For Her Son's Sake (10 page)

Cari laughed. “You have a point. He does have a sort of fallen angel look about him.”

“You guys aren’t helping. I think it’s just lust or something. Maybe—and I’m not at all happy with myself for feeling this way—but maybe it’s motivated by envy.”

“Of us?” Jessi asked.

Emma nodded.

“Yes! Finally all my childhood wishes that someday you’d want something I had have come true. I thought they never would,” Jessi crowed.

Emma shook her head at her sister. “Grow up. I didn’t say I was envious, just that I think I feel left out. Helio’s dead. Sure, I have Sammy—I’m not necessarily saying something is missing in my life. But when Kell and I kissed, it awakened something I’d forgotten was part of me.”

“What?”

“A longing for something that I can’t have.”

“Why can’t you have it?” Cari asked. “I think you’d make a lovely couple.”

Jessi snorted.

“Nice try. But we both know that revenge has been a part of Kell’s DNA for so long that there is no way he will ever be able to be with me and let himself be happy. I’m still the enemy.”

“Are you saying you love him?” Jessi asked.

“No. Not at all. Just that there are moments when I think if our grandfathers hadn’t been intent on screwing each other over...well, maybe Kell and I would have had a chance.”

Cari shook her head. “This makes me so mad. You’d think decisions made decades before we were born wouldn’t affect our lives but we are living with the consequences.”

“I know,” Emma said.

“What are you going to do?” Jessi asked. “And don’t say ignore it. Lust is powerful and you two are spending a lot of time together. It’ll be like when Allan and I were trapped during that hurricane on the Outer Banks.”

Jessi and Allan had been in North Carolina after the deaths of the best friends. They had been named co-guardians to their friends’ daughter, Hannah, and it had taken weeks for the judge to grant them guardianship. While they were waiting, they’d had to survive a hurricane. Somehow during that intense time the two rivals had fallen for each other.

“I don’t know,” Emma said. “I’m thinking of walking away from the company and taking Sammy on a vacation to Spain. His
abuela
has been begging me to come for a visit. It would be a nice escape.”

“Really?” Jessi asked. “I like Helio’s mom but she’d see that you were running away.”

“She would let me. I was strong when she needed me to be. She said when I needed her she’d be there for me,” Emma said. The thought of going to Madrid and living in the beautiful Moorish house that Isabella owned was tempting. Her former mother-in-law would pamper her and watch over Sammy, and Emma could pretend that she had no problems.

But running away had never been her style and she wasn’t about to start now. Or at least that was what she told herself. But inside she knew she was staying because she wanted to see what would happen next with Kell Montrose.

Ten

K
ell felt like Mr. Creeper parking in front of Emma’s house just after midnight but he hadn’t been able to sleep. He wanted something that he didn’t know how to get. Something that was inexplicably tied to her. And now he was losing sleep over it.

After Dec had taken Sammy and left the Lakers game, Kell had gone home alone. His posh downtown condo hadn’t felt welcoming at all. The bedroom was too quiet and he was reminded he was alone. He knew it was his own choice to be that way but he’d been unable to reconcile the life he had with the glimpse of the life he wanted.

And he did want something more. But as usual he was afraid to name it. It had been so long since he’d thought of family as anything other than a solid motivation for the business decisions he made.

But his idea of family now involved something emotional and needy.
Hell. Just...hell.
He should have called. Or not called. This was crazy. But here he was in Malibu and he’d never been a coward and he wasn’t going to start being one now.

He took out his cell phone and texted Emma.
Can we talk?

After a couple minutes, he received a response.
Now?

Yes. I’m outside your house.

Seriously?

Totally. I’ll understand if you don’t want to.

It’s fine. Give me a few minutes and I’ll come to the door.

He felt a pang in his heart.

Forget it.

No way. Two minutes tops.

He got out of his car, hit the button for the auto locks and walked up to her house. He shivered in the mid-January chill and shoved his hands into his pockets as he moved. The front walk was lit with those little solar-powered path lights. When he got to the front door and was waiting for Emma to come and open it, he glanced to his left and saw a stepping stone with two little handprints and Sam’s name on it. He went back down the porch steps to look at it more closely.

She had her own life. Why was he here? He couldn’t say he wanted to be part of it unless he could really give it a go. And that was what scared him the most. He wanted this with the kind of keen longing that made him shake when he dwelled on it. He also knew himself well enough to understand that the things he wanted the most were the ones that made him act like an idiot.

The door opened and the warm glow of the hall light spilled onto her front porch. He was down there just out of the cone of light, hiding in the dark like Quasimodo in his bell tower. Maybe he should stay in the shadows and just enjoy observing her life from a distance.

