First Chances (23 page)

Chapter Thirty-One

Hadie

Don’t give up on her.

Eddie’s mouth crushing mine as I lost myself in the kiss.

The events of the day played in my mind on an endless loop as my feet pounded against the pavement.

Sweat was dripping down my face, my heart was racing, and my legs were starting to ache, but I didn’t stop running. Halo and Chance were keeping pace with me, but I knew their energy wouldn’t last long, especially Chance’s. A marathon runner was something he would never be.

Once again, my mind went back to Lincoln’s note, and then to Eddie. All I could think about was the way he made me feel, the way his lips had sought mine today.

Finally coming to a stop, I doubled over as I tried to catch my breath. I had never run this fast before, and my lungs were screaming for air. Even though I’d started running with no clear route in mind, I’d ended up a block away from Lincoln’s house.

Placing a hand on my belly, I contemplated what my next move should be. I knew what the right thing to do was; it was just convincing myself to do it.

My parents and I had spoken a lot about telling the Brackses that I was pregnant. It was Lincoln’s baby, after all. Of course they’d want to be a part of their grandchild’s life. My mom felt like they should know, whereas my dad wasn’t so sure if he wanted people like them being involved in the baby’s life.

Ultimately, they had let me decide and I still had no idea what I wanted to do. I guess it came down to what was best for the baby, and I wasn’t too sure if having Mrs. Bracks and Becky in my baby’s life was the best thing for it.

Mr. Bracks on the other hand, well, he’d never treated me horribly the way his wife and daughter had. There was no reason to exclude him simply because his wife had been an evil witch. Besides, if Eddie’s mom was dating him, he couldn’t be too bad.

Coming to a decision, I quickly crossed the road, with Halo and Chance following after me, and made my way down the block towards Lincoln’s house. As I reached it, I tried to figure out what I was going to say, how exactly I was going to say it, what his reaction was going to be.

I didn’t know him well enough, but maybe now was the time to start. If this man was going to be a part of my life—my baby’s life—I had to get to know him as a person.

Taking a deep, I made my way onto the front porch and rang the doorbell. I waited a few seconds, wondering if Mr. Bracks was even home. Maybe he was at work. I actually had no idea what Mr. Bracks did for a living or if he even had a job in town.

I leaned down to pet Chance and Halo who were both panting heavily. We had run pretty hard and I had completely forgotten to bring a bottle of water with me. Typical Hadie move.

Just as I was thinking about leaving, the front door opened and Mr. Bracks peered out at me with his sky blue eyes that were identical to Lincoln’s. I had to take a deep breath as nostalgia washed over me—would the baby have eyes like Lincoln, too?

“Hadie?” Mr. Bracks said, blinking at me in surprise as though I was an apparition. “I didn’t expect to see you here. Is everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said, feeling awkward. This was the right thing to do, but I wasn’t sure how he would take the news. “I was taking the dogs for a run and I thought I would come by. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Of course,” Mr. Bracks said with a smile, moving aside to let us in. “Please come in. Bring the dogs, too. They look thirsty.”

“Oh, they probably are,” I said as I entered the house, surprised that he was okay with the dogs coming inside. Lincoln’s mom would have lost her shit over the same thing. She wasn’t exactly an easy going woman.

By this point, Chance was out of his mind with excitement. This had been his home. This was where his Lincoln had lived. When I unhooked their leashes, Halo stayed by my side, but Chance tore through the house and immediately headed to Lincoln’s room as though he expected him to be here.

“Chance!” I cried out after him.

“It’s fine,” Mr. Bracks said with a chuckle, shutting the door behind us. “There’s not a lot of stuff in here for him to knock over.”

As I walked further into the house, I realized he was right. I hadn’t been inside the house since Lincoln had died, and while it was pretty much the same, the big difference was the lack of furniture and possessions.

The L-shaped couch was gone, replaced by a smaller one. The TV was smaller. The coffee table was gone. There was no more dining table. It appeared as though Mrs. Bracks had taken most of their possessions and hadn’t left her husband with much of anything.

“Why don’t we head into the kitchen?” Mr. Bracks suggested from behind me. “I can get the dogs some water, and we can sit and talk there.”

“Okay,” I responded, just as Chance rejoined us.

His ears were pulled back as though he was disappointed that he hadn’t found his previous owner. To be honest, I was disappointed too. It wasn’t the same being in Lincoln’s house without him here.

