Finding You (16 page)

Low and I walked down the hallway towards the large kitchen, skirting around couples dry humping each other against any hard surface they could find. Walking in I looked around to see if I could spot Angel, but he was nowhere in sight. Pulling out my phone, I sent him a text to let him know I was here waiting for him.

Placing the phone back into my bra, I made my way over to the corner of the room where Tate, Ace, Zane and Colt stood laughing and joking. I watched as Low bounced over to my brother, placing a chaste kiss on his mouth. Huh? Weird, I thought they were fighting? Then I noticed it and I gasped in shock, Tate’s eye was ten shades of black and blue. Walking over to him, I pulled him by his wrist, dragging him to a quiet spot in the back yard.

“What the hell is that?” I spat as I pointed at his eye, it was one hell of a black eye.

“It’s a black eye, sis.” He said nonchalantly as he pushed my finger away from his face, chuckling.

Did he think this was some kind of joke?

“I know what it is, Tate, but how the hell did you get it?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest, becoming increasingly concerned.

Is this why Low had been so jumpy every time I mentioned my brother? I could feel the wheels spinning round in my head but the only conclusion I could come up with was Low. Had she done this? I could feel my blood boiling. What the fuck?

“I was tackled on the field, it’s no big deal. I’m fine.” He said smiling as he pulled me in for a hug. “I’m fine, I promise.” I should feel reassured that he got it from the football field and that he was okay. But I wasn’t, he is my brother. I have seen him happy, sad, excited and depressed; but I have also seen him lie and right now, he was lying.

I remember when I was around seven, mom had made her famous triple chocolate sponge cake for dad’s birthday. It was three layers of a heart attack waiting to happen but my god, mom’s baking was incredible. Mom had gone upstairs to get changed out of her flour-coated clothes, leaving the cake on the table in the dining room. Yeah, you know what’s coming next right? Tate took the biggest portion I had ever seen and ate every last bit. Even with chocolate crumbs around his mouth he still lied through his back teeth. He even had the nerve to tell mom it was all my idea! Of course, we were both sent to our rooms.

Since then, Tate had mastered the white lie but he could never fool me, his eyes were the biggest tell. They would widen ever so slightly. To anyone else, this would have gone unnoticed; but not to me.

I quickly pulled out of his arms. Why was he lying? What isn’t he telling me?

“Don’t lie to me, Tate Michael James! What really happened?”

“Logan happened.” Whipping my head around, I watched as a scowl appeared on Low’s face as she walked over to Tate and straight into his open arms, holding her close. “Look, Tate didn’t want me to tell you, but I knew your mind would go into overdrive once you saw that he was lying to you.” Low shrugged while looking at the ground.

“Why didn’t you want to tell me, Tate?” I asked, my heartbeat rising. Shit, he knows about Logan.

“I knew you would be mad at him. He was pissed when he got back to the dorm, Nev. I asked him to go to Bones and watch over you. He came back home and he looked pissed. And when I asked him what the hell was going on, he went on a rampage! The dorm was completely turned upside down. The damn walls have holes in them, and when I tried to calm him down, he swung for me.”

“Where is he?” I shot, cutting him off, still trying to take in what Tate had just told me.

“Back at the dorm.” Quickly turning, I made my way out of the house as Tate shouted over my shoulder “Be careful, Neva.”

My heels clacked and scraped against the tarmac of the road as I ran full speed towards campus. I was going to either land on my face or break my neck from the damn things. I quickly kicked off my heels, leaving them on the side of the road. I didn’t care, they weren’t important. What was important was that Logan was hurting and it was my fault.

I felt ten years old again. My chest heaved and my lungs hurt from the quick breaths I was taking as I sprinted down the road. My eyes watered, blurring my vision as the wind whipped my face while my head hurt with the internal battle I was facing. Should I be running to him? Should I be dropping everything for him? He has hurt me time and time again, but right now I don’t think my brain could come up with a rational answer. I needed to get to him.

Pain shot through the soles of my bare feet as they pounded against the campus grounds. I could feel gravel clinging to my feet as it tore small cuts across the sensitive skin. I was suddenly aware of my fist hammering against a solid surface. It took me a few moments to realize I was outside Tate and Logan’s dorm. I couldn’t remember getting into the building or climbing the stairs to the corridor where I now stood.

