For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) (18 page)

He squeezed my hands again and bit his lower lip as his eyes closed for a second. When they opened, happiness poured out from them and he said, “Okay.” He nodded. “I’ll come and get you after the show.”

∞

The show continued and if I thought he performed better after seeing me in the audience, I had no idea what was coming. There was confidence and passion in his portrayal, and I couldn’t believe the difference in his skill when he was in a better place. Rhys encapsulated Hamlet’s emotions so well I found it difficult to watch the prince’s death. Although I knew it was an act, it still disturbed me, leaving me to beg the universe and any higher power in existence to let me keep Rhys. To promise that I wouldn’t lose him if I put my heart out there. To give me a real shot at happiness.

The curtain fell after his death and the audience stood to clap, continuing loudly as the curtain rose for the cast to come out and take a bow. Rhys ended up directly in front of me and winked at me. I blushed and prayed no one else noticed as they bowed twice more and left the stage.

Before I left his dressing room, he told me to wait at my seat for him. So as the theatre emptied, I waited for the last few to leave and relaxed. Since I couldn’t look much when I came in, I took in my surroundings and appreciated the marvel of it all. The theatre was beautiful, with a stage framed in intricate carvings made of wood and gold varnish, contrasting well against the deep-red curtain that added to its brilliance.

I turned to face the back, enjoying the peaceful quiet and I noticed the rest of the audience had finally left. I grew nervous, and turned around to take my seat again to see Rhys standing there, enjoying the view.

“You scared me!” I whispered with my hand on my chest.

“I’m sorry!” he said with a little laugh.

I looked around the theatre and said, “It’s so beautiful.”

“Yes, she is,” he murmured.

I’d been looking away, but when my gaze returned to him I saw he was looking at me, not the room. He smiled when I understood his meaning and added, “I just need to change and then we can go through the back. I’ll be quick, okay?”

I nodded, and fifteen minutes later the tapping of his shoes caused my eyes to shoot back onstage. I had been texting Anne about James and Rhys while I waited, but I left it to finish later. Rhys sat at the edge of the stage and hopped off to stand before me. His endearing smile was cute, but something in the curl of his lips told me he was nervous. He took a deep breath and reached out his hand. “Ready?”

After leading me backstage and through a door behind the theatre, Rhys opened a door to a Jaguar where Bruce was waiting. He joined me in the backseat, but didn’t tell Bruce where we were going, and I wondered if he’d planned ahead. I didn’t say anything, but I could feel Rhys’ eyes on me in the dark and see the hint of his smile bend up his lips. We were sitting close enough for our thighs to touch and his leg muscles were moving against mine. The energy between us was effervescent, and my emotions caused a whirlwind of elation and confusion.

I started panicking; was it a date? Were we starting a relationship? The last time I had to think about those things was in high school. I’d never dated as an adult and I suddenly became a nervous wreck, second-guessing every move. This was what I wanted, yet I dreaded it and not for the reason I expected. I was vulnerable.

Fifteen minutes later we walked into a French restaurant and were seated in the center, where we would have been on display had the restaurant not been vacant. Our server brought us water and menus, then left. Rhys was so nervous, his jaw sharp and his cheekbones protruding as if he’d been holding his breath. And it was quiet, too quiet really. I looked over my menu and caught him staring at me.

“What?” I asked, assuming the worst.

“You look so achingly beautiful tonight. Your dress is lovely, and I can’t stop staring at your hair. It’s gorgeous.”

My cheeks burned with an incinerating heat, and while I was pleased, my timidity probably didn’t express that. “Thank you,” I whispered.

Rhys heard me and suppressed his smile. I knew I was coming across as cold, so I took a deep breath and hid behind my menu again to collect myself. The waiter returned and after they discussed wines, he poured us two glasses. Then he asked if we were ready to order, took my menu, and left me without my hiding place.

