Forged in Steele (24 page)

She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and then she laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m scared, Steele.”

Her frank admission tore at his chest. He tightened his hold on her and angled his head to kiss the top of hers.

“I’m scared too,” he admitted.

She stiffened and then picked up her head to stare at him in surprise. “I can’t imagine anything ever scaring you.”

“Then you haven’t got a clue what I’ve been through these last weeks, not knowing where you were, if you were hurt, dead, suffering, afraid. The list goes on and on. I was gutted the day Sam told me you’d gone missing, and I haven’t been worth a damn since. Right here and now with you in my arms is the only moment of peace I’ve known since the day I left you and promised to come back. It was a promise I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep when I learned what had happened to you.

“And beyond that, the thought of you carrying my child scares the shit out of me. Not because it’s not something I want, but because I know all the things that can go wrong. I know that just because you’re away from Tristan Caldwell now doesn’t mean he won’t come after you. I’m scared I won’t be able to protect you. I’m afraid of what could happen to you and our child. So yeah, I’d say I’m pretty damn scared right now.”

She kissed him, long and deep, her mouth moving sweetly over his. He let her dictate the action, perfectly content to sit back and enjoy what she gave him.

“Never thought I’d feel this way over a woman,” he murmured when she pulled back, her eyes glazed with desire. “Never wanted to.”

“And now?” she asked softly.

“Now I don’t mind at all.”

CHAPTER 28

“YOU
need to eat something,” Steele said to Maren as she sat on his lap, snuggled into his arms.

The two had stayed there for the last hour simply enjoying being together and talking about the baby. Nothing too serious. Just idle chitchat, whatever came to mind. It was the absolute best medicine for her.

She’d never felt more safe or content than she did in this moment.

“Do you think you could stomach some soup and maybe a cup of hot tea? I don’t have a variety of the teas you drink, but I could at least use the tea bags that I make iced tea with and make it hot for you.”

Her heart went soft at the concern in his voice and the determination to take care of her. It felt . . . nice. She’d always been self-sufficient. Her parents had taught her to take care of herself from a very young age and she’d always been grateful for that. She’d grown into a confident, capable adult and she had her parents to thank for that. But it didn’t mean that when the chips were down she wouldn’t absolutely accept a man like Steele protecting and caring for her.

“Some broth in a cup followed by a cup of hot tea sounds heavenly,” she said. “If you have some crackers perhaps I could nibble on a few of those and see how my stomach fares.”

His palm slid over her belly and cupped it possessively. “Have you been sick much? I know you’ve had less than ideal circumstances at the start of your pregnancy and I know you were stressed beyond belief. Has it been worse for you because of that? Admittedly, I know zero about pregnant women. Can’t say I’ve ever had the need or desire to be around them much.”

She smiled and then grimaced ruefully. “It’s funny because up until the day I looked at the results and confirmed my pregnancy, I hadn’t actually been sick. A little queasy, yes. But the minute I saw the results? I puked in the trash can in my office. And then after when I was kidnapped and held by Tristan, yeah, I was sick often. It was pretty bad because half the time I was too scared to eat anything for fear that he’d drug me. I know it sounds crazy, but I honest-to-God didn’t know just how far he’d go. He was so cool and detached. I didn’t think he’d suffer one ounce of guilt for ridding himself of something he considered a problem.”

Steele’s lips thinned and a fierce light blazed in his eyes.

“The other half of the time when I actually wanted to eat or felt I needed to, everything he served was rich. Very highbrow. His tastes were expensive and most of it nauseated me so much that I couldn’t get past the smell to taste it. Had no desire to.

“Armand, or rather Hancock, was nice to me. He got me things. Like vitamins and chocolate. He even got me a baby book. And glasses to replace the ones I lost.”

Steele’s scowl deepened at the mention of Hancock.

“Who is he, Steele?” she asked quietly. “I knew him as Armand, but I overheard him speaking to Tristan before we ever left Costa Rica. He warned Tristan of my connection to KGI. He didn’t name them, but it was evident to me who he was talking about. And then later, he got me out of Kosovo and to Rio and ultimately you. But I was there when we met Rio and it wasn’t a friendly meeting at all. They didn’t even act as though they liked each other and yet Hancock helped me.”

