Falling to Pieces (11 page)

I looked up at him for the first time and the sadness in his eyes undid me.

“Jade? Listen to me, okay? This is important.” He knelt in front of me, closing his hand around mine holding the pill bottle. “Did you take any of these?”

His hand was so warm. Soothing against mine. I wondered what it would feel like to touch his chest.

“Jade? Answer me! Did you take any?”

“No.”

Kiernan released a breath so deep his entire body seemed to deflate before my eyes.

“Good.” Prying the bottle from my grasp, he set it aside, sitting back on his heels and taking my hand in both of his. “Now, what happened?”

“I drank some of my mother’s beer.”

“I can see that.” Taking the beer bottle from my hand, he set it beside the pills. “Why?”

“I was upset.” That sounded lame even to my alcohol fueled brain cells.

“About Doug?”

“No. Yes . . . At first. But then I talked to my mom about it.” I stared at my comforter, trying to remember why I’d done that.

“What did she say?”

“If I was pregnant, she’d kick me out. She said . . .” I swallowed back the fresh pain the mere memory of her words brought on. They were just
words
for chrissakes, they shouldn’t hurt so much. It was pathetic to keep crying over the same old truth I’d known all my life. “She said she already raised one unwanted baby.”

Kier
nan’s shoulders sank. “She was drunk. She didn’t mean—”

“She’s
always
drunk!”

“She has a problem, Jade.”

“Yeah. Me!”

“No. This is about
her
, not you.”

Sure. He could keep telling himself that for as long as he liked. I knew better.

“Will you hold me?” I didn’t know where the words came from, but the sudden desire to be in his arms was so strong, I had to physically hold back from throwing myself into them. “Just for a minute, Kiernan? Please? I need to pretend somebody cares. Just for a minute.”

He looked surprised by my request, but his face softened as he took me in his arms. “Of course I will. But there’s no pretending here, Jade. I do care about you.
” His words washed in my ear and over my heart, soothing my soul. “Don’t ever forget that. I care.”

I closed my eyes against the warmth of his lips pressed to my temple and burrowed deeper into his chest. Kiernan held me tight, rubbing my back lightly and whispering reassurances into my
hair for I don’t know how long.

Eleven

Besides an IQ zapper a
nd truth serum, alcohol also made an impressive sedative. When I woke again it was because my alarm was blaring on the table beside my head and Kiernan was nowhere to be found.

First things first, that monstrosity needed to die. Then, I needed to physically remove my head, which was clearly the only way to make it feel
any better. What the hell was I thinking? Seriously. Alcohol? And . . . Kiernan?

Kiernan was here. In my apartment. In my
bedroom
. Half-naked? There’s a memory I wished I could recall a little more clearly.

Or maybe not. What was he doing here? And, good God, what the hell did I say to him? I wasn’t
a big believer in ignorance is bliss, but there was a good chance this was one of the rare occasions when it was actually true. Still, I couldn’t stop myself from scanning the room for clues.

The half empty beer bottle on my nightstand triggered my gag reflex. I swear I could smell it, and it did cruel and unusual things to my stomach. But it was what sat next to it that made me truly ill. My mother’s pill bottle. And I knew, without doubt, that ignorance
was
bliss.

Bits and pieces of the night started fitting into place. The drinking, the phone call, the pills. Kiernan thinking . . . For the love of all things good and sane in the world. Because he didn’t already think I was a few fries short of a
Happy Meal. No wonder he’d jumped off the crazy train and run for the hills the minute I’d shut my eyes.

Groaning, I buried my head under my pillow and gave serious consideration to the idea of never coming out again. If it weren’t for irritating necessities like food and water—and the
urgent need to brush my teeth—I might have given it a shot. Instead, I rolled out of bed and dragged myself across the hall to the bathroom.

The glimps
e I caught of my reflection as I loaded up the toothbrush with off-white paste didn’t do my obliterated pride any favors. I looked about as awful as I felt. Red, puffy eyes ringed by dark circles, blotchy skin, and hair that looked like a raccoon had taken up residence. It was going to be a
long
morning.

***

“Hey!” I turned to find Stephen Webber, linebacker for the Craterville Cardinals, crowding my personal space. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What?” I took a st
ep back, choking on the panic when my back came up against the cold metal of my locker. This was it. This was exactly the kind of thing I’d been trying to avoid by being with Doug in the first place, but now he was gone. And so was Kiernan. I was completely on my own. And I had no one to blame for that but myself.