We headed into the kitchen and I took a seat at the table, watching as Mr. Bracks opened up a cupboard and pulled out a large plastic bowl. He filled it up with water and placed it down on the floor for Chance and Halo. They both walked over and started slurping water out of it at the same time, knocking their heads together.

They were such goofballs.

“How has Chance been?” Mr. Bracks asked, taking a seat across from me. “I meant to come and visit, but I didn’t want to overstep my boundary.”

Little did he know that there were no boundaries left now. We were about to become family.

“He’s great,” I said, watching as Chance and Halo both came over and laid down by my feet. “He and Halo are best friends.”

“That’s good,” he said, folding his hands together on top of the table. “So what can I do for you Hadie? You said you wanted to talk about something.”

Oh, boy. This was the hard part.

“Um, uh,” I stuttered, trying to figure out how to articulate the situation. Maybe I should’ve brought my parents with me. “Well, back when Lincoln was still alive, he and I we, um, did, uh, and then it kind of turned into something more, so, uh, now-”

Mr. Bracks brows shot up, and I was immediately reminded of Lincoln. He would look at me the same way when I began rambling about something. “Hadie, what are you trying to say?”

“I’m pregnant!” I blurted out, not meaning to say it quite so loud.

My hands were clenched under the table as Mr. Bracks’ face registered shock. Then he broke into a smile. He was smiling. Oh, thank God.

“You’re pregnant?” he exclaimed, standing up so fast that his chair fell back. “With Lincoln’s baby?”

“Yes.” I nodded, slowly standing up too. “I found out when I was admitted to the hospital after my accident. I’m thirteen weeks along.”

“Hadie, that’s wonderful,” he said, walking around the table to give me a hug. “Thank you so much for telling me.”

Relief flooded me as I relaxed into the hug. I was glad Mr. Bracks had reacted positively to the news. All I wanted to do was surround this baby with positivity and love.

“Well, I want you to be a part of the baby’s life. You are the grandfather, after all.”

“That really means a lot to me, Hadie. Thank you.” He pulled away from me, his eyes glistening with tears.

We resumed our seats, and I fidgeted around in chair. There was something I wanted to ask Mr. Bracks, but I didn’t want to come across as a total biznatch.

“I’m not sure if I want Mrs. Bracks and Becky to know just yet.” I hesitated, trying to be cautious with how I proceeded with the topic, not wanting to upset Mr. Bracks. “I’m not sure if I want them to play a role in the baby’s life. They weren’t very nice to me in the short time that I knew them.”

On one hand, I understood it could mean a lot to them, especially Mrs. Bracks. This would be her dead son’s child. But on the other hand, she had been pretty nasty to me in the past, going as far as forbidding me from seeing Lincoln on his death bed.

“I understand.” Mr. Bracks’ face turned solemn. “My ex-wife sees the world in a different way to me. She can be insensitive to other people’s struggles. Unfortunately, Becky has taken after her.”

That some something I was well acquainted with. Aside from Kance Logan, and my ex-boyfriend Bennet, Becky was one of my least favorite people in the entire world.

“I wish I was surer about it,” I admitted. “But right now, I’m conflicted.”

“Hadie, that decision is entirely up to you. I won’t communicate any of this to her unless you want me to.”

As Mr. Bracks watched me with his calming, blue eyes, I was reminded of Lincoln and the way he would look at me. I was reminded of the boy I had loved, and the truth of what was happening. I was having Lincoln’s baby, and he wasn’t here.

Tears sprung to my eyes as this thought dawned on me. I was glad I had told Mr. Bracks, but it wasn’t the same as having Lincoln by my side. It would never be the same.

“Hadie, what’s wrong?” Mr. Bracks asked, his voice filled with concern. “You can confide in me. I know we don’t know each other, but I am inclined to believe that death brings people together.”

Except for him and his wife. Death had torn them apart. But maybe he was alluding to Eddie’s mom.

Taking a shuddering breath, I wiped away my tears. “I just wish that Lincoln could’ve had a happy ending.”

Mr. Bracks’ eyes widened in surprise, as though he had been expecting me to say something entirely different. “Hadie, Lincoln did get a happy ending. His happy ending was you.”

“Me?” It was hard to grasp what he’d said. I had never even thought of myself as anyone’s happy ending.

“Yes, Hadie. You.” There was a loneliness in his eyes that I often saw in mine. “My son loved you more than any of us understood. He had wanted to leave New York to get away from the people he loved, to get away from their sympathy. He had given up. Until he met you.”

