Finding the Thing Within (9 page)

***

“You’re a crazy man! I’ll say it again, Rosario: I’m not in love with you, I’M NOT IN LOVE!! Is it any clearer now? Did you even read my reply last night...read it again! Actually, read all my emails again...I think you read it wrong due to your total fear of falling in love!

Your email was beautiful anyway and it filled me with joy because it shows that you think of me. I don’t think you’re a cold person; in fact it’s just the opposite! I don’t know how much this depends on your arriving at a point where you feel you have to give something to someone or if it’s me arousing all this trust in you…I only know that you have already given me a lot. You speak to me like a friend and confidant. You send me love when you look at me... your gestures make you seem dry, because even if they are just small gestures, the reasons and motives behind them give them each an importance. It’s in that transparency that I read in your eyes that I can see I’m losing control over my feelings...and I trust more in you...I think I’ve answered you...I don’t think you can misinterpret this message...we’ll soon see. I’ve started the book and am already quite far through it, it really pulls you in.. I’ll tell you what I think when I see you.

Loving kisses! Your Lorenzo xxxxxxxxxx”

Part 10

Mr. Bassetti, owner of the company interested in buying the patent, liked communicating via email because, he said, it was easy and efficient. The only problem was that when you sent a message you had to wait some time before you got a reply. Rosario had sent an email to Mr. Bassetti to say that he had sent off the prototype that morning. He had sent it in such a way so as that it would arrive in just a couple of working days. He did have some confidence in the success of his innovation but was at the same time concerned by the appearance of the similar model already on sale, and he wanted to investigate further. So that same day he went to the patent office and looked for something similar to his design in the records. He could find nothing, not even the name of the company that had brought it out.

He tried searching with various keywords, such as ‘double SIM’ and ‘SIM2SIM’ but still nothing was forthcoming. He asked the man there at the patent office who could only tell him that ninety days were needed between the time something was patented and when it would officially be registered. Or perhaps, he ventured further, the product had been taken to the market without having been patented. Rosario liked the sound of this second possibility and returned home somewhat comforted. The prototype had already been sent and he would just have to see what Providence had to say about it. Rosario had allowed himself to fantasize with Lorenzo about how much the idea could be worth. 150 million or 100 million if it didn’t go too well, or he would ask for a lump sum and a percentage of sales. To decide he would need to know if the accessory would be only sold in Italy, or worldwide. He knew, though, that he should not let his imagination run riot and that to avoid disappointment it was better to think small. Besides this new product wasn’t helping things.

***

Lorenzo had told him not to phone him at home in case his mother answered and asked for an explanation, so the usual agreement was that either Lorenzo would phone Rosario, or Rosario would ring his mobile once and Lorenzo would phone him back. That morning Rosario did exactly this, he rang Lorenzo’s phone and Lorenzo phoned him straight away.

“Hello.”
“Hello darling, how are you today?”
“Where has this come from?” asked Lorenzo. “No reason, just asking how you were…” “Fine. I just got up, I went out with Tullio and his

girlfriend and I got in late.”
“Beach today?”
“Yes! If you hadn’t asked me I was going to suggest

it anyway. Half and hour, at the usual place?”
“Let’s make it three-quarters of an hour, the traffic’s
bad and I’m on the other side of the city.”
“Oh, ok then…Hey?”
“What?”
“I love you!”
“Me too.”
“See you later, ciao.”

***

The weather was beautiful that day but the sea was rough, there was breakers coming in from far out to sea. Despite which it being June after all, the beach was crowded. As usual, to get the other side, they would have to either go through the straight area of the beach or take the tortuous, barely traceable path high above it. Both of them were wearing shorts and before long, navigating through large patches of spiny, sun-brittle undergrowth, they were badly scratched. Arriving at their destination with bloody legs, Lorenzo joked:

“You don’t have AIDS do you?”
“Bastard! No I don’t!”
“Would you get offended if I asked you to do something with me?”

