Forsaking Gray (The Colloway Brothers Book 1) (21 page)

I suddenly wonder if I’ve made the right decision by hiring Robert Townley because ignorance truly is bliss. And while it may be naïve and childish to bury your head in the sand, sometimes it’s also self-preservation because you know if you don’t, something may threaten your very survival. I need Livvy like I need air to breathe. I need her to survive.

No, I decide. Nothing I learn could possibly destroy my love for her.

Nothing.

Chapter 26

“You didn’t eat breakfast or lunch. You sure you aren’t hungry, angel?” Gray asks, sliding his hand over mine.

“No. I’m fine.” I couldn’t even chew a piece of gum right now, I’m so nervous. I have no idea why I agreed to go back to Detroit with Gray, let alone to his house for dinner with his family. It sounded like a good idea when he was buried inside me, promising the next dirty thing he planned to do to my body if I agreed. He kept every one of them, so I had to keep mine.

Ugh. Asher can’t look at me without sneering, Conn seems indifferent, and I have absolutely no idea how I’ll be received by Barb, Gray’s mother. I wouldn’t be surprised if she puts a little special seasoning of Kaopectate in my food as a welcome home gift.

“Are you sure your mom doesn’t care that I’m coming?” I ask for about the twentieth time.

“Angel, look at me.” I pull my eyes from the passing interstate and catch his. “My mom is thrilled that you’re coming. Not only is she glad you’re alive and well, she’s genuinely happy that we’re together again. She loves you, just like I do.” He brings our joined hands to his lips, brushing a soft kiss on my palm. I’m so distraught I can’t even enjoy the tingles it brings to every girlie part.

I’m not sure I believe him. She
did
love me. Until I ruined her son’s life. And as a mother, how can you ever forgive the girl who broke your child?

“Want to play this or that?”

I allow myself a small smile. We used to play that all the time on the many road trips we’d take to see friends or our favorite bands or when we just wanted to get away and simply…be.

“Sure.” Anything to take my mind off of the uncomfortable setting I will soon find myself in. I wish we could just have dinner and leave, but Gray promised his mom we’d spend the night. I, under sexual duress I might add, agreed to stay at his mom’s house, but I’ve already decided if it’s too awkward, I’ll be catching a ride with Alyse back to her place, and Gray will just have to deal.

“Okay, I’ll start,” he says with a slight smirk and a wag of his thick brows. Uh oh…I already know exactly where this game is headed. “Clean or dirty?”

Laughing, I reply with a wink, “Dirty, of course.” He joins in my laughter. One question in and I’m already feeling better. I love this man so very much. God, I’ve missed him. Missed us. “Okay, my turn. Bath or shower?” I smile.

“Hmmm…that’s a hard one. Both have their distinct advantages, but I’ll have to go with shower. I don’t like your pussy hidden underneath all those bubbles.”

I gasp slightly, and my heart rate just kicked up several notches.

“My turn,” I breathe. “Hair or bare?”

He curses before answering and my eyes are drawn to the growing bulge in his tight-fitting dark jeans. “Bare.” His voice is pure sex, pure sin, pure seduction. Our heated eyes connect across the tiny interior space of his ridiculously expensive car. Every word he utters makes me wetter and hornier and suddenly I want the drive to go faster so he can fuck my brains out against the closest wall. I want to strip my clothes off and mount him. Right now.

“My turn.” His low, raspy timbre is like a magnet directly to my sex, which is now throbbing with its own heartbeat. He could ask me to do absolutely anything right now and I would. Without hesitation. He looks at me before asking, “Front or back?”

“Jesus, Gray.” My eyes involuntarily close at his clean words, but filthy connotation. When I open them, his gaze is back out the windshield, but raw lust tightens his face. “Both,” I whisper. Because it’s true and he knows it.

He closes his eyes with almost a pained look. His chest expands deeply. His knuckles are practically white with how tight he’s now gripping the steering wheel. I’m not the only one affected by this little game we’re playing, and if he wanted to take my mind off this dinner; I’d say he’s hit a fucking grand slam.

I clear my throat, knowing exactly where the next question will lead, but I’m in so deep now, only an orgasm will take the edge off this ache that’s now built to explosive proportions in my loins. I think if I rub my thighs together in just the right way, I may detonate. “Sex or masturbation?”

“Fuck, Livvy.
Fuck
.” His jaw clenches, and I see his dick twitch. He barks his command without even looking at me. “Lose the skirt and panties. Now.”

I quickly pull up my maxi skirt to my waist, shimmying off my silky navy thong. Gray’s windows are tinted for privacy, so I’m not particularly worried about anyone seeing me. The thought that someone may only serves to heighten my arousal.

“Spread your legs, baby, so I can see and smell your desire for me.”

I turn in my seat, adjusting my seatbelt so it’s loose enough I can maneuver, and I prop one foot on the headrest of his seat and the other on the dash. I tilt my pelvis so I’m completely open to him.

When I’m finally positioned, as comfortably as you can in a moving vehicle, he looks over. The burn of his stare lights me on fire and I wonder if that alone can make me explode. Desire rolls off Gray in thick waves, filling the small space with potent pheromones. It’s intoxicating.

“Sweet Jesus, Livvy.” While I wait for his next command, he takes a hand off the wheel and runs a single finger through my wetness, rimming my puckered flesh. An involuntary moan escapes from deep inside me. “Always so wet for me,” he rasps, his voice heavy with lust.

Yes, I know
. I feel my want running down between my cheeks, probably staining his leather seats. I can’t remember a time when I was as turned on as I am now, doing something so utterly wicked that I’m seriously trying to plan our next road trip.