My heart froze.

“He was happiest when he was with you,” Mr. Bracks continued, a smile spreading across his face. “Just because he’s gone, doesn’t mean we wallow in our misery. He wouldn’t have wanted that, so don’t ever feel like you don’t deserve to be happy and move on.”

“I should move on,” I said almost to myself.

Of course I had heard these words before, but they were more real coming from Lincoln’s father—someone who had known Lincoln since the day he was born. My grief was only a portion of what Mr. Bracks probably felt.

“Of course.” He nodded encouragingly. “That is the truly inconceivable thing about death. Even after experiencing it, life still goes on.”

With his words, realization dawned on me. I deserved to be happy. I deserved to move on. Yet, I could never be happy. Never. Not without Eddie in my life.

Eddie. I had to see Eddie.

With a jolt, I jumped out of my chair and rushed out of the kitchen. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Bracks! I’ve just realized something. I have to go!”

Halo and Chance scrambled to their feet, nails scratching against the wooden floor, as they bounded after me.

“Hadie, is everything okay?” Mr. Bracks hurried after me, sounding concerned. He probably thought I was a complete nut job.

“Yes, I just have to find someone,” I explained, rushing down the hallway towards the front door. “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

The dogs sat down in front of me and I quickly clipped both their leashes on, wrapping each end around my hand.

“Eddie?” he asked in a knowing tone as he came to a stop in front of me. “That’s why you had your father tell him that you had chosen to be with someone else.”

Nothing surprised me anymore. It seemed that everyone, except me, knew Eddie and I belonged together. “Yes, I did it to protect him.”

It kind of hit me right then how stupid my logic was. I was lying to him in order to protect him, yet lies were what destroyed relationships in the first place. I had destroyed our relationship, now it was up to me to fix it.

“Sometimes it’s better to be honest. Trying to keep a lie alive takes too much energy,” Mr. Bracks said, a faraway look in his eyes. “Eddie is a great person, and you both deserve to be happy, together.”

As I opened the door and stepped outside, I turned around to look at Mr. Bracks one more time, grateful that I had been able to speak to him. “Thank you,” I said.

Then I ran out of there like a girl possessed, knowing exactly where to find Eddie.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Eddie

I was becoming cross-eyed.

I had been staring with so much intent at the carpeted floor that I was starting to see double.

Support group. That’s where I was. I almost hadn’t made it today—my head was too messed up in the head from all the back and forth bullshit with Hadie, but Philip had talked me into coming. He’d said that moments like these were the ones where you needed to express yourself the most.

We were getting to the sharing portion of support group, and I wasn’t sure if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I knew Philip wouldn’t push me, but I also knew I wouldn’t gain anything from being here if I just shut myself off.

Fiona shuffled in her seat beside me, but I didn’t bother to glance around at her. My eyes continued to focus on the floor as I thought about how messed up the day had been.

Not only had Hadie found out about Lincoln’s note in the worst way possible, she and I had kissed for no apparent reason other than the fact that I’d been so goddamn mad at her that I hadn’t been able control myself.

Which made absolutely no sense.

It was her fault just as much as it had been mine. She had seemed to enjoy the kiss more than she should have considering she was with Three. I wondered if she’d tell him about it and if he’d bring his thugs to my house to rough me up again.

“Is there anything you’d like to share with us today?” Philip was asking someone.

My thoughts drifted back to Hadie again. I knew I had to stop thinking about her, but it was so hard. If only things hadn’t turned out this way.

“I want to talk about a great book I read last week.” My insides froze at her voice. “It’s called
P.S. I Love You
.”

Hadie.

My head shot up, and I saw her standing at the front of the room right next to Philip. She was staring straight at me, her face filled with numerous emotions that I couldn’t even begin to decipher.

“This book, it was about my life.” She took a deep breath, continuing to speak. “A few months ago, I lost my boyfriend to terminal cancer. At the same time, I lost myself. I went through the day to day stuff as though I was enclosed within a glass case. I wouldn’t let anyone in, not even the people who cared about me the most. And this book, the character in it, she was able to move on and find happiness.”

Everyone in the room was listening to Hadie, completely engrossed by her words. I wasn’t sure how to feel or why she was here. This meant something, but after Hadie’s constant indecisions, I wasn’t about to assume anything.

“Someone gave me this book because he didn’t want me to give up on life. He wanted me to believe in stories again, believe that I could find my happy ending. He didn’t give up on me; he continued to crack away at my glass case, day after day.”

