Forget Me Not (The Heart's Spring) (10 page)

David had been forgotten, abandoned, all those years ago, so what was he hoping for when he came back home? The train was bringing him closer and closer to the people he had never wanted to see again. He knew it was the right thing to do, but he still felt like that young boy who had turned his back on the family that had turned their backs on him.

David couldn’t decide if the miles passed slowly or much too fast. He couldn’t tell the familiar apart from the unfamiliar as various landscapes passed by his window. All he knew was that he had made a decision that might have cost him all his dreams for the future. But he could never have planted a healthy future without preparing the land—taking care of the damages of the past.

The farming life came back to him in a rush: memories of spring planting, hopeful summer afternoons, and the season of harvest. What little boy wouldn’t have enjoyed that life, the carefree Colorado days with fields and rivers, valleys and mountains all around?
And Elizabeth, making life fun.

He shook his head, turning his thoughts to his cabin back in Colorado. He recalled sunrises over gray peaks, the satisfaction of hunting for his own food, the briskness of the fresh air through the aspens, and the cold beauty of a night sky full of stars. The life of a mountain man had suited him just fine.
Until Elizabeth…

The moment he had saved Elizabeth, his life shifted forever.

Settling back into the cushions of the train seat, he continued to ponder the journey he was making. How was his family? Would they be glad to see him, or upset? Would they feel remorseful, or would they even care that he had come back?

Elizabeth’s sweet green eyes came to mind again, and he sat forward, the seat creaking in agitation. He wanted so desperately to go back, to find her and kiss her and tell her he would never leave her. But he had boarded the train knowing full well the consequences. There was no turning back.

The scenery continued to wash over his window, and time blurred like the reds and yellows of the passing trees. Fall was coming. His parents would be getting ready for harvest. Perhaps he could help, if they wanted him to.

Why should he even consider helping the ones who never bothered to find him?

He ran a hand through his hair and gripped a handful of strands.
Oh, God, I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t even know the past all that well.

Like those trees holding tight to their once-green leaves, he was going to have to let go soon. He just didn’t know if he could trust that spring would come again if he loosened his hold.

How is it possible to care so much for two men at the same time?
Elizabeth leaned forward in the saddle and ran a hand over Mary’s mane as the horse plodded along toward Lake Tahoe. The horse inevitably brought to mind David’s Liberty, which he had sacrificed for her. Had she ever properly thanked him for selling his horse, paying their way to Virginia City and taking such good care of her? Whatever she’d told him certainly hadn’t been enough. Not enough to express her gratitude. Not enough to keep him with her.

Her heart
twinged with an undeniable tug from across the miles, wherever David happened to be, but the distance also pushed her closer to Joe, a man who was helping her heart to heal from the discovery of her brother’s terrible secret.

“How
ya holdin’ up?”

Elizabeth peered ahead at Joe, who had turned slightly in his saddle, genuine warmth and concern in his eyes.

“I’m doing fine. You seem to forget that I traveled quite a way by horseback to get to the train station in Cheyenne.” She said it with a smile, hoping the subtle reminder of David wouldn’t cause tension between them.

“I do recall
somethin’ ’bout that.” He winked and turned ahead again.

Joe led the way on Copper, Elizabeth following behind on Mary, and Naomi and Seth rounding out the party behind her. Comfort blanketed her with the knowledge that Joe’s brother and sister-in-law were coming with them to the lake. She could imagine herself a part of this family, taking trips together and running the ranch in the canyon…

As they continued on their way, after over a day of travel, the scenery subtly changed. Instead of only sagebrush and endless dusty brown, tall ponderosa pines rose around them and the occasional meadow carpeted the ground they trod. Even though the grass was far from green, any new variation of brown was a welcome relief.

The rocking motion of the horse’s gait lulled Elizabeth. She pondered the previous night, how they had built a campfire and shared some food and conversation around its flames. It was hard to be lonely surrounded by such kind people, especially with Joe making her laugh with humorous ranch stories. Still, the night out in the wilderness brought to mind nights across the fire from David. Snuggled up in her bedroll, she couldn’t help but think of him. Part of her longed to be on the train with him, returning to Colorado and escaping from the mess she had foolishly rushed into here in the desert.

But then she had awoken to find Joe frying ham over the fire, his blond hair looking so soft in the sunlight, tousled from sleep. He had met her gaze and smiled at her, a smile so gentle and bright that she thought perhaps he was the reason God allowed her to come to Nevada.

Shaking her head, she tried to rid herself of such thoughts. Now was not the time to be thinking about something so definite, when her future seemed so far from certain.

“Look there.” Joe’s voice brought her head up, and she strained to see where he pointed. Shading her eyes from the afternoon sun, she caught a glimpse of a rocky shore and a blue more vivid than the Colorado sky.

“Is that the lake?” Her voice quivered with an excitement she couldn’t contain. “Why, it’s so blue!”

Joe laughed. “Wait till ya see it up close. You ain’t ever seen such clear blue water as Lake Tahoe.”