“You cost us our captain. How are we supposed to stand a chance this season without Doug?”

“I . . . um . . . uh . . .” Sounded like a moron.

“What the hell was he thinking, getting into a fight over
you
?” He gritted it out as though it were a more ridiculous notion than flying pigs. But, if I really thought about it, I guess I felt the same way. “He didn’t even like you.”

It wasn’t
as though I didn’t already know that, but it still hurt to hear. Deep down, I had always harbored the tragic belief that Doug kept me around because some part of him actually wanted me there. How delusional could a girl be?

“Whatever. You’re not worth risking
my
athletic career over.” With that parting shot, he left me staring dazedly at the empty space he’d been occupying.

What
was
wrong with me? I must have been a horrible person in a past life, because this one sure felt like some kind of karmic payback. The harder I tried to stay out of the way and under the radar, the more attention I drew to myself. And all the wrong kinds. What I wanted was to make people happy, make them like me, maybe even make a friend along the way, but all I ever managed to do was piss everyone off and leave disaster in my wake.

“Hey, Jade. How’s it g
oing?” I was contemplating if it was within the realm of physics for me to crawl inside my locker and disappear when Tracy something-or-other, a junior from my gym class, someone I’d never spoken to, trotted up beside me and started chatting like we were BFFs.

“F
ine?” I hadn’t meant for it to come out sounding like a question, but I was more than a little confused.

“Oh, good. I mean I’m glad. With everything that’s been going on. Is it true you dumped Doug Summers? Why would you do that? Isn’t he like . . . the all-American boy?”

Entirely out of your league.

“Was it for Kiernan Parks? Are you two together now? That would be fantastic.”

Unbelievable.

“I mean, he’s totally hot.”

Also out of your league.

“What’s your secret?”

Love potion? Magic spell? Blackmail?

“Um . . . I don’t—”

“Why don’t you go look for gossip somewhere else?”

Tracy’s eyes flicked over my shoulder and bugged. Without another word, she turned on her heel and got swallowed up by the crowd.

“What are you doing here?” Kiernan leaned casually against the lockers, grinning at me. “Oh, my God, your face!” Midnight purple bruising highlighted the entire left side of his jaw and a dark ring blackened his eye. He looked like his face had been used as a punching bag. But hadn’t it? “Are those from Doug?”

How the hell did I miss
that
last night? I may have been inebriated, but I wasn’t blind. Did my self-absorbedness know no bounds?

“I bruise easily. One of the many downfalls of this fine, fair complexion I’ve been cursed with. You should see me in the summertime, I look like a—”

“This isn’t funny, Kiernan.” The tips of my fingers grazed over his battered face. “Does it hurt?” The thought of him in pain—because of me—made me sick to my stomach.

“Honest, it looks a million times worse than it feels.
” His fingers closed around mine, tugging them gently away from his face. “I can almost forget it’s even there, until you look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you feel guilty. You shouldn’t.”

“Kiernan, I—”

“Not another word.” His index finger fell over my lips, effectively silencing me. “This is
not
your fault. The asshat started it, and I finished it. In no way did it involve you. You tried to stop me and I didn’t listen. That’s on me, and if you so much as think otherwise for a single second, I’ll have to get mad. Understood?”

I nodded, my lips tingling from where his finger continued to press against them.

“Good. It may take a while for the bruises to fade, but you’ll probably suffer more than me, having to look at me every day.”

I brushed his finger away with a shake of my head.
“Every day? But, I thought you weren’t allowed on school property. What are you even doing here?”

“My mom talked them out of suspending me.”

“Seriously?” I didn’t even know that was possible. And to have a mom who cared enough to try . . .

“She can be pretty persuasive when she wants to be
. You should see some of the stuff she’s talked me into.”

I was about to ask, because I was suddenly
dying
to know, when we were interrupted.

“Jade?”

Would it never end? Before I could put a face to the familiar voice of my next would-be tormentor, Kiernan nudged in front of me, bringing Jeff up short.

“Hey.” His gaze flicked from me, to Kiernan, and back again, clearly unsure who he should be addressing.

Kiernan made the decision for him. “What do you want?”

Surprise flashed over Jeff’s face. “I’m not
gonna hurt her.”

