Fantasy Attraction (Hidden Secrets) (27 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

~COLLEEN~

My smile would not leave my face.  I was going to be a mom…again.  It was a feeling I honestly never thought I’d feel again.  The shock of everything that has been happening lately has me on an overload with my emotions.  I have cried so much lately that I swear my tears could have filled the Grand Canyon.

The thing that I love so much about Carson is he is taking everything in stride.  When he said he would prove to me that he meant every word he wasn’t kidding.  I woke up Friday morning to breakfast in bed and then he pulled out a bunch of packets for nurseries.  He asked me if I’d like to turn his office into the nursery since it was on the same level as we were.

There never seemed to be fear that registered in his voice or eyes.  He was just excited about the whole thing.  And I was right there with him.  I was ready to be a mom. My only worry that I think will always stay on the back of my mind was will I actually be able to have this one?  Every time the thought crept into my head, I shook it off.  There was no way I was clouding this moment with my past. One moment in my
future was
not
going to be tainted by my past.  I will always love my little girl and thoughts of her will always hurt, but I had to remember she was mine for a little while and cherish that.

“Carson calm down.  I will look over all this while you are gone this weekend and on Monday we will start talking about specifics okay?”

“Okay, fine.  Please take it easy while I’m gone okay.  Dial back on your workouts.  Just veg out okay?”

“Yes, Sir,” I mock saluted.

“Hardy har har. No training while I’m gone okay.  It’s hard enough as it is to leave you right now.  Please give me that peace of mind.”

“Okay,” I
said, kissing him. “I promise. I’ll veg while you’re gone.”

“Thank you.  I think I’ll talk to Connor about going on a leave or maybe walking away from fighting while we’re out this weekend.”

“No, why would you do that?  You love fighting.”

“I love you more.  I want to be here for you guys. 
Besides, I can always take up being a trainer.  It’ll still allow me to do the things I like, but honestly, I’m not going to do anything for a while.  I don’t want to miss anything.”

For the rest of the day, we just laid in bed watched some television and talked.  It was very relaxing
do much so that I almost forgot that he was leaving tonight.  I had started dozing off on his chest when he kissed me and said he had to go.  Shooting straight up in bed, I quickly apologized for falling asleep.

Laughing, “Baby, you can sleep, but I have to go. Please be careful while I’m gone.”

“I will.” I said sadly.

We walked out to the garage and I watched as he climbed into his truck and drove off.  I stood there even after he disappeared. I missed him already.  This was going to be a very long weekend.  Walking back inside, I closed the garage door and set the alarm.

The house was quiet and empty.  I have lived on my own for a long time, but being here without Carson was depressing. I spent the next couple of hours cleaning everything in the house. There was no relaxing tonight.  If I did, all I would think about was how much I missed Carson. So I cleaned until I felt like I was going to pass out and finally rested my head on my pillow holding Carson’s tightly, breathing in his scent as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

“Someone help me. Please someone help me!” I cried.

People rushed past me not paying attention to me at all. As the pain worsened, I started to reach out for people who seemed to just dodge me clueless to my pain. Holding my stomach tighter, I tried to move forward.  Each step increasing the pain, each step became almost impossible to make.  I screamed as the pain stretched across my stomach tightening like a vice grip.  Stumbling, I fell to my knees.

“Help me please.  Somebody help me!” I screamed louder.

I was in the center of campus.  People scurried past me, going about their business.  Why would no one help me? I made it to the center of the quad when the pain brought me to my knees. My tears were falling harder and I was sweating.  As another sharp pain took over, I bent over placing my hands on the ground in front of me when I saw the blood. 

“Help me!” I screamed.

There was so much blood and so much pain.  Something was wrong.  Something was wrong with my baby. Struggling I tried to get back up, but my legs wouldn’t support me.  The pain was tearing me apart.

There was something wrong with my baby and no one would help me.  Why would no one help me?  Trying with everything I
had to get my purse open and dig out my phone, but I kept dropping it.

“Oh God!” I cried as another pain started spreading across my stomach taking my breath away.

I can’t breathe.  My stomach was killing me and there was now blood on the ground where I kneeled. If I could just get someone to help me or get to my phone.

“Help me please,” my voice cracked and was barely more than a whisper.

I couldn’t get enough air to breathe, let alone to scream.  The pain was intensifying as I kneeled on all fours wishing someone would stop and offer assistance.  Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and a ray of hope filled my body.

“Colleen, are you okay?”

It was Jessica. 

“Pain…blood…my baby…” I panted out between the pain. “Help…me…please.”

“Leia’s on the phone with 911.  It’s going to be okay.  Just hang on.  Take slow, deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth.” Jess spoke soothingly while rubbing my back.

“How far along are you?” Leia asked.

I couldn’t answer pain took over and things were getting hazy. The ground began to sway under me.  I tried to focus on the question.  Shaking my head repeatedly to try and clear my head.

Next thing I know I’m being pushed through the hospital and into a small room.  People shouting around me, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying.
 

“My baby…” I begged.

“Ma’am, you are going to have to push.  Can you do that?”

They lift me up and tell me to bear down.  I did what they said, but I didn’t understand what was going on.  They had me do this several times until I couldn’t do it anymore.  Then suddenly everyone moved away from me and I was left lying on the bed.

“My baby,” I asked louder.

A nurse came over to me and looked at me through sad eyes. “I’m sorry Ma’am, but she didn’t make it.”

“She? What do you mean?”

