For Always (24 page)

He smiled, embarrassed. “I was just looking at her tattoo. I have a thing for them. Sorry.”

“Tattoo?”

“She has a butterfly on her left ankle.”

“Oh.” I felt myself blush as I had to fight the urge to slink down in my chair and try to disappear. Embarrassing. Definitely embarrassing.

He leaned back in his chair, his arm draped over the back, looking way too cocky and smirked, “Don’t worry. I like my women jealous.”

Could this get any worse? I wanted to take my foot out of my mouth. I didn’t like the taste of rubber, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.

“I’m not jealous!” I insisted, making sure I maintained eye contact. “I just don’t like my guys rude.”

“Fair enough.”

The rest of Shawn’s interactions with the waitress were brief and polite. His eyes never trailed below her neck. As for me, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had body art displayed over the taut muscles hidden under his tight fitting t-shirt.

“Do you have any? Or do you just admire them?” I asked.

“I have two.” He pulled up the left leg of his khakis to reveal a python.

“Where’s the other?”

He shifted in his seat so most of his back faced me and lifted his shirt, revealing an angel looking up to heaven, surrounded by flames on the small of his back. I don’t know if I was more surprised at the image or his tight back muscles.

The colors were striking, vibrant.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Yeah. But after a few beers you don’t mind it so much.”

The conversation carried us through coffee, cake and the walk home. We went from tattoos and body piercing to the surrounding trees and stars in the sky. A block away from my house we stopped under a large maple tree, offering shade from the brash illumination of the streetlights.

Cloaked beneath the tree we enjoyed the bit of privacy it offered making it seem quite a romantic spot. Shawn tucked himself under, leaning against the bark, and pulled me close to him.

We stood there with his arms around my waist, my hands on his shoulders, still talking about the stars, only now he compared them to my eyes. As if I couldn’t see through that load of bull. Still I thought it sweet.

“It’s getting late,” he said looking at his watch. “Let’s get you home.”

Seeing him make no move to kiss me, I felt I had to initiate it. When I gave up on Jordan I promised myself I would no longer be passive and wait for things to happen. Not anymore. From now on I vowed to go after the things I want, full steam ahead.

I closed my eyes and sought his lips with my own. It started off as a soft, sweet kiss and soon grew to be passionate and overpowering. Fireworks literally rained in the sky above us.

Shawn moved his feet hooking my ankles, forcing me to shift more of my weight onto him, my body leaning against his. His hands held my head through my long hair. We continued to kiss until we were not only breathless but my chin was sore from the harsh stubble on his face.

I felt liberated. I’d never made the first move. Ever. I definitely didn’t regret doing it now. I felt exhilarated. I wanted more. I knew the strange sensations, the hyperactive nerve endings were nothing more than lust. Nothing more than revenge, but I didn’t care. I liked how I felt and liked the fact that I couldn’t wait to see Shawn again.

Thirty-Two

My birthday finally arrived and when it did, it didn’t seem like such a big deal. Shawn and I went out on three more dates before the big day. At first I wasn’t sure if I should even tell him about it. I knew he wouldn’t let it pass without acknowledgement and some sort of private celebration. And it was my eighteenth birthday. I waited ages for this one. I should do something to mark it.

Mom wanted to do something special but I didn’t feel in the special kind of mood. Maria and I were still barely speaking. And Jordan was out of my life for good, so what was there to celebrate? I managed to plow through another disappointing year without physically maiming anyone or myself?

Still, my mother invited Maria and her parents over for coffee and cake. She even found it in her heart to invite Shawn, who she still didn’t like, even though he never dared pick me up on his motorcycle again. I think just the idea that he owned a motorcycle convinced Mom he was a thug.

I cringed when I thought of the planned festivities. Maria hadn’t met Shawn yet. An encounter I hoped to put off indefinitely. It’s not like I gave a rats tail about what kind of impression he made on her. It’s not like I wanted her involved in anything I did anymore. She must have sensed it too or else she would’ve made it her business to come by while he was over and introduce herself.

Maria opened the front door and walked in, as if nothing at all had changed.

“So I finally get to meet this mystery man,” she said, her voice sounding uncertain, as she nudged me with her shoulder.

“I guess,” I answered flatly.

My mother overheard the exchange and gave me a cold, hard look. She forced a smile, before getting rid of my friend. “Maria, can you run next door and remind your mother to bring the cake dish she borrowed?” she asked.

I knew she wanted to rip into me, I could see it in her dark stare. I sat on the couch, with my head back and eyes closed, waiting for her to let loose.

“I know it’s your birthday and I’m sorry to discuss this now but I’m not about to stand by and watch you continue to alienate her.”

Mom paused. I knew it wasn’t for me to respond. This wasn’t a discussion. She was in lecture mode. I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes and then she continued.

“I don’t know what happened since you refuse to talk to me, but I know this has to do with Jordan.”

Immediately I felt my heart pump harder. I couldn’t understand why she wanted to blame him for everything: the fact I wasn’t the most popular girl in school, the tension between Maria and me . . . I waited for her to name him as the culprit behind global warming. What did surprise me was how quick I jumped to his defense.

“No. It has to do with her attitude,” I snapped.

“What attitude? She’s been your best friend for sixteen years. Sure you argue and fight but you’re practically sisters. Now whatever is bothering you, talk to her. Get it out in the open.”

