Hawke's Salvation (9 page)

“Well, say something,” she blurted, her emotions bubbling up and out. “Tell me that was a mistake. Tell me I overstepped. Tell me—”

“Thank you.”

She stopped pacing and stared at him. “What?”

“Thank you. For not trying to hide me in a closet or pretend we don’t have something between us.” He said it so calmly that she considered taking his pulse. Where was the angry emotional man from this morning?

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? I just outted us to your sister-in-law—my boss, I’ll remind you—and you tell me thank you? Are you
crazy
?” She felt out of control. All of her carefully laid out plans for this part of her career were disappearing before her eyes. She’d never find a place as good as Crawley Creek to work again. “I’m probably going to have to find another job, God only knows where, and I just started making a little progress with Payton last night. She needs me, and all you can say is
thank you
?”

“You’re cute when you’re pissed,” he observed, shrugging his shoulders. “Besides, I’m your boss, too, and there is no way I’m letting my favorite employee get fired. You need to relax, darlin’. No one here is going to judge you for having a life outside work.”

He was right, and she knew it, but that didn’t make it any easier. What would her family say? They all expected she’d either remain single and have a great career, or end up with some doctor or lawyer for a husband. Her Aunt Peggy had made it pretty clear that she had high hopes for the kind of life Jeanette would make for herself and ideally provide for Peggy and Craig in their later years. How was she supposed to do that dating a rancher?

“Todd’s asleep. Will you spread out the blanket, and I’ll lay him here on the floor?” Hawke pointed at the nearby baby blanket, and she found herself moving as if on autopilot to do as he bid. He made everything seem so easy. Why wasn’t he more concerned about what was happening between them? “Because I know that some things are just meant to be. There’s no point getting worked up over something you can’t change.”

Jeanette stumbled when he responded to the question she thought she’d asked in her head. “That’s the thing, we could change it, but we don’t want to.”

“No, we don’t.” Hawke patted Todd’s back as he met her eyes, and she felt the depth of his meaning to the bone. No matter how hard she pushed, he wasn’t backing down. Maybe it was meant to be?

“I, uh, plan on going into Montford tomorrow to do my own Christmas shopping. Would you like to go with me?” she asked, extending the olive branch that she hoped would ease the remaining hurt between them.

He smiled. “I’d love to. I haven’t shopped yet, either.”

“Whose name did you draw?” she asked, leaning back against the couch. Hawke mimicked her actions, and their sides were pressed together snuggly. His arm slid up and over her shoulders, drawing her in close.

“Isn’t it supposed to be a secret until Christmas?” he asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, but I don’t like surprises. Tell me who you picked, and I’ll tell who I got.”

Hawke shook his head, and hugged her tight, “Not this time, darlin’. You’ll just have to tough it out. The anticipation is what makes Christmas so fun.”

“What if I need help picking out a gift?” she prodded. “I could end up giving someone a terrible gift because you wouldn’t help me.”

“If I truly believed that, I would help, but I have a feeling you’ve already scoped every person here out, and you have a pretty damn good understanding of their personalities. Sit back and enjoy the surprise.”

“You’re a sadist,” she grumbled, pouting as she plucked at a piece of fuzz on her sweater.

“Not quite, but I do like making you squirm.” He cupped her cheek and drew her to him for a sweet kiss. Just when she thought he might deepen the embrace, he surprised her again by releasing her mouth and pressing her face against his shoulder.

They sat and talked about everything under the sun while they watched Todd sleep. The house was fairly quiet, but Marilyn and Franki popped in at different times and noted their close contact. The more people who saw them together, the easier it seemed to be for her, so she stayed put and enjoyed the moment.

When Nolan returned from his own shopping, Todd was just waking from his nap. “Hey short stuff! Papa missed you. Were you good for Jeanette?”

“He was a perfect angel,” she said, tickling Todd’s chubby cheek.

Nolan snorted, “I doubt it, but thank you for making me feel better about leaving him. It’s getting a bit easier.”

