Fight for Love (13 page)

Since I seemed to have calmed down, I hadn’t fought anyone in over a month. Dr. Greenberg and I were able to come to a pretty firm decision that Dave was the trigger to my anger. Not him personally, but what he did to my mom and me. She came to the conclusion that whatever went on behind closed doors was traumatic enough that any reminder caused me to lose control. Knowing this gave me a place to start and concrete to identify with. When someone started harassing me or they were harassing another person, namely female, I used the calming techniques she taught me. So far they’d worked- of course, the fact I steered clear of situations like that to begin with made a difference.
 

Stacey and I hadn’t talked much since the appointment with Dr. Greenberg that almost earned her a suspension from her job a few weeks back. I didn’t force conversation since it meant letting her see past my walls and she didn’t push. Somehow I knew she’d backed off because of the threat to her job. She loved what she did. I hated that she’d taken such a big risk in offering her place to me, and yet, I didn’t turn her down.
 

The silence between us flipped back and forth between comfortable and uncomfortable. In some ways we made the perfect roommates for each other. I didn’t bother her. She didn’t bother me. In other ways it sucked living with Stacey. I loved her bed head in the morning. The look of determination as she sat slumped over her books, studying for her classes, made me envious. Desire filled me to prove to her I was the guy she needed in her life right now. Not the guy to marry. The thought of that sent shudders through me, but I could be what she needed just then.
 

By the third week at the store I was trusted enough to close by myself. That proved to be both good and bad. Good because I didn’t have to put on a happy face and cheery smile for everyone. We didn’t have many customers after about eight each night and the store closed at ten, so those two hours gave me time to think. That’s where the bad part of being alone came in. Thinking never proved to be positive in my life. Tonight I couldn’t get my mind off Stacey. The way her hair fell in her face and her fingers pushed it behind her ear. How her voice calmed my nerves or turned a bad day into a good one. Everything about Stacey turned me inside out, but it didn’t matter. Because she had a job to protect, and getting involved with me meant the possibility of us was a wish that wouldn’t come true.
 

The bell on the front door jingled and I looked up from the stool I sat on. Across the way on the back wall the digital clock read nine-thirty. Who the hell needed to get a CD thirty minutes before we closed? I’d already counted down the drawer, and didn’t want to recount it because they couldn’t bother to wait until the next day. Hell, iTunes probably had the album they were looking for if they couldn’t wait until tomorrow.
 

Whoever this late shopper was took their time moseying around. My fingers tapped in time with the clock as the seconds and minutes ticked by. I wanted the mystery shopper to pick out their purchase and get out of my store. Staying past ten didn’t appeal to me at all, especially when I considered the mounds of work sitting on my bed. Working and studying turned out to be harder to balance than I expected and it continued to pile up.
 

The clock rolled to nine fifty-five when the clang of the CD case on the counter reverberated through the store. My head tilted up just enough to look into a pair of grey eyes that could only belong to one person, Chelsea.
 

I cleared my throat, “Will that be all for you, miss?”

Her hand rested on mine when I reached for the album. “Nope, I’d like to take you out too.”

“What?” My head jerked up.
 

“You heard me. Come with me to get some food.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t matter. Are you going to get this or not?” I waved the CD in the air.
 

Chelsea huffed and pulled it out of my hand. “Nope. Didn’t really want it, just wanted to talk to you, but it’s obvious you didn’t want the same.” She turned her back on me and moved towards the door. Before leaving she flipped her brown hair over her shoulder and looked at me. “This is my last offer. I know you get out of here as soon as I walk out this door. It’s just food. Nothing else.”

This girl was relentless. At school she managed to say something every time she passed me in the halls or during lunch. After classes she caught me before I could get to my car just to say goodbye. Once a week she’d ask me if I wanted to go out with her, and I turned her down. The one constant that didn’t bother me was that Chelsea always made sure to ask how I was doing. Her eyes didn’t betray the sincerity I heard in her voice. She truly cared how I was doing, and not just in a “Hey how’s it going?” way. Chelsea knew what I dealt with in controlling my anger, and she wanted to help me. That was the primary reason I put up with her badgering.
 

