Finding My Forever (16 page)

Damien touches me; my skin sets alights with a sensation I’ve never felt before. We sit and talk, occasionally diving into the lake to cool off. He holds me in the water, my legs wrap around his hips. Everything feels natural.

When the sun goes down he kisses me lightly on the lips and I’m in love.

I can’t fight the smile and he knows it. His shoulder bumps into mine, breaking my reverie.

“Anna is pregnant. She misses you.”

I don’t say anything. It’s best to not acknowledge those from my past, especially the ones who knew about the abuse but did nothing to stop it. Her husband Brad, Damien’s best friend, turned a blind eye.

“You need to come home, Jenna. You’ve been gone far too long and I miss you.”

“We’re divorced,” I mutter, my voice breaking.

He shakes his head and sighs. “We can fix that. You know you love me and you know that I love you. If you come home, I promise I’ll never hurt you again.”

I scoff. “You hurt me the other night at the coffee shop.”

“I was nervous.”

I nod, there’s always an excuse.

“But I’m not nervous anymore. It’s simple really. I want my wife back and I’ll do anything to get her back. Her life is mine and her place is beside me.” He leans over and kisses my cheek. I’m rigid, the fear setting in. “Ah, I see I have some work to do, so be it then. I’ll be back to win your heart. In the meantime, remember that I own you.”

Before I can respond he’s up and out the door. My breathing becomes ragged. My heart races and I know I need to move, but my legs are cemented to the steps. My ringing phone echo’s through the hall, making me jump.

“Hello?” I say after fishing it out of my bag.

“Sweet Lips?” his voice is quiet, like he’s hiding. I close my eyes and chide myself for thinking the worst already.

“Hi,” I say, attempting to clear my throat.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I swallow and take a deep breath. “Just stopping by the apartment to get some stuff before going back to Liam’s for the night.”

“Are you missing me?”

I roll my eyes and realize that I do miss him, that I need him to hold me right now because I’m shaking so bad I can’t move.

“Of course.”

“Liar,” he says. “I just wanted to call and say goodnight. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“All right.”

“I lo… tell my baby that I love her.”

“What if it’s a boy?” I ask.

“It’s not, just tell her okay?”

My heart stops for a moment. I can’t comment on what he just said because he hangs up. I refuse to think he was going to tell me loves me. He doesn’t and likely never will. So why does he have to say something like that over the phone and not me or the baby when we’re together? When he says stuff like that I want to believe his intentions are real. I’m happy that he loves the baby, but sad that he’ll never love me. I know one thing’s for sure: I need to keep myself from falling in love with Jimmy Davis because he’s nothing but pure heartbreak waiting to happen.

I
bang my phone against my head. I don’t know what possessed me to say that to Jenna. I can’t tell her that I love her. I don’t even know if I do. I do know that I wish she was here, but I’m equally thankful that she’s not. I don’t how she would’ve handled Chelsea. Christ, I don’t even know how I’m going to handle Chelsea. I look out of the window over the night sky of Los Angeles, the bright lights and sound of traffic bounce between the buildings. After being in Beaumont and spending time in Bora Bora, this concrete jungle is less than appealing. Now I know why Harrison lives on the beach.

I bend over the railing, watching the cars below when the sliding glass door opens. I’m really trying not to think about Chelsea, but she’s like a fucking flashing warning light in my face that won’t turn off. I’m so fucked. Chelsea will expect, no she’ll demand, that we get married and that isn’t going to happen. I’m happy being married to Jenna, even if it has been for just two weeks.

“Who were you talking to?” her sickly sweet voice makes my skin crawl.

“None of your business,” I reply, but that doesn’t stop her. Her hand finds my shoulder as she moves closer to me. If I don’t touch her back, it’s not cheating. That’s what I tell myself. I close my eyes and say the words that need to keep me level headed.
I won’t cheat on Jenna
, over and over again.

“It’s late Jimmy, I don’t want to fight, but you need to tell whoever it was that you were talking to that you’re taken.”

I move away from her touch. “I’m not yours to have, Chelsea.”

“We’re having a baby. I think that entitles me to some respect.”

I throw my hands into my hair and pull at it. I scream loudly. Why the fucking hell is this happening to me? I did the right fucking thing when I found out about Jenna, so why the hell am I being punished?

“How’d you get into my flat?”

She turns away from me and looks out over the city. “Do you want a boy or girl?”

“
Hi, mum.” I’m excited to call my mum and tell her all about Jenna. I know she probably won’t understand given what she thinks about marriage, but I’m hoping that she’ll support my decision.

“Jimmy, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing my only son’s voice?”

“Ah, easy on the dramatics. I call you all the time.”

“I know I just miss you. How are you?”

“Perfect,” I say.

“Perfect? How come?”

“I got married.”

The long pause at the other end of the line is more than I bargained for.

“Jimmy, please tell me you didn’t go to some Vegas drive-thru?”

“No, mum, we got married on the beach in Bora Bora, but that’s not all.”

The line goes quiet again, so I continue, “We’re going to have a baby.”

“Oh, Jimmy,” she says, her voice breaking.

“Mum, don’t worry, it’s a good thing.”

“Listen, you don’t need to marry her because of the baby, you can work something out, maybe even live together and raise the baby.”

“Mum, Jenna is the one woman that I can see myself falling in love with. I didn’t marry her because she’s having my bub, I married her because she makes me feel whole.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“I’ve never been surer about anything. I can’t wait for you to meet my wife.”

“Me neither, Jimmy. Be a good husband and father. That’s all I ask.”

“I don’t want anything with you. Why can’t you get that through your head?” I want to add that I’m married and having a baby with a woman who has more class in her little finger than Chelsea has, but I can’t. I wouldn’t put it past Chelsea to go to Beaumont and find Jenna and Jenna definitely doesn’t need the likes of Chelsea hanging around.

