layer to you.”
Rush lifted his eyes to meet mine. I wanted to curl up in his lap and just stare at those eyes for hours. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it… but not before I saw the silver in his mouth.
I pulled my knees under me and moved closer to him. “What is in your mouth?” I asked, studying his lips and waiting on him to open up again.
Rush opened his mouth and slowly stuck out his tongue. It was pierced with a silver barbell.
“Does it hurt?” I asked, studying his tongue closely. I’d never seen anyone with a pierced tongue before.
He pulled his tongue back in his mouth and grinned. “No.”
I remembered the tattoos on his back from the night he’d been having sex with the girl. “What are the tattoos on your back?”
“An eagle on my lower back with his wings spread and the emblem for Slacker Demon. When I was seventeen my dad took me to a concert in L.A. and afterwards he took me to get my first tat. He wanted his band branded on my body. Every member of Slacker Demon has one in the exact same place. Right behind their left shoulder. Dad was high as a kite that night but it was still a really good memory. I didn’t get a chance to spend a lot of time with him growing up. But every time I saw him he either added another tat or piercing to my body.”
He had more piercings? I studied his face and then let my eyes fall to his chest. A low chuckle startled me and I realized I’d been caught looking.
“No piercings there, sweet Blaire. The others are in my ears. I put a halt to the piercings and tats when I turned nineteen.”
His dad was covered in tats and piercings just like the rest of Slacker Demon. Was it something that Rush hadn’t wanted to do? Had his dad forced him?
“What did I say to make you frown?” he asked, slipping a finger under my chin and tilting my head up so that I was looking at him.
I didn’t want to answer this truthfully. I was enjoying our time together. I knew if I delved too deep too soon he’d take off running. “When you kissed me last night I didn’t feel the silver barbell thingy.”
Rush’s eyelids lowered and he leaned forward. “Because I wasn’t wearing it.”
He was now.
“When you, uh, kiss someone with it in can they feel it?”
Rush sucked in a sharp breath and his mouth came even closer to mine. “Blaire, tell me to leave. Please.”
If he was about to kiss me then I wasn’t telling him anything of the like. I wanted him here. I also wanted to kiss him with that thing in his mouth.
“You would have felt it. Everywhere I want to kiss you, you would feel it. And you would enjoy it,” he whispered in my ear before pressing a kiss to my shoulder and taking a deep breath. Was he smelling me?
“Are you… are you going to kiss me again?” I asked breathlessly as he pressed his nose to my neck and inhaled.
“I want to. I want to so fucking bad but I’m trying to be good,” he murmured against my skin.
“Could you not be good for just one kiss? Please?” I asked, scooting closer to him. I would be in his lap soon.
“Sweet Blaire, so incredibly sweet,” he said as his lips touched the curve of my neck and shoulder. If he kept this up I would start begging.
His tongue came out and took a quick swipe at the tender skin on my neck then he trailed kisses along my jawline until his mouth hovered over mine. I started to plead again but he pressed one soft kiss to my lips and it stopped me. Then he pulled back but only an inch. His warm breath still bathed my lips.
“Blaire, I’m not a romantic guy. I don’t kiss and cuddle. It’s all about the sex for me. You deserve someone who kisses and cuddles. Not me. I just fuck, baby. You aren’t meant for someone like me. I’ve never denied myself something I want. But you’re too sweet. This time I have to tell myself no.”
As his words sunk in I whimpered from the erotic sound of those naughty words rolling off his tongue. It wasn’t until he stood up and grabbed the doorknob that I realized he was going to walk away from me. Again. Leaving me like this.
“I can’t talk anymore. Not tonight. Not alone in here with you.” The sadness in his tone made my heart hurt a little. Then he was gone and closing the door behind him.
I leaned back against the headboard and groaned in frustration. Why had I let him in here? This hot and cold game he was playing was out of my league. I wondered where he would go now. There were plenty of females out there he would kiss. Ones he had no problem kissing if they begged.
The stomping of people going up stairs rattled above my head. I wasn’t getting any sleep for a while. I didn’t want to stay in here and Woods was expecting me. There was no reason to stand him up. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him but I could at least tell him that I wasn’t up for a beach chat.
I walked into the kitchen. Grant’s back was to me and he had some girl pressed up against the counter. Her hands were tangled in his wild brown curls. They seemed very preoccupied. I quietly exited out the backdoor hoping I didn’t walk up on any other makeout sessions.
