Finding My Forever (5 page)

“Hey, Sweet Lips.”

She smiles softly. I like that I can make her smile with her nickname.

“I should ask why you call me that, but not tonight.”

“No, not tonight. Let’s save that question for another time, like when you can really appreciate my answer.” I sit down next to her and pull her legs onto my lap. I can be a good friend to her, maybe her best guy mate if that’s what she needs. “Josie says you’re sick, what’s wrong?”

“Flu,” she answers quickly.

“My mum used to give me tea and then she’d sing to me.”

“Did it work?”

“God, no. My mum can’t bloody sing and I can’t stand tea so it would make me feel worse. She liked to sing though because it would make me smile. Want me to sing to you?”

Jenna curls her arm underneath her head and looks at me. “You never take the lead on stage, how come?”

I shrug. “It’s Liam’s band. I joined after he and Harrison had already signed a record deal. I just do what I’m asked. It’s easier that way. Besides I’m more talented. I can play the guitar, piano and harmonica. I could probably bang out a decent beat on the drums too if I tried.”

“You want to sing to me?”

“Yeah, if it will make you smile, I’ll do it.”

“Okay then, let’s hear it.”

I clear my throat and try to say something, but nothing comes out. She laughs and although that was the reaction I was going for, I didn’t want it to be at my expense. “Give me a minute to think of something.” I act like I’m thinking. I tap my finger to my temple and think of some words I can throw together that will sound almost decent.

“Okay, ready?”

She nods.

“
I’ve never felt like this before. I see our ship comin’ from the shore and that horizon in your eyes is like tobacco sunburst. After we set sail, there’s gonna be storms. Just don’t lose faith in me cause I’ll keep us on course. Remember this day, it’s written in the stars. We’re on our way to forever, girl it’s not that far…
” I trail off and have to look away from her. I don’t know where those words came from; they’ve not only shocked me, but her as well.

She pulls her legs out of my lap and sits up. “Who wrote that?”

I shrug. I can lie and say I’ve heard it on the radio or say that my dad did or I can tell her the truth. “My dad,” I say. It’s the easy way out. “He used to sing it to my mum a lot that’s why I remember it.”

I get up and walk to the window, looking out to survey the area. Can someone climb up to the roof to get in? Chances are yes he could, if he’s determined, but Liam has a state of the art security system in place. No one is getting into this house if he doesn’t want them to.

“Anyway, the policeman is downstairs. I was supposed to come and tell you.” I don’t look at her before I leave the room. She doesn’t ask me to wait for her, even though I’m not expecting her to.

I open the door and head back into the hall. I walk down the stairs as quickly as I can. I need to separate myself from this situation. I just did something I’ve never done before and I’d rather forget about it.

I smell her perfume before I hear her coming down the stairs. I mistakenly turn to watch her walk down. The memories are there, but I fight them. I don’t need a reminder. I shake my head and walk to the front door. I need the fresh air to get my mind straight.

As soon as I sit down and light my cigarette the front door opens. I know it’s her. I close my eyes and will her away. I don’t understand why she’s hell-bent on torturing me. She sits down next to me and wraps her arms around her legs.

“You shouldn’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Smoke.”

I stub out my cigarette and blow my smoke away from her. If she doesn’t want me smoking in front of her, I won’t.

“Sorry, it’s a bad habit.”

“A lot of musicians smoke,” she says. She’s right, it makes our voices raspy and the girls love that shit.

“You’re supposed to talk to that guy in there.”

She looks back at the house. “He’s going to ask me out. He has in the past, and I’ve always told him no, but I have a feeling he’ll say it’s for protection or something. I haven’t dated anyone since…”

“Tell him you have a boyfriend.”

“But I don’t.”

“So tell him I’m your boyfriend.” I don’t know where those words come from, but the look in her eyes tells me that she likes the idea. I want to take them back, but that would be an idiot move to make. “Just because you tell him we are, doesn’t mean we have to act like it unless he’s around.” I add, just to set the record straight so she doesn’t get the wrong idea.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” I say, knowing I’m totally fucked.