She could believe it. Her eyes met Joe’s, and she shared a tender smile with him. She could believe in clear water and—perhaps—a clear, beautiful future.

***

“Come on, you’ve
gotta see the water up close!” Joe held out his hand and held in his breath, hoping Elizabeth would come with him. He had been eager to have a moment alone with her ever since they had arrived at the lake and set up camp yesterday afternoon. The sun was shining warm upon the water, and Elizabeth’s brown hair took on alternately fiery and golden sheens in the light. She squinted up at him, then turned back for a moment, probably reassuring herself that Seth and Naomi were nearby.

He waited. A slow smile came over her face. She tilted her head back, letting the sunlight pour over her. “You’re right,” she said. “On such a glorious day as this, we have to enjoy the beauty of nature.” Her smile turned mischievous as she met his gaze. “But only if you promise not to push me in.”

Laughter rumbled forth, a sweet release of nerves. “I promise, I won’t push ya in.”

His hand closed gently but firmly over hers, and he felt then that a different sort of bond had been formed between them, deeper than friendship. Walking hand in hand from the camp, they headed toward the shore. The rocks here were large and round, perfect for climbing and finding a seat from which to look out over the lake.

Elizabeth slipped once, and he instinctively grasped her waist, steadying her. Her summer-green eyes met his, and he saw gratitude and warmth there. He felt stronger in that moment than he had ever felt before.

“What about here?” He gestured to the rock they stood on, close to the water but high enough above it to keep from getting wet.

She nodded. They sat side by side, gazing at the lake. But the blue couldn’t hold his attention for long, as it was Elizabeth’s green eyes he wanted to swim in. She was so beautiful…

“Elizabeth?”

She only barely inclined her head in acknowledgement, continuing to stare at the lake.

“Do
ya like it here?”

She nodded more enthusiastically. “It’s lovely. I never thought I’d see a lake such as this. Makes me long to see the ocean someday. I can’t imagine how exotic and wide the ocean must be.”

She hadn’t understood his question, but he chose to ignore that fact for a moment. “Which ocean?”

Her eyebrows scrunched in thought. “The Pacific.”

“And why is that?”

“I’d like to see what it’s like farther west.”

Trying to bring the conversation back around, he asked, “So ya like the West? Do ya like it here, in Nevada?”

She glanced over at him. “Yes, I suppose. I like it here, at the lake. Your ranch is very nice, too.”

Just what he’d been hoping to hear. He smiled wide. “And me, Elizabeth? Do ya mind puttin’ up with the likes of me?”

Surprise flickered in her gaze, which was now riveted on him. “Well, no. No, I don’t mind. You’ve been very kind to me.” A little smile appeared, as if she was unsure whether a smile was warranted then.

Silence took over briefly while Joe debated within himself what he should do. Surely this sweet girl was a gift he could never deserve. But he desired to make her his own, to cherish and love her forever. Elizabeth was all that he had ever wanted in a wife.

“Elizabeth…” Turning fully toward her, he knelt beside her on the wide rock and pulled the ring out of his pocket. “Might
ya be willin’…? That is, might ya consider…? Will ya marry me?”

The silver band shone like light playing on water as he waited for her response. She stared at the ring as if mesmerized, her mouth slightly open, begging for his kiss.
Just one word.

But no words came. She fiddled with her skirt, her eyes turning as glassy as the lake. He knew who had to be on her mind. His chest cinched a little tighter, and he shifted back to take some of the pressure off of his knee. If she just said yes, they could move forward.

Forget about David. I’m here. He’s not.

He couldn’t bring himself to say the words aloud. “Elizabeth…?”

He had a home for her, a place to take care of her and provide for her and a family. That had to mean something.

She closed her eyes, blew out a breath, and then—finally—met his gaze. “Yes.”

Shock and sweet relief poured through him, and she laughed at whatever expression he made.

“I said yes!” Her giggles skimmed across the water. “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

Her smile turned bright, hopeful, and he was sure it mirrored his own. He let out a whoop and sent his hat sailing through the air, out toward the water. Then he bent down and scooped her up into his arms, kissing her with all the exuberance and passion he had ever longed to feel.

When he pulled back, she slipped a little, and he drew her back to his chest again. Her muffled words spoken into his shirt made him chuckle. “
Ya best be careful, or we’ll both end up in the lake.”

“Sorry.” He wasn’t sorry at all. Grasping her hand, he declared, “Let’s go tell my brother and Naomi the good news!”

No more rocks for Joe Clifton. No more boulders lying in his path, obstructing the flow of his life. He was ready to forge ahead like a clear, wild river.

“Golden! Now arriving in Golden!”

David glanced out the train window, the apprehension that he had expected to feel conspicuously absent. It felt right somehow. He was home.

Grabbing the saddlebags he had brought with him—his only luggage—and placing his hat on his head, he headed to the front of the car. The train came to a stop, screeching a little on the tracks and puffing out an exhausted breath of smoke. David understood. It had been a long journey for him, too.