“Hancock is the bastard who damn near got Grace killed when he took her from us. He was also responsible for one of my team members getting shot when he made his move on Grace. He works for an organization that doesn’t exist, officially or unofficially.”

Maren shivered. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s not,” Steele said grimly. “They’re a rogue organization. Have no fucking clue who signs their checks or if the same person does on a regular basis. They have their fingers in a lot of different pies. Supposedly he’s undercover in Caldwell’s camp and will eventually take him down. Have no idea why he’s waiting. Best guess is Caldwell hasn’t led him to what he’s looking for yet. Or maybe Caldwell is simply a stepping-stone to someone bigger.”

“Why would he let me go like that? It seems strange that he’d risk his mission. I have no idea what Tristan did when he learned that I’d disappeared. Don’t really care. But Hancock took a huge risk in doing what he did. And I know you don’t like him. That’s evident by your expression. But he
was
nice to me. He scared me to death, but he swore he wouldn’t let Tristan hurt me or my baby.”

“If that’s true, then I’m grateful he was there,” Steele said, though it seemed he choked on the words.

Maren lifted her gaze to meet Steele’s squarely, and she put it out there, her biggest fear.

“Do you think he’ll come after me?” she asked softly.

Steele squeezed her hand and then lifted it to kiss her knuckles. Then he wrapped his fingers around hers and held her hand in her lap.

“I won’t lie and say there’s no possibility. The truth is I don’t know, but I’m certainly not discounting the possibility. I’m assuming he’s a very real danger to you and our child, and I’m going to act accordingly. But I don’t want you to worry, Maren. You don’t have only me. You have all of KGI. You have my team. They’ll go to the wall for you, absolutely, and once I tell them what you are to me, then you’ll have the same loyalty that extends to me.”

Her pulse accelerated as she took in his words. “What are you going to tell them?”

“That you’re pregnant with my child and that there is no way in hell I’ll ever let that son of a bitch touch you again.”

“Oh.”

She swallowed and felt her hand start to shake in his grasp.

“I’m not sorry you’re pregnant, Maren, and I won’t pretend that I am or that I’m trying to hide the fact that I’m going to become a father. It’s something to celebrate, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.”

She smiled and squeezed his hand. “I swear I don’t know what to do with you, Steele. You are forever keeping me off balance. Just about the time I think I have you figured out, you do something that completely changes everything.”

“Good,” he said in a smug tone. “I’d hate to think I was becoming predictable.”

“I like you a lot, you know,” she said in a serious tone.

His expression grew serious as well and his voice lowered to match hers.

“I like you a hell of a lot too, Maren. I more than like you.”

She forgot to breathe and then it all came out in a rush when she realized she’d been holding her breath. And then she cocked her head, a completely random realization creeping into her mind.

“Do you know I don’t even know your name? Obviously ‘Steele’ is your last name and everyone calls you that, but what’s your first name? You told me your brother’s name but never said what yours is.”

Steele looked startled and then smiled ruefully. “I’ve been called ‘Steele’ for so long that I forget I have a first name. I don’t even think about it because when I do, it doesn’t sound like me. It sounds like someone else.”

She nodded but looked expectantly at him, waiting for him to share.

“It’s Jackson,” he said on a long breath. “Jackson Steele. Sounds funny, doesn’t it?”

She smiled. “Not at all. I like it. Very manly name. But I think I’ll still call you Steele.”

“Thank fuck,” he muttered. “If you started calling me Jackson, or God forbid,
Jack
, I wouldn’t even realize who you were talking to.”

She laughed and leaned in to kiss him, reveling in the intimacy created between the two of them. He kissed her back but then leaned back, adopting a stern expression.

“Now, we’ve talked long enough. You have to be starving. Are you ready to try out some soup and tea? I’ll see if I have any crackers that aren’t stale, but I can’t guarantee anything. Tomorrow, I have to go check in with Sam and I’ll make a grocery run and we’ll also get you some clothes while we’re at it. We need to get you new glasses too. Whatever you need, you’re going to have.”

