Hawke's Salvation (4 page)

“
W
hat’s your middle name
?”

Hawke smiled when he heard her question, but as he was riding ahead of her on the narrow trail she couldn’t see it.

“Davis. Hawthorne Davis Kapshaw.” He answered simply.

“Wow. I bet that was a trick to learn how to spell as a kindergartner.”

“I wouldn’t know. I didn’t go to kindergarten.”

“What? What do you mean you didn’t go to kindergarten? Everyone goes to kindergarten.”

Hawke chuckled at her indignation on his account. “It’s a long story, but suffice to say I was in transition at the tender age of five, and wasn’t able to add to my schedule.”

Jeanette was silent for several minutes, and they rode along without conversation as they’d done for the first fifteen minutes of the trek. He knew he’d pushed her too far back at the cabin, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. When she’d started arguing, it turned him on. He wanted to flip her over his lap and spank her ass before shoving his cock so far inside of her that she’d forget who she was without him.

“How much farther?”

He gestured to the ridge they were nearing. “Just over the top. The evergreens we’ve always used are on the other side. When we were kids Abe would hook up an old sleigh to a team of horses; Sera and Marilyn would help us all in and layer us up with blankets, and away we’d go as a family. Once the tree had been selected and chopped down, Abe would bring everyone back, and while we went inside and had cookies and cocoa to warm up, he’d go back out, collect the downed tree, and bring it home. We’d spend the rest of the night decorating it and singing Christmas carols. At the end of the night, before we all went to bed, Sera would read the Christmas story from her Bible.”

“Wow, that’s beautiful. Like a Thomas Kincade painting only it was real,” Jeanette responded wistfully. “Christmas in my family was chaotic and emotionless. There were school music programs and recitals and holiday shopping trips before massive wrapping projects. Christmas Eve, my Aunt Peggy would cook a big turkey dinner, and we’d all open our gifts, and then on Christmas morning we’d go to a church service. That was it. We spent the holiday more focused on our obligations and gifts than on anything else.”

“What happened to your parents?” he asked, knowing full well he was prying, but unable to stop himself.

When she didn’t respond he figured he’d overstepped his bounds again and pushed his horse to move just a bit faster. It was cold after all.

They reached the trees just after noon, but to his surprise, Jeanette was far more particular about which tree than he expected.

“The room is really tall, but not that wide, so I don’t want to get one that’s too large. Maybe one like this.”

“I’m only one man, darlin’, just make sure you pick one I can get back to the ranch myself.”

She gestured to one and then just as quickly shook her head. “No that one has a bare spot on this side.”

“They all have bare spots. We just cover it up with ornaments and lights, and no one will notice,” he suggested with a shrug. “How about that one over there?”

She rode closer and narrowed her eyes on the tree in question. “Nope, it has a crooked trunk. It won’t stand straight.”

“I thought you’d never done this before?”

She smiled and then laughed. “I haven’t, but I don’t do things halfway. When I commit to something, I take it seriously.”

She rode on, disappearing into another grove of trees. Hawke sat in place for so long in silence that Toby shifted restlessly underneath him. Nudging the horse forward, he rounded the trees and still didn’t find Jeanette. Riding on for a few more moments without finding her, he felt adrenaline start to flow through his system.

“Jeanette?” He fought back the urge to panic as he called out for her. “Doc? Where’d you go?”

“I’m over here.” Her voice was close, but not nearly close enough in his opinion. “I think I found the perfect tree!”

Her enthusiasm and lack of concern eased his racing heart, and he followed her voice into the shelter of half a dozen trees. She’d gotten off Aston’s back, and she was stroking the needles of a cedar tree.

Climbing off Toby, Hawke collected the saw he’d brought from his saddlebag and made his way to her side. The tree was nearly eight feet tall and easily ten feet around. “Looks good to me.”

“Really? That’s all you have to say?” she stared up at the tree clearly awestruck. “It’s magnificent. Like it was made to be a Christmas tree.”

