Finding Faith (31 page)

Faith

I couldn’t get food into my body
fast enough. I was so embarrassed that I’d fainted in front of Finn
again. I was turning into a weakling who was passing out at the
drop of a hat. I needed meat and veggies, and I needed them as soon
as possible.

Instead of cooking, I took the
three of us out to dinner. Jimmy always got excited when we ate
dinner out, and I enjoyed seeing him get excited about all the food
on the buffet.

I ate my food and mulled through
the argument Finn and I had earlier. I silently wished I could take
back everything I’d said. I hated that I’d shown him my weakness
like that. But mainly what bothered me was the fact that he had
looked seriously offended when I said I knew about him sleeping
with Jenny right after I left. Maybe I’d seen it the wrong way.
When I closed my eyes, I could still play the scene over in my head
and every time I did, I could clearly see Finn’s eyes closed with
his arms at his side. Was he passed out?

It wasn’t like I could ask him. I
needed to drop it and leave the past in the past, but the problem
with that was every time I looked at my son, the past was there to
haunt me. Those blue eyes, those sweet dimples, and a smile that
was a perfect match to his father’s—it was all too much.

Saturday and Sunday I spent
cleaning my own apartment. I started calling Jimmy Hurricane Jimmy,
since the boy could destroy a room in less than two minutes flat.
It wasn’t that he had a ton of toys; it was that he turned
everything into something to play with. Boxes became cars and
ships, and paper became people and airplanes. I was happy that my
baby had an active imagination. It worked well since I couldn’t
afford to buy him much.

I hated to do it, but the following
Monday after work at the daycare, I went to the condo to clean. I
hadn’t heard anything back from any of the places I’d applied to,
so I called Mrs. Cooper to check in and see if she’d heard
anything. Sadly, she was still in search mode, but she did have
some good news for me. I was happy to hear that the boys were out
of town again.

When I got to the condo, no one was
there. I went through and checked all the rooms so there were no
surprises and then I cleaned the entire place. By the time I was
done, I was drenched in sweat and I had something gross all over
the front of my clothes. I knew I was there alone so I thought I’d
throw my clothes in the wash and grab a bath. Finn’s massive tub
had been calling my name since the first time I’d cleaned
it.

I took a towel with me to the
laundry room and put all my clothes in the machine. Wrapping the
towel around myself, I went back to Finn’s bathroom to a filling
tub. Dropping my towel, I lowered myself into the hot water and
sighed in contentment. The tub at my apartment was always full of
kid’s toys and was so small. I’d never taken a bath there and my
body longed for a nice long soak in steaming water.

I adjusted my hair into a tighter
bun, closed my eyes, and lay back in the tub. Every ache and pain
in my body felt better as all my muscles relaxed and melted into
the heat. The steam opened up my sinuses and somehow I felt like I
could breathe better. I used my hands to scoop up the hot water
around me and lapped it over my breasts and shoulders.

“
Oh my God, this is amazing,” I
said to myself.

“
Yes, it is,” a deep voice said
from beside me.

I sat up and covered myself.
Turning to reach for my towel, I found Finn leaning against the
counter with the towel thrown across his shoulder.

His smoldering eyes touched every
part of my body as I tried to sink farther into the
water.

“
Give me my towel, Finn,” I said
with a growl.

“
That’s no way to ask for
something you want, Faith. I know you have better manners than
that.”

He had no shame in looking at me.
I, on the other hand, couldn’t stand the thought of him seeing me.
I’d had a baby and things were different. Not to mention, he’d
already said how awful I looked. It was beyond embarrassing and I
knew the minute I got home Mrs. Cooper was going to call about my
little swim in my employee’s bathtub. Of course I’d get fired over
something so stupid.

“
Please, Finn, give it to me,” I
said in the nicest way possible, considering I was dying of
humiliation.

“
Oh, I’ll give it to you, baby.
You only have to ask once,” he said as he dropped the towel and
stalked over to the tub with a grin.

I held my hands out to stop him. “I
meant the towel!” I said quickly.

His eyes dipped down and took in my
bare breasts. I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped covering them to
hold out my hands to stop him. His smile grew as I covered myself
again.

“
Your mouth says no, but your
nipples say yes. What does the rest of you say?”

His voice was so low and smooth. It
worked itself over my wet skin and rippled inside my thighs and
lower stomach.

“
Don’t talk to me like that,” I
said.

Not that I didn’t like it, but the
way he was making my body feel was wrong. Everything about the
situation I had myself in was wrong.

“
What’s wrong? Don’t like it when
a man talks dirty? Are you too innocent for that still?”

I ignored his questions. He was
making me uncomfortable. He was waking up parts of my body that had
been asleep for a long time, and it was making me
anxious.

“
Can I please have my towel?” I
asked again.

His dimples popped and for the
first time since I’d run into him again, he looked like the old
Finn. The way he was looking at me was playful and sweet—not
playful and sinister.

“
Let’s play a game. Say something
dirty to me, and I’ll give you this towel,” he said as he reached
down and plucked the towel from the tile.

My cheeks ached from the heat of my
embarrassment. I wasn’t going to talk dirty to him. I wasn’t going
to give him what he wanted. I hated that he had the upper hand over
me. Not to mention, I had no idea how to talk dirty.