“What?”
“We get an HIV test?”
“And why not! I’m safe, even though I’m a libertine,

I’ve always taken care in relations and then, some things I’ve only done with you.”

“Ok, but still I’d feel more at ease if we could do the test.”
“Just tell me when. Ready when you are.”
“Next Monday?”
“Fine,” and they lay back on the hot, flat rocks. Obviously the sea was too rough to even think about swimming, so they contented themselves to kissing and being close.
“Lorenzo?”
“Uh huh?”
“Do you really care for me?”
“I don’t just care for you, I’m crazy about you.”
“Well I don’t know why I should have met you, but it’s such an amazing adventure.”
“Oh, so it’s only an ‘adventure’ for you?”
“Yes, for now it’s still an adventure. But just think, I don’t ever have this feeling and then when it finally does come it’s for a twenty-four year old!”
“It had to happen eventually, even to you. I don’t think you are as cold-hearted as you claim to be, I think you have a deep need to give and receive affection. You’re always retreating into your hard shell, but inside you’re as fragile and weak as the rest of us. It’s true that I’m sensitive but so are you, and you’re showing it to me more and more every day. You were probably hiding it from yourself all this time, waiting for someone to bring it out of you.” “What?”
“Shut up! I’m being serious! Even if our situation is all tangled up.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because the good things in life should be enjoyed without the constant fear that they are taken away.”
“And who could take our love away?”
“Well, I don’t really mean some person in particular but the whole situation, the way people would react. The bigoted world.”
“Yeah I know, a lot of people are.” Rosario was getting excited and Lorenzo could feel it since their bodies were wrapped together so close, they were practically bonded.
“What is it you see in me? I’m old, I don’t have an incredible body and maybe I’m not all that good-looking.”
“Yes you are. You have a nice face and nice eyes. What color are they anyway?”
“Apparently they’re cerulean that is it depends on the color of the light they reflect. They can be blue, green or even brown.”
“Well, they’re gorgeous and I like you for what you are. I like your nose, it's well-proportioned and straight and, I like your hair.”
“Of course you do, you don't have any!”
“Shut up, stupid.”
“What else do you like about me?”
“Well! Don’t
you
know? You have a nice cock, uh, what do you like about me?”
“It's easy with you because there aren't many things that I like and lots that I don't.”
“Come on then, let's hear them!”
“Your feet.”
“What about my feet?”
“They’re perfect! What size are you?”
“44!”
“Then, let’s see...your legs are perfect too! And then moving upwards...I like how you don’t have the slightest hint of a paunch.”
“I would hope so, with all the gym I do! What else?” “Then, err...turn around a bit!”
“Don’t be silly.”
“Yes, I like your ass; it’s beautiful, hard and...capacious.”
“Shut it! Next?”
“Your height! And your face, yes, your face! It’s really handsome, looking at it properly.”
“I thought you said you didn’t like my face? That my nose was squashed and you thought it should turn up? And you didn’t like my baldness?”
“Yes, but your face is great.”
“You base everything on physical beauty and don’t take anything else into account. Inner beauty, generosity, kindness, loyalty and things like that.”
“It’s...that physical attractiveness is something you can touch, I mean, it’s the quality that can be seen immediately, while inner beauty and all the rest are qualities that you only start to appreciate when you get to know someone. They don’t exclude each other in the sense that there must be both, but you can’t help but notice physical beauty first, and without it all the other characteristics don’t matter. Well that’s my thinking, others may think in a different way, like you. Otherwise why would you be with someone like me.”
“Don’t put yourself down like that. It’s true; I look to what's inside people, what is out there after. I wouldn’t go too far though; he can't be a complete monster. Hey, why don’t we go behind that rock so no one can see us?” “Why? What do you want to do?”
“Guess?” And they hid behind the rock. When they had finished they lay back down and took in the suns rays. “What are you thinking?” said Rosario.
“About us, you are very lucky. Most of your friends know about your sexuality and accept it, I have to go on hiding this dark side of my life.”
“It’s all up to you, like I said; you slowly have to start opening yourself up to other people. Investigate, observe and try to figure out who are your most trusted friends, and trust them. You can’t hide forever; sooner or later they’ll understand that there is something strange about you. You should have a talk with your brother!”
“You’re mad! No, don’t ask all of this from me right now. I’ll deal with it later; I know that sooner or later it’ll come out. But I don’t feel right, I’m not ready.”
“What are you studying right now,” asked Rosario.
“I’m looking at filters.”
“What kind of filters?”
“Active and operational filters and stuff like that, but you understand that?”
“Well, I’m not an engineer, I haven’t studied maths but I’ve had a self-taught passion for electronics for twenty years and I’ve built passive filters for speaker enclosures, and I’m pretty good at that. Let me ask you a question. You know what a tweeter is?”
“Not really.”
“Great, good start! Do you at least know the frequency range in which humans hear?”
“Of course, from 20 to 20,000 Hertz.”
“Good! Well, the tweeter is the speaker used to reproduce only frequencies between 3.000/4.000 Hertz to 20,000 exactly, and to amplify these and only these, you need to mount a so-called cross-over filter.”
“I know.”
“Yes, but here’s the good part, do you know how to calculate it?”
“No!”
“Some great future engineer you’ll make, and you’re supposed to be studying filters for an exam.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like we’re studying speaker filters!”
“Anyway, give me a piece of paper and a pen, I want to show you something.” Lorenzo brought them both and Rosario started drawing. He drew three stylized speakers and next to each he drew a schematic of the cross-over filter associated with each. He proceeded with extreme ease like a professor explaining the lesson to his students.
“To filter the tweeter it is necessary to apply a capacitor and an inductor.”
“Ok, I know that much.”
“Yes, but do you know the formula used to calculate the values?”
“No!”

