Finding My Forever (8 page)

I know who can do that for me. She’s already creeping in. I just don’t know if I can be enough for her. If I tried and she rejected me, then I’d be no better off than I am now. All I know is this isn’t where I want to be.

I could just go to her and make myself available. If she turns me down I’ll act like it’s not a big deal. Typical Jimmy Davis.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” I close my eyes the moment her lips touch my chest. I should push her away, but I won’t. I should tell her that we won’t work, but she already knows that and here she is, still willing to keep me as her dirty little secret.

“Life,” I say, not wanting to look at her. She doesn’t delve any deeper. I know she doesn’t care. She’s a good pretender, but in reality I’m just something she’s using to pass the time until the next daddy-approved boyfriend comes along.

Her mouth starts sucking on my dick and he springs to life in no time. I bite on my lower lip to stop from hissing. I don’t want her to know that I’m enjoying her attention, but I’m a fucking bloke and this shit feels fucking fabulous. I keep my hands behind my head, close my eyes and enjoy the moment. I imagine the girl I want sucking me off instead of the one that is. Her nails roam over my stomach, down my thighs and back up again. I shift, lifting my hips up to increase her speed to ease the pressure that’s building. She slows down and it’s not exactly what I had in mind. She lets go and moves. I know what she wants, but I don’t think I can bring myself to be with her anymore.

She holds my cock. My eyes spring open when I feel myself slide into her. I sit up and grab her hips. She moves to kiss me but I throw her off me.

“What the fuck, Jimmy?”

I sit up and put my feet on her wooden floor. She moves behind me and starts kissing my back.

“Stop, Chelsea.”

She does and sighs heavily. “What’s wrong?”

“You know I don’t shag without wearing protection.”

“Jimmy, baby, we’ve been together for three years. We’ve done it before, I just wanted to feel you,” she coo’s in my ear as she puts her arms around me. Her lips find my ear and tug lightly on my lobe.

“No, Chelsea, we haven’t been together for three years. Regardless of that fact, I don’t want kids. You know that.”

“So put a condom on and make love to me.”

I shake my head and stand up. I walk over to the chair where she put my folded clothes at some point during the night.

“I’ve gotta go.”

“I just got you back and you’re leaving me?”

“I’m not back, Chels. This was a mistake.”

I put on my jeans, pull on my boots and slide my t-shirt over my head. I walk over to the girl I once loved knowing that I’m never coming back here. I cup her cheek and pull her to me.

“You know it’s for the best. Your dad doesn’t approve of me and he’ll make your life a living hell.” I kiss her once on the lips and back away from her.

“Don’t leave me. I need you, Jimmy. You have no idea how bad I need you.” Tears follow her words, but they aren’t enough for me.

“Goodbye, Chelsea.”

“H
OW
was Los Angeles?” Liam asks while he tunes his guitar.

“For the first time since I moved there, I couldn’t wait to get out. I have some news though.” I hand Liam the papers that were delivered to my apartment from Mr. Moreno. He flips through them, his eyebrow moving up and down each time he gets to an interesting part.

“She wasn’t ever pregnant?”

“What?” Harrison says as he stands up from this stool. He takes the papers from Liam’s hand and reads them. He looks at me then at Liam and back at the papers.

“What a bitch,” Harrison spits out.

“She was sick,” Liam says. Why he’s defending her, I have no idea.

“Sick or not, she tried to ruin your life. If you keep reading, it lists out all of the other shit she did. She kept a diary and Mr. Moreno has included some of her entries,” I add.

“She rigged the tour last year,” Harrison says as he reads. “The dressing room, the weird phone call I received after I met that chick in the bar, it’s all here Liam. She kept notes on everything.” Harrison continues to turn the pages, flipping them rapidly. “Nothing about Alicia though.”

Harrison throws the papers on the table and runs his hands through his hair.

“Liam?” he’s staring off, not really listening to what Harrison just said. “Yo, man you okay?” I push him slightly on the shoulder. He looks at me and shakes his head.

“What?”

“You’re off in cloud cuckoo land.”

“She lied,” he says. “I didn’t get her pregnant.”

“She lied about everything. Everything that’s happened to us since we’ve met her has been because of her evil mind. She’s fucking twisted,” Harrison says. I know he’s upset that the information he’s after isn’t in there. He’ll never know why Alicia did what she did, but at least with the rest of the information, we can move on.

Liam picks up the papers again and reads through them before putting them aside. “We need to get serious about hiring a manager or hang it up.”

“You want to quit?” I ask. The band splitting up is the last thing I want, but if he’s ready to call it a day I’m not going to stop him. He’s got a kid now. Christ, Harrison has three. I’m the odd man out. No wife, no kids. Nothing keeping me at home.

“No, I don’t, but we need a manager. We need to release a CD and get the airplay. I’ll make some calls,” he says.

“I can make some too,” I volunteer. With me still living in LA, I’m around the scene more. I’m sure there’s someone looking to add to their client list and won’t mind if the talent doesn’t live anywhere near them. It shouldn’t be a problem at all. “What’s going on with Jenna’s ex?” I ask, needing to know the latest.

Harrison sighs. “It’s not good.”

“No, it’s not. Her parents are here and her dad tried to get a restraining order against him, but the Judge wasn’t buying our reasoning. He’s not a threat just because he showed up at the café.”

“He’s beaten her up before–“

“As she said, there’s no record aside from the one hospital visit and those pictures apparently never got logged,” Harrison says.

I pick my guitar up and put the strap over my head. I plug the lead into the amp and start tuning. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do for her, but I’m going to give it a try. No one should have to fear for their lives and if it means I have to be a permanent fixture at
Whimsicality
then so be it.

