First Chances (22 page)

It was like the author of the book had peered directly into my soul and articulated it onto the pages of this book. Now I understood why Eddie had wanted me to read it, and as usual I’d been a complete bitch about it.

In the end, Holly had received her happy ending, but I wasn’t so sure if I would ever receive mine. After all, I had pushed Eddie away to the point of no return.

I sighed deeply, lying back on my bed. Of all the words I had read in the book, there was one line that stayed with me.

They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we're gone.

Maybe that was true; maybe love did live on, and that’s why I’d been able to fall in love again. But sometimes love also involved sacrifice, and I was willing to make one for Eddie’s future and happiness.

Chapter Thirty

Eddie

Hadie was back.

I could feel her presence, her aura, before I even turned around. Before I even saw the sympathetic look in my friends' eyes. I didn't turn around, though. I couldn't look at her. At least that's what I had convinced myself of until Elly's eyebrows shot up into her bangs.

That’s what made me turn.

It was her—my Hadie, just as she had always looked. Literally. As in her hair wasn't purple anymore; it was brown. Upon closer inspection, I noticed she had left the very ends purple, which I think looked pretty cool.

The fact she had suddenly reverted back to her usual hair color was what made me stare at her, even though I'd been determined not to look at her.

Right away, I could tell there was something wrong. She had her hair tucked behind her ears, her skin was pale, yet puffy, and her eyes were dark with bags. Hadie looked like someone who had been defeated, as though all weight of the world was resting on her tiny shoulders.

"What in the hell is with that girl?" Stacey demanded from beside me. "She disappears for a week, completely ignores you, and then walks back into school looking, well, normal. I really wanna give her a piece of my mind."

Hadie didn’t look normal to me, and the last thing I needed was for Stacey to do something crazy. Besides, I didn't want to have anything to do with Hadie right now. After what her dad had told me in the hospital, I wasn't going to give her my feelings or time anymore.

No freaking way.

Now if only I could tell my eyes that.

“How dare you!” a girl close behind me screamed.

The hairs on my arms stood up straight when I realized the voice belonged to Ashton. She broke through us and advanced towards Hadie as though she was about to sucker punch her in the face.

I honestly wouldn’t put it past her. I had seen her do it once before to Kance—not that she hadn’t deserved it. Hadie, on the other hand, looked like she’d already had a rough week. Yes, she had broken my heart, but a part of me still felt bad for her.

Everyone in the hallway froze, anticipating the drama that was about to unfold. Since it involved Hadie and Ashton—two of the most interesting girls in school—I could tell that it was even more exciting to everyone.

Hadie also froze in her tracks. A crowd was already forming around them, and further down the hall I could see Mariah and Estella hurrying towards Hadie. They wouldn’t make it in time though. Ashton Summers had already been unleashed.

“Ashton, what?” Hadie asked, sounding as exhausted as she looked.

Considering the dark circles around her eyes, it was entirely possible that she’d had a fitful night of sleep just like I had. Though I didn’t see why that would be. She was with the guy she loved—Three.

“How dare you play around with Eddie like that!” Ashton yelled, stopping a few feet short of Hadie. “Do you think that you can just prance around and treat him however you want, and expect him to wait around for you?”

The crowd pressed in tighter, now completely engrossed by the two girls. Normally, Ashton and Hadie were on the same side. This was something new and exciting for the pathetic student body.

Free drama at its finest.

Hadie’s eyes grew large, and she looked from Ashton to me. Finally I existed. When she needed someone to rescue her, I suddenly became visible.

Burying my head in my hand, I made a quick decision. Just because I was going to be indifferent towards Hadie didn’t mean I was going to let Ashton humiliate her like this. No one deserved that—not even someone who had treated me like I meant nothing to them.

“Ashton, stop,” I said, stepping forward.

“No, don’t tell me to stop!” Ashton’s face turned bright pink. “This girl has screwed you for too long! She needs a reality check! You’ve been nothing but sweet and kind and caring, but all she’s done is walk all over you! Well, I’m sick of it!”

Someone made a sound of approval from beside me, and I saw it was Stacey. I gave her a firm look, letting her know that she didn’t need to get involved. Stacey scowled and crossed her arms across her chest, but kept her mouth shut.

“Ashton,” I said gently, pulling her back by the elbow. Where were Luca and Riley when I needed them? Where the fuck were the teachers at? “This isn’t your fight. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, Eddie!” Ashton spun on me, angry tears pooling in her eyes. “The way she treats you makes me sick. God, I just want her to fucking see what she’s done.”

“Leave her alone.”

Estella and Mariah had reached Estella’s side, and Estella had wrapped an arm around her while Mariah glared at Ashton.

Oh, boy. I did not want a fight to break out between Mariah and Ashton—that was the last thing we needed. I had to diffuse this, and quickly.

“Tell your friend if she ever fucks Eddie over again, I’ll break her-” Ashton was in the middle of saying when I grabbed her around the midsection and spun her around to face me.

“Ashton, I love you, but that’s enough. We’re done here.”

There was fire burning in her eyes, and I saw how tense her body was. I didn’t doubt that Ashton would swing a punch at anyone for me.

“Please, don’t fight because of me,” Hadie said, her eyes sad as she moved in front of Mariah. “Ashton’s right. I did screw Eddie over, and the pain I’ve caused him is ripping my heart to shreds.”

My hands fell to my sides, releasing Ashton. I stared at the girl I loved. Her eyes were distraught as she looked right back at me as though her heart really was breaking. For a second, I forgot that Hadie didn’t want me anymore. I forgot she had hurt me. And I remembered.