“That’s one of the best parts about having all these people around all the time,” Hawke offered. “There’s always someone willing to babysit.”

“Did you get everything you needed?” Jeanette asked politely.

“Yeah, I think so. Now I just have to wrap it. Hey Hawke, I wanted to ask, my mother-in-law would like to come to the ranch for New Year’s so that she can see Todd. Do you think it would be a problem?”

“Sure man, no problem. The more the merrier around here. Just give Marilyn a heads up—oh, and Lauren now. Damn, I can’t forget that we have two mama bears running the place now.” Hawke laughed, and reached for Jeanette’s hand, pulling her toward the door. “We’ll see you tonight for supper.”

Jeanette barely had a chance to say goodbye before Hawke pulled her out of sight, but she was laughing all the way. A strange sense of carefree jubilance filled her, and all she could do was smile and follow him.

N
olan watched
the lovers disappear through the door with a sense of envy. It was hard not to covet the happiness that surrounded him when he and Todd were alone. He and Amelia hadn’t been the perfect couple, but they’d managed for Todd, and trying to figure things out without her was scary and lonely as hell.

It hadn’t taken him long after returning to North Dakota to realize that Crawley Creek was the next best step for him and his son. While he understood Grace’s concern over such a big move and the distance it put between her and her grandson, he also knew that he had a better support system at Crawley Creek than he would have anywhere else.

Looking down at Todd’s big blue eyes, he couldn’t imagine doing anything for himself alone anymore. Everything he did was about what was best for his son. Including buying into the ranch. There was still paperwork to get through, but after Drannon had made the offer, Nolan couldn’t stop thinking about it. It made sense both financially and emotionally right now. There might come a time when he wanted more space than he could find on the ranch, but right now, he wanted the people around him. So he was buying into a one-fifth share of the ranch, and he’d be a part owner of the only place he’d ever called home.

“Hey Todd, Nolan, what are you fellas up to?” Franki asked, coming in the front door as Nolan came down the stairs.

“Todd just woke up, so we’re in search of a snack. Want to join us for some milk and cookies?” Nolan offered. Franki was a beautiful woman with a warm heart, but a wounded soul. Nolan knew she’d lost her sister recently, but until he’d spent some time talking to her, he’d been unable to recognize the signs of grief in her. Once they’d realized they were both grieving painful losses, they’d clicked, and been a great support network for each other.

“Oh that’s tempting. Sadly, I have to take a conference call with our feed supplier about increasing our order and, hopefully, lowering our price,” she said wistfully.

“On a Saturday?”

She shrugged, her dark hair bouncing on her shoulders. “You know the cattle business works twenty-four/seven. You guys enjoy your cookies. I think Lauren put some no-bakes in the back of the fridge in the pantry. She was hiding them from Hawke.”

Nolan grinned. “Thanks for the tip. See you later.”

Once he’d settled Todd down with a cookie and a sippy cup, he sat down and let himself zone out. Life had been crazy for the last couple of weeks. First the trip for the wedding, then the move from Arizona to North Dakota and now Christmas. Once the holidays were up he had to figure how he was going to go back to work. He was hoping to find an online teaching position so he wouldn’t have to find a sitter for Todd.

No matter what he had to do, it was worth it. Being home with his brothers and surrounded by people who understood what he’d been through meant everything to him. Todd was getting along brilliantly, and things were starting to turn around. He could feel it in his bones.

“
W
hat did you do
?”

“It’s not that big of a deal, honey. I got it dirt cheap.”

Lauren glared at her boyfriend, “Yeah, and it looks like it. That is not what we discussed purchasing. I thought you were going to that auction to look for a truck?”

“I did look for a truck, but there weren’t any that were as good a deal.” Vin moved around the trailer releasing the various ties and cables that were holding a car on top. “This was my dream car when I was younger. I couldn’t pass it up.”

“Holy crap on a cracker, is that a Trans Am?” Romeo’s voice was followed by a wolf whistle. “Seventy-eight?”

“Seventy-nine,” Vin responded, grinning from ear to ear. Lauren wanted to take him by those cute ears and shake some sense into him.

