Forged in Steele (23 page)

“Not at all. We all have callings. Mine is KGI and our missions. I don’t think you’re nuts any more than I think I am for what I do. We both help people. We just do it in different ways.”

She smiled and squeezed his hand. “Thanks for that, at least. And to answer your question, I don’t know. You’re right in that my pregnancy changes everything. Changes my priorities. I’ve lived out of the country for so long and I don’t have an actual place I call home here. I could stay with my parents until I figure it all out and until after the baby’s born.”

His frown was instant. There were a lot of problems with that scenario. Apart from the safety issues, he didn’t want her away from him. He wanted to be a part of this pregnancy. He wanted to be there when his child came into the world. And he couldn’t very well do that if she lived states away.

“What are you thinking?” she asked softly.

Her gaze was focused on him, her blue eyes inquiring.

“I don’t want you miles away from me,” he said bluntly. “I may not have planned this any more than you did, but I want to be a part of my child’s life, Maren. I want to see you get bigger. I want to feel him or her kick inside you. I want to see the sonogram pictures. And I damn sure want to be there for the birth. There’s no reason for you to do it alone. You won’t be alone. Because I’ll be there. Every step of the way.”

Her eyes widened, but he saw relief there. Had she wanted him with her? Had she been afraid he wouldn’t want to be a part of his child’s life?

“I’ve said what I want,” he continued. “But we haven’t talked about what
you
want.”

“I want you with me,” she whispered. “I’d like that a lot. I wasn’t sure. I mean, I know this was a huge bomb to drop on you. I know it’ll take you time to digest it all. I guess I was worried that you wouldn’t want much to do with me or the baby.”

His eyes narrowed. “That’s not going to happen. But you need to know that I’ll be overbearing. It’s who I am. And you have to prepare yourself for that. When it comes to your safety and the safety of our baby, I know myself well enough to know what kind of man I’ll be. And that will probably drive you crazy. It would drive most women crazy. I’ll try to be reasonable. I’ll try to take it down a notch. But I’m warning you from the start that the only way I know is head-on, and I’m used to having things done my way.”

Her lips twitched and amusement gleamed in her eyes. “I’m not one of your team members, Steele. Just remember that. I don’t take orders very well.”

He smiled ruefully. “I’ll try my best, but you’re going to have to be patient with me.”

“Make you a deal. I’ll be patient with you as long as you promise to be patient with me and to try to control your urge to boss me around.”

“Deal.”

“So where does that leave us, Steele? What do we do now? And do we try to figure out anything beyond the birth of our baby, or do we just take it as it comes and decide that when the time comes?”

He took a deep breath, wondering just how much he needed to lay on her right now. If he had his way, he’d move her into his home lock, stock and barrel and call it good. But he didn’t want to overwhelm her from the very start. Especially when he had no idea what his feelings were, what her feelings were or if they were even compatible as housemates.

He knew for damn certain that she wouldn’t live in his home without her eventually sleeping in his bed. That was a given. One time hadn’t been enough, even before he’d known she was carrying his child. She’d haunted his every thought ever since the nights they’d spent together, and that was before she’d gone missing. She’d only become
more
of an obsession once he’d been determined to find her and bring her home safely.

But he had no idea if that attraction was reciprocated. They’d had great sex, or at least it was to him. But just because they’d torn up the sheets a few times didn’t mean she’d be lining up to get into his bed again. And there was the fact that the first time he’d very bluntly told her that he wanted her out of his system, and then he’d left the next morning without another word, further contact or anything. He was still kicking himself over that. If he hadn’t been such an asshole determined to exorcise her from his every thought, maybe she wouldn’t have ended up an unwilling guest of Javier Mendoza aka Tristan Caldwell. It was very possible he’d screwed up beyond redemption and she wouldn’t want anything to do with him other than letting him help her through her pregnancy.

And he’d be a complete bastard to come on strong so soon after her rescue anyway. She needed time to get her bearings, refocus her life and come to terms with everything that had happened in a short period of time before she could be expected to make any decisions regarding her pregnancy, her life and a relationship with him.

Relationship
. The word stuck out like a neon sign in his mind. Was he contemplating an actual relationship? If someone had asked him six months before, he would have been quick to say a relationship was the very last thing he was looking for or wanted. His job was his life. His team was his life. And a permanent partner or lover would have had no part of the path he’d chosen. It wouldn’t be fair to a woman to have to share him with his team and his responsibilities to KGI.

