Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) (39 page)

“
Daett
would still have been like that even if someone else had found him.”

“
Yah,
” Ida said. What else was there to say?

“Did
Daett
do something very wrong? Like when I need a whipping?”

“No!” Ida clung to Willard and buried her face in his hair. “You must not think that. It’s this awful world that we live in. The sin, the evil that people do, the wickedness. Life can be like a bucket of slop, and we get splashed sometimes. You mustn’t blame
Da Hah
. He uses the wrongs of the world to make us right.”

“Will I die under a cultivator too? With my bones sticking out?”

Ida struggled to control her voice. “We all die differently, Willard. And on the other side is joy beyond what any of us can imagine. Hasn’t
Da Hah
given you back to me? Isn’t there joy growing in our hearts? Maybe
Da Hah
allowed our great sorrow because He knew there was a way we could still be together.”

Willard nestled tightly against her side. Ida reached into her dress pocket for her handkerchief. Willard straightened and got to his feet. “I’d better be going to help chore.”

Ida nodded. “I’ll be out soon.”

“Don’t cry too much.” He stroked her arm, and she dissolved into fresh tears.

“I’m crying because I love you, and I’m sorry you had to experience that.”

The boy stared at her for a second and then quietly slipped away as Ida dried her eyes.

She got up and went into the washroom. Pulling on her winter coat and boots, she stepped out under the star-studded sky. When she entered the barn, Willard glanced up from where he was milking the cows. He gave her a slight smile.

“Thank you, dear
Hah
, for reaching that boy’s heart,” Ida whispered.

“Coming out to help?” Ben asked in greeting. He sent a quick glance toward Willard. “Why was he late?”

“We were talking,” Ida said. Ben seemed to notice her tear-stained face for the first time. A look of comprehension dawned. He nodded.

Ida got busy. As she helped with the cows, her thoughts turned to last night. She’d finally asked Ben more questions about Phillip, mostly because he seemed so interested in Debbie.

“I said some things to Phillip I shouldn’t have said,” Ben admitted. “All of us boys at home were farmers, but Phillip hated the life. He didn’t just leave, Ida; he shook the dust off his feet. He said things he shouldn’t have said. I, in turn, said things about his heart not being right with
Da Hah
and that Phillip thought he was too high and mighty for Snyder County. We all thought he was going
Englisha
, and he still might.”

“Have you told him you’re sorry?” Ida asked.

Ben nodded. “Many times. But Phillip doesn’t want to open himself to his family again. He’s thrown us all into one basket, even though I was mostly to blame. It’s a miracle he agreed to be my witness at the wedding. I don’t think Lily dared ask him.”

“That seems a little harsh on his part, turning away from his family,” Ida commented. She didn’t want Debbie married to a man who had this kind of reaction to his family.

“Debbie can do him a lot of
gut
,” Ben said, as if reading her thoughts. “It may be
Da Hah
’s way of bringing our family back together. The right
frau
can help a man greatly. Look at how much
gut
you’ve done me already.”

She colored then and changed the subject. Ben was prone to exaggerate. His explanation of his brother didn’t quite fit. There must have been harsher things said than Ben let on. That was how such things went in the heat of the moment, and later they could be difficult to heal. Perhaps Debbie was the one to heal the Kanagy
family? Ida would have to pray and hope things would turn out for the best. She wouldn’t interfere this time, that was for sure.

After finishing her part of the chores, Ida returned to the kitchen to find the table set and the oatmeal steaming. She gave Wilma a warm smile and went to get the smaller children up.

By the time the men returned from their chores, all the children were gathered around the table. Ida had little Lisa in the high chair, and she almost didn’t fit anymore.

Willard looked happy this morning as they bowed their heads in prayer. While Ben spoke, Ida breathed her silent thanks. “O, dear
Hah
, the Maker of all that’s
gut
. Thank You for what You’ve done in my heart and for the love I have for Ben and for these children. You’ve allowed so much into my life. You’ve even given me Wilma and John’s acceptance. They could have made a fuss about me trying to take their
mamm
’s place, but they have shown me nothing but love.” She wiped the tears from her eyes as Ben said “Amen.”

No one seemed to notice her tear-stained cheeks as they passed the food and chattered softly around the table.

“When are we leaving for the turkey dinner?” John asked.

“Around ten or so, I believe,” Ida answered, giving Ben a quick glance to make sure.

“That sounds fine with me,” he said between spoonfuls of oatmeal. “We can be very thankful the Beilers are opening their home to us this year. For Christmas, we’ll be over at my family’s home farm.”

“Sounds good to me,” Wilma said.

Ida detected a touch of sadness in her voice. “Are you missing your
mamm
’s side of the family today?” Ida ventured.

Wilma nodded and looked away.

Ben cleared his throat. “I’m thinking you and John might want to drive over to the Yoder farm this afternoon to say hello. That’s where the family’s gathered this year. Everyone should be there, and I’m sure they’d love to see you.”

Gratefulness flashed across Wilma’s face.

How kind of Ben, Ida thought as she gave his hand a quick squeeze under the table.

“You don’t mind, Ida? Do you?” Wilma’s timid question broke into Ida’s thoughts. “I mean…I do enjoy your family, but…”

“Sweetheart,” Ida responded gently, “I have no problem with that. You mustn’t ever lose contact with your
mamm
’s side of the family.”

“Then it’s settled!” Ben declared.

He didn’t like weepiness, so Ida gave him a warm smile of appreciation.