“We talked about a truck,” she protested half-heartedly. It wasn’t like he could take it back and return it. What was done was done, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to chew his ear about it later.

“Come on, Romeo, help me get her into the barn, and I’ll show you what she has under the hood.” Vin jumped down and gave Lauren a quick kiss. His lips were cold from the icy wind, but his touch warmed her blood as always. “I love you, baby. Consider this my Christmas present.”

“And birthday?” she said with a lifted eyebrow.

“And Valentine’s, and Easter, and whatever else you need to make it good.”

She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes. “For your information I wasn’t getting you an Easter gift, so that doesn’t count.”

He laughed and kissed her again before turning back to the car. “Thanks baby. You better get inside and get warm. I’ll be a little bit.”

“Yeah, yeah, you two go play with your car while the little woman goes in and cooks supper,” she teased.

“Damn, if only that’s how it really worked, Lola-brat.” Romeo called out as Vin climbed in the driver’s seat of the busted looking sports car and eased it off the trailer. Lauren watched for another minute and then left them to their fun. As much as she wanted to throttle Vin for not talking to her about it first, she couldn’t fault him for spending his money on something that made him happy. Hell, if she’d had the chance, she’d have bought it for him anyway. She remembered the posters on his bedroom wall when he was younger. Various sports cars broken up by a variety of Brooke Shields images. This was just a culmination of a teenager’s dream. How could she take that away?

She began collecting supplies to cook dinner when she heard a strange sound from the back hallway that led to Marilyn’s apartment. Pausing what she was doing, she held her breath and listened close. There it was again. Like a gasp or a mewling sound.

Putting the measuring cup she was holding on the counter, she patted flour from her hands and went in search of the strange sound. She knocked on Marilyn’s apartment door, but there was no answer.

“Marilyn? Is everything okay?” she called out.

An odd shuffling sound was followed by that same sound but this time it was more of a moan of pain than a cat’s cry. Turning the doorknob she tried to push the door open only to find it was blocked from the inside. She pushed her shoulder into it, and just as she was about to heave her weight in, she noticed Marilyn’s stocking-covered legs were visible through the crack in the doorway.

“Oh God, Marilyn! Hold on, I’ll get help!” With her heart racing, Lauren ran for the garage, crying out at the top of her lungs.

H
awke and Jeanette
were playing around as they toweled each other off after another hot bout of lovemaking followed by a scorching shower when they heard Lauren’s cries for help. Hawke had never moved so fast in his life. He had his jeans, shirt and boots on before Jeanette even had her bra hooked.

Leaving his coat behind, he ran out into the snow in the direction of the main house. He arrived just as Romeo and Vin managed to get the door to Marilyn’s apartment open. Lauren held the phone to her ear, and tears were streaming down her cheeks as she relayed their address to the 911 operator.

“What happened?” Hawke snapped, moving to help his brothers assess Marilyn. The back door opened behind him and Jeanette appeared just as the rest of the family began to appear as well.

“I don’t know, Lauren found her like this.” Vin said, feeling for a pulse. “She’s still breathing, but her pulse is weak. She needs to get to the hospital now.”

“The ambulance is on its way.” Lauren called out.

“Does anyone have a list of her medications?” Jeanette asked calmly as she entered the room, her hair still dripping water on her collar and her shoulder. Considering how quickly they’d had to dress, he was amazed to see she was otherwise perfectly dressed.

“She keeps them all on the bedside table.” Lacy offered, “I’ll help you gather them up for the hospital.”

“Someone has to stay here with the kids,” Drannon said, his face a pale gray as he watched the proceedings.

“I’ll stay.” Franki called out.

“So will I,” Jeanette agreed.

“No, no, I want you to come. I need you there,” Hawke insisted. He felt like his emotions were exploding like fireworks in his brain. They’d just lost Abe and Sera; if he lost Marilyn, too, he didn’t know how he’d survive it.