Laughing, he patted her butt before he bent to begin removing some lower branches so that he could reach the trunk. “If you say so Doc. I’m just glad you found one you liked. It’s getting colder, and my balls were going to be literally blue soon.”

Jeanette groaned at his joke, but she didn’t respond otherwise, and he focused on getting the tree ready for cutting. Once he’d found his way to the trunk, and determined the best way to drop the tree safely, he went back to his saddle for ropes. Tying them securely on the trunk, he turned back to Jeanette who was murmuring softly to Aston nearby.

“Okay, I need you to hold this rope, and stand over here. You’re going to pull on it in this direction so that it falls the right way. Keep a good strong grip on it, and yell stop if the tree looks like it’s going another way.”

“What if it falls the wrong way?” she asked frowning at him.

“Hopefully, I’ll have enough warning to move out of the way; otherwise, well…” He paused and shrugged. “I guess you won’t have to worry about me flirting with you anymore.”

“What? That’s not funny, Hawke,” she snapped, “Maybe we should go back and get one of the guys to help you. I’m not sure I’m the best for this job.”

He could hear the anxiety in her voice, and when he turned back to her, he noted her normally pale skin was an odd shade of gray. Hurrying to her side, he cupped her shoulder, and pulled her close. “Hey, it’s okay. You’ll do just fine. I know what I’m doing, love. Just hold this rope, and give me warning if it slips. Okay?”

She nodded but didn’t seem all that reassured. Stifling the need to hold her close and ease her worries, he went back to the job at hand. She’d feel better once they had the tree down. Sawing wasn’t easy work even with a chainsaw, especially alone, but after a lot of work he felt the tree begin to lean, and he moved away under it. A quick glance at Jeanette assured him that she was still holding the rope firmly where he’d put her.

“Okay, now, I’m going to push on the tree, and you’re going to let go of the rope at the same time. It should fall pretty easily,” he explained. She nodded and swallowed hard, eyeing the tree’s immense height again.

It took two tries, but they managed to fell the tree exactly where he’d planned. When the echo of the falling tree cleared he grinned back at Jeanette, and she cheered.

Laughing, he finished securely tying one end of the rope to the trunk and lashing the other end of the rope to Toby’s saddle horn. “That should do it. And now we drag it back.”

“How? The trail was pretty narrow.”

Sighing with exasperation, he propped his hands on his hips and stared her down. “Do you really not trust me?”

“What? No—” she looked panicked at the thought.

“We’re not going back the way we came.” Moving to Aston’s saddle, Hawke made sure the rope was secured where it needed to be, and then he reached for her.

“Whoa! Wait, what are you doing?” Jeanette skittered out of reach, and he barely held back a growl of irritation.

“Helping you into the saddle. Is that okay?”

She flushed, her cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink, “Oh, sorry. I guess I’m just jumpy. I don’t like being out of my element. I like knowing exactly how everything is going to work before I start a project.”

“I’ve never heard anyone refer to riding a horse as a project,” he said with a small laugh, reaching for her once again. This time, she let him lift her up so that she could snug her boot in the stirrup and throw her other leg over the horse. Once she was settled, he jumped astride as well.

“Ready?”

She nodded, and they ushered their horses forward in the direction of the much shorter trail he knew would lead them back to the ranch quickly. He’d chosen the longer trail before because he’d been hoping it would give them time to talk, but it hadn’t worked out. Now he was cold and tired, and he figured it was better to just get them both back to the ranch as soon as possible.

They’d made it a couple hundred yards before she glanced his way and said, “My dad was in a horrible helicopter accident when he was in the Army before I was born. He had severe PTSD, and it affected everything he did.”

Hawke stayed quiet, but he met her eyes and nodded to acknowledge his understanding. He knew all about how PTSD could rock someone’s world. He’d watched Vin deal with flashbacks for years.