Her heart softened at the sincerity in his voice. And that he’d pay attention to such small details like her not having her glasses.

“I’m going with you then?”

He lifted one eyebrow, his expression clearly that he’d thought she’d lost her mind.

“Where I go, you go, Maren. That’s a fact. Until I’m sure you can defend yourself—and I plan to teach you quite a bit in the next while—you don’t go anywhere without me, and I sure as hell don’t go anywhere without you.”

“Well, then, I guess I’m glad you like me,” she said cheekily. “It would suck if you didn’t, since we’ll be spending so much time together.”

He chuckled and then lifted her off his lap, setting her on the couch beside him.

“Get comfortable and kick back. I’ll get you something to sip on and when you’re done, we’ll turn in early. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day and I don’t want you overdoing it.”

“Yes, Dr. Steele.”

“Smart-ass,” he muttered.

CHAPTER 29

WHEN
Maren awoke the next morning, Steele was already out of bed. When she blearily checked the clock on the nightstand, she was shocked to see it was already ten. She’d slept fourteen hours!

She didn’t even really remember going to bed. She’d sipped her soup and then savored a cup of hot tea, grateful that it had all remained down. Then she and Steele had sat on the couch and watched a movie. The next thing she knew he was carrying her to bed because she’d fallen asleep on the couch. He put her under the covers and then crawled in next to her. Bam. It was already the next morning.

So much for really hot monkey sex.

She yawned and stretched, extending her feet all the way to the end of the bed, and curled her toes against the soft sheets. Steele had really great bed linens. Nothing like the cheap ones on her bed in Costa Rica.

Thinking of her house and her clinic put a halt to the dreamlike quality of the morning. She’d worked hard to build her practice there. It was never a job that was going to make her wealthy, or even financially well off. But it had been rewarding. The locals all liked and trusted her. And now they were without a physician and the nearest hospital was two hours away.

She’d have to place a few calls to see if another physician could take over her clinic and her home. For that matter, she needed to retrieve her things from there. She had stuff she didn’t want to lose. Personal items and mementos. And in her clinic alone was thousands of dollars of medical equipment and supplies.

Just thinking about it all stressed her. She closed her eyes and rubbed her head, determined not to let it get to her. Her focus had to be herself and her child.

The bed dipped and her eyes flew open to see Steele hovering over her, his expression one of concern.

“Are you all right?” he demanded. “Are you sick again?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m good. I was just thinking about my house and the clinic. I was getting worked up over it and was trying not to let myself get stressed about it.”

“What about it?” Steele asked in a quieter tone. He’d obviously been concerned when he’d seen her in bed. His eyes had been bright with worry and now the lines eased around his eyes and his entire expression softened.

“I want my things,” she said. “Everything I owned was in that house. I don’t have a lot. I mean what I have isn’t worth a lot of money. But my stuff is important to me and I’d hate to lose it.”

“I understand,” he said. “I’ll see what I can do. Maybe Rio could arrange to have your house packed and everything delivered here.”

She rose up and flung her arms around his neck, toppling him over on the bed in the process. She landed atop him with a bounce and then she kissed him.

“Thank you,” she said. “Have I told you how wonderful you are lately?”

He grinned up at her, and she marveled, as she had so many other times, just how heart-stoppingly gorgeous he was when he smiled.

“Maybe you have, but feel free to say it as often as you like.”

“You’re wonderful,” she said softly.

He lifted his head just as he curled one hand around her nape and dragged her down to meet his mouth. They kissed for several long seconds until her chest burned with the need for air. She dragged herself away, inhaling deeply to catch up.

“I came in to tell you breakfast is ready and that you need to get a move on if we’re going to get everything done today that needs to be done,” Steele said as he stroked her face with one hand.

“You sound like a total slave driver,” she groaned.

“Bet your ass. I run a tight ship around here.”

