Forever We Fall: Broken #4 (The Broken Series) (17 page)

Lee

I drove slowly and carefully, very much aware that Hope was in the backseat of Kyle's old truck – his old truck I hadn’t known he'd kept.

Derek didn't try to make conversation or shout at me when I stalled the car at a set of traffic lights – he sat patiently in the passenger seat with his hands in his lap – nor was he surprised when I pulled into the deserted parking lot, down the road from the cemetery. He grabbed Hope's stroller from the trunk, unfolded it and held the handles for me as I sat her in and strapped her buckles. The sun shone down on the three of us as we made our way to Cam's grave in silent unison.

The moment we reached her grave, Derek stepped forward and stroked the top of her headstone with such tenderness tears filled my eyes. I turned away, giving him his privacy, as he whispered something I couldn't quite catch. I picked Hope up before sitting cross-legged on the freshly cut grass with Hope on my lap.

After a few minutes Derek came and sat beside us. "It's getting easier to come here, Lee," he muttered. "For a long time I didn't think I'd ever find the line."

"What line, Derek?" I asked, confused by his words.

"The middle line," was all he replied. I didn't ask him to evaluate any further. If it made sense to him, I was happy with that.

Leaning down, I kissed the top of Hope's head and then turned to Derek. "That girl in the kitchen, have you met her before?"

Derek shook his head. "No, ice," he muttered. "Never seen her before today."

"I shouldn’t let it upset me," I whispered, afraid to speak too loud incase my voice broke.

"I'm sorry he's doing this to you, Lee," Derek said quietly as he picked at the grass, pulling blades of grass out of the ground. "And I have no idea why I'm defending him," he added as his cheeks reddened. "But don't give up on him. He'll come around."

"I don't want to give up on him," I choked out. "But I am so tired of feeling bad things, of being treated like this." I shook my head. "It shouldn't be this hard, Derek."

"I know, ice." Derek stretched his legs out in front of him.

Leaning on his elbows, he stared straight at Cam's headstone. "Do you think she can hear us?" He chuckled softly. "I bet she'd kick Kyle in the balls for this one." He smiled fondly. "I can imagine what she'd say:
'Touch my best friend and I'll cut your balls off, asshat.'
I laughed at Derek's imitation of Cam's voice and he joined me.

"That's a sound I missed hearing," I said, smiling at his confused face. "Your laugh," I clarified. "It's nice to hear you laugh again."

"It felt good…It feels good." Derek sighed deeply.

"I had an appointment with my nephrologist the other day." I shivered in wonder. "It was good news." Turning to face him, I told Derek what I'd been trying to tell Kyle. "The AKI," I chuckled. "Dr. Michaels thinks it's may be showing signs of reversal, but I won't know for sure until the results of my next tests."

Derek's eyes widened. "Holy shit, Lee, why didn't you say anything earlier?" He dragged me into one of his bear hugs. "This is the best damn news I've heard all year."

"Thanks," I chuckled, squeezing him back, taking care not to squash Hope. "I guess I forgot, what with the former object of my fiancé's desire arriving on my doorstep and all…"

A shadow fell over the three of us as a familiar voice rang through my ears. "Former being the pivotal word here, Princess."

I groaned, Derek muttered
'about damn time,'
and Hope squealed in delight.

"Da-da, Da-da," she babbled, straining to break out of my hold and get to her father.

"Hey angel," Kyle said quietly, sweeping Hope out of my arms.

"Did you tell him we were coming here?" I hissed, glaring at Derek and feeling oddly betrayed.

"He didn't say anything," Kyle replied quietly. "It was a lucky guess." Kyle bounced Hope against his chest. "Derek, can you give us a minute?"

"Aye aye, Captain," Derek saluted, climbing to his feet. "Come on, missy," he said to Hope as he lifted her out of Kyle's arms. "Mommy's mad with your Daddy. It's time you and Uncle Derek got the hell out of dodge."

I watched in dismay as Derek sauntered off with my daughter, leaving me alone with a pensive looking Kyle.

Kyle watched Hope and Derek until they were out of eyesight, and then turned his eyes on me. "I thought you were gone."

"I was gone," I muttered, ducking my face, concentrating on a butterfly that had landed on the grass near my feet.

"No," he said in a gruff tone. "I thought you were
gone
." Lowering himself onto the grass to sit beside me, Kyle nudged his shoulder against mine as he looped his arms around his knees. "I shouldn't have brought her to the house. I didn't think, Lee. It was fucking thoughtless and I'm sorry. But there's nothing going on between…"

"Save it, Kyle," I whispered, placing my palms flat on the grass. "I don't want to hear it right now."

"Princess…"

"No," I warned as I stood up and wiped the grass off my jeans. "I'm not a dog, Kyle. I'm a human being with feelings. You can't drop me, treat me like dirt, and then expect me to fall at your feet just because you feel guilty for bringing another ex into our home." I turned on my heel and headed for the exit. The sound of his footsteps behind me made me up my pace.

