From Here to Maternity (28 page)

As the team shuffled out, Donal went in and threw an arm round him. ‘Hard luck. If Ray had been playing you’d have beaten them. You did your best, though. That was some second-half performance. I thought at one point you were going to win.’

James sighed. ‘Ray’s not the only player we missed out there. You’d have won a lot more line-outs for us.’

‘You’re lucky I’ve retired, believe me. I’d be a liability to the team at the moment. I can’t think straight.’

‘No luck with Lucy, then?’

Donal shook his head. ‘She won’t speak to me.’

‘Well, thanks to you she won’t speak to me either,’ I said, walking over to hug James. ‘I’m so sorry, James, you were great. Everyone’s saying how well Leinster played and how they tried so hard and how brilliant you are.’

James sighed. ‘I’ve no doubt there’ll be others calling for my head tomorrow. What did the panel say?’ he asked Donal. ‘And there’s no point sugar-coating it, I’ll see it later.’

‘That shower of amateurs don’t even know what they’re talking about,’ said Donal, gazing at the floor.

James grimaced. ‘That bad, huh?’

‘Don’t mind them, James. Everyone knows you’re a class act,’ he said.

‘Stupid old farts,’ I added. ‘What do they know?’

Mum, Dad and Yuri walked in, and Yuri stumbled over to James, bringing a much-needed smile to his face.

‘There’s always next year,’ said Dad.

‘Lord, it’s very dark and poky in here,’ said Mum. ‘I’d have thought the changing rooms would be a bit nicer at professional level. You should sort that out, now you’ve a bit of time on your hands.’

‘Put a sock in it,’ hissed Dad.

‘There’s no need to snap at me, I’m only stating the obvious.’

‘Let’s go for a drink,’ I interrupted, before they began to tear strips off each other.

As they walked out, I pulled James aside. ‘Yuri wants to say something to you,’ I said. ‘Crouch down.’

James bent down to Yuri’s level and I stood behind him encouraging Yuri to do as we had been practising for three weeks. I mouthed the word and, bless his little heart, he performed beautifully.

Putting his hands up to James’s face, he spluttered, ‘Bdabda, Bdabda.’

James picked him up. ‘Emma, I haven’t got time for this. I’ve no idea what the child’s saying. Can’t we do this later?’

‘For God’s sake, he’s saying Dada. We’ve been practising for weeks in case you lost this match. It’s supposed to be a moment you never forget – it’s supposed to cheer you up and make you feel better.’

‘Bdabda,’ shouted Yuri, as his father cracked a smile, albeit a small one, and kissed him.

Chapter 31

Billy rolled over and turned off the alarm. ‘Bloody hell, my head!’ He groaned. ‘Why did I let you talk me into drinking cocktails last night?’

Babs grinned. ‘Because we were celebrating my promotion. Besides, it was fun.’

‘I’m too old for this,’ said Billy, as he struggled to sit up. ‘I can’t keep up with you any more.’

‘Ah, stop moaning. It keeps you young.’

‘My back’s killing me,’ he complained, as he shuffled into the bathroom. ‘I told you not to make me dance.’

‘Don’t worry, I won’t be doing it again in a hurry. You were an embarrassment,’ said Babs, cringing at the memory of Billy sliding across the dance-floor on his knees and trying to twirl her round like some old rock-and-roller.

‘Put the kettle on, will you, love? I need a cup of strong coffee to get me going.’

Babs rolled over and went back to sleep.

When Billy came out of the shower he shook her. ‘Oi, Lady Muck, I thought I asked you to make coffee.’

‘Piss off. I’m too hung over to move.’

‘You lazy sod,’ he said, pulling the duvet off her. She squealed. ‘Get into that kitchen and put on some breakfast. You might try cleaning the place up this morning. It’s a disgrace.’

‘If you want someone to clean, get a cleaning woman.’

‘May I remind you that you live here rent-free? I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to throw a duster about once in a while.’

‘Sleeping with you is payment enough. Now, go away and leave me alone. I need my beauty sleep.’

‘Cheeky. You’re on at eleven – don’t be late. I need you to shift those bloody ceramic elephants. They’re clogging up the warehouse. Put on a short skirt and some extra slap – that should help the sales.’

‘Billy, your voice is like a drill in my head. Go to work.’

Ten minutes later the buzzer sounded. Babs ignored it. It sounded again, and this time it didn’t stop. Bloody hell, she thought. Billy must have forgotten something. She dragged herself out of bed and stomped to the door. ‘Jesus, Billy, I’m trying to sleep,’ she said, swinging open the door.

