Haeven (17 page)

“
Contemptible.”

“
Yes, and loathsome and
unworthy.”

I shook my head, “Please Herrik,”
I looked into his eyes, “You shouldn’t be telling me
this.”

“
Oh, but I must! You’ve been
afraid of me, of us, since the moment you first set foot here. I
want you to understand who I am, who we are and what we’re trying
to be.”

He was so earnest and determined I
just couldn’t refuse to hear whatever it was he had to say. I
nodded and Herrik resumed speaking.

“
As my wife got further and
further along in her pregnancy her emotions spun wildly out of
control. I began avoiding her. I started coming home late; often
after a long, lonely night of drinking. She slung masses of abuse
at me; verbal and…and otherwise. She hated me but I was determined
to be there…be there for my son; to be a father.”

“
Then one night, it was somewhere
new, somewhere I…I hadn’t been before because I had dried up my
welcome just about everywhere else. She…she approached me…a
woman…unlike any other I had ever, ever dreamed of. Well, the
drinks flowed and the laughter followed and when she offered to
take me home…I said…”

“
No.”

“
I said no, no thank you…I have a
wife…I’m married…I have a son on the way. “I know,” she said and I
knew she knew…everything…my life…the life I was living…the life I
so desperately wanted to give up and no longer wanted to be a part
of. “It’s just one night,” she cooed, “one night of pleasure for
the hundreds of miserable ones you’ve endured. Come with me,” she
said “and I promise you tomorrow when you wake you will be 10 times
the man you ever wanted to be.”

Herrik eyes were swimming with
unshed tears.

“
I wasn’t myself and she…she was
so…”

“
Persuasive.”

“
Yes.”

Herrik released my hand; unwilling
for the moment to tell me more.

I wanted to comfort him, to tell
him I understood and I did as well as I could from my youthful
perspective. Several quiet minutes passed. He was looking straight
ahead. I studied his profile utterly confused and unable to think
of a single thing to say or do.

“
I died that night, Emily,” his
words were barely audible, I wasn’t even sure if they were spoken
or were just softly echoing in my mind. “And I have been dead ever
since.”

“
You don’t really believe that do
you?” I asked. “If you did you wouldn’t be here right now. None of
this would be here,” I affirmed.

“
Only because of Artur. If he
hadn’t found me. If it had been anyone else.”

“
You love him.”

“
Like a father. He has been like a
father to me.”

“
He helped you. He taught you how
to…how to…”

Herrik took a deep breath, “How to
live within certain boundaries. To take only what I needed and how
to manipulate people’s thoughts so they would never know, never
remember what had happened. He was nearly too late, though. After
she changed me and I became what I am…10 times the man she said…but
I wasn’t a man any more…I was a…a monster. I was insatiable from
the very moment I woke and realized what she had done, what I had
become. I was a…a killer…a powerful, remorseless demon.”

“
I couldn’t go home…I was no
longer a husband, I couldn’t be a father…I wasn’t even…even human!”
he choked the statement out. “I didn’t know what to do or where to
go…I just kept killing and killing and pushing it all
away.”

I started to cry; Herrik’s voice
was so raw and wrought with emotion, so full of sorrow and
regret.

“
I was…messy, careless. Maybe I
wanted to get caught, I don’t know…maybe I wanted to find a way out
but just didn’t have the courage to do it myself.”

“
And that was how Artur found
you?” I sniffled.

“
Yes,” Herrik nodded and glanced
up suddenly realizing what he was putting me through. “I’m sorry,”
he stood up.

“
No…no…Herrik. It’s OK. I
understand now. I know why you needed to tell me and I want to
hear….I want to…to…help you. You said yourself…helping someone in
trouble…it’s always, always the right thing to do…let me help you,”
I tugged him back to his seat.

“
I said that?” he sighed and
nodded, “I said that.”

“
Yes, you did.”

Herrik took another deep breath
and blew it all out. “He read the headlines, Artur knew the signs,
understood that there was a reckless brute of a vampire aimlessly
wandering from town to town with a total disregard for the lives he
was taking. He tracked me down and coaxed me into believing that I
needed to make the most of whatever was left of my
humanity.”

“
Coaxed?”

“
Artur can be very…”

“
Influential.”

Herrik smiled a warm, happy smile.
“Yes.”

I knew Herrik was being generous
and I knew that influence was not at all the way Artur encouraged
him to change.

“
I deserved it.
After all I had done, Artur’s
lessons
were mild by comparison. I
resisted, oh, how I resisted. Until…until…”

“
Artur brought you
home.”

“
Yes, and I saw my wife and my son
and what had become of them. My life wasn’t the only one I had
ruined. Theirs and the countless others who happened across my
path. I could see it all; the wake of destruction I had left behind
in all the lives I had touched.”

““
It doesn’t have to be this
way,”” Artur said to me and for the first time since we met I
listened to him; really listened to him and all he had to say. We
came up with a plan…a plan of repentance for me; a way to try and
make up for all that I had done. We started with my wife and son.
Artur set up a trust for them, posed as an insurance carrier and
told my wife that I was dead. He delivered her a policy that would
provide her with a substantial monthly income; more than enough for
a very comfortable life for her and for Daemon.”

Herrik continued to speak for
several minutes telling me of all the amends he went on to make not
only to his wife but many of his other victims. Discrete,
untraceable amends.

“
I could never do enough,” he
shook his head, “No matter how many lifetimes I end up living, I
knew I would never be able to do enough.”

“
And so you convinced Artur…that
there were others…others like you who wanted to change and right
their wrongs and that together you and he could help
them.”

“
Yes,” Herrik smiled
proudly.

“
And this…this is what it grew
into?”

“
Yes.”

“
A haven.”

