Fidelity - SF6 (37 page)

"My poor baby," Jamie soothed, her voice low and soft and comforting. "I can’t wait to wrap you in my arms and kiss all of those sad thoughts away."

Ryan sniffed a little, still feeling much more emotional than usual. "I miss you, Jamie," she said, her voice hoarse with feeling.

"I miss you too, Honey," Jamie agreed, wrapping her arm around her tiger and giving her a substitute hug. "Less than 24 hours, Babe."

"Sixteen hours and…five minutes," Ryan sniffed, a smile making its way onto her face despite her tears.

"Is Duffy with you?" Jamie asked, knowing full well that the big black dog had likely claimed her spot in the bed.

"Uh-huh."

"I want you two to go to sleep now, and cuddle up next to each other for at least eight hours. Then we only have to get through another eight. Okay, Honey?"

"Okay," Ryan yawned, her exhaustion prevailing over her sadness, "we’ll try." She patted the space next to her, and her happy pet left the foot of the bed, where he had slept since he was a pup, and nestled immediately into Jamie’s usual spot. She rested her head against his back and said, "He just had a bath but he still doesn’t smell as nice as you do."

"You are such a romantic, Ryan," Jamie laughed. "It’s wonderful to know that I smell better than a dog."

"This isn’t just any dog," Ryan teased. "Very few women would win that contest, I’ll have you know."

"I gratefully accept the honor. He’s an extraordinary dog who has an extraordinary mommy, who I love very, very much."

"Love you too," Ryan murmured sleepily. "I’ve been waiting all week to say this…see you tomorrow, Jamie."

A very light touch on her exposed arm woke Jamie on Sunday morning. "For such a sound sleeper, you certainly do wake up easily," her mother observed from her position on the edge of the bed.

"Gggrrrr." The unhappy growl that escaped Jamie’s lips was followed by a mumbled, "I’m trying to sleep until we have to leave." Her eyes were still firmly closed, and Catherine could clearly see the child that still remained in her daughter’s personality.

"You’ve done pretty well, Dear," the older woman observed, checking her watch. "It’s nearly ten."

"What?! I had no idea that I could really DO it!" She jumped to her feet, forgetting that she was wearing only Ryan’s T-shirt. Luckily, the length of the shirt was just enough to cover her, so she was spared that little bit of embarrassment. "I have to get packed and have some breakfast! We have to leave at 10:30!"

"Relax, Honey. I brought some breakfast up for you, and I’ll happily pack for you while you take a shower. Go on now," she urged, touching Jamie lightly on the back.

"You sure?" the childlike face asked.

"Positive. I’ll have you packed up in a jiffy."

Impulsively kissing her mother on the cheek, Jamie dashed for the shower, humming a happy little tune as she went.

This is, without a doubt, the nicest trip I’ve ever taken
, Catherine mused as she reached up and touched the spot on her cheek that still held the barest bit of moisture from her daughter’s lips.

By the time Ryan’s foot hit the top step, Conor’s deep voice asked, "Want breakfast?"

"Sure," she grinned, feeling like all was right in the world because at least one member of her family was available to have breakfast with her. As she rounded the corner to the kitchen she stopped dead in her tracks and gasped. "What did you do to your hair?"

Conor had maintained basically the same hairstyle for all of his adult life. In his late teens he had passed through a very unfortunate mullet look, with the hair short on the top and collar-length in the back. Once that disaster was over, he found a barber he liked and stuck with him and the style that Ryan had grown used to–quite short all around his head, with about four inches of length on the top. He seemed to like the way it often fell into his eyes, enhancing his carefully maintained boyish image. Now, however, Ryan observed that he still looked boyish–gay boyish!

"I decided I needed a new look," he said, doing a pirouette so his sister could view the new "do" from all angles. "Like it?"

She furrowed her brow and narrowed her eyes, grasping his chin in her hand as she moved his head to and fro. Conor’s hair was now about an inch long on top, and it tapered down to less than a quarter inch in the back. Combed straight forward, he had put some sort of pomade on it to make the very front stick straight up. Whatever he had used not only smelled nice, it made his hair so shiny and black that it nearly looked blue.

"It’s really nice," she said sincerely. "I’m a little surprised that you like it, but it’s good."

"Why wouldn’t I like it?" He returned to the stove to remove the omelet he was making from the heat.

"Mmm… it looks kinda…"

"Gay?" he asked brightly.

"Uh…yeah," she said, surprised that he would be pleased by this.

"I know that," he said, happy that his sister was so observant. "Giancarlo told me that this style is just about over for gay guys."

"Giancarlo? My Giancarlo?"

"I believe he’s Jamie’s Giancarlo," he corrected, "but he seems to like you, too."

"How on earth…?"

"I asked Jamie who cuts her hair ‘cause she always looks so trendy," he said, pleased with himself. He carried their plates into the dining room, while Ryan brought out the coffeepot and two place settings. Once they were settled, he continued his tale. "Anyway, Giancarlo confirmed what I’ve always believed–women love the way gay guys look. Now, I don’t want to look too gay, because I’d prefer to have women hitting on me, but I figured if I picked up the style right when the gay guys were done with it, I could look cool for a straight guy."