Another nurse carried over something in her arms.  Before handing the bundle to me, she asked, “Do you want to say your goodbyes?”

I looked at her, unable to form words.  I just nodded my head.  She laid the bundle in my arms and I looked down at my daughter.  She was so tiny, so tiny. They asked if I wanted some pictures of her and I said yes.  My daughter was gone and again I was alone…

Jerking awake, I put my hand
on my belly. I would protect this one at all costs.  Nothing was going to happen to my baby this time.  Climbing out of bed, I jumped into the shower.  Just as I was getting out my phone started ringing.

“Hey babe,” I said with a huge smile on my face.

“Hey beautiful,” he said through a yawn. “How are you doing this morning?”

“Okay, I guess. I miss you.” I whispered.

“What’s wrong?” He asked concerned.

“Just a bad dream,” I mumbled.

“Remember Angel, it was just a dream. Nothing more.”

“I know,” I sigh
ed.  “I miss you so much.”

“
I do too.  I’ll be home tomorrow.  Tomorrow night we’ll be back together.  I’ve already talked to Connor about walking away from competing.  This will be my last fight.” He said sounding relieved.

“Are you sure you want to do this?  I
mean, that’s a big change for you. I don’t want you angry with me later because you miss it.”

“
Angel, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to.  I want to be there for you guys…my family.  Besides, I told Connor I’d step in as a trainer, he seemed happy about that.”

We talked for a few more minutes before he had to get off to get some sleep. I
hung up the phone with a heavy heart and got dressed. There was nothing specific that I needed or wanted to do today, so I dressed comfortably.  Then a thought hit me.  I have a house that needs refurnished and painted.  Maybe I will take care of that today. Maybe Kayla would be up for a girl day? Just as I was picking up my phone, it started to ring.  Expecting it to be Carson calling back, I answered the call.  When no one answered at my first hello, I pulled the phone away and looked at the number.  It was a number I didn’t recognize and suddenly my stomach started turning.

“Hello?”
My voice slightly shaky.

“Colleen? 
Uh, Hi. It’s Tommy.”

“Oh, hi Tommy. What can I do for you?”
Relief flowed through me.

“I was wondering if we could get together to talk.  Maybe over lunch?”

“Uh, sure.  We can meet at the little diner there by the gym, if you want?”

“That sounds good.  Thanks for accepting.  See you at noon?”

“Sounds good. See ya then.”

I
hung up the phone and went about trying to keep myself busy.  My plan to start putting my apartment back together was not going to happen now and maybe it was for the better.  That definitely wouldn’t be taking it easy as I promised Carson I would do.  Maybe I could get the girls over tonight.  Kayla had told me her sisters were going to be in town.  It sure would be nice to have a girlie moment and forget everything for a little while.  Be a normal woman for a little bit.

Carson
called again and I was so happy to hear from him.  This was the first time we were apart that was by choice and not forced by another person.  I never realized how I could miss him so much, but I did and I couldn’t wait for him to come home.

“I was thinking maybe I could go work on my apartment tomorrow.  Paint and buy furnishings you know all the stuff that hasn’t been done yet?”

“Why would you need to do that?”

“Um, because my apartment is empty and I don’t
have even so much as a bed to sleep on.  Or do you wish me to sleep on the floor?”

“No, what I wish is that you would forget about your apartment and just move in with me
like you agreed to do.  We are going to be a family after all.  I’d hope not from different households.  I’d like to be there always for you and for our little one.”

“Really Carson?  You want me to move in with you?  It’s not too much too fast?”

“Angel, we’re having a baby.  Besides, we have been practically living together since the attack.  Not much of a change other than you let go of your apartment. And you already said yes, my love, when I asked you a little while ago. You can’t change your mind now.”

What he said made perfect sense.  If I were to be honest, I wanted him to say that.  I loved falling asleep in his arms and walking up to his soft tantalizing kisses. Smiling at the thought of what his kisses normally led to.

“Okay Carson. I will.  I still need to paint it though, and get what wasn’t trashed out of there.”

“Okay
Angel and we will do that when I get back.” I could hear the smile in his voice.  “So what are your plans for today?”

Suddenly growing nervous, “I’m…um…going out for lunch.”

“Oh really?  With who?  Kayla? Jackson?”

“No,
um, with Tommy,” I said swallowing hard.

“What?  You are not going to lunch with him.  Colleen I’m serious.  He knows I’m out of town.  Something isn’t right.  I can feel it.”

“Calm down Mr. Worry Wart.  Really, it’s fine.  I think he just wants to talk about the fight yesterday. Who knows baby, there could be a softer side to him that you haven’t met.  I have a reputation for bringing them bad boys to their knees… Or mine, whatever the case may be.” I teased.

“Oh
, don’t do that. I have to go out in a gym with a bunch of sweaty guys.  I don’t need to do that with a tent in my shorts.”

Lowering my voice
, “Well, I could take care of that for you before you go out there.”

“Fuck, Angel. I’m in a locker room right now, not my room. You’re killing me here.”

I busted up laughing. “I love you baby.”

“I love you too.  Call me when you are
done, okay? If I don’t answer just leave a message.  That way I know you’re okay.”

“I will.  Good Luck tonight.  I will be watching.”

“Then I’ll make sure to give you a damn good show,” he said with a laugh.

After another round of I love you
’s and miss you’s, we hung up and I called a cab. Carson told me I could use his car, but I didn’t want to be responsible for a car that expensive so I just took a cab.  By the time, I got to the café Tommy was already sitting at a table.

“Hi.”
I said nervously.