From Rags (21 page)

No, no, no – he wasn’t going to think about Jaxx.

But, then, he didn’t really have to think about her for him to undergo any torture. It was now four days since he had last seen her. It was five days since he had last been inside her. He had planned to give it at least seven days before seeing her again purely to prove to himself that he didn’t need her so badly, but he wasn’t sure he was going to last much longer. The fact that he was spooked by how he was absolutely addicted to her wasn’t so important now that the raging need was taking over again. His dick was hard and hurting like a twat. Worse, he didn’t feel whole. In short, his mind, body and soul were pining for her. He knew it. He ignored it. Or at least he tried to. And the harder he tried at it, the rottener things got.

Once he’d calmed down after their argument he’d started to feel like a right bastard. In truth, he had been angrier with himself than her; maybe it could be said that he had created this situation. If he had gone back to see her at least once, he would have seen that she was alone and hurting over Leah and he could’ve done…well he didn’t know what exactly, but he could have done something. Then maybe she wouldn’t be closed off from him the way she was now. At last he knew why she wanted things to be nothing more than casual.

Despite how painfully horny he was, not once had Connor even been tempted
to relieve the ache using anyone else. Obviously he would never have given into any such temptation if there had been one. The point was that there had been no temptation. There was one thing he had come to understand in the past few days without her: It wasn’t lust that had consumed his blood, it was Jaxx. That was why he couldn’t escape from the need to see her or be with her or be inside her.

In sum, she had bloody ruined him. He belonged to her as much as she belonged to him and it terrified him. When she eventually walked out of his life – even the thought of that had his gut twisting – he wouldn’t be whole ever again. And yet he knew he couldn’t keep her. She would never settle for someone who couldn’t fully commit to her, and even if she was prepared to try it he would never let her. She deserved better than that. She deserved to start the family she had grown up without. For the first time ever, he wished he had something more to offer someone. All he could really do was make the most of the time he had with her. With that in mind, he had to question why on Earth he was sat playing – well, losing at
–poker and not spending time with Jaxx.

Decision made, he went into his kitchen to phone her mobile. No answer. He tried her home line. No answer. He tried her mobile again. No answer. He tried her home line again. No answer. Half an hour went by and nothing. No answer from either phone, no returning his calls, no answering the voicemail messages he’d left. Unfortunately Ollie had gotten himself a new secretary and she was not easy to charm like the last one so that got him nowhere.

“Oi, Warren,” he said, a thought forming. “Where’s Anna tonight?” Because wherever she was, Jaxx was likely to be close.  

That had Warren licking his lips nervously. He’d been dreading Connor might ask him about Anna in case he accidentally said too much. “Oh, er, she’s, um, in…Europe.”

Connor frowned.
Europe? Hmm
. Had to be a modelling thing. He was sure he’d heard Jaxx say something about Anna going to Paris and Milan a lot. He checked his Blackberry; still no messages.

“Waiting on a phone call?” Dane tried to hold back his amusement. It was obvious that Connor had finally cracked and wanted to see Jaxxon again. Warren had told Dane all about the holiday and how Anna had sworn him to secrecy, but he forgot to do one thing: he forgot to make Dane swear to keep it secret from Connor. Dane had absolutely no intention of holding back the fact that Jaxxon was in a whole other country where males of all ages could flock around her and there wasn’t a thing Connor could do about it. He was going to go off his rocker. Boy this was going to be so much fun.

Connor said nothing to Dane’s question and shoved his Blackberry back into his pocket. A few minutes later he fished it out again and returned to the bedroom to try Jaxx’s mobile again…still nothing. Home line…still nothing. Secretary…still not charmed. He growled. Jaxx didn’t play ‘ignore the ring tone’. She’d sooner answer it, tell him to sod off, and then hang up if she didn’t want to speak to him. In which case, he had to assume that she hadn’t seen his attempts to contact her. He should
be able to shrug and think ‘she’ll phone when she can’. But it was doing his nut in wondering when, exactly, he should expect a response. Was this how she felt when he didn’t give her any idea of when he’d next be in touch? On re-entering the living area he caught the latter part of Dane’s sentence:

“…doesn’t bother you she’s on holiday without you?” 