“I didn’t think you were going to show,” Woods’ voice came from the darkness.
I turned to see him leaning against the railing watching me. I felt guilty for not coming out here first and letting him know I wasn’t going to meet him. I couldn’t manage to make wise decisions where Rush was involved.
“I’m sorry. I got sidetracked.” I didn’t want to explain.
“I saw Rush exit the little cubby hole he has you in back there,” he replied.
I bit my lip and nodded. I was busted. Might as well fess up.
“He didn’t stay long. Was it a friendly visit or was he kicking you out?”
It was… it was a nice visit. We did talk. Up until I asked him to kiss me again it had been fun. I’d enjoyed his company. “Just a friendly chat,” I explained.
Woods let out a hard laugh and shook his head. “Why don’t I believe that?”
Because he was smart. I shrugged.
“We still on for our walk down to the beach?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m tired. I came out here to get a breath of fresh air and hopefully find you to explain.”
Woods gave me a disappointed smile and pushed away from the railing. “Well, all right then. I’m not gonna beg.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to,” I replied.
He walked back toward the doors and I waited until he was back inside before breathing a sigh of relief. That hadn’t been so bad. Maybe now he would back off some. Until I figured out what to do with this attraction I had for Rush I didn’t need anyone else confusing me more.
I gave it a few minutes then turned and followed him inside. Grant was no longer at the bar with the girl. They’d gone for a more secluded spot apparently. I started toward the pantry door when Rush walked into the kitchen followed by a giggling brunette. She was hanging on his arm and acting like she couldn’t walk steadily. Either it was from alcohol or the six-inch heels she was bobbling on.
“But you said,” she slurred and kissed the arm that she was clinging to. Yep she was drunk.
Rush’s eyes met mine. He’d be kissing her tonight. She wouldn’t even have to beg. She’d also taste like beer. Was that a turn on for him?
“I’ll take off my panties down here if you will,” she said, not even taking note that they weren’t alone.
“Babs, I’ve already told you no. I’m not interested,” he replied without looking away from me. He was turning her down. And he wanted me to know.
“It’ll be naughty,” she said loudly then burst into another fit of laughter.
“No, it will be annoying. You’re drunk and your cackling is giving me a headache,” he replied. His eyes still hadn’t left mine.
I dropped my eyes from his and started for the door to the pantry when Babs finally noticed me. “Hey, that girl is going to steal your food,” she whispered loudly.
My face flushed. Dangit. Why did that embarrass me? I was being stupid. She was drunk off her ass. Who cared what she thought?
“She lives here; she can have whatever she wants,” Rush replied.
My head snapped back up and his eyes hadn’t left me.
“She lives here?” the girl asked.
Rush didn’t say anything else. I frowned at him and decided the one witness we had wouldn’t remember this in the morning. “Don’t let him lie to you. I’m the unwelcomed guest living under his stairs. I’ve wanted a few things and he keeps telling me no.”
I didn’t wait for his response. I opened the door and stepped inside. Score one for me.
I finished the last of my peanut butter sandwich and dusted off the crumbs in my lap then stood up. I was going to need to go to the grocery store and buy new food soon. Peanut butter sandwiches were getting old.
I was off work today and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I’d lain in bed thinking about Rush and how stupid I was most of the night. What did the guy have to do to convince me he just wanted to be friends? He’d stated this more than once. I needed to stop trying to get him to see me as something more. I’d made that jab at him last night. I shouldn’t have done that. He didn’t want to kiss me. I couldn’t believe I’d begged him to.
I opened the pantry door and stepped into the kitchen. The smell of bacon met my nose and if Rush hadn’t been standing at the stove with nothing but a pair of pajama pants on then I’d have been completely wrapped up in the delicious smell. The view of Rush’s bare back took away from the bacon.
He glanced over his shoulder and smiled. “Good morning. Must be your day off.”
I nodded and stood there wondering what a friend would say. I didn’t want to break the rules anymore with him. I was going to play by his rules. I’d be moving out soon enough anyway.
“Smells good,” I replied
“Get out two plates. I make some killer bacon.”
I wished I hadn’t eaten the peanut butter sandwich now. “I’ve already eaten, but thank you.”
Rush put his fork down and turned to face me. “How have you already eaten? You just woke up.”
“I keep peanut butter and bread in my room. I had some before I came out.”
Rush’s forehead wrinkled as he studied me. “Why do you keep peanut butter and bread in your room?”
