Fertility: A Novel (29 page)

“I don’t understand. How did you get to see her?”

“Well, one of the perks of working here a million hours a week is I can see a friend’s baby in the NICU.”

“You went to see her?”

“Went to see you, too, but you were asleep. It was right after your surgery.”

She shook her head. “Why, Rick? Why did you come to see me and the baby? You were dead set against me having her. I said you were free to go and I meant it. You didn’t — don’t have to visit us.”

“I know I don’t have to. But here’s the rub: I’ve missed you, Sarah.”

Another surprise. “Really?”

“Really.”

“I never would have guessed. I figured you for an easy come, easy go kind of guy.”

“Always was, until I met you. Since we broke up I’ve had a lot of time to think. I was a jerk — and I was wrong to leave you.”

Sarah had to look away.

“Well, aren’t you going to say something?”

“I didn’t think you were a jerk. Not at all, Rick. We had a deal. No commitment, no babies. Then I got pregnant, and all bets were off. You were free to leave. No hard feelings, really,” she said, sounding more like his former business partner than his former lover.

“Well, I had plenty of hard feelings — mostly toward myself. I made a mistake by taking off when you told me about the pregnancy. It’s true that I never wanted the whole commitment thing. I never wanted babies. But I want you, Sarah. I came to tell you that whatever it takes to be with you, I’ll do it.”

Sarah couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Is this one of your pranks? You know, it’s not nice to play with someone as beat-up as I am.”

Rick touched his fingertips to hers and looked directly into her eyes. The touch was electric. “This is no prank,” he assured her, never taking his eyes off of hers. “In fact, I’ve never been more serious in my life.”

Sarah wished she could disappear. She was in no condition to be having this conversation. What could she make of this declaration of — of what? She closed her eyes to avoid his penetrating look. For perhaps a minute nothing was said. Finally, she asked in an incredulous tone, “So you’re saying that now you’re willing to do the whole commitment thing — and with me?”

Rick didn’t miss a beat. “That’s right. I’m willing to do the whole commitment thing,” he said, gently stroking her fingertips.

Sarah pulled her hand away and put it under her sheet. “Well, I’m at a loss for words. It’s such an about-face for you. I can’t imagine what led you to it.”

“What led me to it was realizing that….” He stopped for a moment, stroked Sarah’s arm and swallowed hard. “What led me to it was realizing that I’m in love with you.”

“You’re in love with me?” she asked, her voice thick with skepticism.

“Yes, ma’am. I am. And if you’re surprised, you can imagine my shock. I’ve never said those words to anyone. I’ve never even thought them before. But it’s the truth. I’m in love with you, Sarah.”

Rick studied her face, trying to read her. All their time together, especially their last night, made him certain that she was as drawn to him as he was to her. But now he couldn’t get a fix on what she was feeling.

“Sarah?”

“Oh, sorry. I was just remembering how our relationship ended. I guess I’m having trouble getting my mind around what you’re saying. Maybe it’s the painkillers.”

Rick got up and gently kissed her lips. He would have stayed kissing her for the rest of the night if he’d had his druthers, but she turned her head away. Still, he savored that kiss.

“I love you, Sarah. I don’t care about the drugs they’re giving you or your injury or — or anything. I love you. Take your time to try to figure things out. I’ll be here waiting.”

The kiss bewildered her further. How bizarre it was to feel physically drawn to a man when her body was so broken and bruised.

“Rick?”

“Yeah, Sarah?”

“If it’s all right with you, I’m going to take you up on your offer of time. I’m going to need some time to think about what you’re saying. Let me see if I’ve got this right. You’re in love with me and you’re willing to do the whole settling down thing?”

“Only with you. I still think it’s a crazy idea. But since I’m crazy for you, Sarah, I’ll go with it,” Rick said, returning with a bit of his normal repartee. “Take as much time as you need.”

Then something occurred to her. “Are you doing this out of pity? Because if you are, I don’t need or want your pity, Rick.”

“Pity? No. No way. Pity has nothing to do with this. I feel terrible that you got hurt, but why would I pity you? You’re not someone to be pitied.”