She took another couple of steps towards the door. “Chelsea, wait.” I sighed in defeat. How many times could I turn her down before she gave up? Someone caring for me wasn’t something I was used to. Stacey and Dr. Greenberg cared, but to an extent that’s what they were supposed to do. Chelsea didn’t have to, and I didn’t want to risk losing her.
 

“Give me five minutes to lock up and we’ll go grab something, not that there’s a lot to choose from at this time of night.”

When she turned to face me her face lit up with a bright smile. In that moment it didn’t matter to me that she wanted more than I could give her, all that mattered was that she wanted me. For the first time since we moved from Florida and my dad died, someone wanted me for me.
 

“Great! I’ll wait outside for you.”

“No, you can wait in here. I’d rather you not be outside by yourself.”

Chelsea laughed at my request. “I’ll be fine outside. It’s not like I’m going to be mauled in the five minutes it takes you to lock up. Besides, I’m your princess in shining armor. No one can hurt me.” Her lips transformed from an innocent smile to a mischievous smirk.
 

I shook my head and went to the back of the store to finish closing. When I returned to the front Chelsea still stood next to the door. She’d listened to me after all. I opened the door and bowed as I swept my hand across the opening. “My princess.”

“Oh now you’re Mr. Funny Pants.”

“Yep.” I couldn’t hide my grin. I locked the front door and tossed the keys in my pocket. “Where are we headed?”

“Ummm…Taco Bell?”

“That’s the best you can do?”

“And what would you suggest, Mr. Funny Pants? I believe you’re the one that pointed out its ten o’clock at night and there aren’t many options.” Chelsea threaded her arm through mine and tugged me closer to her.
 

“I dunno. I guess Taco Bell it is.” I looked up the street for her car, but the only one in view was mine. “Did you walk here?” She nodded. “You don’t have a car?” She shook her head. “Okay, so you’re riding with me?”

“Guess so, or we could walk. It’s just down the street.”

“Walking is good. Let’s go.”

“So what’s your story?” I asked Chelsea once we had our food and found an empty table at the park across the street.

“What do you mean what’s my story?”

“I mean where are you from? What do you like to do? Do you prefer cats or dogs? What’s your favorite color?” I took a bite of my taco and waved my hand to start talking. “What’s your story?

“I don’t have one.” Chelsea took a bite of her burrito and her head turned down to the table.
 

“Huh uh. You don’t get to clam up on me now. You coerced me into coming to eat with you. Now you talk.”

She seemed to contemplate for a minute, tapping her finger on her chin. “If I answer you, you have to answer a question for me.”

Figures. “We’ll see.”

“Nope, that’s not an option. Either yes or no, and if the answer is no then I’m not telling you my story.”

I don’t know why but I had a sudden compulsion to agree to her stipulation. Not because I wanted to answer any of her questions, but because I wanted to know more about her. The girl that promised to help me remained anonymous in many ways. Sure, I knew her name and knew she had a brother. Beyond that, I didn’t know anything about her.
 

Stacey and I spent hours talking about her and what she wanted to do with her life, but that was before I moved in. Now we hardly talked at all. When we did talk it was surface conversation; the weather, classes, work. That kind of stuff. She didn’t dig anymore, and I realized I missed that. Since she wouldn’t talk to me, maybe Chelsea would.
 

“Fine.”

Her lips turned up in a smile. “Good.” She put down her burrito and took a long drink before running her fingers through her hair. Then finally took a deep breath before talking again. “I’m from here. I like art. I prefer dogs, and my favorite color is lime green.” Chelsea pointed her finger at my chest. “Your turn. Why did you agree to come out with me tonight but turned me down every other time?”

I stared at her in disbelief. Not only did she play me, now I had to answer her question. A question that revealed far more of me to her than I liked. Rather than answer right away I picked up a second taco and took a bite, then another. After finishing the taco I clasped my hands and rested my chin on them. Chelsea tapped her foot below the table. The rhythmic tap, tap, tap put me in a trance I fell away into my own thoughts.

