Fearless (15 page)

He shrugged. “Maybe someday, but it doesn’t have to be tomorrow. Maybe a few years from now you’ll feel differently, Lexi.”

She sighed, wishing the people in her life could understand and respect her decision not to have a family. She loved her life, her career, and her freedom. “I’m sorry, Mark. I’m not going to change my mind. I can’t give you what you need, and I wouldn’t want you to waste your time with me, holding out hope for the kind of relationship I could never give you.”

He let go of her hand and pushed his plate aside. “Is it because of Josh?”

“No, it’s because of me. Josh is a good man, a good friend, but that’s all there will ever be between us.”

“Are you sure about that?”

She nodded. “Positive. In fact, as soon as the trial is over, I’m going to be looking for a new place to call home.”

“Why?”

She sighed, wishing she could explain why she felt the need to distance herself from the people she loved so she would finally be free to live her life on her terms. “I love Sierra and my friends in Nashville, but I need to start a new life. I don’t think they’ll ever be able to accept the fact that I intend to remain single. I don’t relish the idea of constantly defending my decisions, so I think it would be best for me to distance myself, at least for a while.”

“You’re sure your decision doesn’t have anything to do with Josh?”

She slid her chair back and tossed her napkin beside her plate. “He wants more than I’m prepared to give. I’m looking for a casual relationship, and he wants to get married and start a new family.”

“If you were in the market for a long-term relationship, who would you choose?” Mark asked.

She sighed. He was asking an impossible question. If she told the truth, he would be hurt, but if she gave him the answer he wanted, she would be setting him up for disappointment. “Josh and I have known each other a long time, Mark. He’s one of my best friends. He’s a decent, hard-working man, a fantastic father...”

“Have you two ever slept together?”

Her head shot up, taken aback by the blunt question. “No, why would you ask me that?”

“There’s definitely chemistry, Lexi. You’d have to be blind not to see it.”

She was surprised by his admission. “Be that as it may, we’re not right for each other. He knows that and so do I. That’s why we agreed to keep our distance.”

Mark chuckled. “Is that why he rode in on his white horse last night?”

She rolled her eyes. “He was just looking out for me. He would have done the same for any one of his friends.”

“Whatever you say, Lexi.” He pushed his chair away from the table. “I have a feeling this is where I get my walking papers. Am I right?”

Lexi stood up and tugged on his hand, pulling him to his feet. “Thank you so much for coming with me. It means a lot.” She reached up to kiss his cheek.

He brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek. “Do you believe in love at first sight, Lexi?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe for other people. Sierra said she fell in love with Trey the first time she saw him.”

“I think I fell in love with you in the middle of Jimmy’s bar,” he whispered.

She was totally unprepared for his declaration. “Mark, I...”

He touched his fingertips against her lips. “It’s okay; you don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.” He cupped her face in his palm. “And in case you’re wondering, I’ve never said that to another woman before in my life.”

She felt a tear slide down her cheek. She hated that she was hurting him; he deserved a woman who could say the words he needed to hear. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He brushed the tear away with the pad of his thumb. “Don’t be. Just promise me if you ever change your mind about the kind of relationship you want, I’ll be the first to know.”

She smiled, holding his hand against her face.

“I’m gonna call a cab now.”

“Thanks for everything, Mark.”

He drew her into a hug. “I hope you’ll keep in touch, no matter where you decide to settle.”

She hugged him back, enjoying the soft brush of flannel against her cheek. “I will. I promise.” 

Josh reached the top of the stairs just as Mark came out of the kitchen. He’d shamelessly listened in on their conversation. He may have felt guilty, had Lexi not initiated the game last night.

He sank down in the swivel chair in her office, trying to process what he’d just heard. She wasn’t coming back to Nashville. He knew it was due in part to him. He had come on too strong, pushed too hard, and obviously pushed her away. He told himself he needed to tread lightly with a woman like Lexi, but the intensity of his feelings for her dictated his actions more than reason or logic. He had tried to hold back, had been successful, until he admitted to himself that he was in love with her.