Hell, it wouldn’t be fair to Maren or their child. Which meant he had some pretty big decisions in his future. Ones he didn’t want to contemplate yet. But then how could he possibly walk away from a woman who had become for all practical purposes an obsession, living in his thoughts on a constant basis? The mother of his child. A tiny little life that was of his blood. Someone who would depend on him for love and protection. No way could he back away from that responsibility. It wasn’t something he’d even consider.

Which meant that he and Maren were going to be inexorably tied for the rest of their lives, no matter what happened between them.

She was still waiting for a response, and he sucked in a breath before leveling his gaze in her direction, locking with hers.

“What I suggest is that for now, you stay with me. There’s a whole host of reasons, but we’ll go with the two most important. I won’t take chances with your safety or the baby’s. That means you need to be where I can protect you. Where I know you’re safe and taken care of. And you said yourself you didn’t have a residence stateside, which means that you’ll need a place to be comfortable as your pregnancy progresses. I’ve already vetoed you going to your folks because, and this ties in with reason number one, it isn’t safe. I don’t want you in that kind of danger and I don’t think you want your parents or brother at risk either.”

She shook her head adamantly. “No, I don’t.”

“Do you have a problem living here with me?” he asked softly.

She hesitated before slowly shaking her head again. “Do
you
have a problem with it?”

“I wouldn’t have offered unless it was something I was sure of.”

“But where does it leave . . . us?” she whispered. “Or is there even an us? I feel like an idiot here, Steele, but I don’t know what we are. Are we kind of friends who happen to be having a baby together? Are we former lovers who’ll have a civil relationship because it’s best for the baby? Or am I making a complete moron of myself for even thinking that the time we spent together was something more than you getting me out of your system?”

He snorted but was relieved that his earlier concern might well have been misplaced. He’d worried he’d ruined any chance of ever having her in his bed again. But if he was nothing else, he was determined, and he’d never given up on anything he wanted. And he definitely wanted her.

“I was a dumbass for thinking I would ever get you out of my system. If anything that night just dug you further under my skin than ever. You aren’t a moron, Maren. That night meant something to me too. More than I intended. I won’t lie to you. It was damn inconvenient, and no, I’m not talking about the baby. I have no regrets there. But that’s why I came back to you that time and why I had every intention of coming back to you again when my mission was completed. Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you after that first night.”

Her eyes flared and her nostrils quivered as she stared back at him. There was clear relief in her eyes, and her shoulders drooped downward as if she’d been tense until his reply.

“And I’ll tell you something else,” he murmured, leaning in until their mouths were tantalizingly close. “I plan to have you back in my bed. Maybe not tonight or tomorrow or even next week. But it’s going to happen, and we both know it.”

CHAPTER 27

STEELE
left Maren to make her phone calls, but he remained close, intentionally listening in. It probably made him an asshole to eavesdrop on her phone call, but at this point, he’d take any advantage he could in finding out any information that helped him achieve his goal.

It hadn’t completely solidified in his mind exactly what his end goal was. All he knew was that he wasn’t going to let Maren out of his sight. No way he was walking away from her, not when she and their baby needed him the most.

It tormented his thoughts that if he’d known there was any possibility that she was pregnant, he would have never left her and she wouldn’t have been taken by Tristan Caldwell. He understood her reasons. He wasn’t angry with her for not telling him. But he wished she had. He wished she had shared her suspicions and her fears. They could have faced them together, and he would have been there when she got those damn lab results in.

He was suddenly thinking long term, and that unsettled him. His life had always been carefully mapped out. He planned to work with KGI at least another ten years before he even considered retirement. By then he’d have enough money amassed in his bank account and investments to live comfortably the rest of his life. But even as he eyed that time frame, he knew that if he was still in good health and hadn’t managed to get killed or seriously maimed himself, he’d get bored just sitting around, hunting and fishing and being out of action.

In ten years he’d be approaching fifty. Beyond when most men settled down, got married, had children. But he’d never considered having a serious relationship when he was still actively involved with KGI. It didn’t seem fair to leave a wife and children and go off to parts unknown where he ran the risk of not making it back. No woman wanted that kind of uncertainty, and he couldn’t blame her.

But now Maren—and the impending arrival of their child—had changed everything on a dime. And he wasn’t sure what the hell to do about that fact. When he thought of living separate lives, of seeing his child only when their schedules permitted, of being a part-time father, he didn’t like it one bit. That wasn’t who he was. It was never who he wanted to
be
.

But what did Maren herself want? That was the million-dollar question. But he could hardly ask it when he himself didn’t have the answer to what he wanted.

Did he want Maren with him? Absolutely. Did he want their child with them both? No question there. But how to arrange that, work out a relationship with Maren and juggle both their careers? He didn’t have a clue.

