Gramercy Nights (The Argo Press Trilogy Book 1) (23 page)

I’m touched that he bought a Catalan wine with me in mind and yet, the attention is unsettling. I look back at the perfectly cooked steak on my plate. Today has been a dream. And I feel like I’m still dreaming.

The steak practically melts in my mouth, so soft I barely need a knife.

“Are you ever going to tell me why you actually decided to learn Catalan?” he asks.

“I told you. I studied abroad in Barcelona.”

Sebastian makes a face and it’s clear he doesn’t believe me. “Was there a man involved?”

“There may have been.”

“Did you love him?”

I laugh. “No, he was just an excuse.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

I don’t know if it’s the wine or the mind-blowing sex earlier, but I feel something inside start to crumble. I told Sebastian I trusted him and I meant it. “When I finished high school, my mom took me to Barcelona as a graduation present. I’d never been out of the country before. Mom worked a lot after my father left. It wasn’t easy and there wasn’t a lot of money.” I take a sip of wine. I don’t talk about mom. Ever. Even after all this time, it’s too raw. I set my glass down and continue. “It was love at first sight, from the moment I stepped off the plane. I loved the smell, the taste, everything. It was so different, so cosmopolitan. I remember walking up Passeig de Gràcia, all the beautiful shop windows and modernist buildings. It was like something out of a movie. Like something out of a dream.

“I didn’t know she was sick,” I say at last, my voice choking up and I have to stop. I can’t look at Sebastian. I don’t want to see the pity in his eyes. “She had ovarian cancer and she didn’t tell me. She didn’t want me to worry. She knew she was going to die and she wanted us to have one last good time together before she got too sick.”

A hot tear trickles down my cheek and I brush it away, angry at myself for crying. Crying is for people who’ve never experienced real pain. “I didn’t find out she was sick until I’d already started school. I wanted to take the year off but she wouldn’t let me. She made me promise I wouldn’t. I visited every chance I got. Weekends. After school. But I could tell she didn’t want me there. Didn’t want me to see her sick. Mom was proud and she hated me seeing her like that.”

“
Petita
,” Sebastian sighs, reaching across the table and cupping my hand in his. He just holds my hand, patiently waiting for me to continue.

“She died two weeks before my 19
th
birthday.” I shrug, trying to regain my composure. I look up and blink through my tears. “She loved Barcelona. It’s silly but I thought if I went back, it would keep us connected. Keep us together. So I ended up studying abroad there for a semester in college. I started studying Catalan because of a boy I met, but I wouldn’t have even been there if it hadn’t been for my mom.” I brush aside a tear and take another sip of my wine.

“That’s not silly,” Sebastian says solemnly, giving my hand another squeeze and I’m surprised he doesn’t tell me how sorry he is for my loss, because that’s what everyone always says, but I’m happy he doesn’t. Instead he just strokes my knuckles.

“She’d be so proud of you.”

I don’t know what it is about those six simple words that completely undoes me, but I let go, sagging into the chair as the tears come, hot and unrelenting.

“There’s so much she’s missed,” I hiccup. “So much I wanted to share with her.”

Sebastian lets go of my hand and comes around the table, kneeling beside my chair. His strong arms surround me, cradling me as I sob into his chest. I miss her so bad it hurts and I can’t begin to imagine a time in the future when the pain doesn’t threaten to pull me apart. Sebastian says nothing, he just rubs my back as I come apart, every buried emotion suddenly free.

“I miss her so much. She was all I had. She was my only family and now I’m alone. I have no one.”

“Shhh.” He kisses my forehead. “You aren’t alone. You won’t ever be alone.”

His kind words only make me sob harder.

I don’t know how long I cry, but my throat is raw when the tears finally subside and Sebastian’s shirt is a wet mess of snot and tears.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” I mumble as I pull back. I’m sure this isn’t what he had in mind when he asked me such a simple question, but there is such kindness in his eyes when he looks at me, my heart constricts and I feel the hot burn of fresh tears.

He brushes my cheeks with the rough pads of his thumb then gathers me up in his arms and I let him, sagging with relief against his chest as he carries me towards the bedroom, our half-eaten dinner forgotten on the table. He nudges the bathroom door open with his foot and places me tenderly on the lid of the toilet. I watch him numbly, the graceful economy of his movements as he turns the shower on and checks the temperature with his hand. When he’s satisfied, he returns to me, undressing me like I’m a child before stripping out of his own clothing and kicking them aside.

I close my eyes, letting the water cascade over me and feel myself dissolving as Sebastian supports me. The warm water and Sebastian’s strong body behind me make feel safe. He washes me, worshipping my body with his reverent hands as if he’s afraid I’ll shatter, and I let him. I can’t remember the last time someone cared for me in this way. It feels…it feels like home.

He helps me out of the shower, wrapping me in a towel and carefully dries my hair. His movements are precise and there’s nothing for me to do but let him care for me.

And then he tucks me into his head, brushing my damp hair from my face. “I’ll be right back,” he says, kissing my forehead. “I just need to blow out the candles.”

My eyes drift shut. When he finally returns, he flips off the lights before crawling into bed next to me, pulling me close and kissing the top of my head. “
Petita,
I wish I could tell you it gets better, gets easier, but it doesn’t. It always hurts.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

I don’t want to move. My body aches from my emotional breakdown last night. I never intended to tell Sebastian about my mom, but what’s been done is done. There’s no going back.

Reluctantly I force myself out of his comfortable bed, noticing my things folded neatly on a chair by the window, the bags of clothing with the price tags still attached on the floor around it. I sigh. I don’t want to leave, but the sooner I go, the sooner I can put this behind me. Sebastian was never supposed to be serious. He made that perfectly clear from the beginning. He was supposed to be a casual distraction, a sexual adventure that I’d be able to look back on fondly when I’m old and gray.

