Finding Serenity (Serenity Beach) (8 page)

“Last year we were in an accident together, and Cecily died. She died, and I lived.”

“That isn’t your fault, Jordyn,” Nolan said. “You can’t blame yourself for an accident.”

“Actually I can. I’ve been doing it for a year now quite successfully.” I glanced in his direction and was rewarded with a sympathetic smile.

“You know what I mean.” He squeezed my hand gently. “You should forgive yourself.”

I couldn’t tell him why I couldn’t forgive myself. I wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable with him. “Have you been by to see Snyder?”

“Oh, so we’re done talking about you?”

“I’m feigning interest in your life so you won’t think I’m only into you because of your good looks.”

“That’s refreshing.” He smirked. “I’m planning to see Snyder a little later. I figured it would probably be better to stop by toward the end of visiting hours when there aren’t as many people around.”

“That’s probably a smart idea.” Nolan was cursed with the ability to draw unwanted attention wherever he went. “Do you need to leave soon?”

“Soon.” He winked at me. “I’ve got a little time to kill though.”

“Sounds promising.” I pretended to think. “How shall we pass the time? We could build a sand castle.”

“Eh. I’m not very good with sand as an artistic medium.”

“Swimming?”

“That would require you to take off those sweats, which I wouldn’t be opposed to.” Nolan leaned toward me and I responded by moving away.

“We could go back to the house and play chess… if you want to try something a little more mentally stimulating.”

“Stimulating sounds good… maybe more physical than mental?”

This time, he didn’t give me a chance to move away. He lowered me back onto the sand, until I was pinned beneath him. His hand brushed my cheek, then cupped my face as his lips closed over mine. All of the bad memories were gone as his hands moved over my body, momentarily erasing the pain. My arms closed around him, pulling him closer. As my heart thudded in my chest, I wondered if by finding Nolan, I had also found a way to love again.

“You actually said that Lyla isn’t your sister?” Brian laughed and slammed a shot of tequila. “That is cold.”

“I know.” Kennedy frowned as she studied her drink. It was blue, and would better be described as a jug than a glass. “I didn’t really mean it. I was just mad. You know what that woman does to me.”

“Why do you even go around her?” Brian reached for my shot which was sitting untouched in front of me. “Wouldn’t it be better to just avoid her?”

Kennedy took a healthy sip from her drink. A strand of dark hair fell in her eye and she brushed it away with a shaky hand. “If I avoid her, then I don’t get to see my dad. They are pretty much a packaged deal.”

She had been ranting to us about her evil step-mother for almost an hour and I had yet to say a word. Any advice I gave would be pure conjecture as my own experience dealing with family was less than ideal. I hadn’t had a father in the picture for a dozen years. I’d been an orphan for half a decade. So while Brian offered tip after tip, I kept my mouth shut. Actually, it would be better to say that I kept a straw in place, downing one Blue Hawaiian after another.

Brian finally noticed my muteness. “What’s wrong with you? Lost in daydreams about your studly boyfriend?” His wink turned my stomach. I had never seen Brian have more than a drink or two, but tonight he had been downing one right after another.

“I’m not good when it comes to dealing with family matters,” I said, flagging down the waitress to order another drink.

“You’re avoiding the question.” Kennedy pointed her straw at me, spilling blue drink in the process. “We’re going to need all the sordid details, girl.”

“I don’t have any sordid details.” I shrugged innocently.

“Please. I know for a fact that Nolan Meyers was at your place earlier today. You don’t expect me to believe that nothing kinky happened.” Kennedy grinned.

Again, I shrugged. “I’m sorry, but nothing happened. Nolan couldn’t stay because he wanted to see Snyder before visiting hours ended. We didn’t have time for kink.”

Brian shook his head in disappointment and Kennedy groaned. She said, “If you don’t want to have sex with that man, please pass him in my direction.”

I glanced at my phone for the millionth time that day. Since Nolan had left, I’d done nothing but think about him. It took all of my will-power not to pick up the phone and call him.

“Do it. You know you want to.” Kennedy waggled her eyebrows and I marveled at her ability to read my mind. “A booty call is just what you need.”

“I’m a good girl. I don’t make booty calls.” But even as I said that, I was already picturing the text I might send to Nolan.

“Even good girls have sex,” Brian said, never one to shy away from being blunt. “In fact, I’d wager that good girls have sex even more than naughty girls. They just don’t talk about it as much.”

