Having Hope (The Blow Hole Boys Book 4) (18 page)

“Chet, we shouldn’t.”

Her words were weak and died away slowly when I slipped a finger into her wetness. She was always so wet and ready for me … always so willing to let me please her. That was exactly what I’d do. Except this time, it would be all for her. Don’t get me wrong, tasting her was pleasurable for me, too, but there would be no fucking. Not tonight.

I moved her to the bed and began sucking her other nipple as I laid her back. Once she was flat, I took advantage … moving lower and tasting every square inch of her. She squirmed beneath me, whispering things I couldn’t understand as I slowly and leisurely licked, sucked, and kissed her beautiful body.

Once I reached her navel, her fingers were lost in my hair once more. She tugged, making my scalp sting and pushing me to please her even more.

Her thighs fell open for me, her swollen clit peeking from her wet folds and begging to be tasted. I tongued her slit, collecting her sweetness on my tongue and tasting everything that she was. Her legs fell open even wider, showing me how ready she was for me go to down on her.

My tongue twirled around her clit before I sucked at it, feeling it throb between my lips.

“Oh, my God,” she whispered. “No, Chet, we can’t.”

I’d already started. There would be no stopping … at least, not until she was coming in my mouth and screaming her release.

She was saying no, but her hand on the back of my head was pressing my mouth to her. I bit the inside of her thigh and chuckled.

“Your mouth says no, but your body says yes,” I said.

Blowing softly on her wet flesh, I smiled when chills broke out across her skin.

“We shouldn’t. It’s … it’s wrong,” she stuttered.

Grinning, I pressed a hot kiss against her throbbing pebble, and she sucked in a breath. “I know, baby, but doesn’t it feel so fucking good?”

She moaned when I licked her again instead of answering my question.

“Answer me, Blackbird. Tell me how good it feels when I eat your pussy.”

Her fingers tightened in my hair, pressing my face into her.

“So good,” she mumbled. “Don’t fucking stop.”

So I didn’t.

I licked, sucked, and tasted her until she exploded around my tongue and I was able to taste the fresh sweetness of her climax.

*****

I woke after a night full of hard, loud sex. Blackbird was my match in the bed, scratching at my skin and taking everything I could give without pulling away. She liked to be choked. She loved to ride my cock, and when it came to talking dirty, she was getting better and better every time we fucked.

She was warm and soft against my side, and her sleeping breaths whispered over my chest, sending a fresh wave of blood straight to my cock. Her leg was lying across my dick, and it pressed into the side of her bent knee as it hardened.

It was different with Hope. I didn’t hate waking up with her, and I especially didn’t hate the way she felt snuggled against my side as she slept. A dim light filled the room from the rising sun outside the curtains, and I was able to see her face when I looked down at her.

She was so beautiful, even when she slept. Her face was soft in sleep; her lips parted slightly letting her sleeping breaths rush in and out. Her dark lashes rested against her ivory skin, prompting me to reach out and touch her cheek.

And it was at that moment, as I caressed her cheek and smiled softly down at her, that it hit me.

I’d fallen for Hope.

Hard.

My body stiffened, my heart skipping a beat before slamming into my ribs in panic.

How did I let it happen?

I didn't know when it happened. It could have been five years ago when I became obsessed with Blackbird, for all I knew, but I was in love with Hope.

My chest tightened with my newfound knowledge, and my lungs squeezed, pushing the breath from my body and making it nearly impossible to inhale.

This couldn’t happen.

I’d just found out the day before that I only had months to live.

How cruel was it that I’d finally fall in love with a woman only months before Death was set to take me?

I hadn’t even noticed the crushing headache until then. I’d woken in total bliss in Hope’s arms, not even realizing that my head was splitting in two. My eyes blurred with the pain, and I moved, sliding from her grasp and hoping I didn’t wake her.

I wasn’t ready to talk. I wasn’t ready to do anything but get my meds and take away the pain and hopefully the tightness in my chest, but the more I moved, the more she slowly began to wake.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice rough with sleep.

“I need to get going. I’m supposed to meet up with the guys for breakfast.”

It wasn’t a lie.

“Food,” she growled against my chest before placing a soft kiss against my skin.