It took everything he had not to pull a caveman routine, lay down the law and tell her how things were going to be. He’d be a lying son of a bitch if he denied wanting to do just that. It gave him an extreme measure of satisfaction to think of simply telling Maren that she’d stay with him, and they’d raise their child together. Hell, maybe they should even get married. He liked the idea of her
and
their child having his name. But that was a huge step when they barely knew each other aside from the times she’d provided medical care to his team and a few nights of really great sex. All the time he’d spent mentally lusting over her didn’t count as quality relationship building.

Most women needed a little more in the romance department than that before they agreed to commit to a guy. The time they’d spent when he’d gone back had been the best couple of days he’d had in longer than he could remember. And they hadn’t done much at all. Just talked, he’d helped her out at the clinic, and they’d cooked, talked some more and made love.

He wanted more days just like that. Getting to know each other. Savoring time together when they didn’t have a million other things going on and they weren’t being pulled in separate directions.

Maybe this would be his opportunity for just that. Maren was here, in his house. He damn sure wasn’t pulling any missions for a while. It would be just the two of them here. They could get to know one another better, talk through their options, make decisions about their future and their baby’s future together.

Steele ran a hand through his hair and blew out a weary breath. Damn, but the last few months were catching up to him fast. The stress of not knowing where Maren was or if she was okay, the constant on-the-go with his team and then the eventual retrieval and now the news that he was going to be a father.

He was conditioned to go long periods on nothing more than nerves and adrenaline, but he felt like he’d just hit the wall head-on. He needed rest and time to ponder the best strategy going forward. The idea of Maren leaving, of going off on her own, made his stomach knot. He didn’t want that. He wanted her here, and not just so he could protect her. That was a big part of it, yeah. But it wasn’t the only reason, and he was afraid to closely explore all the whys and wherefores of that particular revelation.

No doubt she was under his skin, but she was also quickly making her way into his heart. A heart that many would argue didn’t exist. The others might joke and say he was made of ice, but just a few minutes in Maren’s company and the ice melted faster than a snow cone in the middle of August.

And when he imagined a sweet little baby with blond hair and blue eyes, a tiny replica of Maren, there was
no
doubt his heart was fast becoming involved. He’d been dubious about the Kelly children. Sam and Sophie’s precious little daughter and then Ethan and Rachel’s twin boys. They were cute as hell, but they were still smelly, noisy, squirming little humans. But when he imagined his own son or daughter? Something inside him went soft, and eagerness he would have never
imagined
gripped him.

He stiffened when he heard Maren’s voice catch and then break. Shit. She was crying. He turned in alarm, his gaze seeking her out. Her face was tearstained. Her eyes were red and puffy. But to his relief, she was smiling.

“I’m fine, Mom. I promise. But there’s something I need to tell you.”

Steele tuned in, not even caring if she knew he was listening. It was obvious she was about to give her mother the news of her pregnancy.

Maren took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant, Mom. Almost four months pregnant. No, wait. Give me a chance to explain, please. Calm down. It’s okay. It’s not Tristan Caldwell’s baby.”

Maren closed her eyes and bowed her head, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers as she held the phone to her ear with her other hand.

“Mom, stop and listen to me!”

Steele’s eyes widened at the vehemence in her voice.

She took another deep breath and raised her head. She swung around and saw Steele standing a short distance away. She grimaced and rolled her eyes and then put her finger to her temple, mimicking a gun, and pretended to shoot.

“I was already pregnant when I was kidnapped.”

She groaned and closed her eyes again. Then she flopped into one of the chairs.

“I didn’t tell you because I had only just found out myself. I got the test results the day I was kidnapped. I wasn’t holding out, Mom. I didn’t even get a chance to tell the father!”

She glanced up at Steele, nervousness written on her features.

“He’s a good man, Mom. I’m with him now. I’m staying with him for a while. At least until I get my bearings and figure out what I’m going to do next.”

Steele frowned, not liking what he was hearing. Like he was a temporary Band-Aid before she moved on to greener pastures.

“Uh, I don’t know, Mom. I’d have to ask Steele. He’s worried that Tristan Caldwell is watching my family. Steele doesn’t want me exposed.”

She slid the phone away from her mouth. “Steele? Would it be all right if they visit me here?”

Steele walked over, sitting on the couch across from her. “Of course they can. I’ll clear it with Sam to fly them in on the KGI jet and they can fly into Henry County. I’ll pick them up and drive them here.”

Her eyes lit up and her dazzling smile made him want to keep doing things to make her smile again and again.