Brian proceeded to talk about all of the good girls that had made the mistake of sleeping with him. Kennedy made horrified faces and slapped at his arm, but that didn’t stop him.

After ten minutes of pretending to listen, I said, “I’m going to take off.” I faked a yawn. “I’m tired.”

“If by tired you mean horny, then yeah, you’re really tired.” Brian winked knowingly.

Kennedy laughed. “You go girl. Get yours.”

“I hate you both. Good night.”

I was barely outside the bar before I had texted Nolan and received a reply. He would be at my place in ten minutes. I had a five minute walk ahead of me, but it felt much longer. Perhaps it was because of the tight dress and heels that Kennedy had made me wear, or maybe it was just the anticipation of seeing Nolan.

When I finally walked through the door of my house, I hurried to the bathroom and checked my appearance in the mirror. I was a little sweaty from rushing home, so I splashed some water on my face and then combed my fingers through my hair, taming the tangles that the wind had created. I thought about changing out of my dress, but a knock at the door ruined that plan.

“Crap,” I muttered, but my reflection in the mirror was smiling. “You can do this, Jordyn. Don’t be a pansy.”

One more smile and I skipped to the door. I took a deep breath and yanked it open. The sight of Nolan on the other side caused my heart to thud loud enough that I wondered if he could hear it.

“Hey, you,” he said, his smile so warm and promising that I wanted to throw myself at him.

“Hey.” I couldn’t manage more than that one word.

From the way Nolan was bouncing on his feet, I could tell he was just as anxious as me. He glanced over my shoulder. “Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought the plan was to meet up tomorrow?”

“That was the plan.” Since this was my first ever attempt at a booty call, I was having a little trouble getting things going.

“So what happened? Why am I here right now?”

“Plans changed, Nolan.” I took a deep breath. “Would you like to come inside?”

Nolan hesitated for just a split second and then stepped over the threshold. We reached for each other at the exact same time, our bodies colliding with purpose. Even in my three inch heels, he was still a few inches taller than me. I lifted my head to meet his lips, reveling in their warmth and insistence. The bill of his hat was in the way so I pulled it off and tossed it across the room. Now we could kiss more freely and when my head began to spin, it wasn’t from the Blue Hawaiians.

I could feel his long, calloused fingers slide across the back of my neck, and our kissing deepened in intensity. Nolan wrapped his arms around my midsection, and he lifted me off the ground.

“Where?” he mumbled, his lips against my neck.

I nodded toward the bedroom and he carried me there easily. When he set me on the ground in front of the bed, my legs were shaking. Fortunately, Nolan didn’t go far, and I could feel solid muscles moving beneath his t-shirt as his hands explored my body. First the front, skimming over the slinky fabric of my dress, and then they moved to the zipper in the back. As my dress fell away, he paused uncertainly, like he was about to change his mind.

“What’s wrong?” I asked in alarm.

“Nothing.” He smiled softly. “Nothing is wrong. Everything is perfect.”

And it was perfect. Nolan was gentle and attentive, strong and adept. He moved in just the right way and I was hungry for him. Later, when we were both recovering, I worried that I had fallen too hard for him. That I needed him more than he needed me. But then he looked at me, full of wonder and desire. His hand brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into my eyes and I wanted him more than I had ever thought was possible.

“I want you, Nolan,” I said.

“You have me, love.” He kissed me sweetly, taking his time. Neither of us were in a hurry.

When he finally pulled away, I rested my head on his chest. My head rose with each breath as his strong heartbeat gradually slowed to a more normal pace.

“Stay with me tonight?” I asked hopefully. I had never felt safer than I did in his arms.

“Sure. If you’ll stay with me forever.”

“I’ve got nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Nolan fell asleep almost immediately, but I lay awake a long time, just enjoying being held. I was finally able to doze off, but I woke up when I heard a distant thudding noise. It stopped just as quickly as it started and I wondered if I had imagined it altogether. Falling asleep again was proven to be a futile attempt. The sun was beginning to rise, and I was getting hungry.

I thought about ignoring it, but I was worried my growling stomach might wake Nolan. I gave Nolan’s adorable- not to mention hot- sleeping form one last look and got out of bed. I found our discarded clothing and pulled on Nolan’s t-shirt. It smelled wonderful- just like him. I inhaled deeply and then padded into the kitchen.

My head was still feeling cobwebby, so I got busy brewing a pot of coffee. I stared out the window while it brewed, lost in memories of the previous night. It wasn’t until I was halfway through my second cup of coffee that I noticed a piece of paper stuck into the glass window pane in the front door. I stepped closer, wondering if it had been there when I had greeted Nolan. When I was a couple of feet away, I saw that it was actually a Polaroid and that it had words written across it.