My heart sunk into my stomach, making me feel nauseated. The way she was treating me—the softness in her touch—was all too much. I needed to break this shit up. I needed to let her know fast that last night was the last time. There would never be anything more between us.

Just friends.

“Let me get a shower and I’ll go with you. I’m starving.”

She climbed from the bed, her naked backside glowing in the dim sunlight spilling into the room.

I didn’t want to hurt her … I really didn’t, but something told me she wouldn’t care either way. She didn’t care about me that way, even if her actions suggested she did. Hope was as hardcore as I was, and even though I’d accidentally developed feelings for her, I didn’t think she’d be stupid enough to let that happen to her.

She was more intelligent … more likely to protect herself against something as dangerous as a broken heart, but still, I had to cut this shit. I was a dying man. I had nothing to offer her, even if I wish I did … even if I wanted more with her.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said, hating myself for the shiver in my voice.

She stopped and turned to face me. Her body glowed in the morning light. Her nipples were hard from the cool air outside the blankets, her waist slim, and her thighs round with perfection. She was everything I could ever want, and everything I could never keep.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” I climbed from her bed and started to get dressed. “I think maybe we should go ahead and squash whatever this is.”

I wasn’t sure, but I think I heard her gasp at my words. I wasn’t looking at her … I couldn’t. I was a coward, which meant I kept my head down as I pulled my shirt on.

“Whatever this is? What exactly is this?” she asked.

I could tell by the chill in her voice that she was getting angry. This wasn’t going to end well.

“I mean we’re just two friends getting off, right?”

She looked away and pinched the bridge of her nose before she nodded. “Yeah, I guess that’s exactly what this is.”

Good.

We were on the same page.

“Yeah, well, I think we should stop. It’s been fun and all, but I think we’ve had enough. We should go back to being just friends. Don’t you think?”

She didn’t answer. Instead, she nodded, went to her suitcase to get some clothes, and started toward the bathroom for a shower. Her ass shook as she walked, and I had to force myself to stay put.

“Shut the door on your way out,” she called out, her voice echoing as she entered the bathroom.

And then she shut the bathroom door, shutting me out before I heard the shower turn on.

I’d gotten exactly what I wanted. She’d made it easy to walk away by basically walking away from me, as well. I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. Instead, I felt a strange pain in my chest that I’d never felt before, and I left her room feeling like I’d just broken something priceless.

The tears fell the minute the shower came on, and I pressed my palm over my mouth to quiet my broken cries. The room echoed with the sounds of the shower, but still, I was able to hear the sound of the hotel room door opening and closing when Chet left.

We’d spent the night together—touching and kissing—pushing each other over the edge so many times, I had lost count. He’d held me. He’d kissed me. He’d whispered sweet words in my ear as he entered me over and over again, sending my mind spiraling out of control with my emotions and feelings for him. I could still hear his words.

You’re so amazing, Hope.

I can’t get enough of you. I’ll never get enough of you.

This is all I want. This is all I’ll ever want.

Make it go away. Just make it all go away.

It was all said in the heat of the moment, but I’d fallen in love with him all over again. Giving myself to him mind, body, and heart without fear since I was pretty sure by the look in his eyes that he was feeling the same things.

He wasn’t.

He’d made that clear when he climbed from my bed, dressed in a hurry, and suggested we just be friends.

How could I have been so stupid?

I was smarter when I was younger.

At least then, I’d walked away before he could break me. This time, I stayed for the storm, and the winds of his words had destroyed me, ripping me apart and scattering the debris of me all over.

I stood under the hot water until I was positive I was done crying. The last thing I needed was to meet the girls for breakfast with swollen, red eyes. They’d ask questions, and as weak as I felt, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hide my hurt anymore.

I dressed for the day without looking at the bed. I didn’t want to think about all the things that we had done the night before. I didn’t want to think about the way he’d held me or the things he’d said in the heat of passion.

None of it mattered.

It was all lies.

Chet’s specialty.

And I was dumb enough to fall for it this time.

I met the girls in the lobby, and we ate breakfast in the hotel restaurant to avoid going out in the Florida heat. Constance poked at her food, her face turning green as her morning sickness reared its ugly head.