A hush fell over the room, and then all of a sudden everyone’s heads turned to me in unison. I swallowed down a lump in my throat, my posture stiff as I tried to figure out in the hell was going on.

“And then the strangest thing happened.” Hadie paused. “My glass case shattered. This someone, this boy, he made me believe. I started to believe in love, and chances, and happiness, and new beginnings. All of this happened as though someone or something had been guiding us, and in a way that’s exactly what had happened.”

I knew she was referencing Lincoln and his note to me. The other people may have jumped to God, but I knew she was talking about her dead boyfriend. Which was weird in its own way.

Even from where I was sitting, I could see Hadie’s eyes were glistening. “I’m grateful—grateful that this boy stood by me.” She was speaking directly to me, wiping tears from her eyes. “Without even realizing it, this boy has become my everything. When I had this epiphany, I also realized one other thing—there was no happy ending without him.”

I was frozen in shock, at a complete loss as to what I should do. It had been over a week ago that Hadie’s dad had told me that she had chosen Three over me, yet here she was telling me that I was the one she wanted to be with.

There was no relief filling me, only confusion. What had happened to Three?

As Hadie finished speaking, everyone in the group began to clap—they were clapping because Hadie had been through shit in her life. They were clapping because she’d overcome it.

For a moment, our gazes were locked, unwavering, never faltering. But then the moment ended.

Philip places a hand on Hadie’s shoulder. “Thank you for sharing that with us, Hadie.”

Hadie sniffled, giving him a small nod. “Um, I just need a moment outside.”

“Of course,” he said, with understanding on his face.

As Hadie turned and hurried out of the room, Philip turned to me and gave me a pointed look. I knew what that look meant. He wanted me to go and talk to her.

Well, of course I was going to talk to her. After all that, how could I not?

Rising to my feet, I followed after her. She was already standing outside in the cold, crossing her arms over her chest as she tried to keep warm.

When I approached her, she didn’t turn around. Maybe she wanted to see what I would say. Maybe she had simply run out of words.

“Hadie, what are you doing here?” I asked.

She let out a breath and turned around. Tears streaked her pale face. “I wanted to tell you how I felt about you.”

My jaw tensed. “Your dad already told me the other night.”

“He lied.”

Her words made my heart pound in my chest. This was surreal. From what I could tell, Mr. Swinton had always liked me. There was no reason for him to want Hadie and me apart.

“Why would he do something like that?”

“I asked him to. He felt terrible, Eddie, but I needed him to lie to you. I’m sorry.”

None of this was making any sense. What could possibly be so terrible that she’d had her dad lie to me?

“Why?” I demanded.

Hadie took a slow breath, glancing away to the side. I studied her profile—wrinkled forehead, rosebud lips turned downwards. Something was definitely wrong.

“There’s no easy way to tell you this.” Finally, she lifted her eyes up to look at me. “I’m pregnant.”

It felt like being knocked over the head with a brick. I staggered backwards, grasping the side of my head as though it would somehow help—it didn’t.

Hadie’s face was dead serious. This was real. Hadie was pregnant. With a baby. With someone’s baby. But whose?

The answer came to me very quickly. Everything was slowly starting to make sense—the reason why she had kissed me today; the reason why she had declared her feelings for me; the reason why she had chosen Three.

Hadie was in love with me, but she was having Three’s baby.

Fuck everything. Fuck this shit.

“Really, Hadie? Really?” I said, my voice on the rise as I seized her by the shoulders. “You’re having Three’s baby? His goddamn baby!”

Hadie’s eyes grew with alarm, and she shook her head furiously. “No, no! It’s not Three’s! He and I, we never even had sex!”

Relief flooded me. My hands fell from her shoulders. Oh, thank God. It wasn’t Three’s. That was the best news I’d ever heard. Except it didn’t really change anything. Hadie was still pregnant.

Then another thought occurred to me. Hadie and I had had sex.

My mouth fell open. “It’s mine?” Hope sprang up inside my chest for a second. My heart began to pound even harder.

“No, Eddie,” Hadie said, squashing my hopes immediately. “It’s Lincoln’s.”

The brick knocked into my stomach this time. I felt winded. I backed away from her as my head spun with this revelation.

Hadie. Pregnant. With Lincoln’s baby.

My mom. Dating Lincoln’s dad.

Lincoln’s death. His note.

