From Here to Maternity (31 page)

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Authors: Sinead Moriarty

BOOK: From Here to Maternity

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‘Have you lost your mind, bringing alcohol into the hospital?’ hissed Mum.

‘What? It might calm her down,’ said Babs.

‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘Maybe later. Come on in and meet Lara.’

James was calming Yuri down, so I brought Mum, Dad and Babs in first.

Although Mum did a good job of hiding it, I could see she was shocked by how tiny Lara was. But she took a deep breath and said, ‘Well, Emma, she looks healthy to me. We Burkes are fighters. She’s just small, that’s all.’

Dad wasn’t so subtle. ‘Jesus,’ he gasped, when he saw the size of his granddaughter.

Babs said nothing. She sat down beside the little round door of the incubator and put her hand in. Lara’s tiny hand wrapped round her aunt’s finger, and Babs dissolved. For the first time we could ever remember, Babs cried.

We looked at each other in shock.

‘Are you all right there Babs?’ asked Dad, putting his arm round his youngest child.

‘Get off me,’ she said, shrugging him off and trying to hide her tears.

‘It’s OK to be human. We’re actually relieved,’ said Dad. ‘There’s no shame in having a heart. It’s considered fairly normal these days.’

‘Out now, the pair of you, and let my grandson in,’ said Mum, ushering them to the door.

They left and James came in with Yuri. He held him up so that he could see Lara in the incubator.

‘Look, darling, it’s your little sister, Lara,’ I said, as Yuri stared down at her. He frowned, glanced at me, then at James. We smiled encouragingly. Then I carefully guided Yuri’s hand through the window and placed it on top of Lara’s tiny one, making sure he didn’t move suddenly and pull out any tubes. He rubbed her fingers, mesmerized. I looked at James. He nodded. Our family, we thought. This is our family. She can’t leave us. For the zillionth time I prayed for my little girl’s survival.

When we brought Yuri out, the new touchy-feely Babs said she’d take him to the shop for sweets. As they got into one lift, Donal and Lucy got out of the other. Lucy ran towards me. ‘Oh, Emma, I’m sorry,’ she said, hugging me.

‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ I said. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘Me too.’

‘I’m sorry for not telling you about Babs.’

‘I’m sorry for ignoring you. I’m an idiot. You were just trying to protect me. Anyway, it’s all sorted now. I’ve forgiven the big lump. Enough about that! How’re you holding up? Can I do anything?’

I wondered. Could my best friend take away my terror of Lara dying? Could she stop the anger creeping up on me as I thought about how unfair it was that James and I had to go through more torture in our quest for parenthood? Just when we thought the hard part was over and we’d got lucky, life had slapped us in the face again. God forbid that we’d ever get complacent about having children. Could anyone help? Lara getting better was the only solution to this problem.

‘Just pray,’ I said, as she put her arm round me.

When Babs arrived back with Yuri, Donal bristled. But Lucy was amazing. She acted as if nothing had happened. She didn’t want to cause any more upset for me or James. Donal, on the other hand, avoided Babs like the plague and stayed glued to Lucy’s side.

That evening the doctors said that if Lara had a good night, and her vital signs remained stable, they were going to take her off the ventilator in the morning to see if she could breathe on her own.

‘That’s great news,’ said Mum, when we told them.

‘I just hope she can do it,’ I said.

‘The key is that she has a good night tonight,’ said James, as he rubbed his eyes.

‘Why don’t you go home and have a shower and something to eat, James?’ said Mum. ‘I’ll keep Yuri for the night and Babs can stay with Emma until you get back.’

‘You both look exhausted. You should try to get a few hours’ sleep,’ said Dad.

‘I can’t leave Lara. I’d die if anything happened,’ I said.

‘Nor can I,’ said James. We’ll be fine.’

‘Donal and I can sit with her,’ Lucy offered.

‘No, I’ll do it,’ said Saint Babs.

‘Look, guys, I appreciate the offers, but I’m not going to be able to sleep. I’m too worried. You’ve all been great. Go home and get some rest,’ I said.

‘Are you sure?’ asked Lucy.

I nodded.

‘OK, pet. We’ll be in first thing in the morning,’ said Mum, kissing my forehead. ‘Say night-night, Yuri.’

I held my son and kissed his smooth cheeks. ‘Goodnight, angel, Mummy loves you. See you tomorrow. Be good for Granny.’

‘Sure he’s always good,’ said Mum.

‘I’ll come back with you to help put him to bed,’ said Babs. Mum recoiled in astonishment.

‘Lookit, I don’t know who you are,’ said Dad, leaning over to peer at Babs, ‘but someone’s taken my daughter away and replaced her with a human being.’

‘Enough, please you’re cracking me up,’ said Babs, grabbing Dad’s nose and pinching it.

‘Stop your nonsense, the two of you,’ said Mum. ‘This child needs to go to bed,’ she added, as Yuri yawned.

We waved them off and went back in to sit with Lara.