I remembered how she felt against me. I remembered the way she would smile when she saw me. I remembered Hadie and me in the dead garden. In her bed. Warm bodies entangled. Mouths crushing. Hearts beating. Falling in love.

Then just as quickly, the moment faded. Hadie looked away, and Ashton let out a low growl.

“You know, Hadie,” she said, her tone low and dangerous. “Eddie never gave up on you, because you meant everything to him. Even Lincoln didn’t want him to give up on you.”

With that, Ashton was done. She flipped her glorious, blonde hair over her shoulder and marched into the crowd, the students parting to let her through.

But the damage had been done. Hadie stared at me, eyes large, as though she’d been kicked in the stomach. Suddenly, she didn’t look so exhausted anymore. Lincoln’s name had woken her up.

“W-what did she mean? What about Lincoln?”

Trapped. That’s how I felt right now. My mouth opened and shut a few times as I tried to gather my thoughts.

“Move along, everyone,” Estella said, trying to make the students resume their mundane morning activities. Clearly, she could sense that something big was coming.

“Yes, nothing to see here, people,” Mariah jumped, waving people away with her hands. “Find something better to do.”

Hadie was still staring at me, waiting for an explanation. Telling her about Lincoln’s note had always been my intention, but I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do it right now.

“I have no idea,” I lied through my teeth, absolutely hating myself.

There I was, being dishonest again when I’d told myself I would always be truthful. Maybe I was more like my father than I thought I was.

I shook my head at myself, trying to snap myself out of my thoughts.

No. I wasn’t like him. I would never desert my family; never desert my children. My hypothetical children, whenever I had them.

“Please, Eddie.” Hadie’s eyes were desperate as she stepped closer to me. “If there’s something you know, then please tell me. I need to hear it now more than ever.”

Releasing a groan, I realized it was against my nature to lie. I couldn’t do it. Motioning towards a more secluded corner, Hadie and I walked over to it as I tried to figure out how to break this to her gently.

“Before Lincoln died, he wrote me a note.” I glanced off at a spot just past Hadie’s head so that I wouldn’t have to look directly into her eyes as I spoke. “Don’t give up on her—that’s what the note said.”

Hadie stumbled backwards, clutching her heart. “W-what?”

“Yes.” I nodded, trying to keep my heartbeat steady as I pulled the note out of my pocket and handed it to her. “He didn’t want me to give up on you.”

Hadie’s expression was dumbfounded as she stared down at the note. Her fingers started shaking, and her I noticed her eyes were becoming moist. “This is his handwriting.” She glanced up at me, stunned. “It’s really from him.”

“Yes,” I nodded again, holding my hand out for it.

It was strange, but I had a weird attachment to it. The note hadn’t been an order; it had been a reminder that you should never give up on the one you loved.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice rose as she handed it back to me. “Why did you wait until now?”

“It didn’t seem necessary.” I shrugged, not really wanting to explain myself. It had seemed too personal to show her. The note had been intended for me, not for Hadie. I held it close to my heart. “I was going to show you the other night at the dead garden, but obviously that didn’t work out.”

The bitter taste of rejection hit me again as I recalled Mr. Swinton’s words to me that night at the hospital. Hadie had chosen Three. It was over. I had to give up on her. Sorry, Lincoln.

Hadie’s face turned pale, as though she was remembering that night too. She sucked in a deep breath and I could tell she was trying hard not to cry. “So, you’ve only been pursuing me because of Lincoln’s note? Because that’s what he wanted you to do?”

I laughed in disbelief as anger churned through me. “Are you fucking kidding me? You think I’ve been
pursuing
you because of a note Lincoln wrote? Are you delusional? Don’t you see by now that I’ve been there for you because I’m in love with you!”

You could cut the tension between us with a knife. We were back to square one—back to the way we’d been before I’d broken through her barrier. We were fighting because Hadie was pushing me away again. Pushing me away so she could go back to Three.

“Don’t call me delusional!” she snapped, her eyes blazing. “You failed to tell me about this note! You were keeping this from me for a reason!”

“Because it was for my eyes only!” My mind was on fire. My body was exuding white hot rage. “Because I didn’t want you to think that I felt obligated to be there for you! Because I didn’t want you to think I was only there because of a note!”

“That’s no excuse to keep it from me, you stupid, secretive prick!” she cried, breathing heavily.

My heart kicked against my chest, like a drum beating out of time. Hadie’s tiny frame was shaking as she seethed with rage. For a second, I forgot where I was. I forgot there were students milling around us. All I saw was Hadie.

The anger in my body intensified. Hadie took a step closer. I grabbed her by the elbow, pulling her towards me. Her lips parted as she raised her head. My other hand grabbed the back of her head, fingers entangling in her purple-brown hair.

And then our lips crushed together in an earth splitting kiss. All the anger, all the frustration, all the tension left my body and burned though my lips as I kissed Hadie Swinton. Her small hands press into my back. She gasped into my mouth. I hardened, kissing her feverishly.

Then we broke apart, my body becoming limp as I backed away from her. Holy shit. I had not expected that to happen. Not in a million years.

“Oh, my,” Hadie said, putting a hand to her mouth, appearing dazed. “I-I have to go.”

“Me too.” I glanced beyond her to see Mariah and Estella staring at us with wide eyes as Hadie stumbled back to them.

My own friends were standing a few feet away, looking at us as though we had both lost our minds. And maybe that was exactly what had happened.

There was no explanation for what we’d just done. It shouldn’t have happened. Hadie had chosen Three. She shouldn’t have kissed me like that. I shouldn’t have kissed her like that. But it had felt right. That’s why it had happened.

As hard as we both tried, we couldn’t fight a feeling. But it was too late. She had made her choice—and that choice wasn’t me.