Finding Serenity (Serenity Beach) (9 page)

~NOLAN~

Leaving Jordyn had been a challenge. Every time I tried to leave, she cocked her head or smiled, and I was drawn back to her. Eventually, she had to push me out the door. Since she was going to be busy working all day, I needed to find another way to pass the time and it had been a while since I’d visited Snyder.

A nurse pointed me to his room and I paused outside the door. Someone had brought him a guitar and he was strumming it softly. I hadn’t heard him play since we were in high school.

“You’ve improved.”

If Snyder had heard me enter the room, he had done a good job of ignoring me. Even now, he kept his head bent over the guitar. “I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands lately.”

I made my way across the room even though I hadn’t been invited in. Snyder kept playing and I wondered if he was going to ignore me the entire time. If he didn’t want to talk, he’d just have to listen.

“Sorry I haven’t been around. The team called me back.” I wasn’t sure just how sensitive this topic would be.

“I saw.” He glanced briefly at the closed laptop on his bedside table. “The experts think you might play soon.”

“The experts are paid to make speculations. That doesn’t mean they are right.”

“Am I supposed to feel bad for you?” he snapped.

I didn’t know which version of my friend was worse- hostile Snyder, or silent Snyder. He laid the guitar on the bed and said, “Why are you here, Meyers?”

“I’m here to make sure my friend is alright.”

“Friend? Ha.” His laugh was humorless. “Everyone keeps dropping by to check on me, like I’m some kind of crazy person, or a drug addict.”

“I don’t know about that, but I’m definitely worried about you.” After his overdose, it was pretty obvious that Snyder needed help, whether he was willing to admit it or not.

He gestured around the room. “No need to worry about me. I’m locked up in here because everyone seems to think I’m going to off myself.”

“You almost died.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

I threw up my hands. “Dramatic? Your heart stopped, man. Do you think that isn’t a big deal? I almost lost my friend, and you think I’m being dramatic?”

“You lost your friend a long time ago, Snyder. You just didn’t realize it until that night.” His eyes burned and his nostrils flared.

“What do you mean?”

“After your accident, you shut everyone out. I would go for weeks without even talking to you. You barely even acknowledged the fact that my entire career went up in flames overnight. Do you think my drug habit just started overnight? It’s been going on for months and I tried talking to you about it. I tried. But you didn’t want to hear it.” The anger dropped from his voice and it was replaced with hurt.

He was right. I couldn’t deny his accusation because I had known for a long time that Snyder was in trouble. I had seen the signs, and then I had looked the other way. I convinced myself that he was just dealing with his grief and then everything would go back to normal.

“I’m here now, man. I know it’s a little late, but I’m ready to hear it.” I swallowed hard and looked him in the eye. “If you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.”

He didn’t say anything for a long time. I thought he was going to return to giving me the silent treatment. But just as I was about to give up and leave, he said, “It started a month after my surgery. I was in a lot of pain, and I hadn’t gotten a full night of sleep in weeks.”

Once he started talking, the story poured out of him. It had been so long since the two of us had just sat and talked. In the early days, we had spent our lives together on the baseball field. We had dreamed of our futures as professional athletes. It never occurred to either of us that our lives might end up any other way. When everything had ended for Snyder, he hadn’t been able to handle it. The drugs had made it easier.

“I found a place just outside Serenity. It’s really well-respected.” I treaded carefully because I didn’t know how Snyder would react to my suggestion that he enter rehab. “It’s on the ocean, and it’s completely voluntary so you can leave whenever you want.”

He sighed. “Fine. Send me the info.”

“Really?” To say that I was shocked was an understatement. I’d prepared an entire speech to get him to consider treatment.

“The hospital has me under watch until they think I’m no longer a threat. If I have a facility to go to, they will speed up my discharge.” He reached for the guitar. “Now get out of here before I change my mind.”

The visit had gone better that I expected. We hadn’t solved all of our issues, but at least we were talking openly again.

“Oh, hey.” Snyder stopped me at the door. “I almost forgot. How are things going with the new girl? Jordyn?”

“Fine. Why do you ask?”

He shrugged. “She just doesn’t seem like your type.”

“My type?” I nodded. “That’s exactly what I like about her.”

“Fair enough. She might be just what you need right now.” Snyder waved me out the door. “Now stop annoying me and go live your life.”

It was easier said than done. When I spoke to Jordyn later in the evening, she was out with her friends. Since I didn’t have much of a life in Serenity, it was a struggle thinking of a good way to pass the time. I was sure there was a party going on back at the mansion; at least a dozen random people were staying there now and beach parties at night were pretty much the norm. Rather than face the drunken masses, I decided to take a drive along the coast. If you’re going to drive a ridiculously expensive vehicle, you might as well take it out on the highway every now and then.

For me, driving had always been the best way to organize my thoughts and clear my mind of all the clutter. I hadn’t had much of a chance to drive after going pro. Because of all the road games, I spent more time in a plane than in a car.

As I drove along the bending road with the salty air filling my nostrils, I thought about buying a place in Serenity. It wouldn’t have to be any place fancy- just something close to the beach. I told myself that I was only thinking about my own future. I needed a home, after all. But when I pictured that home, Jordyn was there, curled next to me on an oversized couch with her head on my shoulder.

If I had told Snyder how I really felt about Jordyn, he would have teased me mercilessly. He didn’t believed in love or soul mates. A sworn bachelor, he could never be expected to understand how I had fallen for Jordyn in such a short amount of time. Heck, I didn’t even really understand it. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t real.