Because I don’t want his endless stream of friends to eat my food. I couldn’t exactly say that though. “This isn’t my kitchen. I keep all my things in my room.”
Rush tensed and I wondered what I’d said to make him mad. “Are you telling me that you only eat peanut butter and bread when you’re here? That’s it? You buy it and keep it in your room and that is all you eat?”
I nodded, unsure why this was a big deal.
Rush slammed his hand down on the counter top and turned back around to face his bacon while muttering a curse.
“Go get your stuff and move up stairs. Take any room on the left side of the hall you want. Throw that damn peanut butter away and eat whatever the hell you want in this kitchen.”
I didn’t move. I wasn’t sure where this reaction had come from.
“If you want to stay here, Blaire then move your ass upstairs now. Then come down here and eat something out of my
motherfucking
fridge while I watch.”
He was angry. At me?
“Why do you want me to move upstairs?” I asked cautiously.
Rush dropped the last piece of bacon onto a paper towel and turned off the gas stove top before looking back at me.
“Because I want you to. I hate going to bed at night and thinking about you asleep under my stairs. Now I have the image of you eating those damn peanut butter sandwiches all alone in there and it’s a little more than I can deal with.”
Okay. So, he does care about me in some capacity.
I didn’t argue. I went back into my room under the stairs and pulled my suitcase out from under the bed. My peanut butter was inside. I unzipped it and pulled out the almost empty jar and the bag with four slices of bread left. I’d leave this in the kitchen and then go find a room. My heart was pounding in my chest. This had become my safe place. Being upstairs took away my seclusion. I wasn’t alone up there.
Stepping back out of the pantry I walked over and put the peanut butter and bread down on the counter. I headed for the hallway without making eye contact with Rush. He was standing at the bar gripping the edges tightly as if he was trying to keep from hitting something. Was he considering throwing me back into the pantry? I didn’t mind staying in there.
“I don’t have to move upstairs. I like that room,” I explained and watched his grip only tighten more.
“You belong in one of the rooms upstairs. You don’t belong under the stairs. You never did.”
He wanted me upstairs. I just didn’t understand his sudden change of heart.
“Would you at least tell me which room to take? I don’t feel right picking one out. This isn’t my house.”
Rush finally let go of the death grip he had on the counter and turned his eyes to meet mine. “The rooms on the left are all guest rooms. There are three of them. I think you’ll enjoy the view from the last one. It looks out over the ocean. The middle room is all white with pale pink accents. It reminds me of you. So, you go choose. Whichever one you want. Take it then come down here and eat.”
He was back to wanting me to eat again.
“But I’m not hungry. I just ate—“
“If you tell me you ate that damn peanut butter again I am going to throw it through a wall.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Please, Blaire. Come eat something for me.”
Like any woman on the planet would be able to turn that down. I nodded and headed for the stairs. I had a room to pick out.
The first room wasn’t appealing. It had dark colors and the view was on the front yard. Not to mention it was closest to the stairs and the noise level from the parties would be hard to overlook. I went to the next room and the king size bed was covered in white ruffles and pretty pink pillows. A pink chandelier hung from the ceiling. It was very sweet. Not something I expected to find in Rush’s house. Then again his mother lived here most of the time.
I opened the last door on the left. There were large windows that went from the floor to the ceiling and overlooked the ocean. It was gorgeous. The pale blue and green color scheme was accented with a king size bed that looked like it was made from driftwood. At least the headboard and footboard did. It had a very coastal feel. I liked it. No, scratch that. I loved it. I put my suitcase down and walked over to the door that led into a private bathroom. Large white fluffy towels and expensive soaps decorated the white marble. Splashes of blue and green were in the room but for the most part it was white.
The tub was a large round one with jets in it. Although I’d never seen one before I knew this was a Jacuzzi. Maybe I had come into the wrong room. Surely this one wasn’t a guest bedroom. I’d want this room if I lived here.
Nevertheless, it was on the left side of the hallway. It had to be one of the rooms he’d mentioned. I walked back out of the bathroom. I’d go tell him I’d picked this room and if this one was wrong he’d tell me. I left my suitcase against the wall right inside the door and then headed back downstairs.
Rush was sitting at the table with a plate of bacon and some scrambled eggs when I walked back into the kitchen. His eyes immediately lifted to meet mine.
“Did you choose a room?” he asked.
I nodded and walked over to stand on the other side of the table. “Yes. I believe so. The one you said had a great view is it… green and blue?”