‘Well well well,’ said a woman Babs didn’t recognize. ‘So you’re his little whore. Nice outfit.’

Babs looked down. She was naked except for a tiny pair of black pants that had ‘love me’ written in red across the crotch.

‘Oh, I’m sorry. How rude of me not to introduce myself,’ the woman went on. ‘I’m Hilary, Billy’s wife and the mother of his two children.’

‘Hi, I’m Babs,’ said the naked one, proffering a hand.

Hilary pushed past her into the apartment and walked straight to the bedroom. ‘So this is where your sordid little affair takes place,’ she said, as Babs pulled on one of Billy’s shirts to cover herself. ‘I knew he was up to no good. How does it feel to know that you’re shagging another woman’s husband?’

Babs shrugged. ‘I’m not the one who’s married. I’m not the one with the kids. If you’re going to get pissed off with someone, you should talk to Billy.’

‘Is that an Irish accent?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, you little Irish slut, it’s time to pack your things and go home to your mother,’ said Hilary. She grabbed Babs by the arm and shoved her towards the wardrobe. ‘Start packing now.’

‘I’m not going anywhere.’

‘You stupid tart. You’re not the first slag to catch Billy’s eye. This has happened before and I got rid of those sluts too. He’s been faithful for the past two years and I intend to keep him that way. So, listen to me very carefully. You will pack your bags and get a one-way ticket home.’

‘No, actually, I won’t. I’ve got a job and a life here. I’m going nowhere.’

‘Enjoying yourself too much, are you? It must be nice to have an old man looking after you. Not interested in lads your own age? Prefer sugar-daddies, do you? Like sponging off my husband, do you? Well, the party’s over. You won’t be seeing another penny. Now, get packing.’

‘I’m not going anywhere until I’ve spoken to Billy.’ Babs stood her ground.

Hilary walked back into the hall and shouted, ‘Terry, can you come up here? I’ve got a spot of bother.’ Turning back to Babs, she said, ‘You’re messing with the wrong family, love. I dragged myself up from the hole I was born in. Nobody gets in my way.’

Ten seconds later a man – six foot tall and six foot wide – appeared. ‘Having trouble?’

‘This little tart says she doesn’t want to move out. I think she needs to be persuaded.’

‘Are you fuckin’ with my sister?’ asked Terry, picking Babs up and flinging her on to the bed. ‘You need to learn some manners. Now, pack your bags and sling your hook, or you’ll seriously regret it,’ he growled.

Babs opened her mouth to speak, but Terry was too quick for her: he covered it with a hand and hissed in her ear, ‘Are you deaf? I said, get the fuck out of here.’

When Babs had thrown a few things into a bag, she was handed a pen and a piece of paper and told to leave Billy a note saying she had had to go home due to a family emergency and wouldn’t be coming back.

‘He’ll call me,’ said Babs.

‘On what?’ said Terry, crushing her mobile phone under his foot. ‘And don’t even think about contacting him, because if you do, I’ll find out, hunt you down and break your legs.’

‘How am I supposed to get back to Dublin? I’ve no money.’

‘You’ll have to swim,’ said Terry, pushing her towards the door.

‘Or you could use your talents and shag the pilot,’ said Hilary. ‘Now get out of my sight, you cheap slag.’

Terry grabbed Babs’s arm and shoved her on to the street. He threw her bag after her and told her to make herself scarce.

The phone rang while I was trying to persuade Yuri that broccoli was the most delicious thing he could ever taste, as he repeatedly spat each spoonful back out. Hoping it was Lucy, I lunged to answer it and tucked the receiver under my ear as I continued the ‘Yummy yummy, Yuri’ game.

‘Hello?’

‘It’s me,’ said my sister. We hadn’t spoken since Sean’s wedding two weeks ago.

‘How’s the prostitution going?’

‘Not so well, actually. I’m in the airport and I need you to buy me a ticket home.’

‘Get sick of you, did he? Find someone younger and less of a pain in the arse?’

‘No, actually. His wife found out and got her psycho brother to chase me out of town.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, he chased me out of the apartment and said he’d kill me if I didn’t disappear and go home.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. He was like one of those mad soccer-hooligan types. Bald head and tattoo.’

‘Did he hurt you?’

‘Well, he roughed me up a bit.’

‘Are you all right?’

‘I’m fine now. Will you just buy me a bloody ticket so I can get out of here?’

‘Why can’t you buy your own? You’ve been living rent-free for months. You must be loaded.’