She had yet to spill the beans, but I knew it wasn’t going to be long before everyone knew. Even if she hadn’t already told me, I would have known. It was more than obvious to me, but then again, I knew what the symptoms were. I knew what she was feeling.

After breakfast, we hit the town and did some sightseeing. I was there, but I wasn’t.

“Earth to Hope.” Lena snapped her fingers in my face. “I asked you if you liked this.”

She held up a shirt with a palm tree on the front.

I nodded. “It’s cute.”

I tried, but I wasn’t really feeling it. I couldn’t really focus enough to enjoy myself since all I could think about was Chet and his final words. Every time I thought about him, a fresh wave of hurt would move through me, and my eyes would water.

Thank God for dark sunglasses.

Constance was with Tiny and the guys, but I’d suggested the rest of us doing something different so I didn’t have to see Chet. I’d even suggested something girly like going to a salon, which I hated.

Once we got back to the hotel and collected ourselves after a long day in the Florida heat, we went to the venue to play our show.

Days passed, and I kept myself away from the boys … away from Chet. Soon, we were playing our final show in Orlando before moving on to Atlanta, Georgia. The closer we got to South Carolina, the more the memories of the past and the worst day of my life bombarded me.

A few more stops in a few different cities and I’d be home again.

I wasn’t looking forward to our Charleston, South Carolina show, but at the same time, I was excited to be in familiar territory again. A few of my old friends were coming to the show, but I silently hoped that my parents didn’t show. I’d run to California to get away from not only the memories but also to get away from them. I didn’t even want to see their faces.

We played hard, making the crowd go wild, and sweat trickled over my skin as I beat the drums with all that I was. I took out my anger on my drums—my hurt—my everything. I’d always done that, which was the biggest reason I loved playing so much.

Chet wasn’t on the side stage, but Tiny was, and I could tell by his love-struck, happy expression that Constance had finally told him that she was pregnant. They were perfect together, and they were going to be amazing parents. Being around babies wasn’t easy for me, but I knew once their baby came, I’d spoil him or her rotten.

After the show, we had just enough time to get to the hotel, take a shower, get packed, and get back on the buses to pull out for Georgia. Once we settled on the bus and were headed north, I felt a tiny bit of relief flow through me.

At least when I was on the bus, I didn’t have to worry about running into Chet. My heart was breaking, and I knew seeing his face again would only hurt more. I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready for that. 

*****

Atlanta was a busy place, and the girls were dressed and ready to hit the clubs almost as soon as we parked and settled in our hotel. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to leave the bus until it was time to go on the stage. Still, I got dressed and let Lena curl my hair and apply my makeup.

The club we went to was called Sways. Purple velvet covered the VIP section and an expensive chandelier hung in the center. Once we settled in VIP with our drinks, I sat in the corner and silently prayed the boys would choose another place to go for the night. I knew now that Constance had spilled the beans about the baby to Tiny, they would be staying in, but that didn’t mean Finn, Zeke, and Chet would.

I didn’t want to see him, so when he and boys showed up, I instantly wanted to leave. I turned toward Mia and nudged her with my arm.

“I’m ready to head out. Are you girls planning to stay?”

She moved closer. “Just stay a little longer. We’ll leave together in a bit.”

I nodded, even though staying was the last thing I wanted to do.

Thankfully, Chet sat across the VIP from me, and even though I was relieved that he didn’t look my way, I was still upset that he wasn’t looking at me. I was a fucked-up mess. I wanted his attention, but I was thankful he wasn’t giving it to me.

I sipped my drink, fiddling with the frayed ends of my denim skirt just to have something to keep my eyes on. The girls left me a few times to dance, and Finn slid my way and struck up a conversation.

“Thanks again for playing for us when Chet bailed,” he said over the loud music.

I smiled. “You’re welcome. It was fun playing with you guys.”

“Well, we appreciate it. Plus you kicked ass.” He winked.

“Thanks.”

Hearing praise from Finn would never get old. He knew music, and he knew great music when he heard it. He’d even called our next hit when he heard it the first time. A month later, that same song climbed all the way to number one.

Once he turned away and began to talk to Zeke, I stood and made a run for the bathroom. The air in the club was too thick; the sweet smells of perfume and alcohol making me feel a bit sick to my stomach.

