First Light (5 page)

‘Of what?’

‘Of, this…’ he waved one large hand towards the room around us. ‘Being here, not telling anyone. What is it you want to gain?’ He gazed at me with genuine interest as he waited for my answer. I thought it over and suddenly felt very ashamed of myself. I had no idea what I wanted.

‘You know you overheard my sister?’ I began, trying my best to explain. ‘You said she was worried...’

He sat up straighter, shifting in his seat.

‘She wasn’t worried at all, was she.’ It wasn’t really a question, because I knew the answer.

He chewed his lip and I could see he was selecting his words. ‘You told me your sister doesn’t take care of you anyway,’ he answered carefully.

‘So, she was mad right? Moaning that I’d gone off somewhere and she wanted someone to take care of my niece.’

He studied me for a moment, a question in his eyes that went unasked. ‘It’s dark,’ he said, without taking his eyes from mine. ‘Will you let me take you home?’

I nodded, because it was all I could do. My eyes were heavy and my heart the same.

‘
You know,’ he said, pulling one hand down his face as if trying to decide whether to continue. ‘I’m an orphan too. I know how it feels to be lonely.’

I sat very still for a moment in case he continued, but after a minute or so of silence he stood up. I pushed my arms through the sleeves of my coat while Kalen swiped up each of my books, helping me put them in my rucksack. Then he led us out into the darkness.

As I stumbled around I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, picturing myself alone in the cabin at night with nothing except the spider and the ever-increasing sounds of the forest. I thought I saw Kalen look back as he wove down towards the gap in the trees, but he didn’t ask what I was laughing at. Nothing seemed to move him emotionally. He came across cold and detached for the most part, but still, none of that frosty exterior could take away from the fact that he had come to take me home. It was a pleasant notion that nestled warmly between many painful ones.

When we arrived at my back porch he told me to sleep well and turned to leave.

‘Hey,’ I called before he disappeared into the darkness.

He turned and looked at me.

‘Um... so, how do I contact you?’ The thought of him disappearing from my life had me strangely desperate.

‘I don’t have a phone,’ he said, apologetically. But I guessed it was a lie – who didn’t own a mobile phone?

‘I’ll see you soon though,’ he added. Then, with an impressive leap over my side fence, he was gone.

I lingered for a while in the chilly night air, contemplating Kalen Smith: who he was, where he came from and what he wanted from me. Finally, my stomach got the better of me and I went inside, the prospect of food, a bath and bed suddenly infinitely more appealing than they’d been for a long while.

6 – Search

Having slept through an entire night for the first time since the funeral,
I felt positive about the day ahead. I’d prepared pancakes for breakfast and was just sitting down when Rachel burst in through the back door.

I got up to grab some more eggs from the fridge.

‘None for me, Ron, I can’t stay long.’

‘Hi, Rachel,’ I responded quietly.

‘Morning Aunty Wonnie.’

That was Cloud, Rachel’s three-year-old. I have no words for how I feel about the name, but her father’s surname is Johnson, so I’d taken to calling her CJ.

‘CJ, aren’t you looking lovely today!’

Cloud held her tiny fingers up to her wispy blonde hair. She was like a mini version of my big sister, all blonde hair and big blue eyes – heartbreakingly beautiful.

‘Would you like some breakfast with me?’

My little niece nodded.

‘I assume that’s why you’re here with her then?’ I directed at Rachel, who was rearranging her own silky hair in the mirror.

‘Yeah, look, I have to shop and you know I hate to do that with her. I’ll only be an hour, I couldn’t get a sitter at such short notice.’

‘Did you try?’

‘Ha. Ronnie you’re so funny, but really, after not being here yesterday, you shouldn’t be difficult right now.’

With that, she air kissed my cheek and her daughter’s and rushed back out the way she’d come. CJ sat down at the kitchen table and smiled up at me. She was shamelessly cute and really, I couldn’t resist her. My only hesitation was that I’d wanted to go into town and look for Kalen. I needed to be strong and find out what my dad was involved in. I quietly prayed it was nothing that would mar my opinion of him.

I handed Cloud a plastic spoon and the pancakes I’d cut into small squares, with a side of defrosted raspberries, before sitting down in front of her with my own.

She mumbled a thank you.

‘You’re welcome. What do you want to do today?’

‘Beesh?’

‘No sweetheart, the weather is no good for the beach, how about we do some painting inside where it’s warm?’ Cloud whooped with joy over the new idea and squishing raspberries into her mouth she flashed me a big red smile.
Kalen can wait
, I thought adamantly. An afternoon of riddles and answer swerving was not a priority over my family.

Cloud and I spent the morning with our fingers in an array of paints I had laid out on our huge kitchen table. Once we had drawn several paintings of Mummy, Daddy and Scat the cat – who was the cat Cloud wanted, not one she owned; Rachel would rather die than have pet hair anywhere near her – it was already midday. I began clearing away the brushes and splattered newspaper until at last only our paintings and one brush clutched in her small hand were left.

‘Come on now, why don’t we watch a movie?’

She shook her head repeatedly.

I laughed. ‘Really?’ I feigned disbelief. ‘You don’t want to watch
Toy Story
?’ It was sure to work, it was her favourite film.

