Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1) (22 page)

We finish our meal and Tina brings us the check. After paying we make our way to my truck. I hate to take them back to Tessa’s car, if I had my own place I could offer for them to stay with me. Shaking my head, I should have moved out a long time ago.

“So when are y’all leaving to go home?” I ask.

Tessa answers. “Tomorrow. Dad agreed to let us come, only if we came right back. They’ve been worried about Kayla as well.”

She quickly looks at Kayla like she said something wrong. Kayla looks at me to gage my reaction I think. I try to keep my face neutral, but it’s hard. There is a lot I need to know and that is becoming more apparent every minute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kayla

The shock on my face has to be very visible, although when I look at Blake he doesn’t seem to be shocked. He always seems so controlled and calm; I just can’t figure him out. He continues to surprise me at every turn. The thought of leaving here again tomorrow sends my heart racing; I don’t want to return to the same despair I just left. I’m afraid I will slip back into a depressed state and become self-destructive again. And the thought of seeing or hearing from David is just too much to even think about.

All these things cause panic to set in but none more than the thought of not being near this man. He completes me, so why can’t I just tell him that? Why can’t I confess my love for him? It’s just not time yet. It’s way too soon. He pulls me close to him and whispers in my ear. His breath sends shivers down my body; his words smooth me all the way to my core.

“The thought of you leaving tomorrow is killing me. You belong here with me. I know you can feel that. I’m giving you until after graduation to see that on your own. Then, if I have to, I will come and get you, and bring you back here kicking and screaming if I have to. Once you stop fighting this thing that is between us, you will see, just like I do, that you and I are forever.”

He kisses me on my forehead before helping me into the truck. As he walks around the driver’s side, Tessa climbs in beside me.

“He really is completely into you. I’m pretty sure he loves you.”

No, he can't love me, not yet. Sure, he may think he does, but that's just not possible. I mean, he doesn't even know the real me, the insecure, mess of a person that I am. The girl who is desperate for her father’s attention and approval, that she quit receieving at a very young age. Maybe if he was my biological father, he never would have lost his connection with me.

Blake says I deserve better, that he wants to give me that. How can I accept that, when I don’t believe that I deserve better? He wants me to move here after graduation. Although, I love that idea. It’s more than a little scary. What if I move here and he decides he hates me and wants nothing more to do with me? Where will I go then?

My life is such a mess. I think Lisa and Troy are right. I need to talk to someone about all of this. Someone that I can talk to freely about my feelings without fear of hurting someone’s feelings or feel like they are judging me for the way I feel. I can’t share everything with Tessa or Blake. The fear of them seeing how truly messed up I am, is overwhelming.

“He doesn’t love me, Tessa, he doesn’t even know me.” I continue to stare out the windshield as Blake opens the driver’s side door.

“Is everything okay?”

He is looking right at me; I smile and nod my head once. His eyes are full of concern. He leans over and runs his thumb across my lips. He does that all the time, he makes me feel cherished and loved.
Loved?

There’s that word again. He starts the truck and pulls the truck out onto the road heading back to the game room. Tessa leans over and whispers in my ear so that only I can hear her.

“See, love. L.O.V.E.”

She spells the word out. I roll my eyes and turn my head toward her. She just smiles at me and then turns and looks out the side window. The rest of the ride is quiet except for the music coming from the radio. We pull into the parking lot and Blake parks his truck right next to Tessa’s car. Tessa flings the door open and jumps down. She then leans back in and smiles at both of us.

“It was good seeing you again, Blake. I’ll give y’all a few minutes to say bye. We really do need to get to my mom’s, so don’t take too long.”

She closes the door and skips away to her car. I turn in my seat to face Blake. He’s already staring at me. “We always seem to be saying goodbye to one another.”

“Yes, we do and I don’t like it at all. When you go home in the morning I want you to remember that I will always be here for you. I may be a couple of hours away, but if you need me all you have to do is call. And you better write me this time, you promised remember?”

“I remember.”

He runs both of his hands into my hair and cups each side of my head. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth trying to hold off the tears that I know are ready to flow.

“I’m coming to see you next weekend. As soon as I get off of work, I’ll head your way. I’m not taking no for an answer. It’s going to slow down the process on the house, but I’ll figure it out.”

The house I had forgotten all about the house. He’s building it just like he said he would. I can’t wait to see it.

“What’s that beautiful smile for?”

I hadn’t even realized I was smiling. “You’re doing it? Building the house I mean.”

“Of course, I am. I told you I was going to. We will need a place to live. It’s just a small part of giving you all you deserve.”

I’m overcome with my emotions. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

He just smiles and shakes his head.

“You still aren’t ready to hear it are you?”

I look at him confused. What does he mean? He chuckles.

“It doesn’t matter sweetie. It’s only blue prints right now. I’d like you to look over them with me and let me know what you like and don’t like. It’s all for you anyway.”

Now, it’s my turn to laugh. “I’d never understand blueprints, so I’m afraid I won’t be of much help. Besides, it’s your house not mine.”

The thought of that makes my stomach drop. I want it to be mine. I want him to be mine forever. He pulls me onto his lap; I instinctively rest my head on his chest.

“It’s not that hard, I’ll show you. And it’s going to be our home; it’s not just a house.”

That comment brings a smile back to my face. “In that case I’d be glad to look at
your
house plans.”

“Ours.” He corrects.

“If you say so.” He squeezes me tight.

“I say so. I’m glad you finally realize that what I say goes. You’re a little hard headed, I must say.”