"I hate to admit this, but I think you might be onto something," Ryan mused, shaking her head in amazement.

"That Giancarlo is a cool dude," Conor opined. "At least I think he is…To tell you the truth I couldn’t understand half of what he said."

"That’s my Giancarlo," Ryan agreed, smiling at her now trendy brother.

After breakfast, Ryan put on some navy blue Dockers and a crisp Tommy Hilfiger oxford-cloth shirt that Jamie had recently bought for her. She generally didn’t like to advertise for designers, but in this case, the logo was very discreet, and she really did like the shirt. It was light blue and white striped cotton, with bands of pink and white striped fabric inside the collar, cuffs, and placket. She knew that no matter what she wore she would be wrinkled and wet from the baby, but she thought she should at least try to look neat to welcome her beloved back home.

She pulled up in front of Tommy’s at a few minutes to nine, deciding that she might as well go to church so she could peek into the auditorium and see her aunt for a few minutes. The baby was waiting at the screen door, sitting on her little butt and shrieking with delight when she saw her cousin. Ryan grinned from ear to ear when she made eye contact with the deliriously happy baby. Letting herself in, she scooped Caitlin up in her arms for a big hug and a sloppy kiss. The tyke was still in just her diaper, so Ryan carried her into her room to get her dressed. Annie was tossing clothes all around the room, trying to pack for the trip. "Oh Ryan," she said with relief, "thank God you’re here. I haven’t been able to get one thing done this morning," she moaned as she gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Tommy’s not due home until ten and she’s been a terror today." She stopped short when she heard herself and said with a tired laugh, "I guess that’s not a very good sales pitch when I want you to take her for four days, huh?"

Ryan placed a few noisy kisses on Caitlin’s back, then she said, "Don’t worry about it, Annie. She’ll be fine. If we need anything, we’ll just buy it. We don’t get to spoil her nearly enough, do we
,
pumpkin
’?" she asked the laughing baby as she tickled her bare tummy.

"Sure you don’t," Annie laughed. "I think every nice outfit she has is from you two. Speaking of which, you need to get going if you want to be at church on time. Come here, sport," she said as she held out her hands to take the baby, "Time for some clothes."

She chose a little dress that Jamie had bought at the same time she got Ryan’s shirt. It wasn’t identical, but it was also starched oxford-cloth. Caitlin’s was a sunny yellow with blue and white striped trim around the neck and the little short sleeves. Tiny white socks and soft black slippers completed her stylish ensemble, and she was begging for Ryan to rescue her long before her mother was satisfied with her look. "I was going to try to cut her hair before we left, but it took me an hour to do her nails this morning," she admitted, grasping a few strands of the haphazardly cut hair.

Ryan had to admit that Caitlin’s white blonde locks did look a bit scruffy. Annie tried her best to keep them trimmed but she generally had to do it while Caitlin was asleep, not the ideal conditions for a neat haircut. "Do you mind if we give it a try?" Ryan inquired, loving a challenge on any field.

"Be my guest, Ryan." In her normal easygoing style, Annie patted the taller woman’s back and said, "It’s okay with me if you shave it off and start over. Almost anything would be an improvement over what I’ve been doing. One more element of motherhood I was not prepared for," she smirked.

Ryan handed Annie the long list of instructions she had prepared for Pebble Beach, then fished the keys to the house from her pocket and made sure Annie noted her pager number on the bottom of the list. "Call me if you have any trouble. I think I covered everything, but you never know. Oh, one last thing," she said with a slight blush. "I didn’t add this because I didn’t want to embarrass Tommy or myself, but there are security cameras in most of the common areas. We found out the hard way that it’s best to keep intimate behavior confined to the bedroom."

"Intimate behavior, huh?" Annie teased. "I think I remember what that is," she said with a thoughtful look as she cocked her head. "Oh yeah, that’s how we got Sweet Pea, here," she laughed. "I really appreciate all that you and Jamie have done for us, Ryan. But I feel so guilty leaving Caitie with you on the day that Jamie gets back. I’m really afraid you won’t be able to enjoy each other. Intimate behavior becomes a dim memory with this little scamp around," she said affectionately, ruffling her daughter’s blonde locks.

Trying to appear magnanimous, Ryan assured her, "We get to enjoy each other constantly. Another week of abstinence won’t kill us." She paused for a second and decided to ask, just to make sure. "How
do
you feel about us being close with Caitlin around? I mean, I obviously wouldn’t actually have sex if she was awake, but where should we draw the line?"