"Can we talk about this?" Kyle asked impatiently as he fell into step with me. "You're pissed off. I get that. I've been a dick, but just let me explain why she was with me. She needs a recent photo of…"

"I don't care why she was with you," I cried. "I don’t want to know. All I want you to do is stay away from me," I sobbed, wrapping my arms around myself defensively. "I'm not emotionally strong enough to deal with your cruel remarks and mood swings."

Rushing over to the truck, I dragged myself into the driver's seat and cranked the engine. "I'm done with this, Kyle," I told him as I stared out the window at his face. "I'm not the girl I was two years ago. I won't allow you to walk all over me again," I spat, pulling away before he had a chance to respond.

I was done with it all.

****

Chapter Fourteen

Kyle

I needed to buy a more comfortable couch.

How the fuck had I not realized I'd purchased the spine crusher?

I couldn't sleep last night – I hadn't slept in nearly a month. The fear I felt for Linda and the guilt consuming me because of the way I'd been treating Lee made it impossible for me to close my eyes longer than a few minutes at a time. Linda was still hanging in there, still slipping in and out of consciousness, and the shock I'd felt was slowly starting to melt away. I was fucking heartbroken – devastated didn't come close to describing the way I was feeling right now – but that didn't give me the right to neglect my family the way I had. Jesus, I hadn't had a proper conversation with Lee since before I found out about Linda's cancer weeks ago. I'd been so immersed in my own pain and suffering that I'd completely ignored the three people who, along with Linda, meant the world to me.

Yesterday, the hurt I'd seen on Lee's face when I'd foolishly brought Cindy home with me had been my wakeup call – that asshole Danny in my kitchen had been another.

What the fuck had I been thinking?

I hadn’t been thinking.

I'd been working on autopilot mode and I fucked up colossally.

Last night was the worst dose of reality I’d ever been given. I'd gone up to our room to check on Lee and she'd been in the throes of a brutal nightmare. Jesus, I still shuddered thinking about it. She'd been screaming, tears pouring down her cheeks, and she wasn't even awake. I'd stayed by the door, knowing I wasn't welcome in our bed – she wouldn't have wanted my comfort and I couldn't blame her…

I'd brought Hope downstairs and settled her in the nursery – I'd had to. When I'd opened her bedroom door last night and saw the wide, fearful blue-eyes of my daughter I swear something inside of me cracked open and woke me up.
I had a hell of a lot of making up to do.

Standing up slowly, I stretched my arms over my head and heard the satisfying cracking noise as another one of my misplaced joints slotted into place. The doorbell sounded and it took me a moment to move my feet. I glanced at the clock on the wall. 06.45. Who the fuck was calling at this time in the morning and, more importantly, how the hell did they get over the gate?

Reporters…

Not bothering to throw on my clothes, I attached the parent unit of Hope's monitor to my boxers and stormed down the hall. I was up to my limit with these assholes. It was one thing to approach us at the hotel, or out in the streets, but coming on my property was too much.

Flicking off the alarm I unlocked the door. "Better have your running shoes on, dude," I snarled as I grabbed the baseball bat from behind the door and swung the front-door inwards. "Unless you're
Usain Bolt
, you're not getting away from me without a..." My words trailed off when I saw who was standing in front me – and what was lying at his feet. "What the hell is that?" I asked in confusion. "Who in god's name gave you a chainsaw?"

"That, my former best-friend and current pain in my ass, is fire kindling, and you should have told me you wanted to play ball." Derek grinned as he stepped past me. "I would have brought my glove."

"What the…" I scratched my head in confusion. "Why?"

"FYI, dude, people with kidney disease need to stay warm," he said as he strolled down the hallway to the kitchen. "No wait, I forgot you don't
care
anymore, do you?" He shook his head, his tone laced with sarcasm. "You don't…what's the word you used? Oh yeah," Derek sneered and I flinched. "You really don't give a fuck."

"Yeah, well I'm an asshole," I grumbled as I pushed past him and filled the kettle before switching it on. Hoisting myself onto the countertop, I sat and studied the smug face of my best friend. "Did you have fun cutting down my forestry?"

"I did, actually." Derek grinned and he leaned against the island. "But I'm enjoying this conversation a little more," he added with a smirk. "Tell me what you are again."

I threw my hands up and sighed. "I'm an asshole, Derek. I screwed up."

"Yes, Kyle," he mused. "Yes, you are."

Stretching my back, I sighed deeply and let my legs dangle freely from where I was sitting on the counter. "She won't look at me," I whispered. "I've fucked up so bad this time, dude."

"Yeah, Kyle, you have," Derek replied evenly. "And if I was her I wouldn't look at you for the rest of my life."

"Jesus," I hissed. "Don't say that." Shuddering violently, I bowed my head in shame. "How do I fix this?"