T
HE
summer before my tenth grade year, I met Damien Mahoney. I was instantly in love. He was older and sexier, way sexier, than the guys at my school. That summer he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no. I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend until I was seventeen, so that was the only answer I could give. He’d meet me after he was done with his classes and walk me home. Each day he asked again and the answer would always be the same until he finally asked me why. When I told him, he sat on my front porch and waited for my dad to come home. I watched out the window, peeking through the curtains every few minutes wondering when he’d give up and go home. He didn’t.

I never asked my dad what he said to Damien. I was too embarrassed. The next day at school I found a note in my locker, “
We can’t be boyfriend and girlfriend, but we can pretend.”

Hearing Jimmy say we can pretend means something else though. Damien wanted me. Jimmy doesn’t. He’s just doing it to be nice so Paul will back off. If I was smart I’d latch onto Paul and hope that maybe he’d be okay dating a pregnant woman. Maybe he wants to be a dad and wouldn’t mind taking on someone else’s child. I know in my heart that the baby’s dad won’t care. He doesn’t want kids. He doesn’t even want a wife. Josie has mentioned it in passing one time too many. As far as unplanned pregnancies go, this takes the cake.

I could tell him, but I’m not sure I could deal with the look on his face. I don’t know how I’d take his retreating backside as he runs for the hills. I don’t need his money and maybe he won’t realize the timing. I know giving him the option is the right thing to do, but I don’t want him around out of obligation. We both screwed up that night. We both don’t need to pay. I’m perfectly happy taking on the motherhood role while he lives his playboy life.

Jimmy doesn’t look at me and five minutes into our pretend relationship I’m already getting the cold shoulder. “I guess I should probably go in.”

“Yeah he’s waiting to ask you some questions about your ex.” Jimmy looks at me over his shoulder. “You know he’ll never touch you again, right?”

My lips form a thin line. “I know, but honestly that scares me. I don’t want you guys to get hurt because of me.”

“You’re family, Jenna. Liam and Harrison won’t let anything happen to you.”

I nod. It doesn’t escape me that he said Liam and Harrison. What about him? He’s probably not counting himself because he won’t be here next week. Mister “blow into town, break some hearts and leave again”, just when we’re used to him coming around. I get up and walk back into the house, leaving him on the porch. He confuses me. If he’s supposed to be my pretend boyfriend don’t you think he’d walk me in and act like it in front of my suitor? Not Jimmy. I have the most obtuse pretend boyfriend in the history of pretend boyfriends.

“Jenna,” Paul says when I enter the room. I want to turn back around and head outside and sit in silence with Jimmy, but I step forward with a fake smile on my face. I sit down next to Liam and Harrison even though there’s a seat next to Paul. He looks at the empty seat and shrugs. “Had a scare tonight, I hear?”

“Yeah,” I say, because what else can I say? No, I wasn’t scared that my psycho ex who beat the ever-loving shit out of me showed up in the town where I’ve been hiding for the past four years?

“What’s his name?”

I look down at my slightly protruding belly. I know no one suspects anything, you can’t tell unless I lift my shirt up and I won’t be doing that until I can figure out a way to tell Josie.

“Jenna?”

“Um… sorry. His name is Damien Mahoney.”

Paul writes down his name on his notepad. “I have to ask this, but is Jenna Palmer your real name?”

I shake my head slowly. I feel all eyes on me, but I can’t look at them. “Jenna’s my first name, but Palmer is something my dad came up with. He had some documents made up with the name before I left town.”

“How do you think he found you?”

“I don’t know. I call my parents once a week from a disposal cell phone.”

“You’ve taken a lot of steps so he can’t find you.”

I nod. It seems like it as I tell them, but it didn’t work. “I guess not enough since he found me. I should’ve left Beaumont a year after I got here. That was the plan. That I’d move around to keep the trail cold, but I met Josie and… well it’ll be almost five years here and I couldn’t bear to leave. But I’ll be gone soon.”

