Fearless (21 page)

I knelt down and moved the sod aside so I could bury the joint in the dirt near the plaque. It seemed like a fitting final gift.

“Liam…” I choked back a sob. I just knew if I gave into them I’d be come undone. “You were such an amazing person. It makes no sense that you…. And I….”

Those thoughts were too dark and I didn’t want them overtaking me. “You were so brave, all the way to the end. You fought so hard, and I know you didn’t want to. You did it because I made you promise....”

Breathe
, I told myself.
Just breathe.

“I won’t ever forget you. Not ever. You were…. You were….” I found a little smile somewhere, hidden deep down inside my broken heart. “You were awesome.”

The End

Please take a moment to check out these very worthy charities that help young people and their families dealing with cancer.

The Tyler Robinson Foundation
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About the Author

I’ve been writing since I was fifteen, not that those stories will ever be allowed out of the dark hole I buried them in. I focused primarily on the Fantasy genre for the first two decades, occasionally diverting into modern fiction. In 2010, I embarked in a self-publishing career, focusing on the young adult novel genre. When I’m not writing, I am contributing to TheBacklot.com, a gay entertainment website.

You can follow me on
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and you can keep up to date with my works via
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.

Also From Chris O’Guinn

Exiled to Iowa, Send Help. And Couture.

This is the story of me, Collin Murray, a bright, witty and charming L.A. teen who is cruelly transported to a small town in Iowa by parents who delight in my suffering. It tells the tale of my struggles against such obstacles as flannel, packs of bullies, lack of car, hoodies, crazy English teachers and vengeful former friends. It is an epic tale of survival in a savage denim wilderness.

I got through the rest of my classes without any more drama, which I felt was a tremendous victory for me. My parents, being the wonderfully protective (re: controlling) people they are, had made a sweeping declaration that I would only go home with my brother. This would ensure I was not home alone, because we all know how insane it is to let a nigh-sixteen-year-old be at home alone for a couple of hours.

Is my bitterness showing again?

So, after classes, I found myself consigned to one of my least favorite places in the universe—the school gym. I could have gone to the library, but libraries sort of freak me out. All that quiet is just unnatural. So, even though I had some mild PTSD-y issues with the school gym, it was the preferable of the two.

I sat upon the bleachers, going over my homework half-heartedly and occasionally paying attention to the goings-on courtside. Unlike most boys my age (of my particular persuasion) jocks did nothing for me. You get tossed into enough Dumpsters, pantsed a few times and knocked around a bit, all by guys in jerseys, and the appeal wears off— or it did for me, anyway.

Still, they did look nice when they moved.

At some point, a now-familiar icy presence stole over me. I blinked and looked up at the darkness named Austin, surprised to find him there. The even stranger thing was the fact that he was now looking right back at me. That made me deeply uncomfortable and I had the irrational fear that he might think I was stalking him. I certainly had gaped at him enough in one day.

I resolved to focus on the fascinating events of pre-Christian Europe and not think so much about the miniature terrorist sitting a few seats up from me. I didn’t want him to think I was in any way curious about him, after all, which I completely wasn’t, and I didn’t want him to think he needed to blow up my house or anything. It wasn’t that I
liked
my house or anything, but it beat living in a cardboard box.

If only I could get over the feeling that he was boring holes into my back with his patented “the whole world needs to burn” glower.

I watched someone on the court pass the ball to someone else, who pranced around for some reason or another before passing the ball to yet another player, none of whom were my brother. I tried very hard to be supportive of Shawn, but there were some divides that even love could not bridge.

“Basketball fan?”

I blinked, trying to process the idea that the darkness behind me had spoken. It seemed like an odd thing for darkness to do, really—just strike up random conversation with a boy who was trying so very hard to not get into any more trouble.

“Er, not on purpose,” I replied, risking a glance over my shoulder. “My brother…. He’s, uh ... a center....” I at least knew that much.

“Ah.”

“You? Basketball groupie?”

“No. Dad’s the coach.”

“Oh, right.”

There weren’t a whole lot of places I could go with that awkward moment, which was probably wisest. After all, I was just starting off at the school (and not doing a very good job of it) and so it wasn’t a really good idea to make nice with the resident sociopath, only he didn’t really seem quite so crazy close up.

“Now, if they broke out into a song and dance routine, then I’d be interested,” I volunteered for absolutely no justifiable reason.

There was a nervous silence as Austin turned my little comment over in his allegedly-murderous thoughts. “That would actually be sort of scary. I’ve heard the point guard, Justin, sing. It’s not pretty.”

I nodded and let it drop, not knowing where to take the painfully stalled conversation from there. My little “High School Musical” reference had fallen flat (which wasn’t surprising) and I didn’t know what else to say to someone who (possibly) harbored murderous impulses. It did not exactly make for good small talk.

“Of course, Zac Efron’s not tall enough to be a basketball star either, though, so I suppose it all balances out in the end.”

“Oh my God, did you just make an HSM reference?” I asked, shocked.

“You started it,” Austin replied uncertainly.

“Oh my God! Who’s your favorite? Troy? No, I bet it’s Chad.... I mean, no, er.... Gabriella, right? I can’t wait for HSM3. I’m dying to see it. I wonder if it will even play in this town.”

Like a startled turtle, Austin hunched in on himself in the face of my excitement. His haunted gaze was inscrutable (which is to say, I had no idea if I had just ruined any chance of making a new friend or not) and his body language was completely closed off.