“As long as that’s clear.”

“Consider it clear.”

“Okay. But I’ve got a lot to deal with now — first and foremost, getting back on my feet. If you’re willing to give me some time, I promise to give your proposal some thought.”

“Proposal?”

“Well, didn’t you just propose, what did you call it, doing the whole settling down thing?”

“Oh, yeah,” Rick said, “I guess the word freaks me out. But not the idea of being with you. That doesn’t freak me out at all.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Rick left the hospital that night a happy man. What never crossed his mind was that in the months following their breakup, he was not the only one who had changed. He had no idea that as he was licking his wounds, Sarah was falling in love with the child that was growing within her. At the same time that he was struggling to find any comfort in the things he had always enjoyed, Sarah was feeling more alive and more hopeful than she had in years. In his haste to regain control over his life, he had failed to consider the possibility that she might not welcome his return.

Alone again in her hospital room, Sarah marveled at Rick’s lousy timing. Where had he been for the last seven months? Throughout her entire pregnancy, there had been nothing, not even a text message, from the man who now professed love for her.

It was all too much. Turning off the lights, she thought back to days earlier, when she was healthy and Anna was still tucked safely in her womb, when all those people killed in the accident were going about their business and all was right with the world. That was her last thought before she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

It seemed she had only just closed her eyes when she was awakened by the night nurse who was ready to go off duty. Though the woman said it was time to rise and shine, it was dark as pitch outside her hospital window. Sarah pulled her arm out from under the covers for a blood pressure check and silently mocked her last thoughts of the night before. All was not right with the world. She was lying immobile in a hospital bed, separated from her newborn child. And then, of course, there was the reappearance of Rick. It took courage to face the day, maybe more than she had.

But the hospital operation carried on, oblivious to her outlook on the day. Shortly after the nurse left, an aide came in to gently wash her bruised and lacerated body. Then, just as the sun’s rays started to stream through her window, the day nurse dispensed the morning medications. As she left, she crossed paths with the cafeteria worker delivering the breakfast tray. Sarah uncovered a bowl of thick, rubbery oatmeal just as Jeff entered her room. He was followed by an entourage of seven white-coated young men and women who quickly assembled around her bed.

Jeff was all smiles and all business. “Good morning, Sarah. You’re looking much better today. How’s the pain?”

“I think it’s beginning to back off a bit. I actually slept all night.”

“A good sign, indeed,” Jeff said as he turned his attention to his students. “Dr. Prabhu, would you do the honors of examining Ms. Abadhi’s leg? As you do, please explain to the medical students joining us this morning what you’re looking for in your exam.”

The young East Indian resident checked for nerve sensation, strength of pulse, movement in Sarah’s foot and ankle, swelling and for any signs of sepsis in either the open leg wounds or the external fixator’s pins. She concluded there was no nerve or arterial damage that was evident upon exam, and that the wounds and pin sites all appeared clean and free from infection. Jeff smiled not only at the facility with which his resident conducted her exam, but at the evidence that pointed to uneventful healing in his patient.

“Thank you, Dr. Prabhu,” he said, turning to address Sarah. “Everything seems to be going well. Since the swelling is down, we’ll unhook your leg from its tether and start elevating it with pillows. We’ll try cutting back on the analgesics a bit and see how you tolerate that. We want you out of bed and upright as much as possible. It will enhance your recovery and lessen the chance of pneumonia and blood clots. To that end, I’ll have the therapists help you take some steps today.”

“That’s fine with me,” Sarah said. “I want to try walking.”

“I’d like to see how you do using a walker to get yourself around the room and maybe into the hall. If your morning session goes well, I’ll leave orders for the therapist to teach you to get on and off the toilet using your healthy leg and the walker for support. Then we’ll be able to remove the urinary catheter,” Jeff said, genuinely pleased that Sarah had, so far at least, dodged complications. But his pleasure was short-lived.

“A walker?” Sarah asked, scornfully. “You’ve got to be kidding. My grandfather used a walker after he had a stroke — and he was in his eighties. Surely I don’t need a walker to help me get around.”

