Guardian (The Guardian Trilogy) (16 page)

“Denial?”

His
eyes lock on mine.  “There is no excuse for what they said to your parents,” he
says sharply.  “No excuse for their insensitive comments or their assumptions.”

My
chest constricts with sadness and guilt.  Of course he would know about their
visit.  He shouldn’t be angry with them.  I did freak out at his funeral; I do blame
myself for his accident.  I look down and concentrate on Jake.  “They are
right, you know.”

“Right
about what?”

I glance
up at him; afraid to admit what I know is true.  My chest tightens further and
my lungs feel like they might burst.  “I think they blame me for your accident just
like I blame myself,” I whisper.  The tears I was able to hold back earlier
start to roll down my face.

“What? 
Emma that’s insane!” James sputters.

I close
my eyes to avoid his twisted expression.  I hastily wipe away the tears in case
someone else passes us on the trail.  “Well it’s true.”

“It is
not!  How could you even think that?” His voice sounds panicked and I feel him grab
my arms.  “Emma!  Look at me!”

I make myself
look up.  Pain is written across his face, and he tries to wipe away my tears
but can’t.  He groans in frustration.  “The accident was my fault and my fault
alone.”

“You
wouldn’t have fallen asleep if I’d gone with you.”  My voice breaks.  “You
asked me to go with you.”

He
wraps his arms around me.  “You can’t think that.  I won’t let you.”

I don’t
know how long we stand together, his arms wrapped around me while tears pour
down my face.  Jake wraps his leash around my feet while I imitate stone. 
Everything I’ve felt over the last month overwhelms me.  The sadness of losing
James, the immense blame I’ve placed on myself, dealing with Shel and work, the
joy of his return.  Figuring out where we go from here.  It’s a long list of
conflicting emotions.  “I’m sorry,” I apologize through my tears.

“Do not
be sorry,” James demands.  “I won’t allow it.  If anyone is sorry it’s me,” he
releases my body to look into my eyes.  “It’s me.”

I wipe
my face and try to compose myself.  I take a shaky breath and untangle my feet
from Jake’s leash.  “We should keep going.  Mike and Kate are going to think I
abducted Jake.”

James
gives me a heartbreaking look.  “Please don’t blame yourself anymore,” he
pleads.

I
inhale another shaky breath and nod.  I’m not making any promises.

James
grasps my hand as we walk along the trail in silence.  We circle the park and
finish the trail, ending where I began.  I feel the coolness around my hand
intensify; he’s squeezing my hand.  I look up at him, and he gives me a small
smile.  “Do you want me to stay?”

I try
to squeeze his hand back and end up digging my nails into my palm.  “Without
question.”

Jake
trots happily ahead of us as we cross the street and head up my driveway.  I catch
a glimpse of Shel’s car, and see her talking with my family.  As we get closer,
I notice she has something in her hands and the trunk is open.  I catch their
attention and Shel turns toward me.  She’s holding her suitcase and she looks
upset.

She’s
leaving.

I pick
up the pace.  “What’s going on?” I call out to her.

Shel
sets her suitcase down and bends over to pet Jake, who makes it to her before I
do.  “Hi Jakey,” she says as she gives him a good scratch behind his ears.  She
looks up at me and sighs.  “It’s my uncle.”

“Your
uncle?”

“My
mom’s oldest brother,” she says as she stands up.  “He lives in Arizona; we got
the call at the picnic.  He’s sick and not doing well at all.”

“Oh
no.”

“Yeah,
like they are calling in Hospice not-doing-well,” she says with a frown.  “My
mom needs to head to Scottsdale to take care of some things, and she doesn’t
want to go alone.  Guess who was nominated to go with her?”

“Shel
to the rescue again, huh?”

“Bingo.”

“Aw,
I’m so sorry,” I tell her.

“I’m
sorry I have to leave.  Trust me, I’d much rather stay here.”

“Your
mom needs you,” my mother says, concerned.  She takes Jake’s leash from me and
then turns to give Shel a hug.  “Thank you for staying with us,” she says
sincerely.  “You let your mother know if she needs anything to give us a call.”

“I
will,” Shel smiles at my mom.

“Take
care Shel,” my dad says warmly and pats her shoulder.  “Safe travels.”  He
walks with my mom over to Mike and Kate with Jake.  Jake’s excited to see his
parents.

I steal
a glance at James, who is still standing by my side.  He gives me a small encouraging
smile as Shel picks up her suitcase and tosses it in the trunk.

“When
are you leaving?” I ask her.

“Tomorrow. 
My mom is looking at flights now,” she sighs.  “I mean it, Em, I hate leaving
you like this.  I’ve only been here two weeks.”

“It’s
okay,” I reassure her.  “I’ll be fine.” 
Because James is here
, my mind
says.  “You worked your ‘whip-Em-back-into-shape’ magic pretty quickly,” I
tease.  “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

“Hard
to say,” she shrugs and closes the trunk.  “I guess you never know with these
things.  I’ll keep in touch though, keep you updated.”