He was an idiot. He should have accepted a relationship on her terms; at least then, she would have been sharing his bed, his life. Even if she wasn’t able to commit to forever, he would have had the foreseeable future with her. Now she was moving to another state just to get away from him.

Lexi poked her head inside the door. “Mark just left.”

He gestured to the chair across the desk. “Sit down, Lex. We need to talk.”

She looked wary, but accepted his invitation. “Okay, what’s up?”

“I heard what you said to Mark.”

She leaned forward, gripping the armrests. “Are you telling me you listened in on our conversation?”    

He scoffed. “Please, you don’t have the right to act holier than thou with me. You did the exact same thing last night.”

She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. “That still doesn’t make it right,” she muttered.

He leaned his head back and rubbed his eyes. It was ten o’clock in the morning and he was already dead on his feet. He wanted to blame the fitful night’s sleep on her sofa, but he knew erotic dreams of the woman herself were to blame. “Are you really thinking of relocating?”

“I can’t stay in Arkansas and expect to co-exist with Chris’s crazy family. I thought Nashville would be as good a place as any to hang my hat. Obviously, I was wrong.”

He sighed. The frustration was seeping into his bones, making him feel tense and agitated. He needed to a find a heavy bag, now. “You don’t have to leave Nashville because of me, Lex.”

She picked at an invisible piece of lint on her bathrobe. “It’s not just you. It’s everyone. Sierra and Marisa want to give me advice, you and Trey want to protect me, Mark claims he’s in love with me...”

Josh snapped the pencil he’d been twirling in his hand. “Don’t give any credence to what that guy has to say. Isn’t it obvious he’s just trying to get you into bed?”

She glared at him. “Is it so hard to believe that a man may be in love with me?”

He released a frustrated breath. “No, dammit, that’s not what I said. The guy has known you for a day and a half, Lex.”

She tucked her legs under her and pulled her bathrobe down. “Not all men think the way you do, Josh. I happen to like Mark, and my gut tells me he was being sincere.”

“Well, I hate Mark, and my gut tells me he’s a lying sack of shit. Given our track records, who do you think is right?”

She jumped up and leaned across the desk. “I’m really getting sick and tired of everyone reminding me of all the mistakes I’ve made. I get it, okay? I’m a screw-up when it comes to relationships; that’s why I never intend to get involved in another one.”

He stood up and came around the desk to pull her into his arms. He felt terrible for reminding her of the past. Chris was the one who deserved to feel guilty, not her. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

She pushed against him, refusing to allow him to comfort her. “I don’t need you, Coop. I don’t need anyone.” Her voice broke on the last word and she covered her mouth to suppress a moan.

He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her forward, forcing her to lean against his chest. He held her tight as the sobs wracked her body. “It’s okay, baby. Let it out.”

She shook her head furiously. “No!” She continued to sniffle. “I refuse to be weak; I don’t wanna be a victim anymore.”

He stroked her hair, holding the back of her head. “Honey, you’re not weak. You’re human. That bastard terrorized you.”

“I let him,” she cried. “I shouldn’t have given him that much power.”

He led her to the chair and sat her down, kneeling in front of her. “It wasn’t your fault, sweetheart.” He brushed her tears away. “You were brave enough to get out. Do you know how many women never have the courage to leave an abusive relationship?”

She looked at him, her bottom lip quivering. “Like his wife. God, I can only imagine what that poor woman must have gone through, Josh.”

He grabbed her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. “You don’t have to imagine what she went through; you lived it. Thank God you’re still here to share your story so you can make sure that low-life finally gets what he deserves.”

She touched his hand tentatively. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing, Josh? I’m so scared,” she whispered.

He grabbed her hands between his. “You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t scared, honey. Do you know how many women are victimized and they allow their fear to paralyze them? At least you’re here, facing your fear.”

She shook her head. “I guess you’re right.” She smiled. “I’m really glad you’re here with me.”

He reached up to pull her into his arms. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Lex.”