“Mom, he said it would be okay. He’s going to arrange to fly you in on the company jet. I’ll get in touch as soon as I know the details and we’ll pick you up at the airport.”

There was a brief pause and then, “I love you too, Mom. And I’ll see you soon.”

She put the phone down and to Steele’s surprise, she got up and walked to the couch where he sat. She crawled up next to him and threw her arms around him.

“Thank you,” she said as she squeezed him senseless.

He settled his arms around her, liking her slight weight molded to his body. He pulled until she fell across his lap and he cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her satiny skin.

“You’re welcome. I know you’re anxious to see them and they’re probably frantic to do the same and see for themselves that you’re all right.”

He wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass him by. She was in his arms, their mouths so close he could feel the soft puffs of her breath. He angled his head and moved in, pressing his lips to hers.

He would have never thought he had it in him to be gentle. That wasn’t his style. But the idea of rushing something this important didn’t sit well with him at all.

She let out a breathy sigh and kissed him back. Her tongue toyed playfully with his, licking and tasting, and then she surprised him by becoming the aggressor and deepening the kiss by plunging her tongue forward.

His pulse ratcheted up and his blood ran hot in his veins. His body came to life. His groin tightened and his dick surged in his pants. All over a simple kiss. But it was the combination of having her this close, in his arms, that sweet smile she gave him, and her tongue toying playfully with his.

He wanted her with an intensity that verged on pain. Hell yeah, she was going to be in his bed. Just as soon as he could get her there.

He slid his palm up her leg and then to her belly. He splayed his fingers over her still-flat abdomen and looked down, marveling at the thought that his child lay beneath his hand. Nestled in her womb. A part of him. His blood.

“Can I see it?” he murmured.

Slowly she began to pull up the hoodie, exposing her belly. He smoothed his hand over it, rubbing and caressing the flesh. Her stomach was firmer than before. He could feel the beginnings of a rounded curve, but it was hard, the skin tighter than it had been before. Her body was preparing to stretch to accommodate the growing baby.

“It’s incredible to think there’s a tiny life inside you,” he said gruffly. “A part of us both. I’m glad you don’t regret it, Maren, because it’s the honest-to-God truth that I don’t regret it either. I know I’m not the one who has to carry the baby nine months and then give birth to it, but right here and now I’m not sorry the damn condom failed.”

She cupped his jaw in her palm and stared up at him, her eyes warm and soft. “I’m glad because I’m not sorry either. I’m betting we end up making a beautiful baby.”

“If she’s anything like her mother, that’s guaranteed.”

She smiled. “So when will my parents be able to come? I hate to impose on you even more by letting my family come here, but they’ve been frantic the last few months and they’re determined to see me with their own eyes so they can stop worrying.”

“That’s understandable and you’re not imposing. I don’t blame them for wanting to see you as soon as possible. I’ll talk to Sam about it in the morning. For now I thought we’d relax for the evening and turn in early. We both need some sleep. I have to report in with Sam anyway, so I’ll add commandeering a KGI jet to the list.”

She swallowed visibly and looked suddenly uncertain, her eyes casting downward. Her teeth flashed, sinking into her bottom lip, a sure sign of her agitation. He gently thumbed her lip away and then nudged her chin upward.

“What’s bothering you, Maren?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. Just wondering. It’s stupid, really.”

He cocked his head, curious about what she was thinking. “Tell me.”

To his surprise, she blushed, her cheeks going rosy with color. “I was going to ask where I was going to sleep, but you showed me to the guest room. It was a silly thought.”

He went still, his pulse suddenly thundering in his ears. Then he cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look directly at him.

“If you’re asking where you can sleep, then yeah, the guest room is all yours. If you’re asking me where I
want
you to sleep, then the answer is with me. In my bed. But if that’s not what you want, that’s okay. At least for now.”

Relief flashed in her eyes. “I’d like to sleep with you. I mean if that’s okay. I’d just feel safer.”

Her admission tugged at his heart and he stroked his thumbs over the softness of her skin.

“Maren, I’m not going to pretend that you and I haven’t slept together. I’m not going to pretend that we didn’t make a pretty damn powerful connection. I knew it then and I know it now. It’s why I told you I was coming back to you. What we had wasn’t finished. Not by a long shot. It’s merely been delayed. But that’s over now. You’re here with me where you belong. And I want to see where this takes us. We have a tie between us now. Our child. But that’s not the only connection between us, and I think you know that as much as I do. And I don’t want you to ever think that the only reason you’re with me is that you’re pregnant with my baby.”