‘I’m skint.’

‘What did you spent it all on?’

‘Stuff.’

‘Like?’

‘Clothes, shoes, iPod, stuff.’

‘So you’ve indulged yourself completely and now you want me to bail you out as usual? Well, you can sod off. You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it,’ I said.

‘Emma?’

‘What?’

‘We both know you’re not going to leave me stranded here, so will you cut the crap and buy me a ticket?’

‘Why should I?’

‘Because it’s your job as my older sister.’

‘I swear, Babs, this is the last time. Have you told Mum and Dad?’

‘That my boss’s wife found out I was sleeping with him and had me run out of town?’

‘So they don’t know you’re coming?’

‘No.’

‘Don’t you think you should tell them you’re moving back in?’

‘Actually, I was thinking of crashing at yours until I get myself sorted. I’m too old to live with Mum and Dad.’

‘Over my dead body.’

‘Come on, Emma, just for a few days until I get my own place.’

‘I thought you said you didn’t have any money? Who are you planning to sleep with here for free accommodation? And, by the way, in case you give a shit, Lucy and Donal have broken up. So, well done, you’ve now destroyed two marriages.’

‘Donal was single when I slept with him and Billy has been cheating on his wife for years. So you can get off your soap-box.’

‘Don’t you have any self-respect or consideration for others?’

‘Jesus, can you give the lecture a rest and just get me a ticket?’

Yuri began to roar. The broccoli was clearly not satisfying his needs and he wanted something decent to eat. Frankly I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t a fan of broccoli myself. ‘I have to go. I’ll buy you a plane ticket but don’t even think of turning up on my doorstep. You can go home to Mum and Dad and tell them you were lonely or depressed. You’re good at lying, so I’m sure you’ll think of something.’

As I hung up the phone, James came in to see what the racket was about. ‘Why is Yuri howling?’

‘Because I tried to give him broccoli and he hates it.’

‘Hardly surprising. Does anyone actually like it?’ he said, staring at the green mush on Yuri’s plate.

‘I’m trying to encourage him to eat vegetables. They’re good for him.’

‘Yuck, Yuri, yucky broccoli,’ said James, throwing the dinner into the bin.

‘Thanks, James, you’re a great help.’

Since the Leinster defeat, James had been moping around the house feeling sorry for himself. Some of the journalists had criticized his coaching skills in their post-match analysis. As a result he was keeping a low profile and was now spending his days following me around, second-guessing everything I did with Yuri.

‘Here you go. Have one of these,’ he said, offering Yuri the packet of crisps he was eating.

‘James, I don’t want him eating crisps. They’re bad for him.’

‘A few crisps aren’t going to hurt,’ he said. ‘Go on, son, tuck in.’

Delighted to be offered forbidden fruit, Yuri grabbed a handful and stuffed them into his mouth.

‘He’s taken too many, James. He’ll choke.’

‘Stop fussing – he’s fine.’

Yuri began to cough and turn purple. I grabbed him out of the high chair and thumped him on the back. A mouthful of crisps tumbled out, and he gasped as he sucked air back into his lungs and then as the delayed shock hit him, he began to cry. I glared at James.

‘OK, so I won’t give him crisps again.’

‘Look, James, I know it’s been really hard on you losing the match and all, but when I tell you not to give Yuri something it’s not because I’m trying to be a pain, it’s because I know what’ll happen. Why don’t you get out of the house for a while and meet Donal for a drink or something?’

‘Donal’s more depressed than I am. Lucy still won’t talk to him. He’s hardly the ideal candidate to cheer me up.’

‘Well, then, why don’t you meet some of the other lads or organize a game of golf or a poker night or something?’

‘Because I intend to wallow in self-pity for a while longer. Besides, I enjoy tormenting you.’ He grinned.

‘Well, if you’re not going out, would you mind putting Yuri to bed? I have to book Babs a flight home – her affair has been uncovered. Then I think I’ll lie down. I feel a bit funny today.’

‘Are you all right?’

‘Yes, I’m just tired.’

‘How did Babs get caught?’

‘Apparently with her knickers down.’

Chapter 32

Lucy arrived to the office to find Annie waiting for her. ‘Hi – what are you doing here? Is everything OK? Why aren’t you at school?’

‘I snuck out to come and see you. I know about you and Donal. He told me what happened.’

Lucy wasn’t sure how much Donal had told her so she decided to tread carefully. ‘Look, Annie, it’s nothing for you to worry about. You need to go back to school and focus on your exams.’