Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) (41 page)

Now that they were alone, the last thing Debbie wanted to do was make Emery angry, but curiosity got the best of her.

Hesitantly she asked, “Emery, why did you take me to the table at Alvin’s wedding?”

When he didn’t respond she continued. “If it’s because Laura wasn’t there so I was your backup choice, I can’t say that I blame you. She’s much better looking than I am.”

He grunted. After a minute or two he said, “Debbie, Laura never meant anything to me. You know how wedding match-ups are.”

He didn’t sound harsh, but the words still cut. She regarded him out of the corner of her eye as he drove through the night. Was he going to say something more? When he didn’t, she couldn’t believe her boldness when she asked, “Does that also cover Alvin’s wedding?”

“You don’t have to look so nervous,” Emery finally said, as if that was an answer. “I asked you because I knew I would enjoy your company.”

“You did?” Her voice caught.

“I’ve always appreciated you, Debbie. There’ll be someone for you, if that’s what you’re worried about. The unmarried men won’t let a sweet girl like you sit around alone for long.”

Quick tears burned her eyes, but Debbie left them alone. Emery wouldn’t see them in the dark, and after all, how could she expect him to even consider her in a romantic way?

“Thank you for your concern,” she said in a steady voice. “I’m
sure the same holds true for you. I don’t understand why you don’t have a decent girl in the buggy with you right now.”

He chuckled. “Who says I don’t?”

“Emery!” Her voice squeaked. “Emery, don’t tease me tonight. My heart can’t take it right now.”

“I’m sorry.” He glanced at her. “Did the handsome Phillip Kanagy love you and leave you in one night?”

“Emery,” she begged, “that’s not how it was.”

He didn’t look convinced. “You two seemed to have a great time—at least from what I could see.”

“I could say the same thing about you and Laura.” The words slipped out, and she was sure they sounded bitter.

He turned and regarded her for a long moment. “There’s nothing between Laura and myself, Debbie. She’s from Lancaster.”

“I know.” Debbie took a deep, calming breath. “Who you sit with at the table at an Amish wedding doesn’t mean anything.”

“You keep saying that.” He held onto the reins as they turned into their driveway. “Did I offend you?”

Debbie suppressed a sigh. “No, Emery. I’m glad for an evening with you, even if it doesn’t mean anything,”

Emery stopped his horse at the hitching post, but he didn’t climb down from the buggy. “What is it about the heart?” he mused. “Why is love so hard, so complicated, so unexpected?”

Debbie didn’t dare move lest she break the spell of this moment. Never had Emery opened up like this to her.

“I don’t know much about women, Debbie. I’m a common, ordinary man. I don’t have the flash of a Phillip Kanagy or the boldness of a Paul Wagler. I plod along with my responsibilities. I know I need to wed, but why? I ask myself. Just because it needs done? And to whom? And when I consider what I would like in a
frau
, it doesn’t seem quite possible to find a girl like that.” He gazed across the dark fields.

Debbie held her breath. What kind of life did Emery want? What was he looking for in a
frau
? Was it also what she wanted? Could she come close to being what he desired?

Emery’s voice broke the silence again. “Maybe we’d better go inside.
Mamm
and
Daett
will think someone has brought you home… and you’re sitting out here kissing him.”

Debbie laughed. “They know me better than that.”

Emery was halfway down the buggy step, but he paused to look up at her. “I want to thank you, Debbie, for who you are. It took a lot of courage to come from your world into ours. I’ve never told you this before, but I’ve thought it often. You’ll make your mark in life with your steady and unbroken spirit, with your fear of
Da Hah
, and with so much of the specialness that makes up you. You’ve been a blessing to our family, and you’ve helped out more than you can know.”

He finished climbing down and she followed on her side. She undid the tugs on her side, while he undid them on his. She held the shafts while he led his horse forward. As she set the shafts down, he took the horse into the barn. She waited until he returned and fell into step with him as they walked toward the house.

Did she dare do what she wanted desperately to do? Slowly Debbie slipped her hand into his. She looked up at his face in the moonlight. “I haven’t made you angry, have I?”

He grinned. “You’d have a hard time making me angry, Debbie.”

The words came easily. “That’s because you’re such a sweet-tempered person.”

He laughed. “You do my heart
gut
, Debbie.”

“And you mine,” she whispered.

He paused at the front steps to give her a quick, sideways hug. His chin pressed into her
kapp
for a moment. “I’m sorry life dealt you such a difficult hand with Alvin, Debbie. I really am.”

She glanced up at his clean-shaven face. “I guess I was wrong about Alvin…and about my heart.”

He nodded.

She touched his face with her finger. “You’ll soon be growing a beard, I’m thinking. You’ll look right handsome.”

He grinned. “Does that mean I’m ugly now?”

“Laura didn’t think so,” Debbie pressed back a tear. “And neither do I. We can’t both be wrong.”

He cleared his throat. “I’m thinking we’d better get our sleep or neither of us will be worth much tomorrow.”

“Spoken like a true farmer,” she teased and followed him through the front door.

He cast a final smile her way and then went up the stairs. Debbie slipped into the kitchen. Saloma had cleared the supper dishes away, and the kitchen sparkled in the soft moonlight coming through the window.

Returned love might not come her way, Debbie thought as she pressed back another tear. But for right now she had this—the Beiler family’s love, a wonderful place to live, her Amish community, and enjoyable evenings like the one she’d had tonight. Perhaps that could be enough. At least until Emery found himself a
frau
.