Moments later they gathered in the living room for their morning devotions. Ben read a portion of Scripture from the book of Psalms, chapter 80, where David wrote, “Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel, thou that leadest Joseph like a flock… Turn us again, O God, and cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved.”

Ida thought how that could be her prayer for the days ahead. She pulled little Lisa against her. She hoped
Da Hah
would continue to keep His face turned toward all of them—and Debbie too. Debbie needed comfort and direction. And something wasn’t right between her and Emery. Ida sensed an unsettling tension between them.

Forty

T
he Thanksgiving meal lay spread out on the Beilers’ table. Debbie paused for a moment to catch her breath. Verna and Ida were both working in the kitchen, and Lois stood at the table putting the last touches on the tossed salad by sprinkling cheese over the bowl.

When Debbie let out a sigh, Lois sent a smile her way. “Tired are we?”

“A little,” Debbie admitted. She sent a quick glance toward the men in the living room. “I think we ought to sit around like they do.” Lois didn’t say anything as she continued to work. Debbie glanced at the group of menfolk again. They were all sitting around lazily on the couch and chairs, deep in conversation about their farms. Emery was in the middle of a story about an incident that happened this week. She wondered if he had that Amish girl from the wedding dinner in the back of his mind as he talked. But that wasn’t her place to imagine. Emery’s thoughts were none of her business—as long as they didn’t involve Crystal. Emery had every right to take any Amish girl to the table he wished to.

Debbie hadn’t asked the Amish girl’s name, but from the look on his face the next morning, Emery had enjoyed his evening with her. Debbie considered teasing him about the mystery girl while they did the chores, but she knew he’d shoot right back about Phillip. Still, Debbie wanted to know more. She felt like she wouldn’t be able to completely put the evening behind her until she did. Maybe tonight after a happy Thanksgiving meal… with pumpkin and pecan pie for dessert… Emery would be in a talkative mood.

Debbie rallied her spirit as Saloma approached Lois, who was still bent over the salad bowl. “Is there anything I can do?” Saloma asked, her voice rising above the men’s conversation.

Lois shook her head. “We’re ready.”

Saloma seemed happy today. Maybe she could forget for a few hours that her youngest daughter had gone
Englisha
. Lois hadn’t dressed Amish, but she had on a deep-blue, solid-colored dress. It could pass for an Amish imitation if one didn’t look twice. At least Lois had finally learned how to deal with her parents. Maybe the day would come when Doug would consent to visit.

She should visit her parents this afternoon, Debbie reminded herself. Things had been very tense these past months because of not helping with and attending Lois’s wedding. Debbie admitted that she’d been too wrapped up in her own world to think of a visit home, which wasn’t good. She’d have to remedy that soon. Maybe Verna and Ida would walk down the road to her parents’ place with her. It would be like old times.

Debbie allowed a smile to creep over her face. So much had changed since those days. And most of it for the better, even though there had also been plenty of sorrow and heartbreak. Lois moving to the
Englisha
world. Alvin deciding to marry his childhood sweetheart. On the last, so much for her pride, she thought.

Saloma walked into the living room and whispered in her husband’s ear. Debbie jerked herself out of her thoughts to hurry into
the kitchen. The family would soon be seated, and here she was lost in her own thoughts.

“It’s ready!” Verna said, greeting her with a smile.

“You did such a
gut
job helping
Mamm
, Debbie,” Ida added. “I don’t know what she’d do without you.”

“I didn’t do that much,” Debbie protested. “Would the two of you consider walking down with me to my parents’ place this afternoon?”

Before they could answer, Saloma called from the kitchen doorway, “Time for prayer, girls!”

“Of course,” Verna and Ida said together in answer to Debbie’s request. Then Ida led the way to the table. The rest of the family filed into the dining room. The two oldest sons, Wayne and Reuben, seated themselves first, and their wives and children clustered around them. Lois fussed over everyone. Debbie wondered if Lois realized that she’d always be Amish at heart, even if she denied her heritage.

Verna sat down at the other end of the table where Joe had positioned a high chair for Sarah Mae. Ida blushed as she took her seat beside Ben and their eight children. The table had been stretched out yesterday to the fullest, with four leaves added from the upstairs storage room. Still they barely fit.

Debbie waited to take her seat, in case they’d missed someone and needed another chair. Saloma gave Debbie a grateful smile. Today Debbie was taking her place in the family like she’d never done before. In more ways than one, she was the Beilers’ daughter. This was how the three Beiler girls would be behaving if they still lived at home.

Debbie finally seated herself across from Wilma and John. They both smiled. Wilma whispered, “Everything looks very
gut
, Debbie!”

“Thank you,” Debbie whispered back just as Bishop Beiler led out in prayer.

With the “Amen” said, the food was passed and the turkey was carved by the bishop himself.

“Now watch that hand!” Wayne hollered out. “We don’t want you in the hospital on Thanksgiving Day.”

“I’m not that old,” Bishop Beiler grumbled as everyone laughed.

He was though, Debbie thought. His age showed. They could all laugh, but they also knew the truth. Adam and Saloma were getting up in years. And Debbie was here to help them in their old age. This was an honor she never imagined would be hers. She decided she’d even follow them to their
dawdy haus
if they’d let her. That way she could still help, and Emery would be able to settle on the farm with his
frau
. Perhaps he was already contemplating vows with the mystery girl who had finally won his attention. At least this girl wasn’t
Englisha.
Debbie wiped away a tear before she passed the mashed potatoes. John caught her eye and she whispered in his direction, “Just thankful, that’s all.”