“That’s not what I asked.” Kiernan’s voice was so low it could nearly be called a growl. The stress of the
whole situation was getting to him, too.

“I wanted . . .” His eyes dropped to the floor and my gut clenched, knowing that whatever came next couldn’t be anything good. “I wanted to apologize.”

This time when he looked up, his eyes focused solely on me.

“For what?” I probably shouldn’t have asked. I didn’t even want to know.

Content that Jeff wasn’t there to cause me any harm—physical or otherwise—Kiernan eased back beside me. His minor retreat didn’t seem to do anything to relax Jeff, however, and he eyed Kiernan nervously before answering.

“The pictu
res. Doug made me take them.”

I felt Kiernan go rigid beside me and I’m pretty sure the only thing that kept him from lunging at Jeff was my
hand on his arm.

“No . . .” Jeff stopped and shook his head. “That’s not true. He didn’t hold a gun to my head. I could have said no. I
should
have said no. But he told me to and . . ."

"He was your captain."
I knew all too well how . . .
persuasive
Doug could be.

Jeff looked so ashamed, I almost felt bad for him. "I’m sorry, Jade. I honestly didn’t think he’d do something like this with them. I swear.”

“Why?”
I could feel the leash I’d put on Kiernan beginning to fray and before he could send Jeff packing, I had to know one thing. “Why tell me this?”

“Because . . .
It was the least I owed you. An apology. And not just about those damn pictures. For all of it. Douchebag Doug has been nothing but an ass to you for years, and I just stood back and let it happen. I just watched him treat you that way. I should have said something, but I . . .”

He’d been afraid of the repercussions of opening his mouth. I could understand that better than most. “It’s okay.”

I don’t know who looked more shocked by my forgiveness, Jeff or Kiernan.

“I get it. It’s fine. Really.”
Jeff had gone out of his way to be kind to me. He’d risked Kiernan’s wrath to tell me the truth and apologize. Besides Kiernan, that was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m just trying to hang onto a shred of human decency here.”

“I think you did al
right.”

Kiernan’s hand silently slipped into mine, offering a reassuring squeeze and I knew he was proud of me.

“Listen, I know it’s not really your thing, but I’m having this party tomorrow night. Just a small group. No Doug. We’re
gonna hang out by the fire in the backyard, listen to some music, whatever. You should come.” Jeff glanced quickly back in Kiernan’s direction to gauge his response. “Both of you.”

Clearly I should have been gauging Kiernan as closely
, because before I could verbalize my polite refusal, he jumped all over the invite. “We’ll be there.”

“Great.” Jeff sounded genuine enough, but the surprise on his face screamed he hadn’t actually expected—
or wanted—
us to show up. “See ya tomorrow.”

I waited until Jeff was out of sight before slugging Kiernan in the arm.

“
Ow. What was that for?”

“You can’t just go around telling people I’ll be places I have absolutely no intention of being.”

A slow, infuriating smile spread across Kiernan’s face. “Oh
, you’ll be there.”

“No. I won’t. You go. Have fun.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Yes, he would.

***

My cell bounced across the nightstand, nearly toppling off the edge with a hop, skip, and a jump as some generic song blared from the tiny speaker too small to logically create a sound that loud. I must have jumped nearly a mile. Thank goodness I was sitting on my bed. That stupid thing never rang. If it hadn’t been sitting right next to me doing its little jig, I wouldn't have even recognized the ring tone.

Snatching it up just shy of a swan dive, I stared at it
. Kiernan’s name stared back at me.

“Hello?”

“I’m on my way.”

Umm . . . “On your way where?”

“Your place.”

What the . . .? “Why?”

“We have a party to go to.”

“Kiernan,” I groaned, “I told you yesterday, I’m not going.”

“And I told you, you were.”

“You can’t just—”

“I’m ten minutes away. When I get there I will drag you outside and kidnap you for the evening if I have to, so if I were you, I’d make sure I was dressed for a party before then.”

“I’m wearing my pajamas.” I’d changed into them right after school and crawled straight into bed,
content to spend the weekend wrapped up in comforting softness.

“I didn’t know this was a slumber party.”

“Kier—”

“Guess it is now.”

Damn him. “Fine. You win. I’m getting dressed.”

“Nine minutes.” I could hear the victorious grin in his voice even as he hung up.