“I thought not!, Then the formula is:

C


1.000.000

2


f

R
where

is Pi, f is the frequency at which you want to “cut”

the filter and R is the impedance of the tweeter. Still with me?”
“Yup, I’m following, go on...”
“So let’s do an example, suppose that the cut-off frequency we want to establish is at 5000 Hertz, then we

multiply the denominator 2 3.14 5.0004, assuming at

4 the tweeter impedance of 4 ohms, and...” he made a mental calculation, “let’s say 125,000? More or less then
125,000 is divided by 1.000.000,” another pause, “8, so C is equal to 8, is expressed in micro Farads.” Lorenzo looked at him surprised.
“Hey I didn’t expect all this expertise.”
“Listen 'engineering student', when you want lessons, you, and your teacher, call me. Got it?”
“Maybe you’re going a bit far now,” and he kissed him.
“For now let’s just sunbathe.”
In the late afternoon they saw a very well-built, masculine guy with a nice face and a tattoo on his arm. He faced Lorenzo as he settled on a rock nearby.
“Oh! Look who it is,” said Rosario.
“Who is he, you know him?”
“Let’s just say that it’s two years I’ve liked him and he’s always ignored me. You know how I like muscled types. Now he’s stopped right next to us, it’s clear that the interest is for you. Do you like him?”
“He’s not bad!”
“Would you have a threesome with him?” “You are sick in the brain; you would do it, wouldn’t you?”
“Well, I wouldn’t mind!”
“I knew it, you’re not a man, you're a whore.” “Come on, don’t be angry, come here and give me a kiss.”
While they were kissing, Rosario looked up to see if the guy was watching them. And he was. As soon as he realized that Lorenzo wasn't single, he took his things and left. After a short time they too left and Lorenzo agreed to go through the straight part of the beach to avoid having their legs scratched again. So as not to be seen, he covered his head with a T-shirt.

Part 11

Two days passed and Rosario tried to get on with his job. It had to be done, after all, but he kept thinking about Lorenzo, who still hadn’t phoned him. He wanted to call him first, but didn’t, thinking that he would probably be studying anyway. He knew he had exams coming up and didn’t want to distract him. He checked his inbox every morning, hoping to find something from Lorenzo, but it was filled every day with nothing but junk mail. Now he just deleted them without even opening them. That Saturday morning, at the same time as always, phoned Francesco Aiello before he checked his email.