She turns, her eyes sharp and deadly. “Just weeks ago we were back together.”

“We shagged, there’s a difference, love. No different from me shagging the bird down the street. I was stupid but I wore a johnny so maybe you should consider the fact that it’s not mine.”

“You don’t believe that,” she says, reaching for my hand. I recoil and move further away from her.

“How’d you get in here?” I repeat

She shrugs. “My uncle.”

“Fucking marvellous, breaking in when I’m not around. I’m outta here,” I say, walking back into my now despised home. It pisses me off because I wanted to bring Jenna here and fuck her on every single surface. She’d be the first and last, but that can’t happen now. Jenna can never come to Los Angeles.

“Where are you going?” I know she’s standing there with her hands on her hips. I know her that well.

“Again, it’s none of your business.” I say, slamming the door behind me. I head towards the stairs, not wanting to wait for the lift and give her a chance to follow me. I’m so fucked. That’s going to be my new mantra. Maybe if I keep saying it I’ll wake up from this bloody nightmare and be in Jenna’s arms. That’s what I should do; get the next flight back to Beaumont. Say fuck it and leave it to my dad sort out this mess. God only knows I’ve cleaned up enough of his fuckery, it’s about time he’s cleaned up mine.

As soon as I’m in the garage, I’m sprinting to my Wrangler. I’ve only driven it a few times since I bought it and I’ve missed it. Jenna needs a new car. The banged up motor she drives now won’t suffice, especially when the baby comes along. I don’t know how she’ll feel about me buying her a car; she’ll probably freak out. Just like she’ll do tomorrow when I call and tell her that I’ve added her to my bank account. I was serious when I told her father that I’m not going anywhere, even if Chelsea is now being a thorn in my side and standing in my way.

I don’t know where I’m going when I drive out of the garage. I shouldn’t have to run away from my home, but it’s easier than having to deal with her. When we were together nothing was easy. We fought constantly about her parents and how they felt about me and it annoyed the crap out of me that she never took my side. I don’t even want to imagine what’s going to come out of her dad’s mouth when she tells him that she’s pregnant and that I’m the father.

Am I?

I pull over and bang my head against the steering wheel. Am I even the dad? With Jenna there’s no doubt in my mind. She was trying to keep the identity a secret, but I knew instantly. I could feel it in my bones that she was carrying my baby, so why don’t I feel like that with Chelsea? Nothing makes sense. We slept together once, weeks ago and to be honest I don’t remember coming because I was thinking about Jenna the entire time and how I wanted to get back to Beaumont to see her. I have to tell Chelsea that I’m married, that I’m taken and happily so, but I’m scared shitless about what she’ll do now. If she really is pregnant and I’m the father, her claws will come out and that’s not something I really want to subject Jenna to.

I’m so fucked even the sound of Chelsea’s annoying laugh is constantly invading my thoughts. I look up to see who the fuck else laughs like that only to find it
is
her… and my dad.

My dad?

Chelsea and my father stand on the pavement embracing like lovers. His hand cups her arse as he pulls her closer to him. Her arms cling tightly around his neck. When he pulls away, he puts his hand on her stomach before grabbing her hand and walking into the coffee shop.

I think I just vomited in my mouth.

I’m not the father of her fucking child, my dad is. I don’t know what’s worse right now.

I press down on the accelerator and maneuver back into the traffic. I need to get the fuck out of here. I need to get my arse back to Beaumont where my wife is waiting for me.

Before I know it I’m in front of Harrison’s complex. I drove for over an hour and I don’t even remember how I got here. I get out, hoping that at least Yvie’s at home and I can use the toilet and raid her fridge. I knock tentatively and wait. It’ll be just my luck that no one’s here and I’m going to have to take a leak in the bushes.

The door swings open and I’m face-to-face with one of the best women I know – Mrs James, as in Harrison’s mum. I look at her and shrug pitifully and she knows instantly that something’s wrong. She puts her arms around me and she pulls me inside. She rubs my back and whispers that everything will be fine. I want to laugh and tell her there’s isn’t a hope in hell that anything is going to be fine, but instead I keep my mouth shut and let myself be comforted by the woman who has been there for me since I joined the band.

“Where’s your wife? Harrison told me you got married.”

“She’s in Beaumont. I came back to take care of some stuff before I head back to her.”

“And I hear she’s having a baby.”

“Yes, she is, and she’s so amazingly beautiful.”

Mrs James kisses me on cheek and holds my face in her hands as her eyes roam, studying me. “In time you’ll tell me what’s bothering you. Until then, Harrison, Katelyn and all my grandbabies are out back.”

“He’s here?”

“Yes, Spring break or something for the kids. Go on, they’re about to eat.”

She doesn’t have to tell me twice. I kiss her on the cheek and give her a tight hug. I know that I can tell her about Chelsea and she won’t judge me, but there’s no way I can say those words aloud without wanting to choke myself. I still don’t know what the fuck to believe. I can’t, for the life of me, imagine my dad betraying me like that. Chelsea, yes, but not my dad.

As I look around Harrison’s, I wonder if Jenna would like to live in a place like this; being able to walk out to the beach whenever you want. It’d be just like our honeymoon, only permanent and we’d be here, away from the cold weather.

I walk out onto the decking and what I see sends a dagger right through my cold heart. Harrison is so in love with Katelyn it makes me wonder if I can have that. I was in love with Chelsea at one time in my life, but she ruined that and continues to do so. I sought solace in women and lots of them, until now. I have to change, stop being a womaniser, and as much as I want to drink away my sorrows and bed the first bit of totty I see, I can’t. I won’t.