I
’M
happy to be back at work even if it means I’m looking over my shoulder. Damien is gone, at least that’s what Paul says, but I know he’ll be back. Nothing about him goes quietly into the night. He doesn’t like to lose and I know him well enough to know that he’s pissed off and will seek revenge. Sadly, I’m his target.

My mom is currently yapping it up with Jimmy. He’s been sitting at the same table since we opened. The first few days I found it odd, until Harrison spilled the beans that Jimmy is currently seeking a full-time job as my babysitter. The guys are overprotective, but it’s nice to know that when Damien does return, they’ll be around to protect me. I’m just afraid they’ll get hurt. Liam assures me that they can and will take care of themselves and the people that they love.

Each time the door chimes, my body turns cold. I hate living with fear. I’ve grown so accustomed to being free that this constant sense of dread washing over me is getting to be too much. I could be free if I left Beaumont, but something tells me I wouldn’t get very far.

I smile at Nick when he walks in. He’s dressed in his usual dark slacks and white button-down shirt. He’s here to see Aubrey for lunch. He does this every day that she works. It’s sickeningly sweet, but gives me the tiniest bit of hope that someday I’ll find my Prince Charming.

Nick always chooses to come into the flower shop before going to the café and each time it’s because he’s buying his wife a single flower. Today he’s buying a red sunflower. I like how he’s still supporting Josie after everything that went down. I know what happened was for the best though. Nick never smiled like this until he came home with Aubrey.

“Busy today?”

“Not really. The sun is out so I think most everyone is enjoying it before it rains. How’s the office?” I ask, wrapping Aubrey’s flower in paper and tying it with a ribbon.

“Same ole skinned knees, bumps and the perpetual cough,” Nick says, handing me his payment.

“But you treat them all the same and with a smile, right?”

“Of course,” he says, smiling. “Aubrey and I want to have you over for dinner soon.”

“Thank you, I’d like that.”

“Have you told everyone yet?”

I shake my head.

Nick caught me going into the obstetrician’s office. I couldn’t hide my elation and he guessed. He and Aubrey both know, but haven’t said anything and they both know I appreciate them keeping my confidence. Nick will be the baby’s doctor, if I decide to stay in Beaumont.

“I’m telling Josie and Liam tonight.”

“And the baby’s dad?”

“No, not yet. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Nick leans forward and lowers his voice. “Please rethink not telling him, Jenna. Even if he’s not around, it’s important that he know he has a child out there. Besides, he might surprise you and want to be around.”

“I don’t think so. Having a baby would ruin his life. It’s best that I just keep his identity a secret.”

He nods, even though I know he doesn’t agree with me.

Nick picks up Aubrey’s flower and gives me a small wave before turning toward the café. I watch as she meets him on the side, squealing in delight because he brought her a flower. She does this every time. I can’t imagine how happy she’d be if he brought her a bouquet or jewelry. Aubrey loves Nick dearly. You can see it in the way she looks at him.

I used to love Damien that way, even after the abuse started. I thought that if I loved him harder, that if I loved him more, he’d stop. I thought that he’d see how much he was hurting me and realize my pain was because of his fist, but it never stopped. I realized, albeit too late, that he loved hitting me more than I loved taking it.

I
pull out the chair across from Josie and Liam. Tonight’s the night. The truth, well most of it, will come out. They look at me expectantly and I want to laugh at how absurd this has all been, but I needed to wait, at least for me, before telling them.

I fold my hands in front of me and take a deep breath. I smile, hoping to convey that, yes everything is okay, even if it might not be.

“What’s up?” Liam asks, breaking the ice. I know he’s busy and I’m probably keeping him from something important.

I look away, down at my hands and say, “I’m pregnant.”

The audible gasp is from Josie. I’m picturing her with her hand over her mouth. I hear nothing from Liam. I chance a look and am met with indifference. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Even though we’ve only known each other a short time, it’s been enough for us to form a bond.

“How far are you?” Josie asks, her voice wavering.

I bite the inside of my cheek and straighten out the tablecloth. “I’m past my first trimester. I’m starting to show. My clothes are tighter and my mom knows. But she can’t really keep a secret and is dying to tell you. I know she’s excited.” I chance a look at Josie. She’s smiling widely and that makes me feel relieved.

“Who’s the father? I haven’t seen you with anyone, ever.” Liam’s words remind me that I’ve been alone and will continue to be that way.

“Liam,” Josie scolds.

“What?” he shrugs. “I’m just asking. She’s family, right?” Josie nods. “Well, if she has someone in her life, I’d like to know him.”

“You can’t,” I blurt out.

“Why not?” he asks.

“Because he’s not around.”

“What do you mean ‘
he’s not around’
?” Liam’s tone is hard and to the point.

I swallow hard and square myself for battle. “I’ve decided not to tell him. We’re not together and he doesn’t live here. It’s for the best.” Josie’s face goes pale just as Liam’s turns red.

“Are you kidding me?”

I shake my head and bite the inside of my cheek.

“You know what, that’s some very selfish bullshit. Josie tried to tell me that she was pregnant and it kills me every day knowing that I wasn’t there for her and Noah. I wasn’t given a fucking choice on whether or not I was going to be a douche or not. It was made for me. What makes you think the father doesn’t want to be involved?”

“He’s younger and not in the right frame of mind to be in this situation.”

“So why sleep with him?”

“Liam,” Josie scolds again.

“No, I want to know. You have to know the risk when you decide to sleep with someone. Hell, I knew and the biggest bitch burned me. Men don’t think of these things when we’re having sex, but women do. Your clocks tick and all that shit. So if he’s not father material, why do it?”

Tears stream down my cheeks while Liam rants. I know he’s right, but it’s not like we planned this. It just happened.

“It wasn’t planned, Liam. It was a one night stand.” I take a deep breath. “It’s not ideal, but it’s my decision. I can do this by myself.”