Good Wood (21 page)

I STARED AT the ceiling, covered in paint and sweat, fighting to catch my breath. My mind reeled at the sudden unexpected appearance of Molly, who’d attacked me with all the force of a tidal wave and given me something to be extra thankful for.

I’d expected the holiday to be much more ‘low key’. My visit with the family went better than I expected. I had a great time with the kids and even Robbie was less irritating than usual. I’d happily exhausted the girls by the time I left, and Tamz gave me a hug and whispered ‘thanks’. When I got home, I had tons of nervous energy so I decided to paint the place.

Part of the process Dr. Greene and I had discussed was putting things in order. The chaos in my life was a symptom of my condition. So I needed to get my house in order in both the figurative and literal sense. Once the doc sniffed out the Molly situation, he put me in my place pretty quickly. The man has a way of calling me on my bullshit that borders on mystical. And really fucking annoying. “So Molly is Mac and Mason’s little sister?”

“Yeah.” I was immediately uncomfortable with his judging expression.

”So you haven’t seen this Molly in a long time?”

“Yeah. Not since she was a kid.”

“Interesting.” He was scribbling furiously in his notebook by this time. “So do you think it’s a coincidence?”

“Do I think
what
is a coincidence?” He gave me that long suffering patient look of his. God I hate his face sometimes.

“I just find it interesting that this woman shows up from your past and suddenly you show remarkable progress. A desire to work towards getting better, a sudden resurgence of your artistic muse in relation to your woodcarving…” The smug expression he was trying to hide was getting under my skin.

“So what? She just reminds me of…” I was suddenly at a loss for words.

“Of what Joe?” I glanced at the clock suddenly wishing that our time was up. This conversation was making me uncomfortable.

“I don’t know.” He gave me a withering look.

“Oh come on. You’re smarter than that. She is obviously someone that can get to you on a level that even your sister can’t. So dig a little deeper here. Clear your thoughts. Then think of Molly and tell me the first thing that comes to mind.” Resisting the urge to tell him exactly what he could do with his bullshit Zen idea, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Clearing my mind, I focused on Molly.

“Gorgeous, challenging, funny, dangerous…” The words came out without me having a chance to think about them. I opened my eyes to see the doc staring at me in surprise. He cleared his expression quickly and made some notes in his book.

“Interesting. Why dangerous Joe? Is she a kick boxer?” That earned him a laugh which seemed to shock him more than anything I had done so far during the session, including punching his wall.

“No. But she definitely could be. She just makes shitty decisions sometimes. Gets herself in over her head.”

“And what? You feel the need to protect her from these bad decisions.”

“She needs looking after, Doc. If you saw some of the shit she gets herself in to…” Something about the way he was looking at me stopped me mid-sentence. A jolt went through me as I realized what I had just said.

I feel like I need to protect Molly. I wanted to kill those two little bastards on the South Congress that day. Not just run them off. I wanted to throw their stupid asses into traffic.

Luckily, or maybe unluckily for me, the timer dinged and just like that our session was over.

“Joe, if you’re serious about getting better you’re going to need to take this slow. You didn’t get here in a single day. You won’t get out in one either. Be patient. Take the time to do it right. And be honest with those around you.”

Dr. Greene had left me with a great nugget when he ushered me out of his office. As much as I hated to admit it, he gave good advice. Maybe if I’d worked with him from the beginning I would be better by now.
Probably not
.

I’d already decided to make the most of my time off, besides what I spent with the family. A couple of weeks before, I’d ordered what I needed to finish both the apartments. I had a hard time getting Charlie to come over at first. I think he was afraid I was going to freak out on him. I told him he was the best plumber I knew, and his ego won out.

I’d spent a few summers helping on finish work, so putting up the drywall and mudding took no time at all. I asked a painter friend about colors and ended up going with beige for the other apartment. Boring, but if I ended up renting it out, they were welcome to paint it.

For my apartment, I’d picked a pale gray/blue. I found it calming somehow. When I got home from Tamryn’s, I figured I’d wrap up the project. I was just finishing the trim when I heard someone come up my creaky stairs. No one came to my place, so I thought I might be hearing things, but when I stopped to focus, I heard shuffling on the landing outside my door. Flinging the door wide, I saw Molly, crouched down in front of me with two pie tins. She looked up at me from her suggestive position, and I realized why I’d picked the color for my place. It matched her red-rimmed eyes.

Molly tried to play it cool but I didn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to see she’d been crying. She tried to drop the pies on my counter and go. I knew I shouldn’t pry. I was in no condition to offer advice to anyone. But she was obviously hurting and it was too much for me. I may not have answers, but I had always been a good listener. I tried to get her to talk to me, but it wasn’t long before we were kissing and then things got out of hand. We were one step away from doing something that I’d promised Dr. Greene I wouldn’t do with anyone -until I was a bit more stable. It took everything I had, but I managed to pull myself away from her.

I tried to tell Molly that I wasn’t ready. That I needed to slow things down, as much as I wanted to take them=-
and her
-fast. When I opened my mouth to speak, she shut it with hers. I tried to resist her, but she broke my resolve like it wasn’t even there. Passion flared in me, not lust. For the first time since Jess, I wanted to please someone else.

When we finally collapsed on the floor I waited for the guilt to hit. It never came. Like some sort of talisman against my dark world, Molly nestled up under my chin and molded her body to mine. Looking down at her, beautifully relaxed and streaked in paint, warmth spread through my chest. Soon the floor became too uncomfortable, and I roused her for a quick shower before the paint all over us became problematic to explain. She was on me again in the shower. Her appetite seemed insatiable and I was willing to take the challenge. Afterward, we lay in the dark in my bed.

“Molly?”

“Mmm?” She murmured against my chest. She cuddled further into me and I’ll be damned if I didn’t love every second of it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The silence dragged on until I wondered if she had fallen asleep. Her hand reached up and stroked my cheek, startling me.

“I got some…rough news tonight. My ex got remarried last week.”

“Oh.” It’s embarrassing to admit it, but it stung that she’d been crying over some other guy.

“To my former sous chef, one of my best fucking friends. That son of a bitch knocked her skanky ass up before we were even split up. She’s going to bare his spawn any day now. And I sold that bitch my half of the business too…for practically nothing.”

I felt a surge of anger at the betrayal. Anyone treating her that way was unthinkable. I searched myself for something to say that wouldn’t sound trite and realized I had no idea what that might be. My jaw clenched tensely as I suddenly felt empathy for everyone who’d had to interact with me since the accident.

“The trifecta of humiliation, Molly-style. That’s me. Go big or go home.” She sniffed and rolled away, sitting on the side of the bed with her back to me.

“Stop it.” I gently chided her as I sat up. I reached out to touch her bare flesh. “He’s a dick and she’s a backstabber. That’s on them, not you.”

“You were right, Joe. You never
really
know anybody.” Her curt response was thick with tears, and she picked her bra up off of the floor. I wanted her to turn around so I could see her face. “It’s late. I’d better go.”

“No. Come here.” I reached over and pulled her back onto the bed with me, plucking the bra from her hand I tossed it back on the floor. Her cheeks were wet with angry tears. “Talk to me.”

Her shiny eyes met mine with hesitation. She seemed pensive, and I wondered what was going on behind those soulful eyes. “I just want you to hold me. Is that okay?”

My mind came up with a lot of reasons that it shouldn’t be okay. But my heart wouldn’t let me say any of them aloud.

“Sure. But—” Her fingers slid over my lips, silencing me. Her thigh draped over my leg and she nestled into the crook of my shoulder. Drifting off to sleep with her in my arms I was consumed with a feeling that I had not felt in a long time. Contentment.