“Why? What’s the point?” What was so bad about cutting her off now rather than in a few weeks time when I would be at college?

“The point is you can’t work things out if you don’t discuss them. And I’m tired of you treating everyone like garbage because you’re hurt. We’re here to support you, not to be your whipping posts.” Mom turned on her heel and went upstairs leaving me alone to think about what she’d said.

My hands were balled up into fists. Anger flooded my judgment. It’s true Maria and I had been friends most of our lives and shared just about everything with each other. She stabbed me in the back and showed more loyalty to Jordan than me. She involved herself, stealing my role as his friend and confident. As reason began to inch back into my mind, I realized he needed her, as much as I hated to admit it. He needed an impartial friend, and all she wanted to do was help him.

No different than me.

The front door opened. Maria led her parents in. They wished me a happy birthday while showering me with hugs and kisses. Maria stood off to the side, looking sullen. I couldn’t approach her right away. Anything I said would have sounded mean and nasty. I bought myself an extra few minutes bringing the cake dish into the kitchen and setting the cake up on it. Once I returned to the room, I walked directly over to Maria and embraced her.

“Sorry,” I whispered. “I haven’t been myself these last few weeks. An alien seems to have taken over my body forcing me to act against my will.”

She smiled hesitantly. I returned the gesture. “I mean it.”

“No prob,” she said as if really were nothing.

The tension broke and I felt like I’d just taken off a vest made of bricks.

I hadn’t noticed my mother return to the living room until I felt her hand on my shoulder, giving me her seal of approval. I knew I owed her an apology too but I decided to wait until we were alone.

“Hey, why don’t you give Rob a call, see if he wants to come,” I suggested.

Maria liked the idea and quickly made the call.

“I can’t believe you’ve been dating Shawn for two weeks and I don’t know a thing about him,” she said when she hung up the phone.

Before I could answer, the obnoxious roar of a motorcycle engine grew closer, drawing a dirty look from my mother. In less than a minute, the loud noise fell silent. It could only mean one thing; Shawn had arrived.

“Speak of the devil,” my mother said with a sarcastic grin, probably thinking to herself he was the devil.

“He has a motorcycle,” I said to Maria.

I tried to keep my ears focused on the conversation at the table while I got up to answer the door. I overheard Maria ask her parents if she could go for a ride with Shawn. Mom thought this was an invitation to complain.

“He has some nerve riding that damn thing here knowing how I feel about it,” I heard in a very loud whisper.

Luckily, Mom remembered her manners and was cordial once he entered our home. I felt sorry for him. From the moment he arrived he was bombarded with questions from Maria and her parents. At times our parents respectively forgot they only had one child and looked out for the other as if she were their own.

“So how old are you?” Maria asked, trying to be her personable self and keep the atmosphere light.

I shot her a dirty look and she knew we were skidding on thin ice.

“Not that it matters,” she babbled quickly, catching on, “after all, age is just a number, right Stephanie?”

“Exactly,” I nodded.

Unfortunately, Shawn didn’t pick up on our attempt of steering clear of disclosing his age.

“Twenty-four,” he answered.

I made sure I didn’t look in my mother’s direction. I never told her exactly how much older than me he was. I’m certain I heard a gasp when he answered. I imagine she clutched her chest as well, positive she was about to have a massive heart attack.

It was clear once Shawn’s age had been revealed, the parent brigade disapproved. Silence filled the room. A pin could’ve dropped three doors down, and we would’ve heard it. And the looks. I took careful notice that no one looked directly at Shawn. Instead the parents each exchanged looks with each other, or else the eyes fell to the dishes in front of them.

Only Maria carried on like nothing unusual happened. “So Rob and I are going to the beach Monday, would you guys like to come?” she asked Shawn.

After we all sang ‘Happy Birthday,’ Mom sliced the cake and I handed it out. Shawn waited until a hush come upon the group to present me with my birthday gift. I didn’t expect much. We hadn’t been dating long. When he handed me the small Tiffany-blue rectangular box I was taken aback.

I removed the top to find a gold linked Tiffany bracelet lying on white cotton. I couldn’t think of anything to say except, “Wow.”

Maria looked in Rob’s direction, the back of her hand hit his chest, “Are you taking notes?” she asked. “I want one.”

Rob sighed, “Yeah, yeah, I know. You’ve only been telling me for the last four months.”

The doorbell rang. Not expecting anyone else, Mom and I exchanged uncertain glances.

“I’ll get it,” I said.

My heart skipped a beat as I opened the door. At first I couldn’t move; I’d frozen in place. Jordan stood in front of me. I took a deep breath, feeling like I hadn’t had oxygen in weeks. I felt my eyes shine looking at him.

We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other since our argument. Emptiness invaded my chest and while I didn’t feel bare, I felt pain. Going without him had been grueling. I constantly fought the urge to pick up the phone and get a fix, like a drug addict.

“Surprise,” he smiled.

“This really is a surprise,” I answered happily, holding back from throwing my arms around his neck.

“I know today’s a special day, and I wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”

“Thank you.” For a moment an awkward silence hung between us. “Would you like to come in, we’re just finishing off coffee and cake, but there’s plenty left over.”

“No. I just wanted to drop this off.”

He held up a large shiny silver gift bag. I’d been so preoccupied staring at him, I didn’t notice it. I accepted the bag, and sat down on the top porch step, poised to look inside.