I couldn’t decide if it was worse for him to continue watching with complete adoration, or if my heart would break should he look away. I hadn’t felt desired in so long; men had looked and flirted even, but not the way Rhys did. With his eyes on me, I was alive and thriving.

Desperate for distraction I asked, “Why is the restaurant empty?”

“I went to secondary with the owner. He owed me a favor.”

“We’re you going to come alone?”

“What?” he asked, perplexed. “No. Why?”

“What if I had said no?”

“Then I would have owed him significantly,” he laughed, embarrassed to be caught. “He closed early for me and would’ve lost business.” Rhys paused and squinted at me. “Does it bother you that I hoped and made these plans?”

“No,” I shook my head. Lifting my brows I added, “It took guts though.”

He smirked mischievously. “Well, I didn’t know what was wrong, but I hoped if we spoke, that you’d come.” He paused again. “Ellie, I know this is new but why are you so nervous?”

“I don’t know. This is crazy.”

“Why? It’s still me, the same Rhys from the park, the boat, my house… you weren’t nervous there.”

I snorted, “Yes, I was! I just hid it better. Now there’s this added level of intensity. It’s different.”

“But I think this is something you want too, is it not?” I nodded and he leaned forward onto his hand. “ Because I really want this.”

I sighed deeply and looked away. “I do too. I’m just…”

“Afraid?” he asked. I looked back at him and nodded. “I know you want this. The thought of someone else caused you to ignore me.” He paused when I winced at the memory. “I’ve grown to care for you these last few weeks and I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you again.”

Rhys placed his hand atop mine and looped his thumb under my palm. “I don’t just want this for myself. I mean, selfishly, yes, you’re all I think about, but I want this for you. I want the opportunity to show you that you can be happy again.”

My hand twitched under his and he smiled, taking it as a sign to continue. “I want to care for you, and I want you to know that I respect your love for Aaron, his place in your life. I don’t want to replace him nor do I think I ever could. Just please,” he squeezed my hand, “give me a chance. Let me be yours.”

Embarrassingly, my eyes filled with tears knowing that I was at a crossroads. If I said yes, I’d be allowing myself to live again, to love and breathe. If I said no, I’d stay miserable and alone, and would have made the biggest mistake of my life. Before me was a man offering me his heart, one that accepted all the cracks and bruises that came with mine. He was a man that was sensitive to my needs and my emotions, and wanted me in spite of it all. He was my second chance at life, and I would have been an idiot to say no, which is why I didn’t.

I took my hand out from under his, and quick disappointment crossed his face, but dissipated when I replaced it on top of his and squeezed back. “I’m terrified, absolutely terrified, but…I want this. I want you, Rhys.”

Rhys flipped his hand over and wove his fingers through mine. Leaning forward he said, “You have nothing to be afraid of with me. I’ll take good care of your heart, I promise.”

Wiping the tears in my eyes I nodded and said, “okay.”

“I have to say, I’m sorry you thought there was someone else. I really thought you’d understand and I’m an idiot for going about it that way, but there hasn’t been anyone for a long while, until you.” I agreed. “And I hope you know with my status I don’t date easily. It takes a lot to meet someone worth committing to, but I don’t casually date. I’d like it to be just us.”

I didn’t hide the surprise on my face and Rhys laughed nervously at me. “You want to be exclusive?” I asked.

“Yeah, you don’t?” he questioned, his shoulders dropping.

“No, I do. I don’t know any other way, obviously.” I looked away, suddenly embarrassed by my lack of experience. “Wait,” I looked back. “Does this mean you’re my boyfriend? Holy crap,
Rhys Edwards
wants to be my boyfriend. Anne’s going to flip a shit.”

It was an adolescent thought, but he’d have to get used to it. Thankfully, he doubled over in laughter and said, “Nothing would make me happier than to be your boyfriend.”

∞

We stayed at the restaurant for two hours talking about the show and his performance, including the long pause when he found me.

