Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2) (15 page)

I was the odd ball out. I didn’t care about any of that. I would give up anything and everything to have her in my life. It was that thought that helped me make my decision.

Yes, I’d give her up if it’d be in her best interest. But why did I have to give her up? Because of my family? Couldn’t I give them up? What was more important, the people that degraded me and made me feel hopeless; or the person that brought the hope and possibility into my life.

“You’re right,” I announced, sitting down the coffee cup and grabbing my car keys.

“Always,” Kev laughed. “But what about this time?”

“Avery,” it seemed obvious to me. “I need her. I can’t let her go.”

“So you are going to her?” he asked.

“Yes,” I smiled. “I’m going to beg her to take me back.”

“Good,” I saw the smile on Kevin’s face and it surprised me. “You are doing what you need to do.”

“If she takes me back,” the thought bugged me.

What if Avery wasn’t going to forgive me. I’d broken her heart. She had begged me not to go and I did. It’d been weeks since I had spoken to her. She might not be able to get past that very easily.

I had to try. No matter how it turned out, I had to give it the best shot that I had. I needed to know that I’d told her how I felt. That I’d begged her to be mine again. I had to know that I didn’t just give up.

“I’ll be back,” I announced, walking out the door without waiting for a response.

The drive to her apartment was long and filled with fear. I didn’t want her to reject me. If she did, I wasn’t sure what I’d do. A world without her…..it was just unthinkable.

I found a parking meter and put in enough change to be there for a while. But walking up to the building took a small pep talk. I feared her reaction. I was afraid she’d have questions. Ones that I wasn’t able— willing— to answer just yet. I still needed to protect her from the cruelty of the world. I didn’t want her to understand my pain and fear. I didn’t want her to see my demons.

When I did decide to go up to her place, I faced a new fear. Colby. Would she be there? If so, she was probably ready to attack. As bitchy as she was, a part of me believed that she loved Avery. In a painful and controlling way, yes, but loved her nonetheless. She wouldn’t want me to see her.

Unfortunately, she’s the one that answered the door. And she tried her damndest to thwart my attempt to see her. She stood there glaring, shooting daggers through my heart and potentially my eyes, as she told me that I didn’t need to go inside and be with Avery. She told me that she was just doing better, words that stung. How much better?

But I stood my ground and I made her let me in. I didn’t hear Avery anywhere, but maybe she wasn’t aware I was there. Or she didn’t really care if she saw me or not. But I cared enough for both of us.

Walking into the living room I saw her back to me. She sat on the sofa and looked fresh out of bed. Considering she was normally up before dawn, that told me she’d been depressed. The lack of clothing and messy style of her hair, however, told me more. She wasn’t even trying to impress anyone. That meant she wasn’t seeing anyone.

I saw the hesitation when I said her name and she turned to me. Light filled her eyes, but skepticism filled her face. She was afraid to trust me. Words that she said to me several times through the conversation. But that wasn’t what broke my heart.

It was when she said she wasn’t beautiful. When she looked at herself with shame. Those were the words that stung. I hated making her feel that way. I wanted to show her just how perfect she was. But I wasn’t ready to explain it yet. I blew it off to fear and begged her for another chance. And she finally said yes.

Leaving with plans for dinner and a movie, I drove back to Kevin’s place. I needed an apartment of my own. I couldn’t keep sharing her with the bitch. I needed time alone with her. Plus, Kevin was a bit hard to handle. Although I was impressed he was pushing me to fight for what I loved. Even down to agreeing to be sober when I had her over.

But as I walked into his apartment I was faced with reality. Kevin had fallen out of the chair and was passed out on the floor. Once I’d checked him to make sure it wasn’t an overdose, I simply brought a blanket. He’d been up for so long, I had no doubt that I wouldn’t be able to wake him. He was on the crash end. I remembered those days. Hard as hell to get through.

I shook my head, grabbed the classifieds and headed to the living room. It was time to make a life for me and the girl I loved. Because she deserved better than this. And if I’d given myself enough credit, I’d have realized then that so did I.

Chapter 13

We weren’t very far from the strip we had been staying on, but it almost seemed like a different world. Nice, elaborate houses were situated on the shoreline and had lawns covered with palm trees and other tropical decorations. Some of them had boats and RVs in the driveway, others appeared to be divided into multiple dwellings with up to ten vehicles parked haphazardly outside.

Colby hadn’t said a damned word since we’d gotten in the car to head this way. I wanted to ask her. Who was ‘he’? How’d they know him? Why would Avery be there? But I knew that we’d barely gotten to a point of speaking and if I asked, she’d have a hateful response. Normally I would deal, but I was pretty sure that as edgy as I was, I would kill the bitch.

So instead I sat there in the car, watching the neighborhood go by, and wondered what the hell had happened in the time I’d been away from Avery. How did she have someone she was guaranteed to know that lived half a world away? Why was it a guy? What did Colby know that she wasn’t going to share? More importantly, why was I headed to this man’s house to face my biggest fear in the world -- Avery being with another man?

“Colby,” I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to ask. I had to ask. I needed to know. “Where are we going?”

“It’s not far from here,” she replied. “I think I will still recognize his house.”

“Whose house?” the words barely came out.

“I don’t remember his name,” she laughed. “I barely talked to him.”

“Then why are we going there?”

“Are you seriously going to do this?” she faced me, anger in her eyes. “You left her Spencer. I know where she might be. Tuck that jealousy back inside and let’s focus on the goal.”