Jeff was used to getting flak from college jocks about using a walker, but he didn’t see it coming from Sarah. “Well, you can’t put any weight on the injured leg. Not now and not for the foreseeable future. Under other circumstances, you could negotiate with crutches just fine given your level of fitness. But your abdominal muscles were cut during the C-section and they’re going to need some time to heal. You’ll likely find a walker more comfortable than crutches until they do.”

Sarah thought about all the marathons she’d run. Now she was being told she had to use a walker to get around her room. “Well, I’d like to at least try the crutches. Could you tell the therapist to let me try?”

“I’ll write the orders as you ask, but I’ll leave the final decision with the folks from PT. The overriding aim is to get you moving while keeping you safe. The last thing we want is a fall.”

“I can think of worse things than a fall, but I certainly don’t plan on falling. I just want to give the crutches a try.”

“Sarah, a fall in your condition could be very dangerous. You’ll just have to trust me on this. Safety first. It’s got to be the overriding goal right now,” he said, unable to mask his impatience. He wondered if she had any appreciation for how hard it had been to reassemble her leg and install the external fixator.

Sarah immediately caught his change in tone. Her effort to preserve a scrap of dignity had obviously irritated him. “Of course, you’re right, Dr. Gotbaum. Consider me an advocate for safety. I promise not to take any risks.”

“Great. We’re on the same page then,” Jeff said. “We’ll check on you this afternoon and see how the new dosage of pain meds is working and how you did with your excursion around the room.” As his entourage began filing out of the room, Sarah decided to seize the moment.

“Dr. Gotbaum, could I have a word with you — in private?” Sarah asked. “It will only take a minute.”

Jeff had a hunch about what Sarah wanted to discuss. Rick had come home euphoric after “manning up” and telling Sarah how he felt about her. But when Jeff had asked how Sarah reacted, Rick had told him she “just needed some time to think things over.” Jeff felt his cheeks grow hot and hoped they hadn’t also turned red, as they often did when he got nervous.

He called to the residents and students, “You go ahead. I’ll meet you outside Mr. Sullivan’s room in a minute.”

As soon as the last white coat was beyond the threshold, Sarah began the query she hoped would help her figure out what to make of Rick’s apparent change of heart.

“I got a surprise visitor last night.”

“I suppose you mean Rick. Well, we’re roommates, Sarah. HIPAA regulations aside, I hope you don’t mind me telling him you were injured. I didn’t disclose much more than what was in the
New York Times
article about victims of the accident,” Jeff said.

That was news to her. So she’d been written up in the
Times
. Not the way she’d hoped to make her first appearance in the nation’s newspaper of record. “No, I don’t mind you telling him about my involvement in the accident. Nor about Anna’s birth. Maybe that was in the paper, too, for all I know. But I have a question. How did he seem to you after we broke up?”

Jeff swallowed hard. “I don’t really want to get in the middle of whatever happened between the two of you.”

“You needn’t be an intermediary. I’m just interested in your impression of his state of mind after we split.”

“Well, it was my impression that he took the breakup hard. Frankly, he seemed to take it very hard.”

Sarah nodded her head, aware of how uncomfortable the conversation was making him. “Thank you. That’s really all I wanted to know.”

“Okay, then. I’ll see you later today, perhaps sitting in a chair or walking in the halls,” Jeff said, only too happy to put his surgeon cap back on.

* * *

Among the several items on her breakfast tray, only the fresh fruit salad tempted Sarah. The melon and berries actually tasted good to her. She took this as a positive sign, a degree of normalcy reestablishing itself in her body. As though on cue, the physical therapist and her assistant came into her room just as she pushed the breakfast tray aside.

“Well, good morning, Sarah. We just spoke with Dr. Gotbaum and he says this is your big day. We’re going to get you walking.”

“I’m looking forward to it. I know you wouldn’t know it to look at me now, but I’m a runner and a swimmer. So don’t hold back. Push me to my limits. I mean it. I really want you to push me.”

Just then the phone rang and Sarah picked it up.

“Good morning, Sarah. It’s Anna’s grandma.”