“I'm coming. Be ready to go, I need you to come with me!”
“Where to?”
“I have to go and get 100 metres of pipe and take it to the house in the country. I need a hand.” Rosario still wasn’t dressed when he heard Francesco ring on the intercom.
“You’re still not ready? Come on, it’s late!”
“What’s the need for all the rush?” Rosario asked in the car.
“We have to get to Caccamo.”
“Caccamo? Why so far to buy a pipe, they don’t sell them here?”
“Apart from it being only 48 kilometres, I also need to buy a 3,000 litre water tank and they sell them there for 250,000 lire less than they do here. So it’s worth it.” Caccamo is a small medieval town, with a population of just over eight thousand, just some houses and a castle five hundred metres above sea level. To get there you must travel 30 kilometres of highway followed by 18 kilometres of tight uphill curves. It took about three-quarters of an hour.
“How’s it going with Lorenzo?” Francesco asked in the car.
“For now, good.”
“Uh...haven’t you thought about the age difference?”
“Yes, a lot, but for now we’re ok, and then we’ll see. Why do you ask?”
“No reason,” and he laughed.
“Come on! What is it?”
“I’ve met this girl who is just amazing, she’s better in the sack than any girl I’ve known, but...there’s a problem.”
“What problem?”
“She’s twenty-four!”
“I thought they were always that young?”
“Yes, but not with jealous, violent boyfriends at home, like this one has.”
“Ooh, why do you always have to get into pickles like this? You attract this kind of trouble like a magnet. You know that it's always going to be dangerous for a fortyyear-old man to go out with a girl as young as that,” said Rosario
“Listen to who’s talking! Which pulpit are you preaching from? But she really is good, no, I’m serious, I mean really good! She not just having sex when she’s having sex, I mean she puts all her passion, all her feelings and more. She says that it’s not the same with her boyfriend.”
After a moment of silence he went on, “She uses Nutella.”
“Nutella?”
“Yup. She covers us both in Nutella and then she... you can imagine the rest. Trust me, I’ve never known anyone like her.”
“Yeah, but what about when her boyfriend finds out!”
“He already did, he's looking for me and wants to kill me. I’m pretty damned concerned. He’s supposed to be tough!”
“You get mixed up in some pretty messes!”
“I get mixed up, I get mixed up! How did I know it would end up like this, if I'd known about him I certainly wouldn't have gotten involved! She is
really
good in bed though!” Francesco chose the pipe, it was two inches thick, hard and a hundred metres long, coiled around a spool with a four foot diameter. The metal water tank was huge and galvanized; it looked like a fuselage and weighed over 150 pounds. Luckily it had feet to give it grip and stability while resting on the ground. They needed a truck to get it to Francesco's country house. The truck arrived at the highest part of the terrain possible and with the mechanical arm easily lowered the tank into the clearing which Francis had prepared beforehand. But while the truck moved no one noticed a hook from one side of the truck catch on one of the feet of the tank, which lost equilibrium and rolled down the slope, smashed into and knocked over one olive tree first and slammed to a halt on a second bigger tree. Francis was left locked where he was standing, looked at Rosario and put his hand to his head.
“Eh...if...there...had been...someone under?”
Rosario and the truck’s operator were petrified and they just looked, not knowing what to do. Francesco recovered a little and with a chalk-white face, summoned enough strength to say, “Let’s see what’s left of it.”
The tank, or what was left of it was “wrapped” around the tree trunk. They put ropes around the stumps of the tank’s feet and tried to heave it off but to no avail. It was as if it had merged with the tree. They tried with mallets but finally decided that the only solution was to cut the tree down, which, despite not being broken, was in a sorry state.
The operation went on for several hours and finally Francesco commented, “I could've bought it here; I’d have paid 250,000 lire more but probably avoided all this hassle.”