“Oh God, save me. Have I told you how disorganized I am? And that I’m absentminded? Oh, and I’m a complete klutz too. Just so you know. I’m pretty much a walking disaster, which should drive someone as anal as you are absolutely insane.”

His eyebrows rose. “Anal?”

“Um, yeah. Anal. You’re one of those OCD people who freak out if everything isn’t a certain way. You’re a control freak too. And I’d bet my last dollar you’re also a clean freak and that you have everything in your house organized. I also bet you never forget anything and that your mind is like a steel trap. Stupid pun intended.”

To her amusement, color rose in his cheeks.

“Busted!” she crowed. “That look says everything.”

“Just because I like to lead an orderly existence doesn’t mean that I have some compulsive disorder.”

“Whatever you say,” she said innocently.

“Besides, if you’re all the things you say you are, such as absentminded, klutzy and disorganized? You need me just to even all that out.”

She grinned and leaned down to kiss him again. “Not going to argue that you balance me out quite nicely. But what do I do for you then? I doubt you have the desire to add forgetfulness, disorganization and clumsiness to your well-ordered existence.”

“There’s no doubt you balance me, Maren,” he said, his voice suddenly very serious. “I have fun when I’m with you and I can’t remember the last time I actually had fun with another person. You make me laugh. You give that to me. That makes you very special and what you offer me very precious.”

“Well, damn,” she murmured. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

“Guess we’ll add speechlessness to your list of faults,” he said.

She smacked his chest and then rolled off the bed. “Guess I’ll wear the same stuff I had on last night.”

“I put out a clean pair of sweats and a new shirt for you in the bathroom,” he said. “After breakfast we’ll go shopping for some clothes for you before we run the rest of our errands.”

“Errands?”

“Yeah. We’re going to buy you clothes and then we’re heading out to the KGI compound. On the way back, we’ll stop off and get groceries so nothing goes bad. Think you’re up to something so domestic as grocery shopping? You’ll need to get all your feminine stuff too, like shampoo, toothbrush and whatever else it is women must have to survive. And do you need to see an eye doctor to get new glasses? Are they prescription? Or can we just pick up something at the pharmacy? I know they won’t be ideal, but maybe it would work until we can get you something better.”

“They are prescription,” she said. “But it can wait. Really. I’m not working right now, and that’s when I needed them the most.”

“I like them on you,” he said gruffly. “And I don’t want to think about you going without the things you need, even for a minute.”

She smiled and then her brow furrowed as a much more pressing concern pushed its way to the forefront.

“Steele, do you think you could check into a local obstetrician? I haven’t had the first checkup since finding out I’m pregnant. I’m sure everything is okay, but I’d sure like to have the peace of mind of having a doctor oversee the care of this baby.”

His gaze softened. “Already ahead of you. I talked to Sam this morning to get the names of the doctors that Sophie and Rachel saw.”

Her mouth rounded into an O. “You told him I’m pregnant?”

He sent her a puzzled look. “Well, yeah. They’ll all find out later today when I tell them.”

Her cheeks warmed and she warred with pleasure and self-consciousness. On one hand, it gave her a giddy thrill that Steele was so openly embracing fatherhood, but on the other hand, she dreaded the looks and stares from the others. They’d have a hard enough time picturing the badass team leader as a daddy, but then they’d look at her and wonder how the hell the two of them ever hooked up to begin with.

“Um, how did he react to that piece of news?” she asked.

Steele shrugged. “He gave me the names of obstetricians and said there is a clinic in Murray, Kentucky, that both women have used. I didn’t tell him it was my baby, just that you’re pregnant. They’ll all find that out soon enough.”

She groaned and closed her eyes. “Oh God, Steele. He’ll probably draw the same conclusion that you initially did and think Caldwell forced himself on me and got me pregnant.”

Steele scowled. “It was a logical assumption at the time. And if that’s what he thinks, he won’t say anything. Sam’s not one to throw around personal information. I trust him more than I trust just about anyone else.”

She studied him thoughtfully. “I bet you don’t trust many people at all, do you?”

His brow furrowed. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Not saying it’s good or bad. Just an assessment.”

