For Better or Worse (Book 2 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (19 page)

“I can’t do anything about the past, but I can take control of my future. I love Jackson and if necessary, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to prove it to him.”

He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. “You don’t love him,” he said through clenched teeth. “You’ve never loved him.”

Her eyes flashed angrily. “Let go of me, Mitchell.”

“If words won’t help you remember, maybe this will.” He bent his head and took her lips in a hard, savage kiss. Hannah tried to twist away from him, but he held her easily. When he finally released her, she slapped his face. Anger flared in his eyes, and then he laughed. “At least I got something for my trouble.”

Hannah started to shake. “Get out and don’t ever come back.”

Mitchell smiled nastily. “I won’t have to. You’ll come to me. As for Jackson, do you really think he’ll ever forget? That he’ll believe anything you say? What you did to him will always be there in the back of his mind. He’ll never fully trust you again. And every time he touches you, he’ll remember. A man doesn’t get over something like that.”

She wanted to shout at him to stop. He was putting her worst fears into words.
What if Mitchell was right?
What if Jackson couldn’t put this behind him?
Maybe she
had
gone beyond the point of no return.

It was then that Jackson’s words came back to her:
I’ll love you forever
. Who was she going to believe? The deceitful man in front of her or the man who’d done nothing but love her.

Hannah walked over to the door and opened it. “Goodbye, Mitchell.”

“We both know it’s not goodbye. This isn’t over.”

“For me it is.”

* * * *

Jackson heard his pager go off. His next patient had arrived. How was he going to do this? How could he smile and act normally when his mind was in turmoil?
He bowed his head.
Oh, God, I don’t know what I’ll do if I get home and she’s not there.

His pager buzzed again. With a stifled groan, he got to his feet. As he walked down the familiar hallway to get his patient, he fought the urge to go right out the door and get in his truck. In ten minutes he could be home. There might not be anything he could do, but at least he’d know what was happening. He wouldn’t be stuck at work wondering if his life was going to be plunged into darkness again.

Hannah’s words drifted through his mind.
Please trust me.
If he didn’t let her handle this alone, he was admitting that he didn’t trust her.
Any chance they had of working things out depended not only on what she was doing at the house, but also on what he was doing here.
He couldn’t live the rest of his life doubting her motives and questioning her actions. He’d forgiven her; that carried the obligation of believing her.

* * * *

Hannah closed the door and leaned against it heavily. The meeting with Mitchell had been worse than she imagined. Her fingers touched her bruised lips, and a quiver of distaste and shame rushed over her. She ran down the hall into the bathroom and washed every part of her face that Mitchell had touched.

Haunted eyes stared back at her from the mirror. She dreaded telling Jackson what happened. Mitchell’s hateful comments had been bad enough; she wasn’t sure she wanted Jackson to know the rest. With a gasp of dismay, she realized her lower lip was bleeding.
How could she have let this happen?
Grabbing some tissue, she dabbed at her mouth.

The unpleasant details could be divulged later. Right now, she needed to put Jackson out of his misery. Given her past behavior, he was probably imagining the worst. When she went to find her phone, she was surprised that so little time had elapsed since Mitchell’s arrival.
Had it only been thirty minutes?
Sitting down on the bed, she touched Jackson’s number. This time he answered on the first ring.

“Everything okay?” he asked in an anxious voice.

“He’s gone, hopefully forever.”

“Good. Now I’m coming home.”

“Can you do that?”

He laughed shakily. “I get a lunch hour like everyone else. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Hannah returned to the hall bathroom and surveyed her swollen lip.
Ice! She needed ice!
In the kitchen, she quickly threw ice cubes into a plastic bag. Hopefully, the swelling would subside a little before Jackson saw her. She walked over to the kitchen window and looked outside. The scene was peaceful, such a contrast to the anger and confusion within her. Hannah didn’t hear the front door open or the quick footsteps of the man who entered the house.

When Jackson called her name, she slowly turned around. The tentative smile on his face disappeared when his eyes fell on her mouth. A rage like she’d never seen flickered in his usually placid eyes.

“Did he hit you?” he asked in low tone that sent tingles of apprehension down Hannah’s spine. She shook her head. He lifted up her chin and looked more closely at her mouth. “It needs ice.”

She held up the bag. “I’ve been doing that.” Hannah could feel the anger flowing through him. It was all the more frightening because she’d never seen him this way. It was a good thing Mitchell was gone. Jackson looked mad enough to do him an injury.

“What did happen then?”

“I’ll tell you everything if you promise to calm down.”

He took a deep breath and managed a credible smile. “I’m sorry; I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry before. I’m not upset with you, Hannah, but I’d love to get my hands on Mitchell.”

“Let’s go sit down.”

He nodded, but instead of moving, he lightly touched her mouth with his finger. “He better never touch you again.”

“He won’t have the chance.”

“You’re right,” Jackson muttered as he followed her into the living room.

When she went to sit down beside him, he pulled her on his lap. At her look of surprise, he said, “It will help me stay calm.”

Hannah’s eyes left his face and shifted to the floor. “Mitchell said that I left New York because I thought he was cheating on me. I know that was part of it, but it wasn’t the only reason. I told him I didn’t love him anymore and had no intention of going back with him. He didn’t believe me; he accused you of lying to me. Then he said something about helping me remember.” Jackson arms tightened around her, but she forced herself to finish. “Before I realized what he meant, he had me in his arms and was kissing me. I tried to push him away, but I couldn’t. I guess in the struggle, I cut my lip.”

He drew her head down against his chest. “I should have been here. I never should have let you face him alone.”

“Neither of us had any idea he would behave like that.”