I picked it up by the edge and my mouth dropped open in horror. The picture was a little dark, but it very obviously showed Nolan and me, wrapped in each other’s arms in that very doorway. Whomever had taken the photo had stood just a few feet away, taking advantage of our distracted states. I trembled hard, and gasped when I read the block letter that had been hastily drawn over the picture.

I’m watching you. And him.

My hand started shaking so badly that I spilled coffee all over the picture, and the floor. I hurriedly checked to make sure that the door was locked. Then I started cleaning up the mess, all the while keeping one eye on the bedroom door. I couldn’t let Nolan see this.

After the mess had been cleaned up, I took the picture with me onto the balcony so that I could study it more closely without worrying about Nolan sneaking up on me. I had told him only a small part of the past that haunted me and I wasn’t ready to tell him the rest. If I was going to keep Nolan from becoming a victim of that past, I knew what I had to do.

“Jordyn?”

I folded the picture and tucked it under my seat cushion. “Out here.”

Nolan appeared in the doorway wearing just his boxers, and my heart jumped. Somehow, I knew that feeling would never go away.

“Good morning,” he said, his voice heavy with sleep. His smile was boyish and my eyes lingered on his lips a little too long.

“Coffee?” I held up my mug, the one covered in pink flamingos, hoping to distract myself from his impressive body.

“Please.” He took it from me and I made room for him on the chaise.

It took a little adjusting, but we were able to fit comfortably, snuggled together. If I hadn’t just made such a heart-wrenching decision, it would’ve been the perfect way to start the morning. Instead of just enjoying the moment, I closed my eyes and tried to savor it.

“Nice shirt,” Nolan said, two fingers plucking the arm of his t-shirt.

“Likewise,” I replied, running a hand over his bare chest. I instantly regretted that decision. This was going to be an impossible conversation. “About last night-”

“Nope.”

“What do you mean, nope?” I sat up quickly, nearly falling off the chair.

Nolan shook his head. “We’re not having a conversation about last night. It was a perfect night- let’s leave it that way.”

“Why would it be a bad thing to talk about it?” It was like he knew that I was about to ruin everything.

“Because we’ll start to second-guess it. You’ll worry that we moved too fast and that now I’ll expect sex from you all the time, and I’ll worry that you are going to become clingy and possessive. Our perfect night will be erased in just seconds.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.” I tilted my head. “It also sounds like you think I should feel like a slut this morning.”

“Whoa.” Nolan threw up his hands. “That’s not what I meant.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared, holding back a smile. Nolan was cute when he squirmed. “So what you meant was that you just want to have sex with me, and not have to talk to me?”

“Jordyn, you’re putting words in my mouth. I never said that.” Nolan had gone from slightly uncomfortable to horrified, and now it was my turn to feel bad.

“I’m kidding, Nolan.” I smiled ruefully. “I had no idea you were so sensitive.”

“You’re a funny girl.” Nolan allowed a weak laugh. “Do you seriously want to talk about last night?”

I realized I hadn’t been planning to talk about last night at all. It had just been a convenient segue for me to end things then and there. But now that I was being given the opportunity, I couldn’t find the right words.

“No. You were right.” I leaned over and kissed his cheek, then curled up against him. “Let’s keep it perfect.”

I knew that it couldn’t stay perfect forever, but the more we were together, the harder it was going to be to say goodbye. When Nolan asked about our plans for the day, I lied.

“I have to go into work. I’m really sorry, but I just remembered that I agreed to work a shift for Carl.”

Nolan tried not to look disappointed. “Do you have to work all day?”

“It’s a double shift.” It was an okay lie, but I was a terrible liar. “I’ll call you when my shift is over and if it isn’t too late, we can do something then.”

When it was time to finally say goodbye to Nolan, I held onto him fiercely, knowing that it might be the last chance I would have to hold him.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He laughed at my aggressiveness. “We’ll see each other tonight.”

“Yeah.” I squeezed him again, then kissed him long and hard. Nolan gave me the time I needed, though he looked worried when I finally loosened my grip.

“Is everything okay?” He brushed a hand over my cheek.

“Everything is great.” One last kiss and I pulled away. “Everything is perfect.”

Nolan waved as he pulled away and before his car was even out of sight, the first tears started to trace their way down my cheeks.