Forty-Two

I
t was Christmas Day, and Debbie was sitting in her bedroom upstairs. Bishop Beiler and Saloma were napping downstairs after the hearty breakfast Debbie had fixed of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and potatoes. The day would be a quiet one. On Thanksgiving, Saloma had declared to her children that Christmas should be spent with their in-laws and other family. “It’s only fair that everyone’s elsewhere on Christmas,” Saloma had remarked. “The children need to spend time with both sides of their families.”

Debbie didn’t mind the quiet day at home. The Beilers could have visited among their widespread family connections, but the bishop and Saloma seemed content to stay home. Debbie had awakened early to spend the first part of the day with her parents. She’d told them last week that she would. And on the visit this morning, she’d taken Christmas presents along—a knitted sweater for her dad, which she had slaved over under Saloma’s tutorage. Her dad had seemed pleased and thanked her for the gift. She’d given her mom an embroidered doily. That hadn’t been as big a hit, but her mom was hard to please.

Still, the effort had been worth it. And the four yards of dark-blue
dress cloth her mom had given her warmed her heart. At least Mom had taken the time to figure out what she could use as an Amish woman. She’d given her mom a big hug. Her dad received an equally tight hug for the little box of chocolates he’d given her. The box was sitting on the dresser right now. Debbie glanced at it with a smile. She’d only eaten two. Perhaps she would share several with Emery later. He liked chocolates even more than she did.

She’d come back in time to fix a late breakfast for the Beilers. There had only been the four of them sitting around the table and making small talk. After they had prayer and the bishop read the Christmas story, Emery had vanished. She’d heard his buggy back in their lane some ten minutes ago.

Debbie smiled as she thought of Emery. They’d had such a nice talk that night on the ride home from the Sunday-night hymn singing. None of the rides since had been as momentous, but Debbie felt they’d grown closer each week. They chatted often during chore time, and she managed to keep foolish thoughts of Emery as a husband out of her mind. She was honored to share even these few precious moments of friendship with Emery. She would cherish them forever in her heart even after Emery found himself a woman he could love and marry.

Debbie stood and walked over to the window to look out. Perhaps that had been where Emery had gone—to visit a girl he’d had his eye on. It didn’t seem reasonable though. Amish people didn’t usually take such liberties on Christmas Day.

A soft knock sounded on the bedroom door.

“Come in!” Debbie called. No doubt it was Saloma on her way up for a motherly chat and probably concerned that she might be lonely. To her surprise, it was Emery who opened the door.

“Okay if I come in?” he asked.

“
Yah
,” Debbie answered, her voice a bit squeaky.

When he entered, she said, “My dad gave me chocolates.” She
pointed to the box on the dresser. “Help yourself. I know you love good chocolate.”

Emery ignored the remark as he seated himself on the bed.

He seemed tense, Debbie thought as she faced him and leaned against the window frame.

Emery studied the floor for a moment before he looked up and met her gaze. “I’ve been thinking about you, Debbie.”

Debbie’s brow furrowed. “Have I done something wrong?”

He shook his head. “On the contrary, Debbie. You do a lot of things right. I was thinking of you…of you and me.”

She waited and hardly dared breathe. Her face flamed red.

“Surely you know what I mean. I… ” Emery searched for the right words. “These feelings… these feelings for you, well, they’ve been in my heart for a long time. Longer than I’ve wanted to admit.”

“You mean…you and me together, Emery?” she dared ask. “Are you saying…”

He met her gaze. “You do care for me then? In that way? I had hoped so because of the way you were worried about Crystal… and then Laura. But I wasn’t sure. There were always other men around you. And you seemed interested in Phillip.”

She glanced away. “I do care about you, Emery. But would it be right? I mean, it wouldn’t look right to people. We live in the same house. People think you’re like a brother to me.”

He stepped closer. “But I’m not your brother, Debbie. No one thinks like that. When I took you to the table on the night of Alvin’s wedding, no one thought us a strange couple.” He gently gripped her upper arms. “Look at me, Debbie.
We are not family.
Not in that way. And you know that.”

Heat burned like fire in her face. “But… but Emery… How can we… we… ”

He continued. “How can we not, Debbie?” He seemed to know what she was thinking and what to say, as if he’d thought through
the situation. “First, we need to tell
Mamm
and
Daett
that we’re thinking of each other in this way. That is, if you want to see me that way. I don’t expect you to make your mind up for sure right away. But I do think they should be told that we’re interested in each other. I’ll start sleeping in the basement or in the barn so it will look right. We don’t need to date officially until you decide
yah
or
nee
. But the truth is that I’d wed you tomorrow—if you’d agree and if it were possible.”

She tried to breathe.

He paused and then said, “Debbie…Debbie, if…if you tell me
nee
, no one will ever have to know. We can go on like before. I’ll straighten up my feelings the best I can. But I feel that you and I together would be so right. You love this place like I do. You’re committed to my people as I am. You belong here with me.”

When she still said nothing, Emery let go of her and stepped back. “You will at least consider it?”

She finally answered slowly. “This is not how I thought life would turn out. I always thought I’d marry Alvin. But obviously God had other plans. You are… ” She took both of his hands. “You are too good for me, Emery. But, yes, love for you sneaked into my heart when I wasn’t looking.”