Falling In (25 page)

I’m just zipping up Dylan’s lunch box when they come barreling into the kitchen. Dylan looks relatively normal—gym shorts and an Oregon t-shirt with his Vans, but Cady, my beautiful girl, has a unique taste that makes me smile. She has on a leopard print dress with black and white polka dot leggings underneath, and red Chucks on her feet.
Perfection
.

I shove their lunchboxes into their backpacks and hand them Pop-Tarts and juice boxes. Not the healthiest breakfast, but it’ll have to do if we want to make the bus, which comes in five minutes. I make them scarf everything down while I braid Cady’s hair just like mine. I run into the bathroom and get her a white bow headband, putting it in her hair just as she finishes eating.

We run through the house and out the door with two minutes to spare. I let out a sigh of relief after the kids give me a kiss goodbye and run to meet their friends. Ben is already out there, and his head automatically turns to Cady as she walks down the steps. He meets her halfway and pulls her hand into his as they walk back to the stop. My heart melts at the sight, but then freezes over as the morning rush begins to wane and my senses return to normal. It was so crazy this morning, I didn’t think about Jake for a second. But now that everything is calm, my body becomes alert and alive, humming with the need to see him. I turn toward his house and instantly lock eyes with Jake. It only lasts a second before he turns away and starts to walk back towards his house.

Oh, hell no
. I’m not letting him get away without talking to me. Or at least listening while I talk. I storm off the stairs and run barefoot through my yard to his, yelling out his name. He, of course, ignores me. I’m climbing his steps just as he opens his door and slams it once he gets inside.

Asshole.

I stand on the other side and try to collect myself, taking a few deep breaths before raising my hand and knocking. I knock five times before I finally hear his voice through the wood.

“Go away, Evangeline!” he yells gruffly.

“No. Not until you talk to me.”

I keep knocking, knowing I’ll eventually wear him down—or at the very least, annoy him into submission.

“God damn it, Evangeline.
Go the fuck away
!” he bellows through the door, attempting to scare me off, I’m sure. But he hasn’t known me long enough to understand that after years of being yelled at as a child, a little raised voice and a swear word will not make me cower and retreat.

It just pisses me the fuck off.

Fuck this.

I cease my persistent knocking and turn the knob, walking brazenly through the door before slamming it behind me, just as he did moments ago. I collide right into Jake, not realizing he was just outside the door.

“What the hell, Evangeline?” he yells, taking a step back.

“Well, if you won’t willingly talk to me, then I’m just going to make you.”

“Not now. I can’t talk to you right now. Not without yelling. And as pissed off as I am, I don’t want to yell at you.”

“No, we’re going to do this now. If you have to yell, yell. I can take it. What I can’t take is this cold shoulder bullshit.”

“
Evangeline
.” He warns, his nostrils flaring and his eyes hard and unforgiving.

“Talk. To. Me.” I say, poking his chest with each word, knowing full well that will most likely put him over the edge.

And I’m right. He takes the two steps that were separating us, nudging me backwards until I hit the door, looking down at me with his eyes ablaze with fury.

“Fine. After he laid you down on that table, spreading you wide open before tasting that beautiful pussy of yours until you were writhing from his tongue, did you let him fuck you?”

I gulp down my answer and look down at my feet, losing the strength to endure those accusing eyes.

“Tell me!” he yells in my face.

“
Yes
.” I whisper, shutting my eyes tightly.

“Look at me,” he demands. My eyes pop open and meet his. “Did you come?”

Again, I don’t answer him.

“Did. You. Come?”

              “Yes.”

              “Once?”

              I hesitantly shake my head.

              “How many times?”

              “Jake, Please.” 

              “How. Many. Times, Evangeline?”

“
Three
,” I whisper shakily.

              “How?”

              “Jake,” I breathe out, shaking my head, silently pleading for him not to make me say it.

              “Tell me.” He says through clenched teeth.

“When he went down on me and then twice when we—when he fucked me.” He lets out a deep breath and backs away from me. My whole body is shaking with adrenaline and nervous energy.

“Fuck, Evangeline. I can’t. I can’t do this. I thought I could give you time to make a choice, to figure out what you want, but I can’t. Knowing that he’s touching you, being inside you, holding you any time he wants, it’s fucking killing me. I want that. I want
you
. All of you.” He walks back towards me, cupping my cheek as he says the words. His eyes are cooling down now, and his breathing is evening back out.

“It’s not that simple, Jake.”

“Yes, it is.”

Shaking my head against his hand, I ease away from his touch and take a few steps back, facing him. “That’s easy for you to say. You have nothing to lose. I have
everything
!”

“Well then, I guess I got my answer.”

“No, Jake.”

  He walks toward me, stopping right next to me, his forearm brushing against my shoulder. “My heart,” he mutters quietly.

“What?” I look up to him, connecting my eyes with his desolate ones. 

“You said I didn’t have anything to lose. But my heart. I would lose my
heart
.” The last word gets stuck in his throat. “You can show yourself out.” He says absently before walking upstairs. I watch his back until he disappears behind the hallway. I stand rooted to the spot long after I hear his bedroom door shut.

I don’t know how long it takes for me to come to the conclusion of what I’m about to do. My body is just moving on instinct now. On desire, or maybe it’s that damn tether I feel pulling me to him. Whatever the driving force, it takes me only seconds to reach his door. I don’t bother knocking, hoping like hell it’s unlocked. It opens with ease as I slip inside silently. He’s lying on his back, his eyes fixed on me since I opened the door, following my every move as I walk slowly toward him, never taking my eyes off of his. Once I hit the front of the bed, I climb on top, laying my body next to his. I scoot as close as I can to his body without mounting him. He extends his arm, placing it underneath my neck, pulling me even closer, holding me tight against his body.