I exited the VIP section, feeling relief the farther I got away from Chet, but just as I was about to step into the bathroom, a hand on my arm stopped me.

I pulled my arm away, ready to turn toward who I thought was Chet, but standing beside me and wearing a panty-melting smile was Reed from Savage Will. They had been on the Rock Across America tour with us, and we had spent the night flirting a few times, but nothing more ever came of it. I hadn’t been in the right mindset to be with another man then.

Things were different now, though. I was freshly heartbroken, and I was ready and willing to do whatever it took to get over Chet once and for all.

“Hey, stranger,” I said with a smile.

Reed was taller than most guys were, and he knew he was good looking. You could see it in his smug grin and the way he carried himself. He ran his fingers through this thick, dark hair, and his blue eyes settled on me.

“Hey, yourself.” He smirked. “I was hoping I’d run into you when I found out you girls were touring with Blow Hole.”

“You were, huh?”

He nodded, slowly moving me into a dark corner. “Yeah.”

“And why’s that?”

I was flirting, and it was fun. The heartbreak didn’t burn so much when I was using my energy to be attracted to another man. Maybe I was forcing myself a bit. Maybe I was pushing myself.

My mom had once told me if I wanted to get over one man, I needed to get under another. Sure, my mother was a fucking wreck, but at this point, I was willing to do whatever it took to take the pain away.

“You look sexy tonight.” He avoided the question and moved in for the kill.

“Just tonight?” I teased.

“Hell, no. You look sexy all the time.” He leaned in close so I could hear him over the loud music. “But tonight, instead of jeans, you’re wearing a short skirt, and I’m getting hard just imagining that you don’t have on any panties on under there.”

His finger skimmed my bare shoulder before he bravely leaned over and pressed a kiss against the side of my neck.

I closed my eyes, hoping to feel anything even remotely close to desire, but instead, a wave of nausea moved over me, and I almost gagged.

What was wrong with me?

Reed was sexy and flirty. Most women would have fallen over themselves to be alone with him. I’d seen some try on several occasions when we were on tour together, but as much as I wanted to be into him, I wasn’t.

I wasn’t giving up, though. I reached out and snagged a waitress who was walking by with a tray of shots and took two from her tray, downing them both quickly.

Liquid courage.

I could do this as long as it was flowing through my veins.

“No need to imagine because I’m not,” I said with a devious smile.

Reed grinned, his perfect white teeth shining in the black lights of the club. “I think I’d like to see that.”

“I think I’d like to show you.”

His expression went serious, and he looked around the room before he slipped his fingers between mine and pulled me across the dance floor toward the exit. I swallowed against my nerves and followed him, his hand feeling too hot and heavy in mine.

My heart was hammering inside my chest, and anxiety moved over me. I’d only ever been with one man. Sure, I’d flirted and played. I’d even taken some to be alone to make the girls think I was sleeping with them, but this time, I wasn’t going to pretend. This time, I was actually going to go through with it.

Except, the closer we got to the door, the more anxious I became. I couldn’t go through with it, and I had until we reached the door to find a damn good reason to change my mind. I looked around for the girls, hoping they would stop me, but they were nowhere to be seen.

Just as we reached the door and I thought I was seconds away from passing out, Chet was there. He looked at me; his brows pulled down in anger as his eyes left my face and landed on our latched hands.

“Hey, Chet, what’s up, man?” Reed asked.

I moved to the side, tucking myself behind Reed’s shoulder so I didn’t have to look at Chet.

“Nothing much, just hanging out.” Chet’s voice sounded different. There was an unfriendly manner about it.

“I didn’t see you guys in VIP. If I had, I would have stopped to say hi.”

Chet nodded, his eyes moving back to mine. “Yeah, we’ve been here for a while now. Where you headed?” he asked.

I closed my eyes, hoping that Reed would say anything that didn’t make it sound like we were leaving the club to fuck, but luck wasn’t on my side.

He tilted his head in my direction and grinned. “Just headed out for a little fun.” He pulled me to his side and threw his large arm around my shoulder.

Chet’s eyes didn’t leave mine, and I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw a moment of pain flash.