Annie furrowed her brow and tried to think of what to say that would be most helpful. "I think you just need to play it by ear, Ryan. Both of us take her in the shower with us, so she’s used to naked adults, and we try to be physically affectionate around her. I think it’s good for her to see that we love each other, and that we express our love physically. We take her into bed with us whether or not we’re dressed, but obviously we also would never have sex when she was awake." She shivered visibly and said, "That’s just too creepy. I guess it depends on how you feel about it, because I don’t think she’ll be affected one way or the other. If you can get aroused with another person in the room with you, don’t be afraid to have fun while she’s asleep. We’ve gotten pretty good at making love without a sound," she admitted. "Sometimes it’s actually kind of fun to see how quiet you can be."

After a week’s worth of abstinence, I don’t think either of us would win a prize for quiet
, Ryan mused privately. "Do you let her come into your bed often?"

"More often than we thought we would," she admitted. "She goes through periods where she just seems to need to be held at night. I just don’t see how it’s healthy for her to be alone when she’s like that."

"My guess is that she’ll be pretty needy when she realizes she’s not going home for a while. Is it safe to sleep with her all night?"

"Oh yeah. You won’t sleep very well at first, though. You just have an awareness that keeps you from rolling over onto her, but it doesn’t let you sleep as deeply. I wouldn’t do it if you’ve been drinking or if you sleep really soundly, but we’ve adapted so we actually sleep as well when she’s with us as not."

"I don’t plan on drinking to excess when I’m in charge of this precious bundle," Ryan assured Annie. "But Jamie sleeps like she’s flatlining, so I think we’ll keep her in her crib."

"I’m not worried, Ryan. I know you’ll do as good a job as we do."

"I’m sure it’ll go fine," Ryan agreed, "but I also know she’ll miss you both a lot. Call us tonight before you go to bed, okay? I think we’ll probably leave for Disneyland in the morning, and I want to make sure you’re settled before we take off."

"I will, Ryan. And thanks again. You just don’t know how much I’m looking forward to this trip." She sighed heavily and admitted, "It honestly feels like it’s been ten years since I’ve had any time to myself. As much as I love Tommy, I wouldn’t have complained if he wasn’t able to go with me. I plan on spending four days remembering what it was like being Annie Clancy rather than Caitlin’s mommy, which is my new name, by the way."

"I’ve heard people refer to you that way at church," Ryan admitted. "It must be kinda hard to have your identity redefined when you have a child."

"It is," Annie agreed, "but I wouldn’t change a thing."

It was getting late and Ryan knew she had to take off to be on time. "I hope Pebble Beach is as magical for you as it was for us," Ryan said as she hugged her.

Annie picked the baby up and kissed her on every exposed inch of her face and head, with the baby spluttering at she tried to avoid her mother’s overly enthusiastic farewell. Pulling away slightly, Annie hugged her tightly as she closed her eyes to fight back the tears. "You’d better go before I upset her," she said with a trembling lip as she handed her child to Ryan.

Ryan patted her back as she said softly, "We’ll take good care of her, Annie. I promise," she said fervently.

"Jamie, dear," Catherine said with an indulgent smile, "We have plenty of time to get there, and fidgeting in your seat isn’t going to help."

Jamie gave her a sheepish grin as she admitted, "I know it doesn’t help, but I’m so anxious I can’t stop myself."

Their departure from the cottage had been a little strained, as David, Patsy, Louise, and Oliver could not understand why six members of the family had to leave together to help Adam and Carolyn prepare for their hasty move to Europe. The tension from their final conversation only added to Jamie's anxiety over finally being with Ryan again, making her more fidgety than she could ever remember being.

They had been in the limo for nearly an hour, and traffic was running freely, leaving them ample time to reach their flight, but Jamie was so anxious that she could only foresee some disaster or another interfering with their plans. Just to reassure her, Catherine had made a call to the airline a few minutes before, but her attempt to soothe her daughter had backfired when she relayed the information that if they missed their scheduled flight, the next available one was not scheduled until five o’clock that evening.

"Jamie, I’m certain that we’ll be in plenty of time. I’m just worried that you won’t be able to sit still all the way to San Francisco. Do you think you’ll make it?"

Shrugging slightly at herself, Jamie asked, "Do you think they’ll mind if I run up and down the aisle the whole time? I think I’ll be okay if I can blow off some steam."

"It always amazes me how much you can get away with in first class," Catherine said drolly. "I’ve seen far worse behavior than a little aisle running. Have at it, Dear."

Ryan and Caitlin settled into their seats at 9:20, after a very quick trip to the auditorium to say hello to Maeve. Or rather, Caitlin settled into Ryan at 9:20, since she was still too small to sit upright on the hard bench. Thinking ahead, Ryan had selected the end seat in a pew right by the side door, so they could get out easily for their frequent forays around the building. Even though she and Jamie had taken Caitlin to church on several occasions, Ryan had never done so alone, and she was a little overwhelmed by the huge diaper bag that Annie had given her as they left. The bag held three bottles of breast milk, four jars of baby food, one lemon
biscotti
, and six diapers and a complete change of clothing, as well as soft felt picture books and some sturdy plastic toys.
If she needs this much stuff for an hour, what are we going to have to take to Disneyland? We’re gonna have to rent an RV!