“Open the door, Logan!” I shouted while ramming my fist into the wood, feeling my hand splinter in pain from the sheer force I was pushing through my body into my fist. My hand stopped mid-air before I could do anymore damage to both my hand and the door. I heard the sound of a bottle hitting the floor followed by a muffled ‘shit.’ Placing my ear against the door I tried to make out any more sounds or movement from the other side, but I was met with silence.

“You better open this damn door, Logan White, or I swear I’ll …” My mouth quickly snapped shut as I was suddenly eye level with a very toned, a very naked and a very sexy chest. Rock solid pecs greeted me as his lower torso invited me to look down. Abs that were perfectly defined in impeccable mounds that left my mouth watering flexed under my gaze. But my eyes were uncontrollable as they roamed further down to that damn sexy ‘V’. Visions of licking and biting that spot flooded my mind.

“Or you’ll what?” The growl in Logan’s voice didn’t go unnoticed as I pried my ogling eyes from his god-like body, finally locking my gaze on his face, trying hard not to look back down again. But I was quickly taken aback when I saw Logan’s blood-shot eyes.

“You’re drunk.” I said as I pushed past him, causing him to stumble slightly as I walked into the room. My eyes roamed around to find any trance of evidence of Logan’s ‘rampage’ but everything looked the way it should, well except from the fist-size hole in the wall just above his bed.

My feet suddenly started to ache in pain as the adrenaline left my body. Christ it was painful. My knees started to buckle from under me. I quickly sat down on the edge of Logan’s bed, giving me a little relief as I took the weight off my now swollen and blood tinged feet. Looking down, I cringed. This was going to really hurt in the morning!

I was suddenly aware of a hand on my ankle. Logan’s strong hands were grasping at my foot as he crouched down on the floor in front of me. Raising my foot higher to investigate the sole, I watched him carefully as I saw his brows furrow clearly confused as to why I had no shoes on.

“We need to clean these up.” He said, his eyes never left my foot as he said those words to me. Then it hit me.

“No Logan, I’m fine.” I didn’t want him doing this. I didn’t even think about it when I took my damn shoes off. Logan hated the sight of blood.

“If you’re worried I am going to faint on you, don’t. I haven’t done that since I was fifteen.”

The memory of Logan fainting on the floor in our back yard made me chuckle. Tate had broken his arm when he fell out of the old oak tree. He was showing off, trying to climb to the top telling us all that he was the best tree climber. But he didn’t make it past the fourth branch, falling on his right arm he screamed out from the pain. I’m not surprised he screamed and cried as much as he did. He had hurt his arm pretty bad. Mom came running outside to see what was going on, pulling Tate to sit up against the tree, his injury was pretty evident. Bone was sticking out of his arm while blood poured profusely from it. I sat down next to him to comfort him when I noticed Logan’s face paling. His large frame suddenly hit the deck with a thud, he had fainted. Tate needed surgery to fix his arm, but made a full recovery. As for Logan? He didn’t live it down for weeks from Tate and me.

Logan’s hands left my ankle as he stood up and walked into his bathroom, leaving my skin hot just from the most innocent of touch. Shit, this wasn’t a good idea. I quickly stood up, causing pain to shoot through my feet, making my legs weak. I need to get out of here.

“Neva, sit down before you fall on your damn face.”

Logan’s arms wrapped around my waist as he gently guided me back down on the bed, crouching back down on the floor and producing a damp towel. Slowly, he wiped away the blood from my feet, never taking his eyes off the task at hand. I watched him closely, watching for any sign of him becoming faint. The last thing I needed was him face-planting on the floor.

Logan took his time, ensuring he got every last bit of blood and dirt from my feet. The meticulously slow, even strokes were damn near hypnotic. I closed my eyes and allowed my body just to feel how the towel brushed against my skin so gently. Logan’s breath grazed against my skin as he concentrated on cleaning my feet. He slowly moved from one foot to the other. His eyes still fixed on the lower half of my body, still not looking up at me. But when I looked down at him once again, I was met with Logan’s gorgeous brown eyes staring up at me. His hand trailed from my ankle to my calf, massaging my sore muscles that burned from the run that brought me here.