“Sounds
good.  Are you sure you got everything?”

“Pretty
sure,” she gives me a weak smile.  “I left a message for Kris at the course. 
When you see her will you tell her I’m sorry for quitting?”

“No
problem.  It’s not going to be the same without you.”  I give her a hug, and
she hugs me back tightly.

When we
part she holds me at arm’s length and looks me in the eye.  “Are you sure
you’re going to be okay?”

“I’m
positive.  You can call me every day if you want to.”

“Don’t
put it past me,” she threatens.

I
follow her as she walks to the car door and opens it.  “Have a safe trip.  Call
me when you get there.”

Shel
climbs into the car.  “Will do,” she smiles up at me.

As
I close her door, she waves.  I take a step back as she starts the engine and wave
slowly in return as I watch her head down the driveway, turn left, and then disappear.

Shel
arrived safely in Arizona the following evening.  She immediately called to let
me know how hot it was, how awkward it was, and how bored she would be.  I
reassured her that she could call me at any time to relieve her boredom or to
vent her frustration.  Shel and her mother have never been what you would call
close, and she was never particularly close to her ailing uncle either.  That
she was put in this situation at all was odd at best.

“Hang
in there.  This is your go-to-Heaven deed,” I encouraged her, smiling as James
ran his cool fingers up and down my arm as I spoke into the phone.  I wish I
could tell her that Heaven was indeed real – and my piece of it was sitting
right here next to me.

I
filled my days with work and James.  Kris wasn’t too impressed about Shel’s
abrupt departure from Bay Woods, especially since business was picking up with
the string of nice weather we were having.  Katie and I started to pick up some
additional hours, which meant overtime for me, until Kris could hire someone
new.  I didn’t mind; the time passed quickly and busy days meant I would see
James that much sooner each night.

It was
easier for James to visit me at night, easier for me to be able to talk with
him without my parents hearing and becoming suspicious.  We developed a
routine.  I’d race home from work, James would appear in my room, and I’d instantly
fold myself into him.  We’d spend the night talking for hours.  Before I knew it,
a week had passed since Shel left.  I’d only spoken to her once, apart from the
short text here and there; I was so wrapped up in James and in work.

Shel’s
irritation with me was apparent when I checked my voice mail this afternoon.

“Hey
Emma, it’s me.  I’m at the hospital waiting for mom to finish up with Uncle
Tom’s appointment.  Call me.”

“Me
again.  I’m still waiting; it’s been a half hour.  Call me; I’m bored.”

“ Ooookay,
we’re back at the house now.  Call me.  Bye.”

“Emma? 
Where are you?  You could have at least texted me by now.  Is something wrong?
Call me as soon as you get this.  I mean it!”

“Seriously?!”

“EMMA
LYNN DONOHUE.  Don’t make me call your mother!”

That
last message was left around 3:30.  It’s after 5.  I quickly dial Shel.  Pick
up, pick up, pick up, I silently chant.  Unfortunately, I get her voice mail.

“Hi
Shel, it’s me!  I’m sorry, I didn’t hear my phone.  I’ve been at work, really
busy.  Call me when you can!  I’ll have my phone glued to my hip, I promise! 
Hope the hospital wasn’t too bad.  How’s your uncle doing?  Call me soon. ‘Kay,
‘Bye!”

My
message comes out in a rush and I hang up.  I pray she didn’t call my house,
although I know my mother should have nothing negative to say.  My parents
appear happy that I’m happy.  They haven’t questioned my erratic schedule or
evenings in seclusion…yet.

I sigh
and switch my phone to vibrate, shoving my phone into my pants pocket.  There’s
no way I’m missing her return call.

I look
up to see Kris and, to my surprise, Dane standing in front of me at the
concession counter.  I haven’t run into him in over a week, since the pond
incident.  I smile at them.  “Hey, guys.”

“We
have a temporary solution to our staffing problem,” Kris says, obviously
relieved.  She places her hand on Dane’s shoulder.  “Dane here has agreed to
fill in until I can find a suitable applicant.”

Dane
grins at me as he leans casually against the counter.  I force my smile to
remain in place.  Dane working here?  James is going to freak!

“That’s
great,” I say slowly through my forced expression.  I glance at Dane and he
looks amused by my hesitation.

“Good. 
I’m going to have you start training him tomorrow morning,” Kris says,
producing a clipboard and jotting some notes.

Me? 
“Oh, ah, he needs training?”

Kris
nods.  “I figure you two already know each other and you’ve been here the
longest of my new hires,” she explains.  She finishes writing, looks up, and
smiles.  “See you two tomorrow morning around nine,” she says and walks away.

I stare
after her stupidly.  How can I get out of this?  Excuse me, Kris?  This isn’t
going to work.  Not that I have a problem with Dane per se, but, um, my dead
boyfriend does.