Her interest in paint faded and the brush fell to the floor as she ran to me with outstretched arms. I scooped her up and, after washing her hands I found the DVD and sat back with her on the couch to watch it.

Just as it was ending, my iPhone buzzed loudly at my side. It was Mae.

‘How are you, hon?’

‘Not bad,’ I told her.

‘What you doing today? Mum and I are going shopping.’ I heard her mother, yelling for me to go with them. I felt myself smile at the sound of Mrs. Jensen.

‘Rain check? I’m babysitting.’

‘Really? When will Rach be back?’

‘Ha, your guess is as good as mine.’

‘Okay, well, if you need to get out, just call me, okay?’

‘Thanks.’ I was about to hang up when a thought occurred to me. ‘Mae–’

‘Mum, I said wait!’ she yelled at the other end of the line. ‘Sorry Mum is rushing me, what’s up?’

‘You know those guys, the older boys we sometimes see in town.’

‘Yeah, Chel doesn’t stop talking about them lately. To be honest they give me the creeps – I don’t care how hot they are. Some of the boys reckon they’re dealing.’

‘Drugs?’ I blurted.

‘No Ron, candy floss.’ I could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

‘Right.’

‘What about them, anyway?’

‘Oh, nothing,’ I bit my lip.

‘Nothing, equals something.’

I cringed. ‘Well, I met one of them the other day. His name’s Kalen.’

‘Ommigod!’ she exclaimed. ‘How? When? I want details!’

‘It’s no big deal, but–’ I heard Mae’s mother calling her again on the other end of the line.

Mae sighed. ‘I have to go Ron, but this isn’t over. You got his last name?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Perfect, look him up on Facebook. Buzz me later okay?’

‘K, bye.’

We hung up at the same time as I heard a car coming up the driveway. My mind was reeling as I peered outside. Rachel was back. The whole drug concept would have to wait – I guessed now was as good a time as any to tell her about the house, but she burst into the living room with a stormy expression that gave me second thoughts.

‘I’ve had the worst day!’

‘Wow, for a minute there, Rach, I thought you might take up all of mine.’

‘Don’t start with me, Ron, I am not in the mood. Look at my hair. The stylist completely used the wrong colour on my highlights.’

Cloud ran to her mother and held her hands out. Rachel swiped her up and started cooing at her.

‘I think your hair looks nice,’ I said. It didn’t look any different to me.

‘Oh, what would you know, you’ve never even dyed your hair.’

I took a deep breath so I wouldn’t say anything I’d regret. My sister was a brat, but arguing with her never got me anywhere. Rachel had been most affected by our mother leaving because she’d been a teenager at the time and was old enough to feel immense rejection and abandonment from it. I knew that’s why Dad had always let her run wild, while I had to behave myself and take care of the home. I expected it was also why, to this day, I still felt protective of her – she’d had it rougher than I did. The news that our inheritance was gone was not going to be welcome. It could wait until after Christmas at least.

‘By the way, did you give that boy back the money you owed him?’

The question caught me by surprise. ‘Um, yeah, sort of.’

‘Sort of?’ she snapped, lifting her perfectly plucked eyebrows.

‘He wouldn’t take it.’

‘What does he want then?’

‘Nothing,’ I shrugged and sat back. ‘You staying here tonight?’

‘No, I’ll be at the flat, don’t change the subject either. He obviously wants something.’

‘What, because he bought me a hot chocolate? It wasn’t a marriage proposal, Rach.’

She flashed me a sarcastic smile. ‘I don’t want you getting led astray, especially now I’m not here that much.’

‘You could always come round more often,’ I pointed out.

‘Oh don’t be selfish, Ronnie, I have a family to think about. Dad wouldn’t approve of you hanging out with them you know.’

Hot anger boiled inside me at the mention of my father. I resisted the urge to tell her that she had no idea what Dad would approve of. Instead I said something I knew would get rid of her.

‘Speaking of Dad, can you help me get the Christmas decorations down from the loft?’

Her eyes widened as she considered helping me do something that could get her dirty or potentially break a sweat. I smiled.

‘I would, but I have to go. Christmas is in a week. You’ll cook right? Just let me know what I need to bring.’ She hurried out.

When she was gone I pulled out my laptop and waited for it to spring to life. I wasn’t as up-to-date as I should have been with Facebook. Dad had a strict rule of only one hour Internet per night, which for me was usually taken up with assignment research, but even I had my own page. I logged in and typed in Kalen’s name. The search came up blank. I checked Google for any sign of him. Nothing. Not even a My Space.

I was oddly frustrated. Had he lied about his name? I snapped the computer shut. Who didn’t have a phone or any social network? Something about him was off, but more annoying was how badly I wanted to know what it was. I needed a distraction. I took out a pad of paper and started to brainstorm what to do about the house. In the middle of the page I drew a circle and wrote Ronnie in the centre. The first thing I scribbled down without even thinking was, JOB. That was it – I had to get a job! The idea was appealing and the more I thought about it, the more perfect it seemed. Perhaps if I could contribute, Rachel and Jared wouldn’t mind getting a mortgage in their name and we wouldn’t lose the house. The possibility of losing the house I’d grown up in, so soon after losing my dad, was scrambling my brain. It wouldn’t compute. If I could work weekends and during the holidays maybe I could save it. It might mean giving up on uni, but I wasn’t sure there was another way.