It was a long night. We talked about our journey to parenthood. The naive way we had started out… have sex and get pregnant. We remembered going to the doctor to see what was wrong, being told to relax and just keep at it. We laughed at the time James went to give his sperm sample and I had cut out a picture of Halle Berry in the James Bond bikini to help him along. I talked of how I hated taking the hormone-inducing drugs because they made me so moody, sweaty and miserable. We remembered James injecting me during the IVF attempt… how devastated we were when it failed… how adoption seemed like the answer to all our problems… how that process had nearly finished us, as our lives were dissected and picked apart by social workers… how we had fallen in love with Yuri the minute we saw his pale little face on the video, and then how it felt when we went to Russia and held him in our arms for the first time… We talked of the joy we felt when I found out I was pregnant… how shocked we’d been… how thrilled we were that Yuri would have a sibling to grow up with… and how terrified we were that we might now lose our little angel.

Chapter 35

I woke up with a start. I was hunched over in the chair, dribble running down my chin. I looked at Lara. She was fine. James leant over and rubbed my back.

‘How long was I asleep?’

‘Only about an hour.’

‘God, I feel awful,’ I said.

‘You’ve been through a lot. Physically as well as emotionally.’

I shrugged. What was my pain compared to my little girl’s? ‘What time are they going to turn off the ventilator?’

‘Nine.’

I looked at my watch. It was eight o’clock. ‘I’m going to go to the bathroom to freshen up. I’ll be back in ten minutes,’ I said. I needed to get out of the room. I had to take a moment to gather myself before the ventilator went off.

As I was shuffling down the corridor, I saw Dad, Babs and Sean coming towards me. Sean was carrying a huge pink teddy bear. ‘Sis!’ he said, hugging me.

‘What are you doing here? I thought you were still on honeymoon.’

‘Babs called me. We came home a few days early.’

‘Ah, Sean, you shouldn’t have.’

‘I was glad of the excuse. Three weeks on the beach is far too long.’

‘Nice tan, though,’ said Babs, smirking at Sean’s red face and million freckles. ‘I’d say you’re an attractive sight in your togs.’

‘Good to see the old Babs is back,’ said Dad.

‘Where’s Mum?’ I asked.

‘Changing Yuri’s nappy. He did a huge dump in the car,’ said Mary Poppins.

‘I’m going to freshen up. I’ll be back in five.’

‘What time are they turning off the ventilator?’ asked Dad.

‘Nine,’ I said, suddenly feeling weepy again.

‘Hey, don’t worry, she’s got to be a fighter – all the girls in our family are. Look at the two of you,’ said Sean.

I nodded and shuffled off to get myself together.

At five to nine, we all stood huddled round the incubator. Yuri was sitting on my knee and James was standing behind us, his hands on my shoulders.

‘Lala,’ Yuri said.

‘Yes, darling, Lala’s going to try to breathe now,’ I said, crying into Yuri’s hair.

He pushed me away. ‘Lala,’ he said, pointing to her.

James picked him up and Yuri leant over to the little door on the side of the incubator. I opened it and went to guide his hand in, but he pulled it back. In his other hand was the little grey elephant – his only reminder of his life before us. He pushed the trunk, then the legs through the door and placed the elephant beside Lara. It was her turn to have comfort now. She curled her fingers round the trunk.

‘Will you look at that?’ whispered Mum. ‘He’s given her his most treasured possession. It’s a good omen.’

‘Are you ready?’ asked the nurse.

James and I nodded.

The ventilator was switched off.

While Lara fought to breathe on her own, we all held our breath. For a second or two there was nothing. I willed her on with every bone in my body. ‘Come on, sweetheart, please breathe.’

Her eyes opened and she stared at me. A tiny sigh escaped from her rosebud mouth and, slowly, her chest began to rise and fall. We all breathed with her. I looked around at my family: everyone – old and new – was crying and laughing. Slowly I began to laugh too, as relief flooded my every pore.

One year on…

Lara came home after three weeks in hospital. Yuri insisted on sleeping in the same room as her, and the two are inseparable. Lara will go nowhere without her little grey elephant; Yuri is now more interested in trucks.

Lucy and Donal had a baby boy. At two weeks overdue, Lucy threatened to kneecap the obstetrician if he didn’t induce her. She gave birth to an eleven-pound baby and has sworn she will never put her body through that again. Donal is besotted and the baby – named Serge after Donal’s hero, the French rugby sensation Serge Blanco (Lucy was in too much pain to object) – is permanently dressed in rugby shirts.

While I was tucked away on maternity leave, Babs stalked Amanda until she finally gave in and offered her a slot on her afternoon show. Babs began doing makeovers for middle-aged women. It’s become the most popular section of the programme: her bluntness and brutal honesty have hit a nerve and the public loves it.

Shadee got pregnant on honeymoon and had a beautiful baby girl, with her mother’s dark hair and her father’s blue eyes – as Babs says, it’s lucky it wasn’t the other way round. They named her Shala, which Mum had decided is actually Sheila and that’s what she’s calling her. Unbeknownst to Sean, Mum has already christened Sheila under the kitchen tap.

James coached Leinster to the final of the European Cup, where they lost 21–20 in what has been described as ‘the best Cup Final ever played.’ He has just been offered the job as assistant coach to the Irish team and is currently considering his options.

As for me… my cup is full.