“So,”
Dane smiles from across the counter.  “Tomorrow at nine then?”

I
rearrange my face to look less apprehensive.  “I guess so.  If you don’t mind
my asking, why would you need training?  Your dad owns the course, right?”

He
shrugs.  “I’ve never worked here though.”

“Why
not?”

“It
never interested me before.”

Dane
flashes his cocky grin, and I try to keep the shocked expression off my face.  There’s
no doubt in my mind that he uses that perfect smile as a weapon and I refuse to
be flustered.  “Oh, well, that explains it.”  I start to busy myself by
needlessly checking the condiments.  I know they’re full; I just filled them
less than ten minutes ago.

Dane glances
at the time.  “Gotta go,” he says, backing away.  “See you in the morning,” he
waves good-naturedly as he leaves.

I give
him a small nod.  When he’s gone I let out a sigh of defeat.  “I’m sorry,” I
whisper to the air, to James, in case he’s listening.

“It’s
not your fault,” I hear him in my ear.

I smile
in relief.

“But
that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.”

I shoot
an irritated look to no one.

At the
end of my shift, I make quick work of my close-out, happy to be on my way home
to James.  When I get to my car, I notice something is off, but can’t place it
right away.  Confused, I walk around the vehicle.  My mood instantly bottoms
out when I realize I have a flat tire.

“That’s
just great!” I exclaim and kick the rubber.  I reach into my pocket to call
home to ask if my dad can come help me.  I have no idea how to change a tire.

“Something
the matter?”

I look
up to see Matt walking from the direction of the club house.  What is this? 
Reunion day?

“My
tire is flat,” I complain.  “I’m calling home to see if my dad can come help.”

“No
worries,” Matt says, approaching me.  “I can change it for you.”

“Really?”

Matt
nods and smiles.  “Really.  It’s one of those things they teach you in Man School.”

I laugh
and raise my eyebrows.  “Man School?”

“Open
the trunk,” he instructs me.

Matt
makes quick work of finding and releasing my spare.  He locates the lug wrench
and jack, and goes to work on removing my flat.

“Wow,”
I watch him, impressed.  “Even if I did know how to do this, I don’t think I
could.  I don’t have the strength.”

He
remains fixated on his task.  “Oh, I don’t know,” he places the spare tire on
the car and starts to tighten the first lug nut.  “You seem pretty strong to
me.”

Huh?

He
tightens up the three remaining nuts and wipes his forehead with his arm. 
“That should hold you until you get home,” he says as he turns to stand.  “You
should probably take it slow though.  Nothing over 30,” he advises.

“Got
it.”

Matt
bends down, grabs my flat tire, and steps around the bumper to lift it into the
trunk.  “Oh, here’s your problem,” he says.

I peer
around him.  “What?”

“Your
tire is split here.”  He points to a horizontal slice in the wall of the tire
about an inch and a half long.  “That’s weird.  I wonder how that happened. 
Brush up against any curbs or anything?”

“No,
not that I’m aware of.  Why?”

Matt
shrugs.  “It’s just an odd place for a leak.  Usually it’s a leaky valve or a
nail in the tread.”

I can’t
help but tease him.  “Listen to you, Mechanic Matt.  And I thought you just
filled in at the veterinary clinic.”

He
gives me a sarcastic look.  “You know, I can put the flat tire back on the car
too.”

“No,
no,” I protest.  “I like the spare.”

“That’s
what I thought,” he smirks and places the tire in my trunk.  “At the risk of
sounding too mechanic-y,” he turns to me, “your leak can’t be patched.  You’ll
have to buy a new tire.”  He slams the trunk closed.

“Figures,”
I frown.  “Oh well, I’m working for a reason, right?”

“Guess
so,” he smiles as he wipes his hands on his khakis.  His hand leaves a big
grease smear by the pocket.

“Awww!”

“What?”

“Now
you’ve ruined your pants because of me,” I step forward to point out the stain.

Matt
looks down at the grease, then back at me.  “That does it.  Now you owe me
pants,” he says with mock disdain.

“I’m
really sorry.”

“Here,”
he undoes the button on his shorts and then goes for the zipper.  “The least
you can do is wash them for me.”

“Oh
good God, what are you doing?” I blurt out and cover my face, dropping my car
keys in the process.

Matt
bursts out laughing.  After a moment I hear the clink of metal as he picks up
my keys.  “You can uncover your face now,” he chuckles.

I peer
between my fingers.  He’s standing in front of me, holding out my keys.  I drop
my hands and grab them quickly.  “That wasn’t funny,” I tell him.  I try not to
smile, but I fail.  It was funny.  It reminds me of something James would do.

“Well, now
that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed you,” Matt smiles, “I guess I’ll see you
around.”

“’Bye,”
I say and head to my car door.  I stop, realizing something, and turn back
around.  “Matt?”

“Yeah?” 
He’s about ten steps away from me.