Feelin' the Vibe (32 page)

“That was real gay.”

“Let’s not get started with that,” he said, raising his eyebrow.

I raised my hands in a defenseless manner. “A’ight, dawg. You right.”

Shortly after, we all began piling out of the church, headed home to Chef Damon’s lobster tail and filet mignon dinner.

I
could barely sleep the night before the election. Ironically, around two in the morning, Nicole appeared in my doorway. “Daddy,”
she said.

My head popped from my pillow. “What’s up, baby girl?”

She climbed into my bed. “If you win, does that mean that you can’t come see me as much as you used to?”

“No, why would you say that?”

“I don’t know. It just seems like everybody is making a big deal out of this.”

I pushed her hair from her eyes. “Because it
is
a big deal, baby. You know how I tell you to always follow your dreams?” She nodded. I continued, “This is my dream. It’s
been my dream since I was your age.”

“Daddy, I’m proud of you.”

I hugged her. “And I’m proud of you.”

“So, is Ms. Taylor ever coming home?”

“I don’t think so, Nikki. It’s hard for a lot of women to deal with the limelight.”

“Why did you cheat on her?”

“Why do you think I cheated on her?” I asked.

“Um, because she wasn’t in love with you.”

I held the side of my head and propped my elbow up on the pillow. I’d questioned how she knew it was true that I cheated on
Taylor, but she answered a different question. Nicole had fresh eyes and a lot of wisdom. I wanted to lie to her and explain
that I was no cheater, but clearly she knew for sure I’d cheated. Surely, she’d probably researched it on the Internet. So
I talked to her like the little lady she was. “You think she wasn’t in love with me?”

“I don’t know. It was just something about her that… I don’t know.”

I didn’t press her for more, because she’d said enough. In her own way, she tried to tell me this before I married Taylor.
Of course, I didn’t listen, because what could a nine-year-old know about relationships? Obviously, she knew more than I imagined.
One thing for sure, I didn’t regret having my little girl in my life.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.”

Nicole sighed. “Daddy, I hope you find somebody like Mommy again.”

“I hope so, too. For now, I’ll just be happy with you.”

“That sounds good.”

Finally, I was able to rest my eyes. It seemed like only minutes passed before the clock buzzed, letting me know it was seven
o’clock. I shook Nicole and she squirmed irritably. Then I decided I would leave her there until I got out of the shower.
I walked through the house waking everyone who planned to accompany me to the polls.

By the time the car arrived, Taylor was there. My parents, Taylor, Nicole, and I piled into the car and headed to the voting
polls. When I stepped out of the car, photographers snapped pictures and asked me questions. Nicole held one hand and Taylor
held the other. When we left, we attended a breakfast hosted by some volunteers. Jennifer and Aaron met us there.

After we left breakfast, I stopped at several voting stations to show my face and let the voters know I was down for them.
Later, we headed to the facility we’d rented out for all of our supporters. Amazingly, by five-thirty the place was packed.
They passed hors d’oeuvres and wine. Music played, but we were on pins and needles. The race was very close. The later and
later it got, the closer it got. An hour after the polls closed, we were dancing around and celebrating, praying for a victory.
Before the scandal, I had my opponent by a much larger margin, but that situation really hurt me. Finally, I got the call
from my opponent around ten-thirty, congratulating me. I won! It was almost unbelievable. I had begun to believe it was over.
I’d thought I would just try again in four years. I stood there stunned as the balloons and confetti fell from the ceiling.
Tears came to my eyes and as much as I wanted to resist, I let them fall as I rushed to the stage to make my victory speech.

Just before I spoke, Curtis announced that Barack Obama was the president-elect and that right after my speech we’d turn the
big screens to Grant Park. The crowd cheered and shouted with joy. I wiped my face, but I couldn’t stop the stream of tears
from rolling. I needed to compose myself, but I couldn’t. As I stood at the podium and looked into the hopeful eyes of people
who for the first time felt they had really made a difference, I was humbled.

“DP, DP, DP, DP!” the crowd chanted. And I got filled up more. I tried to calm them with hand gestures and they continued:
“DP, DP, DP!”

“Thank you! Thank you!” I waited a few more minutes and finally they gave their attention to me. “This race was never about
me. It was always about us, our people. And I’m glad that we were able to stand up and rebuke those vicious attacks. No path
to success comes without roadblocks, but perseverance always prevails. My people, our people, we are determined to overcome.
We are determined to have our voices heard. Thank you for entrusting me to speak on your behalf.”

They cheered more, and it was obvious they weren’t going to allow me to finish my speech. I said, “I would like to thank all
of you! For your support and prayers on those rough days.” I gripped Taylor’s hand and looked at her. “And to my wife, words
can’t express what I feel for you. You are an amazing woman.”

The crowd clapped loudly. I sniffed to hold back the tears. I’d done enough damn crying in public. “You are a queen and I
am a better person because of you.”