Chapter Twelve

Lexi walked into the courthouse the next day feeling nauseous. The district attorney had prepared her to the best of his ability, but he warned her there might be questions that would be difficult and demeaning. He told her it was imperative that she remain calm and answer the questions honestly and respectfully. The defense attorney’s job was to tear her to shreds on the stand. Her job was to appear unaffected. She prayed she would be able to convince the jurors and help the prosecution secure a conviction that would put her ex-fiancé behind bars for the rest of his miserable life.

She saw a familiar figure standing in the midst of a group of men. She grabbed Josh’s arm. “Oh my God, that’s Mark. What’s he doing here?”

Josh quickly surveyed the scene and pulled her into a nearby hallway. “Do you know who that man was, the one he was talking to?”

She shook her head, reading his grim expression. She knew Josh well enough to know something was very wrong. “That’s Chris’s uncle, Nick. He and Chris’s father are business partners.”

“Why would Mark be talking to him? If he’s here, it must be to support me. He wouldn’t associate with the people who’re threatening my life.”

Josh rubbed his hand over his head. “Just how well do you know this guy, Lexi?”

She felt a sense of dread overtaking her. “You don’t think Mark is connected to Chris, do you?”

He grabbed her shoulders. “That’s exactly what I think.” He pulled out his Blackberry. “You need to tell me everything you know about him. I’m gonna text the details to a buddy on the force and see what he can find out. In the meantime, we can do a quick search ourselves.” His fingers were poised over the keypad. “Last name, address, occupation, date of birth...”

She held up her hand. “Josh, I just met him. I don’t know that much about him. He said he was a firefighter.” She struggled to remember whether he had given her his last name. He hadn’t. He bought his ticket on the way to the airport and picked it up when she was seated in the terminal waiting area. She had never seen it or his identification. “I don’t know his last name or date of birth.”

Josh heaved a sigh. “Okay, but you must have gone to his house to pick up his suitcase last night?”

“He already had a bag packed.” Even as she said it, she knew it was too convenient to be a coincidence. She had been too distraught to think much of it at the time, but now it was obvious he had planned to accompany her on the trip. She shuddered to think what else he had planned.

Josh scowled. “What the hell are you talking about? He had a suitcase in his trunk?”

She nodded. “He said he just got back from his friend’s cabin. They’d spent a few days there and he said he hadn’t bothered to take the suitcase in the house.” She leaned against the wall. “God, I am such an idiot. He targeted me because of Chris.” She looked up at Josh. “They sent him to Nashville to try and stop me from testifying against Chris, didn’t they?”

He shook his head, looking grim. “It looks that way, sweetheart.”

She covered her mouth, trying to contain the fear bubbling up inside of her, making her want to wretch. “How could I have been so stupid? If you hadn’t shown up when you did, he may have tried to kill me.”

He held her in his arms, blocking the view of curious onlookers. “Ssh, it’s okay. Whatever he had planned, it didn’t happen and it’s not going to, okay?” He held her tighter. “I promise I’m going to keep you safe, sweetheart.”

She angled her head to look at him. “Tell me the truth; I’m never going to be safe again, am I?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“If I testify against him and he gets put away, his family will come after me with everything they’ve got. It doesn’t matter where I run. I’ll never be able to hide from them, will I? Oh God, I don’t think I can do this.” She felt the tightness in her chest building, making it difficult to draw enough air into her lungs. She tried to draw breath, but it felt like someone was squeezing her windpipe.

“You need to relax. You’re having another panic attack, aren’t you?” he whispered.

She nodded numbly, unable to form words past the lump in her throat.

“We’ll step outside and get some fresh air. Just give me a minute, okay?” He flattened his body against the wall and peered around the corner. He held his phone up and snapped a picture before grabbing her arm and corralling her through the nearby doors.

She sprinted to the bench and sat down. “Why did you do that?” she wheezed, bending over at the waist.

He was punching furiously on his keypad. “I’m sending a pic to my buddy. We’ve got nothing else to go on. We just have to hope this is enough to get us some info on this guy.”