“Who’s on holiday?” When Dane and Warren exchanged an odd look, Connor frowned.

Warren cleared his throat. “Anna.”

“Oh so it’s not some modelling job she’s away doing?”

“No,” said Dane. “A last minute booking wasn’t it, Warren?”

“Er, yeah.”

Dane folded his arms across his chest. “I’m surprised you didn’t go with her, even if three is a crowd.”

“Another time I will.” Warren sighed internally. He wasn’t going to pull this flippant act off, not while Dane, whatever his game was, seemed like he intended to let it slip to Connor that Jaxxon had gone with her. 

“I wouldn’t like it if it was me,” said Dane gravely, shaking his head.

“It’s just a holiday, she’s not relocating.”

“Yeah but still…Just the idea of Niki that far away from me…I think I’d lose my head.”

“How far away are we talking?” asked Connor.

“France.” Warren internally winced as he realised he’d released a detail of the holiday.

Dane tskd. “It’s still a foreign country which means it’d too far away for my liking. Even worse, the French are supposed to be right smoothies. And women love those European accents, don’t they?” He sighed. “Personally, I’d be a paranoid wreck.”

“I trust Anna.” That hadn’t stopped him being worried though.

“Yeah, but do you trust the smoothies around her? That’s the question. You told me Anna loves her drink. One weak moment, one very smooth smoothie…” Dane jiggled his head. “At least she’s not on her own and there’s someone to make sure she’s got her wits about her.”  

Connor was starting to feel as though he was missing out on something important.

“What about you, Con?” asked Dane. “If it was Jaxx, would you be alright with it?”

“Did I say you could call her Jaxx? She’s
my
Jaxx, she’s Jaxx
on
to you.” Then it occurred to Connor that Dane had spoken in a very odd tone. Suddenly, as snippets of the conversation flicked through his mind, it all came together. He took a deep breath, determined to maintain his composure. Then he slowly swerved his head to look at Warren who was looking awfully nervous and awkward. “Warren, who’s Anna on holiday with?”

“A mate,” he said flippantly.

“Would that mate be Jaxx?” His voice was deceptively patient. Warren’s twist of the lips and hesitation to speak told Connor what he needed to know. “When did they leave?”

“Monday morning.”

“
Monday morning?
What, and you never thought to tell me?” When he heard Dane giggling quietly he turned on him. “You’ve known all this time as well, haven’t you.” The giggling stopped.

“No need to have a panic attack,” said Dane. “They’ll be back on this Monday coming.”

“
Monday
.” He couldn’t wait that long to see her. Nor did he want to. What he wanted to do was grab her, yell at her for sodding off like that and then shag her senseless. 

Dane kept all amusement from his manner. “Now, see, you haven’t really got a right to go all nuts, have you? Okay so Jaxx – sorry, Jaxx
on
– didn’t tell you she was going on holiday. Should she have to tell someone who only shows up when he feels like shagging her?”

Connor knew what Dane was getting at and he knew he was right but it still didn’t take the sting away of her buggering off without a word. “Where in France?” he asked Warren.

“Oh I can’t pronounce it.”

Dane laughed. He had to admire Warren for his never-ending loyalty to Anna’s promise.

“Is it in the North, South, what?”

Warren scratched his head. “Um…”

“Is it near Paris?”

“I’m really not comfortable with these questions.”

Connor pinned Dane with his serious gaze. “You know where, don’t you?”

“Come on, mate, don’t get yourself all worked up. She’s probably not into the French accents.” It was killing him not to laugh. “It’s just the tourists you’ve got to worry about. You can’t blame them if they try sniffing around her. I mean, come on, you would have. Even believing she was in some high publicity relationship with an insane twat you’d have still tried your luck. I bet you’re glad you and her made that agreement
about not shagging other people. Tell me, though, did you specify if kissing or touching or oral sex was allowed?” Connor growled. Dane faked a horrified gasp. “Tell me you definitely specified no anal sex.”

