Finding Serenity (Serenity Beach) (7 page)

The ocean was beautiful on a warm sunny day. The sunlight would dance off of it, transforming it into a silver sea that spanned farther than the eye could see. I enjoyed the ocean on those days, but I much preferred it just before a powerful storm.

When I heard the thunder rolling in, I skipped down to the water and stood at the shore. The waves were tossing and crashing violently and the water was nearly indistinguishable from the stormy sky. If someone were to get caught in those waves, they would have a hard time deciphering up from down, survival from death.

As mesmerizing as the turbulent ocean could be, I didn’t envy that struggle. I was safe on the shore, and I intended to stay that way. The ocean’s struggle was easier to avoid than the struggles of life, however.

“You need to stop moping,” Kennedy said when she stopped by my place unexpectedly a couple of weeks after Nolan left town.

I handed her a glass of wine and said, “I’m not moping.”

“You are. And you need to stop obsessing, too.”

Again, I started to protest, but this time she pointed to my laptop. It was sitting on my kitchen table, openly displaying a website dedicated to Nolan Meyers.

“Okay, this looks bad,” I agreed. “But I really am not obsessing. I’m just checking to see how he’s doing. The games aren’t on television, so this is the only way to see if he gets to play or not.”

“You’re a baseball fan now?” She rolled her eyes. “Just admit it. You’re obsessed.”

“He said he would be back in three or four days,” I said, trying a different approach. “He’s been gone two weeks.”

“He called and explained, Jordyn.” Kennedy started flipping through the various pictures on the website. “This is pretty good evidence to support that. He’s busy working. No skanky girls hanging on his arm.”

“I know, I know. Maybe I am just being a crazy girl.” The last picture she clicked on made me smile. Nolan was about to get into his car and he was holding his keys in one hand, his other arm wrapped in an ice pack. He was pitching again. “I just miss him.”

“That’s adorable.” Kennedy groaned and flopped down on the couch. “Have you talked to him recently?”

“Not in a couple of days.” Our conversations had been infrequent due to our busy schedules and the time difference. I just had to trust that he wasn’t off falling back in love with a superstar ex-girlfriend. When we finally did find time to talk, our conversations lasted for hours. We talked about anything and everything, with just one exception. Nolan refused to talk about baseball.

“I’m supposed to be taking your mind off him, not encouraging this pathetic behavior.” Kennedy turned on the television. “Should we watch a movie?”

She found an old murder mystery movie and we left it on in the background while she told me crazy stories about her modeling gigs.

“They covered you in lettuce?”

“Well, it was an ad for a veggie restaurant,” she explained. “I was just glad I wasn’t the girl covered in beets.”

“Gross.”

We finished the movie and two bottles of wine, and I only thought about Nolan half of the time. I considered our evening a success until Kennedy changed the channel, coincidentally landing on one of the sports networks. Even more coincidentally, they happened to be talking about Nolan.

“Oops.” She looked quickly in my direction. “Should I turn it off?”

“No. It’s okay.” I actually wanted to hear what they would say. Since Nolan had been so vague about baseball, I had no idea how he was doing. I knew that he was working with trainers, but I had no idea if he was going to be playing in a game anytime soon. Any time I asked him directly, he changed the subject or said he had to hang up.

“The team is clearly still reeling from the loss of their star pitcher last year,” one of the announcers said. “Word around town is that Nolan is back on the field, working with trainers to get his arm back to where it was prior to the hiatus. This could be huge for a team that is lacking pitching this season.”

The show cut away to a clip of Nolan on a mound, dressed in practice gear. His face was the picture of concentration as he coiled into his windup and then exploded. The pitch was a perfect strike, just as it had been at the carnival.

“Whoa,” Kennedy breathed next to me.

“He looks good,” the announcer said to his colleague.

“Agreed, Mike. His arm seems to have recovered from a minor tweak earlier this spring. But the real question remains- is he ready to take the mound again in a major league game.”

Now they cut away to another clip, one that I had already seen and would’ve been perfectly happy to never see again. The announcer set the scene- a perfect game on the line. Nolan delivered the pitch and a split second later was nailed in the head.

“Holy crap!” Kennedy said. Her hands covered her face in horror. I sat perfectly still. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah,” was all I said.

“How is he still alive?” she wondered for the both of us.

The announcer was back, looking somber. “It’s one thing to recover physically. We all know that Meyers spent months in physical therapy. But it’s an entirely different thing to regain your mental state after something so horrific. Only time will tell if he will ever be the pitching ace that he was before the accident.”

“I’m not holding my breath,” the other announcer said. “But we all wish him the best of luck.”

It was then that I realized I had been holding my breath. Even though I had seen the tape and knew that Nolan was okay, it was still incredibly hard to watch.

“If I was Nolan, I would never get back on that mound,” Kennedy said decisively. “No wonder he was hiding out.”

“I don’t know,” I muttered, lost deep in my thoughts. Something didn’t add up. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I didn’t think fear of getting hit again was why Nolan had left his old life behind.

I lay up half the night thinking about Nolan. Not just about his injury and his absence, but about the affect he was having on me. Falling for him hadn’t been part of my plan. I had come to Serenity for a reason, and I intended to get back on track.

After a couple of hours of restless sleep, I woke with a new focus. I cranked up my old stereo and danced around to some classic rock while cleaning my apartment and doing laundry. When I was satisfied with the shine on my floors, I took my bike downtown and loaded up on groceries. I might have only been cooking for one, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t eat well.

It wasn’t until I was unloading the groceries in my kitchen that life decided to punch me in the gut. I spotted the receipt deep in one of the bags and retrieved it without thinking. It was crumpled and a bit faded, but when I glanced at it, the date jumped off the page- June 20
th
. Part of me expected the world to stop spinning.