“I didn’t think you were coming,” he defended himself, and it pained my heart to know he expected me to let him down. I put significant pressure on myself to make sure he never felt that way again. He told me he missed me while I was gone, and that not hearing back was difficult, too, but we shared a wonderful meal in great company and it was pretty perfect. I never expected to be that happy again and I had no intention of going back. That’s why I said yes. That’s why I pushed myself out of the comfortable, lonely armor I’d built around myself, and allowed Rhys into my life.

When we left the restaurant, Rhys placed his hand on the small of my back and gently led me out. It was a small, simple gesture, but it sent warmth through my body, reminding me that now he could touch me. That now I was his to be affectionate with whenever he wanted, and that was scary, yet wonderful.

Bruce drove us to my flat, and although London was asleep, I was wide-awake with nerves constricting my throat. Despite my insistence that it wasn’t necessary, Rhys laughed and pushed to walk me all the way to my door.

In front of it he grabbed my hand. “Thank you for coming to the show, for dinner, for everything.” His voice was thick with emotion, but externally he contained himself.

“Thank you,” I said, and my muscles tensed because I wasn’t sure if I was ready for what could happen next. Did he want me to invite him in? He had to know that wasn’t happening yet, at least not in an after-date capacity. But then Rhys surprised me. Sweet Rhys and his sensitive nature.

He placed one hand behind my neck and brought me closer to him. I prayed he didn’t sense my nerves; that he couldn’t feel the sweat under my hair or the way my body was shaking. He pulled me in against him and closed his eyes as he kissed my forehead.

It was so tender, so romantic, beyond anything I’d ever felt and he hadn’t even kissed my mouth. Rhys left his lips there for a long moment of bliss, tenderly pressing them against my skin and stamping their imprint as if to say,
she’s mine
and
I’m hers
. His hand lowered from my neck down my spine, to the small of my back and he pulled me into a generous hug. I returned it, placing my arms under his and around his back.

His hand returned to my head and he started stroking my hair from my crown all the way to the ends above my butt as he whispered directly into my ear, “I really want to kiss you, very badly. I’ve wanted to for days, weeks actually. But I want you to be comfortable,” he paused, and I inhaled the sweet wine from his breath. “I don’t want to rush you or scare you away.”

It was so sexy hearing his whisper against my ear, feeling the warmth of his words caressing my skin. I had the perfect spot to smell his citrus and woodsy scent on his neck and I was so enthralled with it all, all I could do was nod. He leaned back, moving his hand to the side of my face and looked into my eyes. “Can I see you tomorrow?” he asked, close enough to my kiss my lips. I nodded again, hypnotized by every aspect of him. Rhys stepped back, and pulled my hand to his lips as a compromise of avoiding my mouth.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, darling.”

“Okay.”

A small laugh escaped his gorgeous mouth. “Goodnight, Ellie.”

“Night, Rhys.”

I watched him go down the stairs before closing the door and I already longed for him when I lost sight of him. I definitely didn’t want him to come inside, but that night was so perfect, I didn’t want it to end either.

After changing, I went into the kitchen and caught a glimpse of Aaron’s picture. I felt better, less guilty since visiting his parents and his grave. It no longer gave me the sense I’d been sneaking around betraying him. But I still wished he was around. Though I didn’t want to go backwards to our days together, finally okay with moving forward, I still missed my best friend.

I wanted to hear him say,
you got this
, or,
be happy
, or even,
that dress looks great, he’ll love it
, anything that would provide the comfort and encouragement to reassure me. But then I reminded myself, Aaron might have sent him, and that was all the support I needed.

I couldn’t sleep as much as I tried, but for the first time it was because I was irrevocably happy. I texted Rhys an hour later.

Me: Thank you.

He answered quickly.

Rhys: For what? Dinner? No, thank you.

I cringed over what I was about to type.

Me: Yes, for dinner. But I meant for understanding…about the kiss and taking things slow.