As much as Connor knew that Dane was trying to get a rise out of him, he couldn’t help but give it to him. The idea that she was so far out of reach… “How would you like it if it was Niki, eh? If I knew where she was and wouldn’t tell you?”

Dane smiled. “Ah, but Niki’s my wife. What is Jaxxon to you again?”

Completely exasperated by his two mates Connor dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Alright,” he bit out. “You’ve made your point, Dane.”

“And what point’s that?”

It made him ache to have to say this. “I haven’t got any rights over her and I haven’t got the right to know everything that goes on in her life. There. I said it. Now where is she?”

“I’m not so sure I’m comfortable passing on this information.”

“Dane
…
”

“Not until I at least know what you’re going to do with it.”

“Only the same thing that you’d do if it was Niki.”

“Now hang on a minute,” Warren quickly interrupted. “You can’t go over there and butt in on their holiday.” But he saw by the determined expression on Connor’s face that that was exactly
what he was planning to do.

“I’ll tell you what,” Dane said to Connor, “I’ll tell you where she is if you admit why it is you want to see her so bad.”

“This isn’t some game,” he retorted.

“If you can’t admit it to me, how are you going to admit it to Jaxxon? She doesn’t strike me as the type of person who’ll be okay with you turning up like that just for a shag or to prove the immature point that you can always find her. If she thinks that’s the kind of crap she’ll have to put up with she’ll end it right there. So, get some practice in, admit why you want to see her so bad.”

As a last ditch effort to finding out her whereabouts without putting himself out there, Connor looked at his other mate.

Warren shook his head. “I happen to agree with Dane.”

“Well?” Dane raised his brows, waiting.

Connor sighed. “Do you have to be such a twat?”

“It’s genetic, sorry. Do you want to know where she is or not?”

He slumped onto the couch and covered his face with his hand, sighing again. When he finally plucked up the nerve, he released his face. “I miss her, alright.”

“And not just shagging her?” Dane wanted Connor to hear himself say it aloud.

“No. Although I do miss that. I miss
her
. Happy now?”

“Meribel, France.”

“She’s gone skiing?”

“I’m not sure where exactly they’re staying, but Warren knows.”

Warren groaned. Why oh why did he mention the holiday to Dane? “Anna’s going to have my balls for this.”

Dane smiled. “Well it seems to me, then, that you should go with him. You’re both going to have a lot of explaining to do. Might be best to have each other to lean on for strength.”

Warren shook his head. “You’re loving all this, aren’t you?”

“I told the pair of you that I would get you back for the shite you pulled at my bachelor bash
and
my wedding night. Oh and let’s not leave out the stuff you put in the best man’s speech just in case Niki didn’t already know I’d been a bit of a slut in the past. Excuse me for finding some sweetness in revenge.” He smiled, unashamed. “Go on then, get your arses on a plane and go see your girls.”

At the risk of entering the world of stalking, Connor immediately booked a flight to take him to Jaxx.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Crap! Crap! Crap! The word circulated round Anna’s brain as she read the two text messages that Warren had left for her; the first was sent five hours ago with news of his and Connor’s upcoming arrival and the time of their flight. The next was to announce that they had arrived at France ‘safely’ – like she cared about that part – and would be there in something like forty-five minutes. He had sent the last one
thirty-five minutes ago
. If only she had checked her phone when she first got back instead of now just before they were going back out again!

Crap! Crap! Crap! To think she’d been worried about impressing Warren! It turned out that he
was going to be the one having to do the impressing because unless he had some way of getting back in her good books she was going to do a Jaxxon on him: she was going to kick him in the balls.

Not five minutes ago Anna had been thinking about just how great Jaxxon was doing with some space away from Connor. The past few days had been such a laugh. Hitting the slopes. Going dog sledging. Almost getting concussion while ice skating. Drinking until all hours of the morning – well, that was mostly just Anna. Gulping down all that gorgeous French wine and cuisine. Abusing the hot tub and sauna. Trying to talk French and failing miserably. Not once had they mentioned the boys or anything else stress-related since they arrived. And now, thanks to the big gob on her boyfriend, the perfect holiday was going to be tainted.