“It’s not jealousy,” I tried to argue, but even I didn’t believe myself.

“Whatever,” she snapped. “We are here to find her. Not to go over your commitment issues and the problems that they might cause.”

“But I don’t think…”

“I don’t think you have any right to think anything. I don’t think you deserve her. I don’t think that you should be running that fucking mouth right now. We both hurt her. We want her to be okay. So let’s go to the person she probably turned to when she was left alone.”

I sat silently. I couldn’t even process what she’d just said let alone debate it. She refused to tell me if I should be concerned about the random guy. She wouldn’t let me know if I had a reason to worry. She was going to watch me panic all the way there and never relieve me or prepare me for what was to come.

“I don’t know okay,” she finally relented. “I don’t know how well they knew each other or what was up. I wasn’t really— I mean we weren’t— she was keeping to herself. I didn’t ask.” Somehow her random reply didn’t make me feel any better. I knew she was trying, but it just didn’t help.

“I see,” focusing on the ocean prevented me from showing too many emotions to the woman who would use them against me.

“It was a party Spencer,” she threw out. “I don’t think it was more than that.”

“But she’d go to him?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I hope. I’d rather that than to be back at square one with no answer.”

“I guess,” I could never say I’d rather her be with another man. Never.

“I think this is it,” she was slowing the car in front of a house that looked like something my parents would have chosen. Great. Avery went for the rich guy. I could have been the rich guy. I wanted to be the normal guy. But she chose the rich guy.

I sat there, rigid and terrified to speak. If I opened my mouth I’d say the wrong damned thing. I just knew it. Yes, I wanted her to be safe and okay. What I didn’t want, was for her to to be both of those with a strange man. Hell, I didn’t even want her to have been going to parties. I was at Kev’s and struggling to make it day to day. She was in tourist heaven partying like I never existed and meeting guys.

“Spencer,” Colby turned to me, “don’t go in there as the jealous boyfriend. We don’t know the situation. We need this guy’s help.”

“Right,” I acknowledged her, but couldn’t agree. I was the jealous boyfriend. The extremely jealous boyfriend. The heartbroken and jealous boyfriend.

“I’m serious Spencer,” her voice sounded angry. “I want my best friend to be okay. I need to know she is. So don’t piss off the guy we need to help us. He may be the only connection we’ve got.”

“Okay,” the agreement was necessary, but not preferred.

As she opened the door and got out, I felt my body turn to lead. I couldn’t lift my hand to unlock and open my door. None of my limbs would work. Heavy and stiff, they simply hung there as I tried to move them. My heart began to race and my breathing became labored and sporadic.

Panic was setting in. I didn’t want to see this guy. I didn’t want to meet him. I had no clue who he was or what he was doing in Avery’s life, but I didn’t want to find out. Colby was motioning for me to join her. I couldn’t even shake my head. I just sat, stone still and silent, trying to find the ability to inhale.

“Now!” she yelled, getting bitchier than she already was. I knew I was letting her down. I was letting Avery down. But the idea of standing face to face with another man in her life wasn’t something I could handle. Not then. Not ever.

I watched blondie’s face drop. She went from demanding to pleading. Her shoulder’s slumped and the corners of her eyes were damp with tears. She was begging. I wanted to say no. I wanted to refuse. But I was sure that she wouldn’t go alone, and she couldn’t stand the idea of not going.

“Please?” she asked with sincerity. How the hell did she manage to switch moods that fast?

I was able to lift my right arm and flip the door open. But walking was going to be something else. Each step I took was only going to lead me closer to what I wanted least. A face to face chat with a man I didn’t know and would prefer not to ever meet.

I’d heard stories of mafia men putting concrete shoes on their victims and dumping them in bodies of water to drown. In that moment, standing in a stranger’s driveway, I knew what those victims felt like. I couldn’t lift my feet. Every second they seemed to get heavier pulling me closer to the ground.

I wasn’t in water, but I may as well have been. At least then I would have had a reason for gasping for air and struggling to breathe. But for me, it was just jealousy and fear. More of each than I could handle.

“Spencer!” I heard Colby, but her voice was almost muffled by the ringing and paranoia that were bellowing in my ears. I knew I should answer her. I couldn’t. My thoughts wouldn’t clear. My mouth wouldn’t move. I was frozen. “Spencer, damn it.”

She was standing in front of me, staring at me. Watching me. Looking for a sign of life, or hating me for not rushing to the door alongside her. I wasn’t sure which. Her eyes, fired up with anger, bore into me. Suddenly I saw them shift. The hatred was slipping away and I saw something I’d never seen in Colby before. Fear. Panic. Even sympathy.

“Are you okay?” she asked, this time her voice a little clearer. At that moment she wasn’t concerned with me moving faster. She was sincerely worried about me. Why? She didn’t care about me. She could barely tolerate sharing a space with me. What would make her suddenly care? “Spencer? Say something.”

I didn’t like it. I wasn’t sure if I didn’t like it because she was scared or if I didn’t like it that she was pitying me. I just knew I didn’t like it. That was enough to clear my head some and feel like I could catch my breath.

“What am I supposed to say?” I didn’t mean to be snappy. I knew she didn’t deserve it. I just couldn’t help it. I didn’t like the look of pity she gave me. It took me back to being seven years old and seeing the looks on people’s faces.

“Are you ready?” her question had just as nasty a tone as mine.

“I’m never going to be ready,” I was honest. “But do I have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“Then can we at least get it over with?”