It was like Lincoln Bracks had infiltrated every part of my life. I knew it was such a selfish and unfair thought to have, and that it wasn’t Lincoln’s fault in anyway, but how was I supposed to have a life with Hadie if Lincoln was always going to be in it?

“Lincoln’s baby,” I said, feeling lightheaded. “You’re having Lincoln’s baby. Is that even possible? He was sick.”

“I asked the doctor the same thing,” Hadie responded, her voice soft. “She told me that it’s possible if he hadn’t been having any therapy at the time.”

My jaw tightened. “So why did you tell your dad to lie to me? Why did you let me believe you were back with Three?”

“I thought it would be easier than finding out I was pregnant,” she explained, staring down at the ground. Her bottom lip quivered. “You’ve been there for me through everything, but this—it was too much. I didn’t want you to have to deal with this too.”

Incredibly, I was the least mad at Hadie for lying to me about Three. It actually made a lot of sense why she’d done it. She hadn’t wanted to put the stress of a baby on me. By not wanting to involve me, it showed that she cared about me.

Which was still pretty twisted, but her reasons made sense.

“What made you change your mind? Why are you telling me now?”

Her features softened. “Because you can’t build a relationship on lies.”

That was true. I felt exactly the same way. Hadie wasn’t with Three, but she was going to have a baby. This was hard to process.

“A relationship?” I repeated.

“Yes.” She nodded solemnly. “I know it’s a lot to handle right now, but all I’ve thought about this past week is you and the baby. I can’t imagine what my life will be after the baby is born, but I also can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

Hadie was saying everything I had always wanted her to say. Except I didn’t know what to say back. To say that I was shell shocked was an understatement—my feelings were fucking immobilized.

“Eddie?” she prompted, her eyes searching mine.

I turned away, unable to look at her. “I need some time.”

“W-what?” she asked in disbelief.

I headed down the steps into the snow. Hadie. Baby. She was having a baby.

The reality of the situation rushed back at me like an icy wind. A baby. A freaking baby. She was seventeen and pregnant.

Holy fucking shit.

When Hadie had shown up tonight, this wasn’t how I had expected the conversation to go. Usually, in those girly romance movies, the couple lived happily-ever-after after one of them made their grand declaration of love. There usually wasn’t a baby bombshell that was dropped.

“To think,” I muttered, as my feet started moving away from her. “I need time to think.”

“Eddie, wait!” she cried, but I didn’t stop.

I just kept moving, my shoes ploughing through the snow as I made my way across the parking lot. I wasn’t sure where I was headed—all I knew was my head was buzzing with noise, and I needed somewhere quiet to go.

So I headed to the dead garden.

The rickety covered bridge greeted me like an old friend. The last time I’d been here was the night Hadie hadn’t shown up. The night of the car accident. The night I assumed she found of she was pregnant, plunging both our lives into uncertainty.

Just as I reached the bridge, my phone started to ring. Seeing that it was Philip, I rejected the call and immediately texted him back letting him know that I was fine and needed some time to myself.

I took the steps down to the dead garden and headed straight for a bench. The silence was calming. Now I could think. Now I didn’t feel so suffocated.

I hadn’t meant to leave Hadie like that, but I really needed some time alone to gather my thoughts.

Hadie was going to have a baby—Lincoln’s baby. The boy I could never live up to. Now even more so. He had left her with something so miraculous that I could never rival it.

But maybe that didn’t matter. Maybe I was never meant to live in Lincoln’s shadow—maybe I was simply meant to create my own. Maybe all I was supposed to be was
me
.

The thing that was foremost in my mind was the story my mom had told me about my father and how he hadn’t wanted Hailie. There was no fucking way I would do what he had done. I would not walk away from Hadie just because she was having a baby.

Sure, the situation was a little different because it wasn’t my baby, but Lincoln wasn’t coming back. Someone had to step up, and that someone was going to be me. I would be the father this baby didn’t have anymore.

I wouldn’t give up on Hadie, just like Lincoln had wanted me not to. Besides, I loved her—so much. My heart squeezed every time I glimpsed her. This feeling was real. There was nothing temporary about it.

I wasn’t sure how long I sat in the dead garden, braving the cold, but when I finally felt more confident about the role I would play in Hadie’s life—in the baby’s life—I rose to my feet and headed back up onto the bridge.

Now that I’d had time to process everything, I finally felt better. Still, I needed the rest of the night to let everything sink in. I needed to tell my mother everything. I needed to think some more.

Another conversation with Hadie was tomorrow’s concern.