“What are you …”

“Don’t talk, Neva, just listen.” He sighed as his hands rubbed the knots out of my muscles, pampering my skin.

“You have been driving me crazy since we were kids. With your cute little button nose that scrunched up when you were confused, or the way you used to take fries from my damn plate even though you said you weren’t hungry. Even when you used to cry when you watched Bambi. But now, you drive me crazy in other ways. The way your button nose now scrunches up when you smile. It’s no longer cute, it’s sexy. The way you now pick up one of my fries and feed it to me before taking one for yourself, which isn’t freaking annoying anymore. It’s hot. The way you still cry at Bambi, but now try and hide your face with your hair when you do it. It makes me want to hold you and brush your hair out of your beautiful face.”

If I was standing up, his words would have knocked me off my feet. Taking a deep breath, he carried on.

“Do you know what the best part is, Neva?” I couldn’t form words, I shook my head in response.

“You have no idea that I have been in love with you from the moment I held you for the first time. When you were just ten years old.”

My world stopped and my head spun, did he just say love?

“I don’t understand, I …” Logan’s fingertip softly grazed my lips, stopping me from continuing.

“See, all I can think about is that kiss. I can see it in my dreams, I can taste it every time I touch my lips and I can feel it every time I close my eyes. But seeing you with Angel tears me apart, Nev. It fucking shatters me.” I couldn’t take my eyes off him as his words sunk in, rendering me mute.

“But I know I will never be good enough for you, you deserve so much better than me. You told me to leave you alone and I’ve tried. Fuck, I have tried, Neva. But every time I try, I get this ache in my chest and it hurts, it hurts so fucking much.”

“Logan, I …” I didn’t know what to say, what do you say to the man who you love but too scared to tell? Scared that one day he could be taken away from me in a blink of an eye. Scared that he could crush my heart further. Realization suddenly consumed me, I loved him.

“I’m with Angel.” The words tumbled out of my mouth on a choked sob. “And you, you’re with …”

“No, Neva, I’m not. We aren’t together.”

“But you said …”

“No, I didn’t. You saw me with Georgia and you assumed we were together. We never have been together. She was a stand in, a distraction. They have all been a damn distraction from the one woman I could never have. The one woman I didn’t deserve.” Tears stung my eyes as his words hit me full force like a slap in the face.

He wasn’t with Georgia, but it didn’t change anything. I am with Angel and I really like him. He doesn’t know about my demons and what happened to my family and I liked that. I didn’t have to explain it. It kept me safe.

“I’m with Angel.” I repeated. I didn’t know if I was trying to convince Logan or myself. But this was the only way I could protect myself. I desperately wanted to tell Logan that I was in love with him. But I knew that if I did, I would open myself up for more heartbreak. So I did the only thing I knew how, I pushed him away.

“I’m sorry, Logan.” I watched as a stray tear gently rolled down his cheekbone, silently shattering me further.

“I know.” His voice broke against the sobs that were desperate to escape.

I couldn’t look at him, just watching that single tear roll down his cheek was enough torture for me to endure. I quickly stood and made my way to the door, stepping over Logan in the process. Reaching out for the doorknob I grasped it in my hand tightly, turning my knuckles white from my grasp.

“Don’t leave me, Neva.” The whispered sobs tumbled into my ear as Logan’s body enclosed around mine, keeping me from running.

“I have to.” I had to close my eyes to stop the tears that threatened to escape just from the pleading in his voice. The overwhelming urge to hold him, sooth him, love him was becoming too much to bare.

“Give me one last taste, give me that. Please.”

I didn’t have time to think, never mind respond, before Logan had twisted me in his arms. He swiftly pinned my body against the door that I was ready to walk out of just moments before. Seconds passed as he stared into my eyes, searching for something. I knew he found what he was looking for when his lips suddenly collided against mine, sending fireworks through my body like the 4th of July, pushing every nerve, every muscle, every heartbeat into an explosive frenzy. I shouldn’t kiss him, but my desire for Logan outweighed any conscious thought that my mind could produce.

Our lips were locked in an innocent embrace, neither of us taking the kiss further. Both unsure of the others possible reaction, but need pooled somewhere deep inside me. My body burned and screamed ‘give it to him.’