“I trust my team, otherwise I wouldn’t have them under my command. I trust Sam, Garrett and Donovan, otherwise I wouldn’t work for them. I trust Rio and his team as well. I may not always like working with them, but I know they have my back and they know I have theirs.”

She cocked her head to the side. “I’ve witnessed you and Rio at odds on several occasions. Why don’t you like each other?”

“I wouldn’t say we’re at odds. We’re just competitive. He
thinks
his team is the best. I
know
my team is the best. I don’t like or dislike him. I don’t feel strongly about him one way or another. He’s someone I have to work with and so a certain amount of civility is called for. Anything beyond that isn’t needed for the job to get done.”

She laughed and shook her head. “That is so something a guy would say.”

“In case it escaped your notice, I’m a guy.”

She slipped her hand between them and cupped his groin, giving it a light squeeze. His cock hardened immediately against her fingers.

“Oh, I think I’ve noticed,” she said.

“You’ve got about two seconds to move your hand or you’re going to be on your back with me inside you in five.”

She kissed him, giving him one more light squeeze. “That’s hardly a deterrent,” she murmured.

Then she pushed off him and scooted off the bed, leaving him staring after her.

As she dressed, she felt him watching and when she looked back, he was regarding her lazily, a thoughtful gleam in his eyes.

“Do I even want to know what you’re thinking?” she asked.

“I like that you don’t play games,” he said bluntly.

Her eyebrows went up. “What does that mean exactly?”

“You say it straight. You aren’t afraid to admit things even if you’re unsure of the reaction or if what you want is reciprocated. I like that you don’t play coy and that you seem to be as into me as I’m into you. There’s no guessing with you and I like that. It’s pretty damn refreshing.”

“You’re ‘into’ me?” she breathed. “I know you like me. I know you’re attracted to me. But for some reason, the way you said that just made it sound so much more serious. I like it. The way you said it. I’m going to savor those words for a while.”

He pushed up to his elbow, his gaze heated as it roamed up and down her body. “Yeah, I’m into you, Maren. I’m in deep and I don’t see any way out for a very long time. I hope to hell you’re in this with me because if not, things are going to get way messy.”

“If I was any more into you, I’d never find my way out,” she whispered.

“That’s not a bad thing from my point of view. I wouldn’t care if you got lost. As long as you were lost with me.”

“I’ve never had a conversation with a guy like this,” she said ruefully. “It kind of freaks me out in an oh-my-God way. A good way. I just don’t want to screw it up, Steele. I’m still figuring out my feelings for you, but I’ve been attracted to you for a very long time.”

She broke off and stared back at him, scared shitless to say the thing uppermost on her mind. But he liked that she was open. She just hoped she wasn’t being
too
open.

“I could so see myself falling in love with you,” she whispered. “But you need to tell me, Steele. Tell me if that’s not something I should let happen. I’m making myself vulnerable to you and you swore to protect me. I know that means physically, but I’ve exposed something to you I’ve never exposed to anyone else. My heart. And you have to swear to protect that too.”

He pushed off the bed and walked toward her, his eyes glinting with determination, the blue fierce around the black of his pupils. He palmed her face in his hands, holding her firmly in place as his lips descended to take possession of hers.

“Let me make this really damn easy for you, Maren. What I’m about to tell you I’ve never told—never felt—for another human being except my parents. I’m giving you something I’ve never given another person outside my family. If that doesn’t make me vulnerable to you, then I don’t know what does.”

“What?” she whispered.

“I’m pretty damn sure I’m already in love with you.”

Her eyes widened until she had to blink against the discomfort. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know what it feels like. But if it feels like I’ve been gutted and ripped in two because you’re missing and I have no idea where the hell you are and if you’re hurt or afraid, then yeah, I’d say I’m in love with you. Or if it feels like I don’t ever want to be away from you, even for a few minutes, and that I want to spend every day of my life making sure you have everything you’ve ever wanted. Or maybe love is feeling like I’ve been handed the most precious gift anyone has ever given me because you’re here in my arms and you’re pregnant with my child.”