Why had I agreed? Because I wanted company? Because I was afraid I’d lose her. That’s what I originally told myself, but that wasn’t the sole reason. Sure Chelsea was nice and beautiful. I loved that she cared about me. All of that still didn’t explain why I finally said yes. The devil perched on my right shoulder said it was to make Stacey jealous. She waited up for me on nights I worked. Knowing that, maybe the devil was right. Maybe it was to get a reaction out of Stacey. Hell, it’d be more than I’d gotten out of her for weeks.
 

The silence around us lingered. Chelsea’s pointed “Luke. Are you still with me?” brought me out of my contemplation. When I looked up she now sat next to me. At some point while I was off in Neverland Chelsea moved. My mind said to back away. My body said, and did, otherwise.

I draped my arm over her shoulder and gave her a peck on the forehead. “Yeah, sorry.”

“You promised. Now answer.”
 

“I don’t know why. Because I was hungry, I guess.”

Chelsea held up a finger and began to stand. “That is the biggest pile of shit. You didn’t agree to come out with me because you were hungry. If you don’t want to talk then don’t push me to talk. I’m done. Have a good night.” She balled up her trash and threw it in the trashcan as she rushed out of the park down the street.
 

“Fucked up again. Way to go.” I murmured to myself.
 

Unsure of what I was doing, my legs propelled me off the bench. I tossed my unfinished food in the trash and ran after her. It didn’t take long to catch up; I grabbed her arm and turned her to face me. “Chelsea, look…” I planned on answering her question for real this time.

The answer to her question never came. Instead, she leaned in and stopped me with a kiss. Her lips were warm and soft, but hesitant at first. I stood still, shocked, amazed, and feeling really good all at the same time. My hands lifted to Chelsea’s waist and I started to push her away. This didn’t feel right. We were friends, that was it. Why didn’t my body agree?
 

Chelsea grabbed my hands and wrapped them around her backside then pushed herself into my body. She ran her fingers through my hair and the kiss deepened when she locked her hands together behind my neck and pulled me closer. She opened her lips for me and I took advantage by sweeping my tongue against hers.
 

Letting go of my concern I closed my eyes. I should have seen Chelsea’s pouty lips and gray eyes, but I didn’t. Instead, the eyes looking back at me weren’t gray, but blue like the sky on a clear day, yet they were hard as ice. The person I saw wasn’t enjoying my kiss. She was plotting to kill me.
 

“Oh shit.” I jerked back from Chelsea. “Oh fuck.” What the hell did I just do? I bent over, my hands on my knees.
 

Chelsea laid a hand on my shoulder. “Luke, what’s wrong? What did I do?”

I had to get away from her. We were friends. That’s it. “Nothing. You didn’t do anything.” No way could I look her in the eyes. So I looked over her shoulder. “Look Chelsea, I shouldn’t have kissed you back.”

This time she forced me to look at her. With her soft hands she pulled my chin down to eye level. “Luke, it’s okay. I understand. I just thought…” Chelsea was the one to look away now. “I thought if you’d try you’d see we could have something.”

I let out a long breath. “Chels, in a different world. Yeah, maybe we could’ve had something. But now, we can’t. At least nothing more than friends.”

Chelsea didn’t say anything else, just stood on her toes and kissed my cheek. Then she left me standing in the park with no fucking clue what to do next.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I drove back to the apartment lost in my own head. Nothing made sense. I didn’t know how things would be with Chelsea the next day. I wanted to be friends with her. If I were honest with myself, I’d admit that I liked the kiss. Hell, I couldn’t deny I kissed her back.
 

But Stacey was going to be pissed and I – well I didn’t know what I felt. Both girls had something that I loved about them. Stacey made me feel safe and Chelsea made me feel wanted. But feeling wanted wasn’t enough. I needed more than that. The drive from the store to Stacey’s apartment was now so ingrained in my head I did it with my eyes closed.
 

Before I knew it, I had the parking brake on and hit the lock on my door. The shrill beep tore me from my internal debate. Dating wasn’t all that great when you were depressed from losing your dad. Once Dave started beating on me, my heart became steel and girls ran from me. I scared them with a simple glance. Somehow these two girls managed to break past the steel and ignore the menacing glances and worry over me, care about me. Didn’t that just make everything else a complete disaster? Made me wonder if the disorder Dr. Greenberg diagnosed me with would show a new manifestation. Insanity.