“What do you mean?”

I look up to see Josie and Katelyn standing in the entryway. I bite my lip to keep myself from crying. “I need to move on.”

“No you don’t, you can stay here. We’ll protect you from this sicko,” Josie says.

I shake my head. “I can’t put you and the kids in harm’s way. I don’t know what he’ll do and I couldn’t live with myself if he hurt one of you or the kids. It’d kill me.”

“Leaving might be a bit drastic. Let me look for him and see what I can do to diffuse the situation,” Paul offers. “I think you’ll have enough protection here. Liam has his normal crew and he’s already spoken to them about adding staff around everyone. If we can keep the paparazzi out of Beaumont, surely we’ll get an abusive ex-husband out.”

“Okay,” I say, but have no intention of staying. It will also be best for the father of my baby if I just leave. My luck, my baby would look just like him and everyone in town would know. I know how Josie felt, especially when Liam came back. Everyone suspected that he was Noah’s father, but she never let on. But when Liam showed up in town, everyone’s suspicions were confirmed. They’re getting their happy ending though. I won’t be so lucky.

“For now, I hear you’ll be staying here.”

“Oh no—“

“Yes she is.” Both Liam and Josie say at the same time. I don’t know who to look at first. I choose Josie. She’s standing next to the table with her hands on her hips. She’s challenging me to defy her. Liam has his arm resting on the back of my chair. He cocks his head to look at me. He’s waiting too. No wonder those two make such a great pair.

“I have an apartment.”

“And he probably knows about it,” Liam says in his fatherly tone.

“My things are there.”

“We’re going over there tonight with Paul to get your things. You can come, but I’d prefer it if you stay behind.”

“Liam, there are things women like to pack themselves.”

“Then you go with us, Josie. I don’t think it’s a good idea for Jenna to be out there tonight. He’s out there waiting for her. He probably knows where she lives and is just waiting for her to come home and that’s not happening on my watch.”

“Or mine,” Harrison adds.

“Mine either,” Paul says. The only one missing is my pretend boyfriend who hasn’t come back in. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but if he’s serious, no one is going to believe that he’s my boyfriend.

“Mine either. I was walking around outside and noticed a car down the road. Whoever is in the car has a torch because when I started walking towards them, it was switched off. If it’s him, he’s looking for an opportunity. Josie and I can go and get Jenna’s stuff, but I think Liam and Harrison should stay here with Jenna. Paul, you should leave and circle back around and maybe check those license plates unless he follows us out of here.”

The room goes quiet as Jimmy stands in front of us. We hadn’t heard him come in, but the room falls silent when he speaks. Mouths open and close again. No one’s sure what to say in response to his outburst. He must’ve been thinking about this for some time to come and assert himself.

“Sounds like a good plan,” Paul says, standing up and leaving the table. Everyone starts shuffling around me. My need to move on, to leave Beaumont, has fallen on deaf ears. If I’m to do this, I’ll have to do it in the dark of night.

“What do you need from your apartment?” Josie asks when she sits down next to me. She has a piece of paper and a pen in her hand. Her paper says mommy notes and I realize that the kids are nowhere to be seen.

“Where are the kids?”

“Mr. Powell has them. We thought it would be better if they stayed away tonight.”

“That’s not fair.”

Josie looks up and smiles. She rests her hand on top of mine. “You’re family, Jenna. You’re important to me… to us. Please let us help.”

“He’s dangerous.”

“Yeah well my husband is big and likes to hit things so he can be dangerous too.”

I know she’s trying to make light of the situation and I do smile at her comment, but I don’t want them to bend over backwards more than they already have.

“One night,” I say with no conviction. Josie rolls her eyes and nods, but I have a feeling she doesn’t believe me, not that I believe myself. I tell her what I need and where she can find everything. She kisses me on the cheek and yells for Jimmy. I jump when the front door shuts and anxiety builds knowing that Damien is out there and he could be watching this house, waiting to pounce on my friends.