“I’ll stay and take care of the kids.” The voice wasn’t nearly as familiar to Hawke’s ears, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sound good. He turned to see Lacy’s father, Leo, was the one making the offer. “I don’t mind, and this way, all of you can be with her.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Lacy gave him a half-hearted smile.

“She stopped breathing!” Vin cried out, reaching for Marilyn’s wrist again. “Shit, her heart stopped.”

He began pumping on Marilyn’s chest, putting his military medical training to use in performing CPR on the woman they all loved like a mother. Hawke watched with icy cold fear in his throat.

It seemed like hours before the sound of sirens blared in the air and the EMTs were taking Marilyn off in the ambulance. Hawke couldn’t have said how he managed to get a coat on or end up in a vehicle, all he knew was that Jeanette barely let go of his hand until they were seated in the waiting room of the ER.

The smell of antiseptic and bleach brought back memories of being in this same hospital when Abe died. They’d sat in this same waiting room, and he’d stared at the same painting of a boy on a fishing boat while he waited to find out that the man he called father was dead.

“Do you want a soda?” Jeanette murmured, offering him a cold can as she took the seat next to him again. He shook his head, and glanced around. The room was full of the Crawley Creek gang. Drannon held Lacy in his lap, his head pressed against her chest, while Vin and Lauren were hugging and leaning against the wall in a corner of the room. Nolan was pacing the length of the small room and even their ranch foreman was there with several of the ranch hands.

The door swung open and Hawke looked up into the eyes of a man he called family. Doctor Mark Gillian stared back at them with sadness etched into his face before he spoke. “She’s alive, but it was a massive cardiac—”

“A heart attack.” Romeo’s face when white and he crumpled into a chair, Franki’s arms wrapping around him in support.

Mark nodded. “Yes, she had a massive heart attack. I don’t know how long she was laying there, but we’re running tests now.”

“So she’s going to die?” Lauren asked, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Mark lifted his hands, “I can’t say for sure, but her body is weak, and her heart is weaker still. Sadly, many times it’s a massive event that does the most damage and a smaller event that ultimately stops the heart’s function.”

“So there’s nothing we can do?” Drannon asked.

“Pray. I’ve seen miracles happen.” Mark accepted a hug and a thank you from Lacy and Lauren before he went back through the electronic door that separated them from the hell that lay beyond.

Hawke felt like he’d been sucker punched. He’d never felt such a range of emotions in such a short amount of time, and he wasn’t sure how to process it all.

“I think we should take shifts at the hospital.” Nolan said, “It won’t do any of us any good to be here twenty-four hours a day with no rest.”

Lacy nodded, “Right, and you and I need to check in on the kids.” She turned to Drannon, “Do you want to stay?”

“Yeah, for now. I feel like I need to be here until they let us see her.” Drannon gave her a kiss, and when it was all said and done, only he, Romeo, Jeanette, and Hawke were left in the waiting room.

“I’m going to run down to the cafeteria for something to eat. Do you guys need anything?” Jeanette asked, squeezing Hawke’s hand. He looked up into her sympathetic smile, and emotion clogged his throat. They’d barely just begun a relationship, but here she was holding his hand through this turbulent moment like she’d be there forever, and what’s more, he wanted her to be there forever.

“Some coffee would be great,” He finally managed to say, reaching for his wallet. Before he could pull it free she was on her feet and disappearing down the hallway with a promise to return shortly. Of course she wouldn’t want him to pay for it; she was too independent and generous by far, but those were two of her best qualities.

“So you and Jeanette are really happening huh?” Romeo asked. When he nodded the affirmative, his brother gave him a small smile, “Good for you man. You deserve to be happy, and she’ll be good for you.”

“Why do you say that?”

“She’s already tamed the beast.” Drannon added with a laugh, “You haven’t been on an overnight drinking binge since you met her.”

“It’s not like I was going out partying every night, not like—” Hawke snapped his mouth shut, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from seeking Romeo out.

“Not like me?” Romeo asked with a snort, “Yeah, I know. I was in a pretty shitty place before Franki. Something about finding a good woman that just settles that need to mute life with a drink.”