Rush smiled. “Yes it is.”
“And you’re okay with me staying in that room? It is really nice. I’d want that room if this were my house.”
Rush’s smile widened. “You haven’t seen my room yet.”
His must be even nicer. “Is your room on the same floor?”
Rush picked up a piece of bacon. “No, mine takes up the entire top floor.”
“You mean all those windows? That’s all one big room?” The top floor looked like it was made of glass from the outside. I always wondered if it was an illusion or if it was several rooms.
Rush nodded, “Yep.”
I wanted to see his room. He wasn’t offering so I didn’t ask.
“Did you already put your things away?” he asked, then took a bite of his bacon.
“No, I wanted to check with you before I unpacked. I should probably just keep everything in the suitcase. By the end of this next week I’ll be ready to move out. My tips at the club are good and I’ve saved most all of it.”
Rush stopped chewing and his eyes turned hard as he glared at something outside. I followed his gaze; I saw nothing but the empty beach.
“You can stay as long as you want to, Blaire.”
Since when? He’d told me I had a month. I didn’t reply.
“Sit beside me and eat some of this bacon.” He pulled out the chair beside his and I sat down without arguing. The bacon did smell good and I was ready for something other than peanut butter.
Rush moved his plate over to me. “Eat.”
I picked up a piece of bacon and took a bite. It was crispy and greasy just the way I liked it. I finished the piece off and Rush nudged the plate at me again. “Eat another.”
I fought back a giggle at his sudden need to feed me. What was wrong with him? I took another piece of bacon and ate it enjoying the taste.
“What are your plans for today?” Rush asked once I swallowed.
I shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I thought I’d look for an apartment maybe.”
Rush’s jaw ticked and his body tensed up again. “Stop talking about moving out, okay? I don’t want you moving until our parents get home. You need to talk to your dad before you run off and start living alone. It isn’t exactly safe. You’re too young.”
This time I did laugh. He was being ridiculous. “I am not too young. What is it with you and my age? I am nineteen. I’m a big girl. I can live on my own safely. Besides, I can hit a moving target better than most police officers. My skills with a gun are pretty impressive. Stop with the unsafe and too young thing.”
Rush cocked an eyebrow. “So you really do have a gun?”
I nodded.
“I thought Grant was just being funny. His sense of humor sucks sometimes.”
“Nope. I pulled it on him when he surprised me my first night here.”
Rush chuckled and leaned back in his chair crossing his arms over his broad chest. I forced myself to keep my eyes at his face and not look down.
“I’d have loved to have seen that.”
I didn’t respond. It had been a bad night for me. Rehashing it wasn’t something I was up for today.
“I don’t want you to stay here just because you’re young. I get that you can take care of yourself or you at least think you can. I want you here because… I like having you here. Don’t leave. Wait until your dad gets back. It sounds like you two are way overdue for a visit. Then you can decide what you want to do. For now, how about you go upstairs and unpack? Think of all the money you can save living here. When you do move out then you’ll have a nice padded bank account.”
He wanted me here. The silly smile that tugged at my lips couldn’t be helped. I’d stay and he was right I could save money. Once Dad got back I’d talk to him and then move. There was no reason to go if Rush wanted me here.
“Okay. If you really mean that then thank you.”
Rush nodded and leaned forward to put his elbows on the table. His silver stare was leveled on me. “I mean it. But that also means that the friend thing with us needs to remain in full effect.”
He was right, of course. Us living together and getting involved in any way would be difficult. Besides, once this summer was over he’d move off to another house somewhere. I didn’t need that kind of heartache.
“Agreed,” I replied. His shoulders didn’t ease and his body remained strung tight.
“Also, you are going to start eating the food in this house when you’re here.”
I shook my head. No I wasn’t. I was not a mooch.
“Blaire, this isn’t up for argument. I mean it. Eat my damn food.”
I pushed my chair back and stood up. “No. I will buy food and eat it. I am not… I’m not like my father.”
Rush muttered something and he pushed back his chair and stood up. “You think I don’t know that by now? You’ve been sleeping in a damn broom closet without complaint. You clean up after me. You don’t eat properly. I am aware that you’re nothing like your dad. But you
are
a guest in my home and I want you eating in my kitchen and treating like it’s yours.”
This was going to be an issue. “I’ll put my food in your kitchen and eat it in here. Will that be better?”
“If all you intend to buy is peanut butter and bread then no. I want you eating properly.”