“How do you know he hasn’t done it before?”

“I wouldn’t have stayed with someone I was afraid of.” She felt his lips moving through her hair. “Don’t you need to get back to work?”

“I still have fifteen minutes.”

“Do you want me to fix you something to eat? There’s ham and cheese.”

“I just want to sit here and hold you. Is that okay?”

She snuggled closer to him. “That’s fine with me.”

* * * *

Not ten minutes after Jackson left the house to return to work, Laurel called and asked if she could come over. This evidence of Jackson’s thoughtfulness brought tears to her eyes.
He hadn’t wanted her to be alone.

Laurel strolled into the house carrying a large shopping bag. If she noticed Hannah’s swollen lip, she was kind enough not to mention it. “Do you know how to sew?”

Hannah nodded. “I think so. What are we talking about?”

“I need to make a lamb costume for Amanda.” She pulled a pattern out of the bag. “I don’t even know how to read these things.”

“Me, either, but between us, we should be able to figure it out. Let’s go over to the dining room table. Do you have the material?”

“I have all kinds of things. I explained what I was trying to do to the saleslady at Michael’s, and she helped me find everything.”

Hannah showed Laurel how to cut out the pattern, pin it to the material and then cut the actual material. “Do you have a sewing machine?”

“No, but my sister Rose does. I think it’s still in a box in her storage room. She won it in a raffle. Anyway, she’s going to drop it off this evening after work.”

“I was going to say that if you don’t have one, you’ll have to sew all this by hand which would take a while.”

“And look awful. I remember when Colton asked me to hem a pair of his scrub pants. He thanked me for doing it, but he found a seamstress to do the others.”

Hannah folded up the material and put it back in the bag. “Where did you meet Colton?”

“At a friend’s wedding. I was the maid of honor, and he was the best man.”

“Was it love at first sight?”

Laurel chuckled. “No, but I knew within a few weeks that he was the one I wanted to marry.”

“My experience is so different. I wasn’t in love with Jackson when we got married, and I’ve done nothing but hurt him ever since.”

“Do you love him now?”

Hannah smiled wistfully. “I can’t help but love him.”

“As long as two people love each other, there’s hope. Things happen in every marriage. You have to pick up the pieces and start over. Colton and I went through a rough time a few years after we got married. I didn’t want to work things out, but God showed me that everyone deserves a second chance.” She reached over and touched Hannah’s arm. “You and Jackson are getting your second chance. Don’t waste it.”

“I don’t intend to. The hard part will be convincing Jackson. I’ve already burned him once.”

“If you love him, you’ll find a way to make him believe you.”

“I hope so.”

Laurel glanced at her phone. “It’s time to pick up Amanda and Sophia. Would you like to come along? I can show you where the school is. We can also get some ice cream on the way home.”

“I’d love to come.”

* * * *

Hannah watched Jackson disappear into Sophia’s room. He’d be in there at least an hour reading to their insatiable daughter. After finishing in the kitchen, she decided to take a shower and wash her hair while she waited for him.

She was sitting on the bed towel-drying her hair when he came into the room. He dropped down behind her and took the towel out of her hand.

“May I?” he asked softly.

At her nod, he took her hair gently in his hands and began to dry it the same way she’d seen him do it for Sophia. It was surprisingly soothing. Hannah could feel the stress over what had happened with Mitchell earlier in the day slowly slip away.

“Feel better now?”

She turned to face him. “Much better. Thank you for sending Laurel over.”

He pulled her back against him and ran his fingers lightly up and down her arms. “How do you know I called her?”

“I just know. You’re going to put me to sleep doing that, Jackson.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

She chuckled sleepily. “No, but it could be habit-forming.”

“That’s okay with me. Close your eyes and go to sleep.”

It wasn’t long before he felt her relax against him and heard the deep even breathing. He glanced down and smiled. Her eyes were closed, her long, dark lashes fanned out against her skin.
Mission accomplished
. If only sleep would come so easily for him.

* * * *

Jackson decided to surprise Hannah by coming home again for lunch. Part of his reason was his anxiety about Mitchell; the other was that he just needed to see her. There wasn’t a sound when he came through the door. No television or music playing. A sudden fear gripped him.
Please God, don’t let her be gone! I couldn’t live through this again.

On feet that felt as if they were moving in slow motion, he went down the hall to her room. Hannah was sitting on the floor staring at her phone. When she looked up at him, he could tell something had happened.

He went down on his knees beside her. “Why are you on the floor?”

“I remember, Jackson. I remember everything.”

Trying to remain calm, he said, “Tell me about it.”

“I was going through my clothes, and I found this.” She pointed to a blue dress spread out on the carpet next to her. “Do you recognize it?”

He nodded. “You wore it on our wedding day.”

“That’s right. When I saw it, something snapped in my head. It was like a switch turned on or something. I know that sounds weird, but it’s the only way I can describe it. Suddenly, I remembered all those stories you told me about in your letters. I even remembered one you didn’t tell me – the time you changed the tire on my car. If you only knew what a relief it is to finally know how everything fits together.”

“How does it fit together, Hannah?”

She reached for his hand. “Do you remember when I came to see Sophia? You asked me if I was happy, and I told you I was. But when I got back to New York, I couldn’t get that afternoon out of my mind. I kept seeing you and Sophia. That made me start questioning everything. I didn’t want to think I’d made a mistake – that I’d done all those terrible things for nothing. I’d loved Mitchell for years. How could I suddenly not love him? And how could I have been so wrong about what love is? It took a long time for me to realize that my feelings for Mitchell were more like a sickness. The only time I ever came close to being free of it was when I was with you.”