Eventually, I looked at my gas gauge and saw that I needed to fill up if I wanted to make it home tonight. I pulled into the nearest gas station and filled the tank. A poorly written sign let me know that the credit card scanner was malfunctioning, so I headed inside to pay.

Out of habit, I studied the magazine rack as I waited in line at the register. A year ago, every cover of the sports magazines would’ve been plastered with my face. Now, I only saw one small headline with my name in it.

The cashier rang up my gas and I handed over my credit card. He was young, probably still in his teens. When he glanced at my face, I worried that he might recognize me. But I was wearing my trusty baseball hat, and my five o’clock scruff had kicked in. He handed me my card and receipt without a word.

I stepped to the side to return the card to my wallet and the man behind me placed his purchases on the counter. It was a random assortment of goods- a candy bar, bottle of scotch, a map of Serenity, and a pink flamingo magnet. The last item made me take a second look. Out of curiosity, I looked at the man.

He had seen me looking at the magnet and he smirked. “For the girlfriend. She’s a big fan of flamingos.”

It was a strange coincidence. Prior to meeting Jordyn, I had never known any grown adult that actually collected flamingo paraphernalia. Now, apparently two such people lived in the same town. I shrugged it off and headed back to my car.

The next day, I tried calling Jordyn but kept getting her voicemail. I told myself that she was just busy at work, but after three days of radio silence, I started to worry that something was wrong.

When I found myself walking into Seaside Bar & Grill specifically to see her, I worried that I was becoming obsessive. But there was no denying the fact that Jordyn’s face lit up the second she saw me.

“Nolan! What are you doing here?” she glanced around nervously.

“Just wanted to make sure your phone is working,” I teased lamely. I definitely felt like a stalker now. “I tried calling.”

“I know.” Jordyn smoothed her hands over the black apron tied around her waist. Even with her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, not a trace of makeup on her face, and wearing a white polo with the restaurant’s name emblazoned across it, she looked amazing.

“You look amazing,” I said, just in case she didn’t know it.

She gave me a reluctant smile. “Give me a second.”

I showed myself to a table on the patio and waited. A minute later, she appeared.

“We’re pretty busy today, but Danny says we can take ten minutes to chat.” She smiled as she took a seat across from me. “How are you?”

“Confused.” With only ten minutes, we didn’t have time to beat around the bush. “You haven’t been answering my calls.”

“I’ve been busy,” Jordyn answered without looking me in the eye.

“It sure feels like you have been avoiding me.” Her silence was the only answer I needed. “Look, Jordyn, I’m not here to give you a hard time. If you want to end it now, fine. I can’t say I won’t be disappointed, but I’ll understand.”

She stared hard at a scuff on the table and her voice was quiet when she said, “I don’t want to end things, but I think we have to.”

I wanted to feel annoyed. I wanted to tell her that I felt the same and that I didn’t want to see her anymore either. But when I looked at Jordyn, all I couldn’t think about was how much I wanted to hold her again.

“Did something happen?” I asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, of course not.” When she finally looked at me, her face betrayed nothing. “Do you still like playing ball?”

“What?” It took several seconds for me to process the words. “Yeah, I still like playing.”

“I thought so.” She nodded slowly. “You need to go back, Nolan. I watched tapes of you playing before the injury and you were amazing.”

I almost smiled. Jordyn had searched the internet to watch footage from my games. “A lot has changed since then.”

“No, not a lot. Just you. You’ve changed.” She picked up a straw wrapper that had been left on the table and twisted it into a knot. “You used to enjoy being out there. But I saw clips from a few weeks ago, and you didn’t look happy anymore. You looked scared.”

“Well I did almost die, Jordyn.” I was surprised at the sharpness in my voice.

“That’s not what scares you.” Her eyes penetrated my barrier, piercing straight to my soul. “You rotate your shoulder. You did it the night of the carnival, and you did it during your warm ups. You’re not scared of getting hit again. You’re scared that your arm isn’t as good as it used to be.”

“That’s ridiculous.” I felt the center of my chest tighten.

“You had to relearn how to pitch after the accident, and you are afraid that you aren’t the best anymore.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about.”

She leaned forward and took my hand. “I do know, Nolan. That’s why you faked the shoulder injury. It was easier to quit than to risk failing. I know exactly how you feel. But you can’t keep hiding from your life. You can’t keep denying yourself happiness.”

I suddenly couldn’t listen to anymore accusations. “I need to go. Let me know if you ever decide you want to talk about us.”

“Nolan-” Jordyn’s face flashed with hurt as I slipped my hand away from hers and stood up.

“You told me to leave, so that’s what I’m doing.” I knew even as I said it that it was incredibly petty.

“You’re right.” She folded her hands together and placed them in her lap, keeping her eyes focused on them the entire time. “You should go. Go back to your real life, Nolan.”

Any hesitation I had about leaving vanished when she said that. Everything she had said about me running from my life had been true.

“Bye, Jordyn.”

I left without looking back. I made it all the way to the Estate before I realized that I was being an idiot. Jordyn didn’t really want me to go. She was just afraid that I was going to leave her and she was trying to protect herself. Even if I did decide to go back to playing baseball, it didn’t mean we head to end our relationship.

Halfway back to the restaurant, I spotted a girl walking along the beach, just a few yards away from the road. She looked ethereal and beautiful, and I knew that it had to be Jordyn. I hurriedly pulled over, leaving the car parked on the side of the road with the engine running.

“Jordyn!”

“Nolan? What are you doing?” she threw her arms up in exasperation. “This isn’t safe. You can’t just leave your car on the side of the road like that.”

“This road doesn’t exactly get a lot of traffic. I’m not worried about it.” It only took a few steps for me to catch up with her.