“
I never thought of it that way,
but yes, a haven.”

There was a dull ache in my
temples as I considered all that he had said. My mind was swimming
with ideas; Herrik’s and mine. I still had a lot of unanswered
questions but couldn’t find a way to ask any of them.

“
It’s a lot.”

“
A lot,” I agreed.

“
I’ve never told anyone else. You…
you and Artur. You’re the only ones who know.”

“And Daemon.”

“Yes, of course, and Daemon.”

“How…” I started to ask but I never got to
finish my question.

Herrik’s buzzer rang, “I have to get that,”
he said. “It’s Artur.”

“I understand. May I…”

“Help yourself,” I was terribly hungry again
and he knew what I was going to ask, “I’ll meet you there in a
minute.”

I thought Herrik was planning on bringing
Artur to the kitchen with him after he answered the door. He said
he would meet me there in a minute but it seemed to be taking much
longer than that. I sat on one of the stools and ate the makeshift
lunch I had prepared for myself and when I was nearly halfway
through I thought I could hear their voices coming from the living
room.

I hadn't seen anyone other than Herrik for
however long I had been staying in his apartment and I thought it
would be nice to say hello to Artur. With that in mind I pushed my
plate back and slipped down from the stool. Their voices grew
louder as I neared and I could tell they were both quite agitated
and angry with one another. I lost my happy expression and though I
knew it was wrong crept closer and tried listening in on their
conversation.

I didn't hear much, though, I was too
overcome by the idea that they were fighting and stood in the
hallway silently watching them until Artur finally realized that I
was there. His hands which had been flailing about expressively
fell to his sides and his face lost the fierce expression it was
wearing.

"Emily," his voice was full of surprise, "I
thought you were resting."

Herrik looked just as surprised by the fact
that I was standing there as Artur was. Not only that but he looked
as though I was the last thing he wanted to see, or wanted Artur to
see just then.

I pointed down the hallway, "No, I was just
having a bite to eat..." Herrik was looking at me imploringly and I
felt like I had done something terribly wrong but couldn't possibly
imagine what it was.

"How are you feeling? You look...you look..."
Artur turned his gaze towards Herrik and his voice took on an
accusatory tone, "remarkable well," he turned back towards me.

Herrik's eyes seemed to be pleading with me
not to venture any more information than I absolutely had to,
"I'm...I'm...better," I said hopeful that it would satisfy them
both.

"Hmm," Artur mumbled, "that's good...I'm glad
you are up and around. I'll be sure to let Penny know. She's been
very worried about you and anxious to know when you will be going
home."

"Soon," Herrik hastily spoke up.

He was still looking at me. For a long moment
none of us said anything. It was very uncomfortable, the three of
us there. Everyone seemed to have a lot on their minds but very
little to say. I decided it would be best for me to leave so that
they could finish their conversation and hopefully resolve whatever
differences they were having.

"I guess I'll get back to my lunch. It was
good to see you," I ventured to Artur and pivoted anxious to make
my escape.

When I was halfway down the hallway I heard
their conversation resume. I was worried about Herrik and why he
seemed so reluctant to have Artur see me so I tried listening again
and heard much more than I would have wanted.

"Good Lord Herrik! What have you done?" I
heard Artur exclaim.

"I had no choice," Herrik said
defensively.

"There is always a choice! First Penny and
now this! Are you deliberately trying to undo all that we have
done?"

"It wasn't much. Just enough to..."

"Just enough! And how did you determine
this 
just enough
? Hmm? What were you thinking, Herrik?
Don't you...don't you realize what you've become and how dangerous
it is for you to..." Artur paused unable or unwilling to finish the
thought. "How many have you pledged? Dozens? More? Do you have any
idea how much it's changed you; how powerful you've become? Just
enough! A drop is too much never mind 
just enough
! Did
you ever stop to consider what it might have done to her?"

"I had no choice," Herrik restated his only
argument.

"Damn it! Why didn't you send her home the
day I told you I couldn't find the locket?! Letting her die would
have been a better choice than what you could have done to
her!"

I gasped loudly and covered my mouth hoping
neither had heard me. I started to run away but before I got more
than a step or two Herrik seized my hand.

"He didn't mean it! He didn't mean it! He
would have done the same! He wouldn't have let you..."

"No, no..." I suddenly knew what had happened
and sobbed at the awareness, "It was him!  He was the one
looking for me!"

"Not you, Emily," Herrik threw his arms
around me and drew me close tucking my head under his chin.
 "He was trying to find Daemon's charm.  No one can know
about us, Emily.  It's too dangerous for it to be lost.
 If it fell into the wrong hands..."

"How could you?!" I cried out. "You knew! You
knew I wasn’t in any danger and you kept me here! Why would you do
this to me? After Daemon..." I hiccupped, "and all that you've put
me through!”

Herrik tried to answer but couldn't find any
words to justify his actions. Artur came to his aid though. He
slowly approached us and laid his hand on my back. "That is
precisely why he did it..." he sighed, "isn't it? He couldn't let
you go without a chance to make it up to you. And Herrik is right,
I would have done the same. None of us would have let you die. What
I said, I said out of anger and for no other reason. I'm sorry."
Then, "Here, come, let me see."

Herrik released me but took my hand in his as
he turned me so I could face Artur, "Go ahead," he nodded when I
looked up questioningly.

I took a step towards Artur and he laid his
palm against my forehead. "That's not quite what I
expected...hmm...She knows. I see. Well, there's no help for it,
now is there? You realize what this means for you...for you
both?"

Herrik nodded but I was thoroughly confused
as I glanced from Herrik back to Artur.

"Can you..."

Instinctively I knew what he was going to ask
and used Herrik's trick to hide my thoughts.