“I don’t know what to do.” I admit, my words vibrating against his chest.

“I know. Me either,” he sighs.

“I’m sorry,” I say, looking up to him. He gives me a sad smile.

“I know.” He closes his eyes tightly, almost as if he’s in pain before whispering into my hair, “I love you, Evangeline.”

Now it’s my turn to forcefully shut my eyes, as the words that I have feared but knew were true deep down, penetrate my heart. Those three words make whatever this is between us real, and even more complicated than it already is.

I don’t say it back. I can’t. Not without knowing for certain that is how I feel. I run my finger across his eyelids, probing him to open them, needing him to see what I’m not ready to say, but am afraid I’m feeling. I gaze up into his now vulnerable and completely open mint green eyes and form the only words that mean something. That are true and honest. I move so our faces are aligned and inch my mouth a centimeter from his. “Thank you,” I murmur before closing the small distance between us.

The kiss is slow and tender but full of passion, our many mixed emotions pouring out of our moving lips, coursing through our veins. He slips his hand behind my head, pressing his lips densely into me, as if he could actually make me become a part of him if we get close enough. It feels like every inch of our bodies is touching as he holds me securely underneath him. I can feel his dick harden through his shorts against my grinding pelvis. Our tongues are pushing deeper into our mouths as our bodies become more frantic.

“I want you. I want you so damn bad, Evangeline.” He cups my face in his hands, looking down at me with love and waning restraint.

“I want you, too. I really do, Jake. My body hums for you. But I just—”

“I know.”

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know—” I can’t finish what I was about to say. I’m not even sure I was going to say anything. The floodgates take me by surprise and burst open.

“
Shhh
. Hey, it’s okay. We’re okay.” He soothes, smudging the tears with his thumbs before kissing my forehead, nose, and cheeks. Then he returns his mouth to mine for a soft peck. He eases off of me, landing right next to my body, pulling me into him again. “We don’t have to do anything. To be honest, I’m exhausted. I slept about an hour last night. Every time I shut my eyes, I saw—”

I turn my body to face Jake. Looking up at him, I let the guilt I feel show on my face. A lonely tear escapes. I try to wipe it away before he sees, but he’s too quick. “Do you wanna just lay here? Maybe take a nap. Let me hold you for a little while.”

A small smile graces my lips as I nod. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

He leans over me, planting one more kiss on my lips. I think it was meant to be just another peck, but my tongue must have a mind of its own because before I know it, it’s darting out of my mouth, running across the seam of his lips. His mouth instantly opens, granting me entrance. Our tongues begin to tangle slowly, fluidly, as our bodies start to create that familiar heat I’ve grown to crave. I let out the tiniest of moans and he deepens the kiss, groaning as I fist his shirt, bringing him closer to me. Our breathing elevates and he’s back on top of me, situating himself between my legs, propped up by one forearm while his other hand is busy caressing my face.

But just as things are beginning to progress, he breaks away, panting. “We’re supposed to be napping.”

I smile against his lips before letting out a big sigh. “Right. Nap. Let’s do that.” He just stares down at me with a dreamy look on his face. I giggle. “Um, Jake?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I can nap like this. You kinda have to get off of me first.”

“Oh. Yeah.” He gives me a sheepish smile before rolling to the bed. I immediately move to his side, curling into the crook of his arm.
My own little Jake nook
. I place my hand on his chest and smile as he places his hand over mine. This feels so ordinary, so
right
—like I could do this every day.

Like I should be doing this every day.

Those three words he said earlier replay in my head. I suspected he felt this way. I could see it in the way he looks at me, the way his mouth moves against mine, and every time he holds me. It’s like I’m the most precious thing to him. Like I’m his everything. And I feel it in me, too. I shouldn’t, and it scares the hell out of me more and more, but I do. The way he makes me feel. The way we just fit, and how he understands me in ways Cole never has. I’m falling—or maybe I’ve already fallen, I don’t know. I just know that I don’t want to leave his side, and I wish this could last forever.

“Jake?”

“Yeah?” he asks groggily.

The words are on the tip of tongue, itching to come out of my mouth. But at the last second, they get stuck in my throat.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” he says on a yawn.

I lay there, listening to his breathing even out, our joined hands moving up and down to the rise and fall of his chest. Only minutes pass before I hear light snores coming from his perfect mouth. I crane my neck enough to see his face, and sure enough, he’s knocked out. I smile to myself before closing my eyes and letting the exhaustion from the past couple of days take over me, but not before sleepily setting those four words free from their constraints.

“I love you, too.”

***

I wake up to the sound of my cell phone vibrating on the floor by the bed. Jake is still sound asleep. So I very craftily retrieve my hand that was still clasped in his, and turn over to see who it is. Once I grab it, I swipe it on, and shit, Cole has called me three times. He left a voicemail. I don’t know why, but I am effing terrified to answer. Of course that might have something to do with the fact that I’m lying in another man’s bed—our neighbor, no less.

Fuck.

Cringing, I click
play
.

“Hey babe, you must be writing or doing yoga or something. I just wanted to see if you wanted to grab some lunch. We haven’t done that in awhile, and I don’t know, it seems like a good idea. I think we need a little time alone. We can hit the food carts, or whatever you want. Either way, I’ll be home in like ten minutes. See you soon. Love you.”