Hawke nodded his agreement. “Jeanette wanted to keep us a secret, but after all of this…”

Romeo’s eyes lost their humor and his jaw clenched. “Marilyn can’t die on us. We still need her.”

“Mark said they’re doing everything they can.” Drannon shoved his fingers into his dark hair, tangling it even more than it already was and sighed. “I just wish we could see her for a minute. She looked so, so—”

“Dead?” Hawke offered. He knew it was callous, but it was the truth. Marilyn had been gray and her lips a faint purple color when the paramedics loaded her into the ambulance. She’d looked like she was on the verge of death if not already dead. “The good news is that she isn’t dead yet. She’s a fighter, just like the rest of us. She’ll make it.”

“You’re certainly in a positive frame of mind,” Romeo grumbled.

“Regular sex will do that to a fella.” Drannon offered, slapping Hawke’s shoulder. Their laughter was rough, and raw because of the emotional moment, but it was still laughter. It helped ease the strain of the situation. The three brothers sat in silence for several minutes before Jeanette reappeared carrying a white paper bag and a tray full of coffee cups.

“Fresh coffee and bagels,” she called out, grinning as if she carried a winning lottery ticket in her hand instead of baked goods. “They were just bringing them out to put them in the bakery case when I got down there, so they’re fresh.”

“Thank you,” Hawke murmured, as he took the tray from her so that she could resume her seat next to him.

“You’re welcome. It’s not much, but I figured we could all use some comfort food.” She passed coffee to his brothers, and then opened the bag to distribute the bagels. Each came with a tiny packet of cream cheese, and he smiled as he watched her neatly squeeze hers onto first one half of her bagel and then the other. She was meticulous about getting an even amount on each side, and once she was done, she took the corner of the package and used it to spread the cheese from edge to edge.

“You take your bagels pretty damn seriously,” Romeo finally commented.

Jeanette looked up in surprise, “Yeah, I guess I do. I tend to overdo most things. I have some OCD tendencies.”

“Drannon does too. Ask him to see his closet when we get back to the ranch,” Romeo joked. “He’s the only man I know who color codes his underwear.”

“It makes it easier to find what I want,” Drannon protested. “And what the hell are you doing looking in my underwear drawer?”

“I wasn’t, I was looking in Lacy’s, and I just happened to open yours by mistake.” Romeo ducked as Drannon threw a wadded up napkin at his head, while Hawke and Jeanette laughed. This was how it was supposed to be. Laughing, and enjoying each other, not sitting here emotionally wrecked and trying not to fall apart.

The waiting room door swung open once again, and a nurse stepped through. “Are you here with Ms. Monroe?”

They all nodded, and quickly rose to their feet as if standing could stay any bad news.

“I’m Stacy, and I’ll be taking care of her. She’s stable for the time being, so we’re moving her into the ICU. I thought I would let you know so that you could come upstairs and settle into that waiting room while we move her.”

Jeanette was the first to find her voice, as they all breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you Stacy, we’ll go there shortly. Um, is there any way we can see her?”

Stacy started to shake her head, but something about their on-edge demeanor must have gotten to her, because she glanced at her watch and then nodded. “Just for a minute. I’ll sneak you guys in, but you can’t stay long.”

“Thank you!”

They followed the pretty nurse into the small emergency bay where Marilyn was hooked up to a variety of tubes and wires that looked intimidating as fuck to Hawke. There was a tube in her throat that he assumed was helping her breathe, and next to her, a machine beeped her heartbeat out loud for the world to hear as if taunting the fates to stop it.

Her dyed blonde hair looked limp and lifeless, and her skin was still a touch gray. She really did look like she was at death’s door.

“Can she hear us?” Hawke murmured to Jeanette.

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t hurt to try.” She led the way to Marilyn’s side, and reached to squeeze the woman’s hand. “Marilyn, it’s Jeanette. You’re going to be fine. The doctors and nurses are taking good care of you, and you’ll be back at Crawley Creek before you know it.”