I just about come when he sucks his finger clean. I desperately need to touch myself, so without waiting to hear what he wants next, my fingers swipe through my arousal, circling my clit. My eyes want to close, but I need to watch what I’m doing to him. I need to watch him come undone with me, even if we are hurtling down the interstate at seventy-five miles per hour.

“Fuck, Livvy. You are the hottest thing I have ever seen. Imagine it’s my tongue on you. In you,” he growls.

I swirl faster, pant harder and fight to prolong the pure hedonism of this moment, but I was so turned on before I started, my climax is barreling toward me faster than a freight train and after only moments, I’m almost ready to fly. Dirty words roll off Gray’s lips like a supplication, his eyes flitting between the road and my active fingers.

Suddenly we’re pulling off the side of I94. Gray shoves the car into park while undoing his seatbelt and slams my soaked sex to his greedy mouth. He groans, driving two fingers roughly inside me while sucking hard on my engorged clit. My legs tremble as hot waves of rapture take over my body, making me mindless. I cry out as his talented tongue works me to the edge and over again, devouring every drop of the multiple climaxes he’s managed to wring out of me in sixty seconds flat.

When my breath calms, and I can finally peel my eyes open, Gray is staring salaciously into them, a wicked smile on his face. Cars whiz by at fast speeds, our vehicle shaking slightly with each one. “Hi,” he says softly.

“Hi.” I can barely speak through my post-orgasmic, blissful haze. A place I never want to leave. It’s like a wonderland, only better.

“You’re fucking delicious. One taste just wasn’t enough.” He winks and places an open-mouthed kiss over my ink before sitting back in his seat. After redoing his seatbelt and adjusting his hardened dick, he pulls back out into traffic and we’re on our way once again. And I’m still lying in this exact same position, legs open wide, unable to move a single muscle, except for the one in my chest. That one is beating wildly with love for this man.

“Baby, you’d best cover up, because if we have to pull back over to the side of the road again, you’ll be riding my cock hard and, even with tinted windows, I think it will become pretty apparent to passersby what we’re doing. And I’d just as soon stay out of jail today because I have plans for you later.”

After I untangle my limbs and pull on my uncomfortably wet panties, I reach over, taking his hand in mine. My head still feels heavy, so I rest it comfortably against the seat, but turn toward him so I can drink in his beautiful profile. “I love you so much, Gray.” I’m so happy at this moment, I feel like crying and it’s difficult to hold all of the tumultuous emotions I’m feeling inside.

His eyes brim with love when he turns them to meet mine. Raising our entwined hands, soft lips graze mine and a few stray tears slip out when he says, “Not half as much as I love you, Livia.”

That’s simply not possible,
I think.
It’s not possible to love anyone as much as I love you.

Chapter 27

“Mom, we’re here,” Gray yells as he opens the front door, letting me in first. Well, he more like pushes me in because my feet refuse to move past the threshold. As we stand inside the entryway, with his hand on my lower back, memories assault me from every angle.

The smell of freshly baked bread fills my nostrils, making both my mouth and eyes water. A picture taken at Christmas the year before we were engaged of Gray and his brothers, with their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders, still sits on the thin, long maple table that lines the wall to my left. And Maxwell, the Colloway golden cockerdoodle, whose big chocolate eyes clearly house an old, reincarnated soul, sits patiently at my feet, waiting for my attention.

I kneel and scratch his belly, which he loves. “Hi, buddy. I missed you,” I choke, barely able to keep myself in check. I knew coming here would be difficult, but for very different reasons, like rejection and judgment. I just had no idea stepping foot in a house again that always overflowed with so much love would be
this
hard. Because the only time I ever felt such strong family love and unity was when I was in the Colloway home.

Barb rounding the corner with a dishtowel in her hand takes my attention away from Maxwell. I rise and she stops short. We stare at each other, but my vision of her is blurry. You know how you think you’re holding things together pretty well until you see that one certain person? And for some reason, seeing that one person not only cracks the dam inside of you, it shatters it into a million, unrepairable pieces?

When I laid eyes on Barb, my dam blew all to hell and suddenly I’m enveloped in her arms, sobbing. “Oh, sweet girl,” she keeps chanting, over and over, her motherly arms holding me tight. For all intents and purposes, Barb was like a mother to me, just like the rest of Gray’s family was my family too. When I lost Gray, I lost them. This house always felt like home to me, and stepping foot into it again, being unconditionally welcomed by Gray’s mother, brings back the same feeling of belonging and acceptance I always had before. And the relief is overwhelming.

“Come on,” she says, hooking her arm in mine, leading me to the bathroom. “Why don’t you gather yourself, freshen up and meet us in the kitchen. I just pulled some fresh banana bread from the oven.”

“Thanks, Barb,” I manage to say.

She’s at the door of the bathroom when she turns and says, “Livia, I don’t know what happened, and I’m not going to ask, but I want you to know that I’m here for you if you want to talk. Anytime. About anything, dear.”

I nod, a fresh mixture of grief and happiness spilling. For the first time ever, I want to confess. I
want
to tell another person, besides my shrink, what happened to me all those years ago. Why I disappeared. Why I stayed away. The need to purge without judgment or condemnation or even pity is overwhelming. This burden I carry is so heavy and debilitating, I constantly fight its pull into complete despondency. I want to talk about the baby that I lost. The baby I wanted so desperately, but can barely acknowledge anymore because the pain twists my guts raw. I want absolution from the woman standing in front of me for the pain I caused her and her family.