“Er ... sorry ... just ... didn’t think anyone in this burg might have.... I didn’t think I’d meet another fan ... or … guess you’re not.... Okay, shutting up now.”

I returned to my staggeringly boring pre-Christian Europeans, knowing I was beet-red from my embarrassment. My Irish heritage does not allow me to hide my humiliation well—or at all, really. Usually, I am able to keep my cool and not spazz out on someone, but after the day I had been having, the notion of finding someone with a shared interest was like chilled water down a parched throat.

“I liked Ryan, actually. The way he learned to stand on his own was awesome.”

I had been spun around so many times at this point I was actually starting to feel a little dizzy. I bit my lower lip and stared blankly at the pages in front of me and debated my options. I could respond—roll the dice and see how many other ways I could mess this up. I could smile politely and go back to my reading, sort of close down the conversation in the most innocuous way possible. I could flee, making up some story about a forgotten errand.

They all had their advantages and disadvantages. I had just had such a rough day that the idea of being messed with once more seemed too much to bear. He could easily be yanking my chain, trying to lead me into saying something that he could use against me; but that didn’t seem to make sense. Mr. Brooding Silence had not spoken to anyone in a while, by all accounts, so why would he strike up a conversation with me just to be a jerk to me?

I turned around, smiling a little and firmly reining in my hyperactive tendencies. I didn’t want to send him running, after all. “My name’s Collin,” I introduced myself.

He nodded, apparently having gotten that bulletin. “Austin.”

Awkward silence followed. I was in a death match with myself over what to not say, how to not say what I wanted to say and some odd concerns over how my hair looked after a long day in the hot and humid school. That all sort of tied up my tongue and left me unsure how to proceed.

Austin apparently had a degree in being taciturn, so he did not offer me a rope to pull me out of the pit I was in.

“Er, I liked Ryan too.” Of course, I had a mad crush on Troy, but I can hardly be blamed for that. “He dared to be different.”

Well, he dared to be queer, in my eyes, but I wasn’t going to say that.

“I didn’t try to blow up my old school,” Austin blurted.

“Oh.... Huh?” Now I was totally lost. How had we gotten here?

“I know what people say,” Austin told me quietly, his expression guarded. “But I didn’t try to blow up my old school. That’s not.... That isn’t why I got transferred here.”

Silence reigned for a moment while I processed that information and tried to figure out why he was giving it to me. It was nice to know, sure, but why did he care what I thought about him?

“Okay.... Good to know….” Wow, I failed at life sometimes. I had no idea what to say. How did one casually change topics after that, after all?

“Where did you come from?” Austin asked me.

“Mars,” I replied. “Or, might as well be, as alien as I am around here.”

Was that the barest hint of a smile I got from him on that?

“You don’t look green from here.”

“It’s the lighting. Also, I work wonders with makeup.” I told myself to absolutely not let my camp get out of control. I’d already been lame enough for one day. “But, no, actually, L.A.”

“Where’s that?”

I blinked and then saw yet another ghost of a smile on his face. And it was literally a ghost of a smile—the undead remnants of something that clearly had perished a long time ago.

“Funny man,” I commented with a grin.

“Says the Martian.”

“Fair point.”

Austin was not relaxing, per se, but he was definitely growing more animated, which I hoped was a good sign. Though I could not pin down exactly why, I was drawn to him and I wanted to be able to be friends. The fact that it would kill any chance for improving my social standing was something that did not occur to me then.

We made small talk, which was painful and awkward, but kind of awesome at the same time. I could tell how out of practice he was with the whole talking thing and it was sort of sweet, really. I told him a little of L.A. and he volunteered absolutely nothing about himself.

I finally screwed up the courage to blurt out the question that had been lurking between us since his little declaration about not being a mad bomber. “So, why
did
you get transferred, then?”

“Huh?”

“Well, if you know what the rumors say, but you haven’t corrected them ... what could the real reason be? It couldn’t be worse than everyone thinking you’re nuts. Why haven’t you told people the real reason?”

Austin had a mild panic attack, his eyes going wider than I had yet seen them. I had apparently blitzed him with questions he had hoped to not have to answer for a while ... or forever. He stammered, folded his arms around his chest and closed down. It was frustrating and confusing and left me a bit at a loss for what to do.

No, I don’t like bad boys and you’re a terrible person if you were thinking that. I wasn’t into him because he was troubled.... I was into him because he was interesting ... in a troubled way.

I had utterly lost track of practice, though, and my brother had inconveniently finished showering and was now calling for me. I was about to protest, but he had a look on his face which I recognized as “don’t give me any crap” so I let Austin off the hook.

“See you around,” I told the mysterious young man and went to see what had set Shawn off.

I was going to get an answer from Austin on that question though, at some point.

Coming Soon!

Hybrids: Arrival

The night that Joaquin witnesses the fire in the sky was the last night of anything normal for him. His world of high school and football is completely upended as he comes face to face with an extraterrestrial being.

Thrace, as the alien calls himself, seems friendly enough. However, he has abilities that are far beyond human. And he comes with word that others of his race are already on Earth.

Joaquin's friendship with Thrace takes him into danger and chaos as he learns the terrible truth of why the aliens have come to Earth. He and his friends must find some way to help Thrace stop his people, or the human race will suffer the consequences.