"I don't know, Kyle," he muttered. "She's been through the wringer and you weren't there for her, you didn't listen, and you didn't fucking care …ugh, Christ," Derek moaned and clenched his eyes shut. "Would you mind closing your legs, dude? Your one eyed pal is staring at me and I just ate breakfast." 

Rolling my eyes, I jumped down from the counter and readjusted myself. "You want a coffee?"

"Yeah," he said as he opened the refrigerator and handed me the milk. "You abandoned her, Kyle," he said, continuing to make me feel like a piece of shit. I remained quiet because I deserved it. I
was
a piece of shit. "She depends on you to function," he added. "You let her down.
Again
."

"I know," I whispered as I spooned some instant coffee into two mugs then added water. "She's having nightmares again." I shook my head, my shoulders sagging, as I dropped the teaspoon on the counter and turned to face him. "Last night I went upstairs to check on her and she was thrashing around, clawing at the bed sheets, tearing at her skin and the screaming was so fucking…" I clenched my eyes shut, the feeling of being out of control caused my whole body to go into warning mode. "Heartbreaking," I admitted as I passed him his mug. "It broke my goddamn heart."

"Hopefully when the trial is over the nightmares will ease up," he muttered. He took a sip of his coffee before adding, "It's probably playing on her mind when she's sleeping. You know it's only a few weeks away?"

I shook my head, thoroughly disgusted with myself. I'd forgotten about the trial.

Placing his cup on the counter next to him, he looked at me thoughtfully. "Look, don't panic," he said with a sigh before adding, "You don't deserve it, but she'll forgive you." He smirked and raised his brow. "She always does…"

A high pitched babble burst through the monitor attached to my hip and Derek leapt back, spilling half his coffee down his coat. "Jesus," he muttered as he placed his mug on the counter. "For a moment there I thought your dick was screaming at me."

"You're a freak," I muttered as I made my way down the hall.

Opening the door of the nursery, my heart fluttered when I saw Hope standing up in her crib. "Hey, pretty girl," I crooned. Her eyes found me and her whole face lit up as she bounced up and down. I didn't deserve her smiles. I'd been a shitty father…

Hope's wild movements caused her to lose her new-found balance and she fell backwards, landing on her butt. "Da-da," she squealed, kicking her arms and legs out as I approached. "Da-da-da…"

"Are you happy to see daddy?" I swept her up and tickled her chubby little belly. "Have you got a nosey-kiss for daddy?" I rubbed my nose against hers and Hope immediately grabbed my nose with her chubby fist and tried to stick it in her mouth. I wouldn't have minded so much, but the seven teeth inside my daughter's mouth were incredibly sharp and the reason I pulled back and blew a raspberry on her belly instead.

"You okay, sweetheart?" I heard Derek ask and I swung around, stopping dead in my tracks when my eyes fell on Lee standing in the hallway behind Derek.

Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was deathly pale. Her body was swamped in one of my shirts and a ratty old pair of shorts. She had her curls pinned to the top of her head. "Thanks for letting me sleep in," she said in a flat tone, not making eye contact with me. "I'll take her while you get ready for wherever you have to be."

"Are you okay, baby?" I asked nervously.

"I didn't sleep well again," she replied as she took Hope out of my arms and hoisted her onto her hip. "Too many monsters."

"Wait," I said, grabbing her arm when she turned to walk away from me. Lifting her chin with my hand, I traced my thumb over the faded yellowish bruising running from the corner of her mouth down to her chin and spreading across her jaw. "Jesus, Lee," I whispered. "What the hell happened to your face, baby?"

"Don't worry about it, Kyle," she snapped, jerking her chin free from my grasp. "You're already sick of my reasons and excuses, so why bother telling you now?"

Without a word, Derek stepped toward Lee and held his hands out for Hope. She squealed happily, reaching out for him. "Get out of here, guys," he said as he hoisted my daughter onto his hip. "Take a walk. Go shopping. Hell, go have some kinky, mind-blowing, make-up sex. Hope's gonna hang with her Uncle Derek for the day."

"Thanks for the offer, Derek, but I'd rather not," Lee said, her voice thick with emotion. "I don't feel like being debased and treated like a dog today." With that, she turned on her heels and stalked out of the room.

"Go after her, douchebag," Derek hissed as he bobbed around with Hope, who was starting to fuss.

Kicking into action I sprinted down the hallway to the lounge and threw on my clothes and shoes before hunting down Lee, who was making her way towards the staircase.

"Please, Lee," I coaxed and grabbed her hand. "Just come with me," I said as I half dragged her towards the front door.

"No, Kyle," she growled as she tried to pull her hand out of mine. "Let go," she panted as she dug her heels into the floor. "I'm not going with you."

"Don't make me put you over my shoulder," I shot back as I opened the front door and pushed her out. "You know I will."

****