I slap him on the arm, which I’m sure just hurt my hand more than it did his arm. Ouch.

“Don’t hurt yourself there. These arms are made of steel, you know.”

He flexes his muscles. I roll my eyes at him. This man changes from one personality to another so fast he’ll give you whiplash.

“Steel huh?” I squeeze his muscle. “It feels a little flimsy to me.”

Suddenly, he picks me up and lays me down on the seat of the truck. Tickling me, I'm laughing so hard I can't breath.

“Flimsy? Really? Take that back. Take it back now.”

He is laughing too. I can’t take in a breath and he wants me to speak. I try to squirm free from him, but he just pins me down. Stupid, biceps, he is having no problem keeping me pinned.

“Okay… Okay… I… can’t… breathe…” I say between the laughing.

He lets up and pins me with a stare. Now, I can’t breathe for a totally different reason. The weight of his body is resting on his arms that are on each side of my shoulders now. His breathing is rapid and his face is flushed.

My chest is rising and falling rapidly, hitting his chest on each intake of air. Looking up at him with widened eyes, my mouth drops open, and I suck in a deep breath. We are too close, considering we are in a truck in the middle of a parking lot. He must see the look on my face, he moves his body up off of mine some.

“Take it back.” He says with a smile.

I smirk at him. “Did I hurt your fragile ego again?”

He sits up and pulls me into a sitting position.

“It’s really good to hear those smart ass comments of yours again. I’ve missed them; however, it’s even better to hear you laugh.”

He pats my leg and then his look turns serious. He leans down, placing his lips right next to mine without touching me. He’s waiting for my okay. I smile a little and he smiles back.

“Stop, playing with me, Kayla.”

“But it’s so much fun.” I giggle, then, close my eyes and lean in toward him to seal the kiss, but he moves back just out of my reach. Opening my eyes, I see him grinning down at me. “Really, Blake.”

“Hey, you started this little game.”

I poke my lip out to pout. He leans in once again.

“Don’t pout.”

“Then kiss me.”

“My pleasure.”

He leans in and kisses me on the mouth. I get that drunk feeling again. This man completely tilts my world. I hope I never lose him.

Kayla

We finally break the kiss. I stare into his eyes and sadness over takes me once again. “I don’t want to go, but I guess it’s that time. We will be leaving early in the morning. So, we should really get some rest. I promise I’ll call you as soon as we get back home.”

“You better, or I’ll come and find you.”

He opens his door and then turns back and lifts me out of the truck holding me tight to him, he spins us around causing me to giggle. Bliss, pure bliss. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, inhaling his scent and committing it to memory. It’s a spicy, woodsy, leather scent that will always remind me of him.

“You always smell amazing. I wish I could take that scent with me.”

He laughs and sits me down on my feet. I sigh at the loss of contact with him. He takes my hands in his.

“I wish I could go with you. I’ll be there in one week. Okay? I’ll write you, but only if you write back.”

Giving him a sad smile, trying to convey that I’m strong and I can do this. I’m not sure if I am trying to convince him, or myself.

“I’ll be writing and counting down the days every day, until I get to see you again. I promise.”

We hug for the longest time. Tessa clears her throat. I turn to look at her and she is pointing to her watch. A new trendy watch that is actually called a Swatch. I shake my head; she’s always on top of the trends. I look up at Blake. He smiles down at me and I try to pull some of his strength so that I can be as strong as he is.

“Well, it’s that time. Time to say goodbye again.”

He kisses me lightly on the lips and pulls back, sliding his hands down my arms and grabbing my hands palm to palm. Our fingers lock for a moment and then he starts to step back and our fingers slide away from each other. He continues to walk backwards and then blows me a kiss. He turns his back to me and my heart can’t take it.

“Blake!” I yell. He turns and I see what I believe is tears in his eyes as he stands under the street light. I take off running to him. He catches me and I cling to him for dear life. “I can't do it. I can’t leave you again.”

“Shh, baby, it’s okay. Seven days, okay? Just seven days, baby. We can do this.”

I swallow hard and nod my head yes, when all I want to do is say no, over and over. He kisses me again and sets me on my feet. He walks with me hand and hand back to Tessa’s car. He opens the door and waits for me to take a seat. He then squats down beside the car.

“Remember, just seven days and I’ll be there with you. Okay?”

I look into his eyes as tears run down my cheeks. He leans in, I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, then I feel his lips gently kiss each eye. Feeling him lean away from me, I open my eyes to his hazel eyes looking deeply into mine. He says I’ve left and imprint on his heart, I can relate, because he has left one on my soul. I nod my head again.

“Seven, days. I can do this.”

“I know you can, baby.”

He kisses my forehead and stands. He closes my door and I stare at him through the window, as Tessa starts the car and we again, leave him standing in the parking lot. Please, don’t let this end like it did the last time I left him.

We arrive at Tessa’s moms and I can feel myself sinking again. It’s inevitable, if I don’t do something different, I’m going to sink back into that depression, which I obviously never left I just got a temporary high from being with Blake. I need to see a therapist and work on me. I can’t be good with anyone else until I’m okay with me, right?

We walk inside and go straight to Tessa’s room. It already seems like it’s been hours since I left Blake, even though, it’s only been about an hour. I curl up in bed not even bothering to remove my make-up before falling to sleep. Tessa hasn’t said anything, knowing that I need time to myself. Working through this on my own was exactly what I needed to do right now. Tomorrow, we'll get up and be back home in a couple hours. Then, I'll have to face everything I've been hiding from. And I will do it because I'm going to pull myself together and get better for me, for Blake, for us.