Everyone clapped and chanted my name. When it came out we weren’t together, people would think this was all an act, but I
meant every word. Taylor’s cooperation made the difference in the race. Her ability to be completely honest about her feelings
made me want to be a better man. She hugged me and we kissed onstage. Cameras flashed rapidly. This was the best night of
my life.

Finally, I said, “Now, let’s get this party started!”

The music came on and Taylor and I danced together onstage. I leaned in and said, “Stay with me tonight.”

I couldn’t imagine sleeping alone after this victory. I wanted to hold somebody. She obviously had a few glasses of wine.
“No, Devin. If I go home with you, we may end up back together.”

“Would that be so bad?” She shrugged. Our foreheads were together and I asked again, “Is that the worst thing in the world?”

“It’s not the worst thing, but it’s not the smartest thing.” She huffed. “To hell with it. How can I let your fine ass go
home and sleep alone? You’re still mine until the ink is dry.”

I laughed and we kissed again. I wasn’t sure what we were doing or if it even made sense. All I knew was that I needed her
and I wanted her that night. We’d hash out the particulars in the morning.

A
lmost a month after the trial, Mia’s number popped up on my caller ID. My heart dropped, because I didn’t know if she was
calling to fight or if she was ready to forgive me. I picked up quickly. She sniffed a little. “Hey, Ma.”

“Mia-Mia?”

“Yes. I just wanted to tell you I was sorry. I didn’t want to believe that Daddy could do something like that, but you just
never know.”

“You’re right, Mia.”

“I’m sorry he hurt you and that you hurt him. It’s just sad. I never thought things would be like they are. I don’t even know
where to come home to. What am I supposed to do for Thanksgiving?”

“Mia, this is your home and don’t you forget that. I can’t love and support a man who molested a child, but I will always
love a child that I raised.”

She sniffed again. “Thanks, Ma.”

“Mia-Mia, I’ll always be there for you, okay? Don’t let anyone tell you that I’m not your mother. Okay?”

After her phone call, I was at peace with everything. Well, almost everything. I wanted to talk to Raven. I contacted her
social worker after the trial to see if we could have a supervised meeting, but she didn’t think it was a good idea, at least
not so soon. So that was an open wound that I would have to let heal in time. And maybe one day I would get my opportunity
to apologize to her.

The group home had been foreclosed. Ms. Teeny and I were planning to reopen under a different name, but we would have to go
through the entire proposal and certification process again, which could take upward of a year. In the meantime, I continued
to work and make the best of my upside-down world. Maybe there was a message in all of this, but I had yet to figure it out.

As the general election approached, I thought more and more about Devin. I wanted to call him, but I didn’t. I wanted to see
him, but I didn’t. It wasn’t so much that we’d been exposed, but more because I was embarrassed. I wondered what Devin thought
of me. How could I be stupid enough to think that Kenneth was innocent? Maybe a part of me wasn’t ready to fully take that
next step with Devin. Maybe I would always think he’d hurt me like he did the first time. It was just easier to support Kenneth
and run away from what I felt with Devin, but who could I run to now?

Ever since the trial, I’d been coming straight home from work, curling up in my bed and watching movie after movie.

On the night of the general election, Reggie invited me over so that we could have drinks and celebrate. We were certain that
Barack Obama would win the election, but I preferred to stay home. I wanted to see if Devin Patterson would win, too, and
I didn’t want anyone reading too deeply into my emotions. I had a bottle of wine and my remote control to keep me company.
I flipped back and forth between MSNBC and the DC and Baltimore local news channels. I needed to know if Devin won. Even if
he couldn’t be mine, I wanted him to win and I wanted to see him. I wanted to see the expression on his face.

When they announced that Barack Obama would be the next president of the United States, I leaped from my bed with excitement.
My phone rang off the hook, but I turned up the television to hear the reporters. I would call Reggie and Teeny back shortly.

When I switched back to the local news to hear what they had to say, I nearly fainted when the cameras went to Devin Patterson’s
victory party. He’d done it. A part of me was proud, but then there was a part of me filled with rage. How did he manage to
come out on top all the time? My heart sank when Devin finished speaking and turned to kiss his wife. He stroked her face
like he was so in love. Why did I feel betrayed and jealous?

My phone seemed to be ringing like crazy: text messages, phone calls. Everyone was excited—everyone except me. I covered my
ears with a pillow and let tears run down my face. I didn’t bother to wipe them. Visions of Devin and his wife upset me to
the point that I was shaking, wondering if he would have really left her and whether I’d be sitting here alone anyway. She
was beautiful and elegant, and they looked perfect together.

My body was numb. It just wasn’t fair. I wanted Devin. She didn’t deserve him. I did. I should have been there. I should have
gone to meet Devin when he called me days before I married Kenneth. I was thirty-five years old, back on the singles scene,
back working a nine-to-five and digging myself out of debt. I didn’t know how to pull all the pieces back together. I went
downstairs and grabbed another bottle of wine. I didn’t bother to grab a glass. I planned on taking it straight to the head.