I silently wished I wasn’t so
embarrassed by my body. Any other girl would have the confidence to
step out of the bathtub and walk away. Not me. The thought of
getting out in front of him made my nerves jump into my
throat.

“
I’m not.” The water was cooling
and I could feel myself starting to shiver.

“
Then you’re not getting this
towel. You’re welcome to get out. Where are your clothes
anyway?”

He had me there.

“
They’re in the wash. I spilled
something gross on my shirt.”

He put his head down and chuckled
to himself. When he looked back up at me, the amusement in his eyes
angered me. “No clothes either. Whatever will you do,
Faith?”

“
Okay, enough screwing around,
Finn. Please give me my towel so I can get out of here.”

“
But we haven’t screwed around
yet. How can that be enough?” He countered. “I’m still waiting to
hear something dirty. Come on, you can do it. It will only hurt a
little the first time.”

Everything he said sounded like
sexual innuendo and every time he spoke, my memory flashed back to
that night on the beach when he pleasured me with his mouth or my
first time when he’d held me so close and took to me
heaven.

He was winning and I hated it. He
had the upper hand and that frustrated me beyond words.

“
Fine! What do you want me to
say?” I gave in.

The water was beginning to feel
colder and I wanted out of it.

He had the nerve to laugh at me. “I
don’t know. Surprise me,” he said with a grin.

I racked my brain for something
dirty to say, but I’d only ever had two sexual experiences and they
were both with Finn. Our past together was the last thing I wanted
to bring up. Nothing was coming to me, and the longer I sat there,
the colder the water was getting. Every time I moved and the water
swished against my skin, I trembled.

“
I don’t know what to say,” I said
honestly.

This time he didn’t laugh. Instead,
his serious eyes settled on me and consumed my body.

“
Tell me something that’s true,”
he said.

Of course he’d make it even harder.
Telling the truth was difficult when I was around Finn. The truth
could cause heartache when it came to him.

The truth was he was my only and I
didn’t want him to know that. I didn’t want him to know how special
our night together had been for me. My mind moved across my
memories and settled on the night on the beach—the night when he’d
shown me the stars and heaven all at the same time.

“
Sometimes when I touch myself, I
think about our night at the beach and what you did with your
mouth.”

As soon as the words left my mouth,
I wished I could take them back. Fire filled his eyes and his mouth
pinched into a frown. At first I was afraid I’d offended him, but
then he swallowed hard and stepped toward me with my towel in his
hand.

Leaning over the tub, he pushed a
strand of my hair from my face and ran his knuckle softly down my
cheek.

“
That was probably the sexiest
thing I’ve ever heard a woman say. Was it the truth?” he said as he
handed me my towel.

I stood and covered myself at the
same time. Cold water dripped from my body and I shivered. I
stepped out of the tub, but he stood his ground. He was so close,
so big and tall compared to me. I looked up into his eyes once I
had my towel wrapped around myself.

“
Yes,” I said.

I could hardly believe I was
talking to him like that. It wasn’t something I ever did. My cheeks
burned as usual and I wanted nothing more than to leave
immediately—even if I had to do it in wet clothes.

He shocked me when he cupped my
cheeks with his hands and ran his thumb across my bottom lip. His
touch did something to me. Pushed away the past and brought me into
the future—one where Finn hadn’t broken my heart. The chill in my
body slipped away and was replaced with a heat I hadn’t felt since
I was seventeen.

I swallowed hard and licked my dry
lips. His eyes darted to my mouth and he slowly started to move in.
Nerves loosened my knees and made me wobble a little. I leaned my
head back a bit and closed my eyes. It was wrong letting him kiss
me, but when his lips pressed again mine, it felt so
right.

A soft moan slipped from my mouth.
I’d waited so long to feel that way again. I’d waited so long so be
touched or kissed. I hadn’t planned on it being Finn, but there was
something almost comical about the fact that it was.

His arm slid around my waist and
warmed me more. I didn’t resist when he pulled my body to his. I
should’ve. I should’ve pulled away and slapped him, but my body was
begging for just a taste of what Finn could give me. I’d had it
before. I knew what he was capable of, and I was seconds away from
begging him for it.

My body throbbed with the beat of
my heart, and I feared he could feel it when he wrapped his other
arm around me and held me tighter.

I opened my mouth and let him in as
he slid his slick tongue across mine. His kisses were so strong and
intense. He took so much from me but gave a lot. The minute I gave
in completely, my body melted against his. I wrapped my arms around
his neck, forgetting about the towel that was covering
me.

He started to back me up against
the bathroom counter and I let him. The cold granite stung my
backside and I gasped into his mouth. As if I weighed nothing, he
lifted me onto the cold counter and continued to kiss me. My mind
was screaming for me to stop him, but my body longed for everything
he was doing.

The pulse between my thighs was
beating hard and begged for his touch. When his finger pressed
against that moist pulsing point, I called out against my will. It
felt so amazing and I needed it. I’d deserved to feel this good.
After the four years I’d had, I deserved it. When he slid his
fingers into me, I almost cried happy tears.

“
God, you’re so wet, baby,” he
said against my mouth.