Then again, it looked as if he was going to have Emma in his life whether they were romantically involved or not. They worked together. They were connected by marriage and extended familial bonds. Was that enough?

No. Hell, no.
It wasn’t enough. Why couldn’t he have his shot at a life in the light? He’d done what he needed to. Fulfilled his obligation as the eldest cousin. Satisfied the family vendetta.

“Kell?”

“I’m here. Just having second thoughts.”

“Given that it’s two a.m. I sort of get that. But why don’t you come inside,” she suggested.

He glanced up and saw her standing in the doorway in a light green bathrobe that ended mid-thigh. Her hair was tousled and fell in soft waves around her shoulders And her eyes were sleepy. She held one hand against her chest while she waited for his answer.

The keen need sliced through him again and he admitted it wasn’t just family that he wanted to be a part of. He wanted to be her lover. To be part of a couple. To have someone.

“I....”

For the first time, he had no idea how to act or what to do next. What he wanted were things he didn’t know how to take and wasn’t even sure he had the right to.

Still illuminated by that cone of light, she left the doorway and walked down the steps. She took his hand in hers, linked their fingers together and led him inside. He followed her because it was all he desired.

Once in her foyer she closed the front door, dropped his hand and went to reset the alarm on a keypad near the door.

“Hot cocoa?”

“Sure,” he said as the warmth of her house seeped into his clothes. But the thing that warmed him to the bone was the easy way she led him to the kitchen as if it weren’t the middle of the night.

As if he somehow belonged here. It hit him that this was what he had always wanted and never really been able to find. Belonging. A place to call his own.

But Emma wasn’t his. Despite one night together. And he guessed that was why he’d come here tonight.

“Sit down and talk,” she said. She moved around her kitchen getting milk from the fridge, a saucepan from under the sink and a bar of chocolate from the pantry.

“I’m waiting,” she said, while he sat there at her breakfast bar watching her.

He shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the back of his chair, and then leaned his elbows on the counter and tried to think where to start.

“Did Sammy tell you about the game?”

“He said it was fun. Thank you for buying him that basketball. He’s sleeping with it in his bed,” Emma said. “I hadn’t realized how much he missed having a guy of his own. Dec and Allan are both good when they come over but Sammy is always very aware that they belong to DJ and Hannah.”

There it was. Sammy needed him, too. But he had no idea if he could stay—not for a few nights or a few basketball games, but forever. That fear kept him from risking it. Wouldn’t he be doing more damage if he tried and failed?

* * *

Emma had never seen Kell like this. He had on a pair of faded Levis, a Playtone Games T-shirt and stubble on his jaw. His hair was mussed as if he’d run his hands through it a number of times. She wanted to just go and wrap her arms around him the way she did with Sammy when he was scared.

But the thought of Kell having that kind of fear made no sense. He was intelligent and driven and always knew exactly what he wanted. Tonight he seemed different and she wondered why he was really here. The milk began to simmer and she took it off the heat and added the chocolate bar and then a smidge of vanilla. She stirred the hot chocolate as if it was her first time making it, instead of a recipe she knew by heart.

“I guess that’s kind of why I’m here. I felt like Sammy when I was a kid. I didn’t have someone of my own.”

“Surely your grandfather went places with you,” she said.

“Did your grandfather spend that much time with you?”

“No,” she said. Her grandfather was a dedicated business professional and had no time for his granddaughters or their lives. Luckily, her grandmother and mother had been there for them. “Is that why you’re here?”

He shoved his hands through his hair and stood up so quickly that he rocked the chair back on itself. He came over to her and leaned against the counter next to her. “Yes and no.”

“I don’t understand,” she said. “I’m trying, but you’re being too vague.”

“I don’t know how to say this, Emma. It’s going to sound stupid and I abhor that but I can’t think of another way. I saw Sam tonight and he reminded me of myself and then I thought about you, how much I still want you even though I thought one night would be enough. And then usually when I’m with Dec and Allan and their kids, I feel something empty inside of me. But I didn’t feel that way tonight when I had Sam with me.”

“Okay. So you want to try having a relationship?” she asked. It would be complicated but she had to admit she wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea.

“Yes and no.”

“Again? I’ve never known you to be so indecisive.”

He turned to her and she’d never seen such stark emotions on his face. There was longing and fear and a million other things there, the emotions so bare that it almost hurt to look at him. She put her hand on his arm.

“I don’t know if it’s just because everyone else has someone or if it’s real between us, you know? And I don’t want to take a chance and then screw it up for you and Sammy. You’ve both had your share of pain and I don’t want to add to that.”

His words hit home, and even though she knew that in the morning he might feel differently, she had to say the right thing now. So, of course her mind went blank and she felt the tingly feeling in her spine that she meant she was about to do something rash.