Memories poured over him as he walked down the steps and onto the wooden platform. He thought of his mother, the smell of baked bread surrounding her like a cloud and the snow-dusting of flour powdering her apron. He recalled following his father and Amos around, trying to help out on the farm as best as a young boy could. Then he thought of a young girl with a smile bright as the sun when he had given her those little blue flowers as they played by the river. An ache stole over him.

There was no need to ask for directions as he walked through town. It was as if he had been through here only a few months ago, buying sugar or flour for his family and rushing home in order to help his ma get food on the table. Ignoring the jeers of early drunken fights and the female shoppers calling out to one another, he skirted horse droppings in the road and headed out of town, to the farmhouse he had once loved so well.

Fields of quietness eventually replaced the town’s cacophony. The gentle music of nature, punctuated by jingling harnesses and enhanced with the smell of hay, greeted him, each step taking him further back in time. Any moment he expected to hear his sisters giggling, or his mother humming out in the garden, or Amos yelling and asking him to go for a swim in the river running through their land.

But no human voices called to him as he caught sight of his family’s land. The farmhouse appeared a bit worse for wear, but was still as welcoming as he remembered it to be. A few flowers bloomed in front of the porch, and the sun shone warmly upon the pink blossoms.

He stopped a few yards away, not wanting to break the peacefulness of the scene or the cheerfulness of unmarred and happy memories—memories made before he had fallen into the creek and been lost to his family.

A breeze enveloped him with a feeling of melancholy, bittersweet but tinged with hope. Taking a deep breath, he walked forward, stepped onto the porch, and knocked.

Footsteps sounded, and then his mother opened the door, a smile hovering on her lips as she eyed him warily. He knew he should speak first, but he couldn’t utter a word. Years seemed to melt away as he saw the mother he had loved so dearly, but they quickly rushed back up to meet him. He felt the impact of each one as he saw the sorrow on her face, the added lines around her eyes, and nary a look of recognition or acceptance. He shouldn’t have come.

“I’m sorry, ma’am—”

He didn’t have a chance to finish. A strange look passed over his mother’s face, and a shiver coursed through her. Squinting, she stepped forward, then gasped. “Casey? Can it be…?”

His old name sounded so strange, like a childhood nickname long forsaken. “Ma.” His vision blurred.

As soon as he spoke the word, his mother’s hand flew to her mouth. “My little boy. Oh, my baby boy! My Casey.”

He reached out and pulled her to him in an embrace, and she sobbed against his shoulder. He had never known what it was like to be taller than his mother, to pass from the stage of her little boy to her grown son, a son that could take care of his family. Would he ever know how much he had missed?

“Ma?” A young woman appeared at the door, concern tightening her features. Her brown hair was braided down her back, just like it had been all those years ago – except then her braid had been shorter and just right for yanking. He could still hear her cries of outrage as she chased him from the house.

“Louisa.”

The girl startled when he spoke her name.

Another young woman appeared in the doorway. She had to be Christy. Even as toddlers, their differences had been obvious. One brunette, the other blonde. One more serious in nature, the other flamboyant.

Christy peeked over her sister’s shoulder at David. “Who is it?” Her light hair was pulled up into a fashionable style, and her blue eyes shone with curiosity.

His mother didn’t look up as she clung to him, so he replied, “I’m your brother, Casey.”

His sisters both gasped and stared as if he had told them he was President Cleveland, come for a visit. He offered them a gentle smile and held out his hand to Louisa, unsure if she would accept the handshake.

Both Louisa and Christy let out a cry and crowded into his embrace. He hugged them all tightly, afraid to let go, afraid to discover that the moment was just a dream. Any lingering anger built up over the years crumbled at the force of their welcome, their emotions high as if he was a war hero or perhaps the prodigal son. Whenever he had let the thought of returning tumble around in his mind, he always pictured the door tightly closed, no one willing to allow the past into a home too small for him.

“I just can’t believe you’re alive,” his mother breathed, shaken. She pulled back and held his face in her cold hands. “You have to know that.” Her gaze pleaded with him, her tears now silent as they tracked down her cheeks.

David couldn’t respond. Instead, he asked, “Where’s Pa?”

And then it hit him, why his mother had appeared so sad before she even knew who he was. Their silence cut him deeply. He had waited too long to come home, and now he would never have the chance to know if his father would have opened the door wide for him, as his mother had.

“He…fell from the hayloft…” Louisa attempted to answer, but the tale was obviously too gruesome and raw to share yet, sending a shudder through his sister.

He let them all go and stepped out of his mother’s hold, furiously rubbing at his eyes. He would not let them see their older brother as weak. This was his chance to be the help his family needed, although it was coming years too late.

His mother straightened, heading for the door and rubbing her teary face with her apron. “Come in, Casey. I’ve got supper cooking. Amos will be in from the fields soon, and we’ve got so much to talk about.”

Like how you stopped looking for me? How you gave up on me?
Even though the hot anger was gone, the smoldering hurt remained. Still, he followed the girls inside. As he stepped over the threshold, a kinder warmth spread through his heart. His pride had been beaten low through the years, but now there was no room for pride.

He was home.