For months I had dreaded this day. I had agonized over it. But now it was here, and I hadn’t even seen it coming. I had been so wrapped up in my silly romantic notions that I had almost missed the most important day of my life.

The world didn’t stop spinning, but I did stop functioning. My entire body went numb. I dropped everything I was doing and shuffled to my bedroom. It suddenly became imperative that I remember that day- every detail of it. That was when I started to cry- deep sobs that shook the bed. I cried until I didn’t have any tears left to cry.

Hours later, I still hadn’t moved when someone knocked loudly on my door. I thought about ignoring it, but it was rare for me to have a spontaneous visitor and I worried that it might be something important. Maybe Kennedy had locked herself out of her place and she needed her spare key. Or what if a neighbor needed to borrow something?

These were the thoughts running through my brain as I trudged to the door, pulling it open with low expectations. Those expectations were definitely surpassed when Nolan said, “Surprise.”

Maybe it was because I’d been so upset, or maybe it was because I had been missing him, but I’d never been that happy to see anyone in my life. I practically fell out the door as I lunged into his arms. He caught me with a startled laugh, his arms closing around me in a tight embrace.

“I missed you, too,” he said, slightly out of breath from how fiercely I was holding him. “Have you been working out? I think you just broke my ribs.”

“Sorry,” I said, not letting go. “I can’t believe you are here.”

“I told you I would keep my promise.” He kissed the top of my head and breathed deeply. “As much as I’m loving this, we probably can’t stay this way forever.”

“We can try.” Even though I wasn’t ready to let go yet, I pulled back slightly and was rewarded with a close up view of Nolan’s gorgeous face. I said, “You’re here.”

“Yeah, I’m here.” He stared hard at me, a faint smile dancing across his lips. “God, you’re beautiful.”

I blushed and ducked my head. I was pretty sure my eyes were puffy from all the crying, and I was wearing an old tank top and baggy sweatpants. It certainly wasn’t my best look, but the way he was looking at me made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Meyers.”

“Good.” He cradled my face in his hands and kissed me gently. “Did you miss me?”

I pretended to think about it. “Maybe a little bit.”

“I flew all the way back just to see you,” he said smugly.

“Three or four days?” I asked, sarcastically reminding him of his original promise. I kissed him again so he would know I was just teasing him. “Would you like to come inside, Ace?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Nolan moved fast, throwing me over his shoulder and hurrying inside.

I was still laughing when he stopped abruptly and set me on the floor. “What happened in here?” he asked, seeing the groceries strewn around the kitchen.

For a brief moment, when I saw Nolan standing in the doorway, I had forgotten everything else. Now it all came rushing back, so swiftly I rocked on my feet.

“Whoa. Are you okay?” He grabbed my arm to steady me.

I didn’t answer as I sucked in hurried breaths and tried not to break down again. I didn’t want Nolan to see me this way, and I wasn’t ready to talk about my past.

“Talk to me, Jordyn.” Nolan nudged me, worry in his eyes. “You’re freaking me out.”

“It’s nothing,” I whispered. “I’m fine.”

I gave myself a quick shake and then hurried to clean up the mess. By focusing on the task at hand, I was able to turn off my brain momentarily. Fruit goes in the fruit bowl, bread in the cabinet above the dishwasher. The milk was warm because it had been sitting out for so long and I worried that it had gone bad. Rather than risk it, I dumped it down the drain.

Nolan watched every move without saying a word. I was conscious of him being there, leaning against the counter, but I avoided looking in his direction. I was afraid that if I made eye contact, I would open the door to questions. But Nolan was a patient guy, and he waited until I had nothing left to occupy my attention. One glance at him and I knew I wasn’t getting out of this without an explanation.

“What?” I finally snapped. I had to force myself to be irritated because his look of concern was so adorable.

“I can wait,” he said, his gaze steely.

I sighed, grabbed two beers from the fridge, and said, “Fine. Follow me.”

Nolan followed me outside without asking any questions. He took a seat next to me in the sand, a few feet from where the waves crashed. I handed him one of the beers and took a healthy sip from the other one.

“Today is an anniversary of sorts,” I said in one big, hurried breath. Spitting out the words was easier than choosing them carefully. “I was in a bad car accident a year ago today, and my best friend was driving. She died.”

“Oh.”

Sudden silence was not entirely surprising, but I hadn’t expected it from Nolan. He rarely had trouble finding something to say.

“Aren’t you going to say you’re sorry and ask for all the depressing details?”

“I hope you already know that I’m sorry for your loss. I’d have to be a sociopath not to feel bad.” Nolan brushed his arm against mine. “As for the details, if you want to talk about it, then I want to listen. But if you’d prefer not to, I get that. Trust me, I get that.”

I knew that it was true. He was suffering through his own issues, was having his own challenge putting words to his feelings. If anyone could understand how I felt, it was Nolan. Maybe that’s why I found myself giving him the details that I had never given anyone.

“Her name was Cecily. She was my next door neighbor when we were kids and by the time we were teenagers, we were inseparable. My dad died in a boating accident when I was in third grade, and my mom worked two jobs just to make ends meet. I spent a lot of my time at Cecily’s house.”

I felt a second wave of guilt trying to remember the last time I had even mentioned my mother. “Then my mom got sick when I was 16 and she died a year later. I moved in with Cecily’s family for my senior year of high school. In every way, Cecily was my family.”

Nolan didn’t say anything, but he took my hand.

This was the important part of the story. This was where everything went completely wrong in my life. It was the secret I had guarded for two years, and I wasn’t quite ready to let it go yet. So I skipped some pertinent details.