She was a mom. She had to think of how this would affect Sammy. But she was also a woman and what Kell was offering was something she wanted.
That’s right,
her mind said,
you do want him
. And how would Sammy be affected if his mom never did anything because she was afraid to risk her heart?

“I don’t want to be hurt either, but I guess we’ll never know if we don’t try, right?” she said after a few moments passed.

He arched one eyebrow at her. “That’s one way of looking at it.”

“It is. We can both just do what we can, you know? If I see Sammy getting too attached to you and things aren’t going well between us, I can pull the plug.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “What if you start getting too attached?”

He rested his arm on the counter behind her, almost crowding her with his closeness. She put her hand on his chest but she admitted to herself it wasn’t to stop him. It was to touch him because she had been wanting to do that since the moment he’d texted her tonight.

“I’m not sure. I don’t want to be stupid but you know how these things are,” she said, remembering that headlong rush into her relationship with Helio. From the first moment she’d fallen for him she’d known it was stupid. He lived a dangerous life. Kell didn’t take those risks with his physical person but he was just as dangerous to her.

She knew she’d said it before but it had never sunk in. It didn’t matter to her that he was a man who’d been consumed by bitterness and revenge for most of his life. A part of her wanted to heal him and fix him. And every other part of her thought it didn’t matter because she needed him. Now.

Tonight when she’d thought of giving up and running away to Spain it had become clear to her that the last thing she wanted was to leave until she knew what could be with Kell. She wasn’t saying it was real or even love. And if he hadn’t shown up tonight she might have been able to let it be, but here he was.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

She lifted her hand, rubbing her finger against the stubble on his jaw and leaning in close because the truths that were the hardest to share could only be said in a whisper.

“I need you.”

* * *

That was exactly what he needed to hear. He pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her neck. The embrace was one of comfort instead of lust at first, but he couldn’t hold her this close and not react. He felt himself harden as she turned more fully into his arms and pressed herself to him. Then he lifted his head and found her mouth with his.

He kissed her deeply, leaving no doubt that he needed her as well. He picked her up and set her on the counter, and then stepped between her thighs. She wrapped her legs around his hips as he loosened the belt on her robe.

She wore a soft cotton pajama top with little pearl buttons down the front. He reached for them, fumbling with the tiny buttons, which felt too small for his hands. When she brushed him away and undid the buttons herself, he realized his hands were shaking.

Why did she get to him like this? Why was she the only woman who could make him feel this way? He realized he didn’t have time for such questions as he pushed the nightshirt off her shoulders and leaned down to take one nipple in his mouth.

He couldn’t go slow tonight, he needed her, needed this with such intensity that he felt his chest tighten as she put her hands on the back of his head, plunging her fingers into his hair.

He lightly bit her nipple as she arched back on the counter. Then he lifted her up with one arm around her waist and pulled her panties off with his other hand. After tossing them on the floor, he leaned down to bury his face between her legs.

He was surrounded by her and then lifted his head to part her with his fingers. The full bud of her passion was revealed, and when he leaned down to tap it with his tongue, she moaned deep in her throat. Her hands came back to his shoulders as he moved in closer and continued to pleasure her with his tongue until her hips started to rise faster and faster against him and her thighs clenched around his head. When she reached the breaking point, she cried out his name.

He kept his mouth where it was, teasing out her orgasm for as long as he could. She fell forward against him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He was hard inside his jeans; it was a surprise he hadn’t already come in them. She tugged at his T-shirt, pulling it up over his head and then leaned forward to nibble at his chest as her fingers teased a pattern down his abdomen and stomach to his waistband.

She undid his pants, reaching inside to stroke him through his underwear. His hips jerked forward; he needed her now. She held his naked flesh in her hand, and he fumbled in his pocket for the condom he’d put in there earlier.

He pulled it out, stepping back to push his underwear and pants out of the way before tearing open the packet, but she took it from him. She stroked his length up and down and then reached lower to cup him as she slowly slid the condom on. Then she tugged him forward, her grip firm on his erection.

He moaned as she brought him to her. Their eyes met as he thrust in with one long stroke, making her take him all. She moaned and shifted around, wrapping her legs around his hips as he lifted her off the counter and spun around so he could rest his back on it while she moved up and down on him.

He cupped her butt and felt her tighten around him until he knew he was on the edge and about to come. He lowered his head and tongued her nipple as she dug her fingernails into his shoulders and cried his name again as she tightened around him.

He thrust harder and quicker and felt his own release building inside him. After thrusting two more times, he collapsed against the counter, holding her to him with his grip on her backside.

She rested her head on his chest and each exhalation of her breath stirred the hair there and teased his nipple. He put his hand on the back of her head and rubbed it.