After last night, I doubt he’ll want to see me again. I crossed a line. Emotional breakdowns definitely fall into girlfriend territory. I’m thankful Sebastian had to leave early this morning. I kept my eyes closed, feigning sleep when he kissed my forehead before slipping out of bed.

“Goodbye, Danielle,” he’d whispered softly before closing the door behind him and it wasn’t until he’d left the room that I was able to breathe again.

I know it makes me a coward, but I couldn’t face him. Not with everything last night dragged up. I feel fragile, like the slightest thing might set me off again. I dress quickly, taking one last wistful glance at the bags left by his assistant. She can always return them later.

I’m not ready for this to be over. Not when I was just starting to feel comfortable with Sebastian. Yesterday was amazing. And then I had to open my big mouth and ruin it all. But I knew how this would go from the beginning. Sebastian’s the one in control. And when he decides he is done with me, that’s it. No questions. No arguments.

That’s the freedom he bought.

I pause at the bedroom door. I can hear water running in the other room and I take a deep breath. I know it has to be Sebastian’s housekeeper, but I was really hoping to slip out unnoticed.

Standing at the kitchen sink is an older woman. She turns when she hears me come in, smiling kindly. “You must be Danielle,” she says, drying her hands on a rag. “Mr. Casal said you might want breakfast.”

“No,” I say shaking my head, “I really need to get going.”

“It’s no trouble,” she says kindly, but the last thing I want is to spend another minute in Sebastian’s apartment. Not when I’m fairly certain this is the last time I’ll ever be here. I’d just hoped to have a few minutes alone, to say goodbye. To memorize every last detail.

“Of course. Mr. Casal left something for you.” She motions to the counter before turning back to the dishes.

There on the counter is a manila envelope with my name printed on it, just like the one Sebastian’s assistant dropped off with the contracts. God, that seems like a lifetime ago. I’d like to think that after all this I deserve more than a Dear John letter but that seems very much Sebastian’s style. I swipe the envelope from the counter and head out.

Fall has officially come to New York, I realize as I step into the crisp morning and for a second, I close my eyes and breathe in that smell. The chill in the air. The dry leaves.

Fall is without a doubt my favorite season. Summers in the city are brutal but they are worth it, just for the sweet relief that fall brings.

When I open my eyes, I notice Gary leaning against the door of the town car. When he sees me, his lips turn up into the slightest of smiles.

“Ms. Sutton,” he says, holding the door opened for me.

Resigned, I slip into the back seat and ask him to take me home. Back to Brooklyn. Back to the real world. I glance at the envelope in my hand. I know what it’ll say.
Dear Danielle, it was nice knowing you but I can’t give you what you need.
A clean and easy break. Knowing Sebastian there will be a big check ensuring I walk away quietly. Severance pay, I think with a bitter smile.

I sigh, staring out the window. Better to rip the band-aid off quickly and get it over with.

There’s a letter on expensive looking stationary written in Sebastian’s neat print.

I wish I could go back to last night and have a second chance. This time around, I’d keep my mouth shut. I’d repeat the familiar lies and that’s it. I wouldn’t mention mom and then, maybe, I wouldn’t be in this car, filled with dread.

Dear Danielle,

I wish there were something I could say to ease the pain you’re feeling. I know how devastating it is to lose someone you love and how inadequate words are in the face of such loss. All I can say is you are a beautiful, strong, fiercely intelligent woman and if your mother were alive to see you, she would be so proud of the woman you’ve become. You are truly amazing. Never forget that. I’m a lucky man for knowing you.

I wish I could have stayed this morning and been there to kiss you when you woke up. But you looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you.

I’ve giving you a set of keys to the loft if you want to come back later. The large key unlocks the front door and the smaller one is for the elevator.

I know how hard it was for you to tell me about your mother, but I’m glad you did. I want to know everything about you. Not just the easy stuff. I want to know it all.

Yours, Sebastian

There are tears gathering at the corners of my eyes when I upend the envelope onto my lap. Sure enough, two keys fall out attached to a leather keychain with the letter D embossed in gold. I hold the keys in my hand, utterly speechless.

Every time I think I know how Sebastian will react, he takes me by surprise.

Even after a year of dating, Jake never gave me keys. Any time I ran out to grab something from the store, he’d make me buzz to get back in.

This is so unexpected. Unexpected and surprisingly sweet. I don’t get Sebastian, but right now, I don’t care. I’m grinning like an idiot by the time the car pulls in front of my apartment building.

“Shall I wait?” Gary asks politely, quietly closing the door behind me.

“No, I’m fine.”

He nods, reaching into the breast pocket of his jacket to pull out a business card. “Call anytime.” He nods curtly before climbing back into the car.

Upstairs I drop my things on my bed, taking special care in putting the keys Sebastian gave me in a ceramic bowl on my bedside table. There are a million things I should do right now, but I just want to hit the mat and clear my head.

I towel my hair dry and check my phone. Sebastian has texted me a number of times and I can’t help but smile when I see the last text, asking if he’ll be seeing me later.

I can’t believe how mistaken I was this morning, convinced Sebastian was done with me. If anything, he seems even more eager to see me. It’s weird. Unexpected.

And yet, oddly comforting.

I thought that in opening up to him, in showing him just how vulnerable I really am, that he’d run. Instead, he stood fast, seemingly determined to demonstrate that he isn’t going anywhere.

I don’t know if I’m ready to go back over to his apartment, though. There’s a lot of work I need to catch up on. But more than that, I can’t shake how vulnerable I still feel. Telling Sebastian about my mother may not have seemed like that big a deal to him, but it was to me.

I’m not sure.

Is there anything I can do to change your mind?