“The night he and my mom died, he was driving the car. The police determined he ran into a bridge support at full speed, never even tapping the brakes. I was at my aunt and uncle’s house having a sleepover. Both mom and dad were killed on impact. They think he did it on purpose.”

“Holy shit.” Shock washed over him. What would it be like as a young child to know your father had not only committed suicide, but also killed your mother? “I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged, “It’s no one’s fault exactly. For a long time, I believed it was the military’s fault for not providing better care for him, but as I grew up, I realized that he hid a lot of his disease from the doctors. He didn’t understand what was happening to him, so he didn’t talk about it. Sadly, it killed him.”

“What happened to you after that?” he asked, prying for more information while he had her talking.

“My Uncle Craig and Aunt Peggy took me in. They already had four kids of their own, so it seemed like the best solution at the time. Craig was my father’s brother.” She explained, “I grew up with everything I could possibly need, and a house full of family.”

“But?” he asked, and she frowned. “You grew up in a house full of people, but I hear a but coming.”

“But I was always the outsider. I wasn’t their kid. I was legally, but not really. I was the sad orphan cousin with emotional issues because her father went crazy and killed himself and his wife.”

“They said that to you?” Hawke demanded, hating her family on her behalf.

“Not in so many words, but it was how I felt,” she explained. “I guess it was probably more of my own emotional insecurities than the way they treated me. They put me through the same private school that my cousins went to, and helped me pay for my first year of college until I got an academic scholarship to pay for the rest. They were as good to me as I could ask.”

Hawke remained quiet, processing this new information about Jeanette. To know that she was an orphan from painful circumstances just like him made him rethink his entire plan to seduce her. Not that he was giving up, but he was certainly going to use their newfound similarities to his advantage.

“How old were you?” he asked.

“Eight.”

He nodded, “I was five when my grandma lost custody of me. She broke her hip and had to be put in a nursing facility for recovery. The state put me in the custody of a family temporarily, but when Grandma died of pneumonia a short time later, they had to move me to a more permanent placement. They brought me to Crawley Creek, and I never left. I’ve been here for twenty-three years.”

“What about your biological parents?”

“According to the records they tried to find my mom—Grandma was her mother—but never managed to track her down. She’s dead for all I know. There was no biological father listed on my records, so he could be anyone.”

They rode in silence the rest of the way to the house, each immersed in their own thoughts, memories, and newfound commonality. Hawke hoped that Jeanette hadn’t been scared off by his past, but he also wasn’t quite sure what to do with the new information he had about hers. It explained why she was so determined to help people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, but if she grew up in a house full of family, why did she still resist attachments? And why was she against an intimate relationship with him specifically? With each question he thought of a new question, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask them. He wasn’t sure he could handle the answers just yet. He needed to take a step back and give her room to breathe while he absorbed the new info.

D
estiny heard
the commotion outside and it drew her out of her room and her self-imposed isolation. Going down the main staircase, she watched in wonder as Hawke, Romeo, and Vin carried a massive tree into the house. Green needles littered the hardwood floors behind them, but no one else seemed to notice. They were all focused on the magnificent tree.

“It’s perfect, guys. Thank you so much for going to get it,” Lauren gushed, giving Jeanette a one-armed hug.

Jeanette smiled and pulled her coveralls off, “You’re welcome. It was fun. I’ve never had a live Christmas tree before.”

“Well, after the hunt, we always have hot cocoa and cookies,” Lauren said, glancing toward the kitchen door.

Marilyn called out, “Just about ready, come and get it.”

Destiny watched as Lauren and Jeanette headed that way, followed by Franki, and Lacy who was carting Michael on her hip. She stayed at the top of the staircase for another moment and then quietly crept down to see how the men were getting along setting up the tree. It really was magnificent. It stood before the large windows on the front side of the living room, and filled the space Lauren had made for it perfectly.

For a moment, Destiny felt the first hint of a smile, before painful memories filled her mind. She’s spent last Christmas in captivity, servicing the johns as she was bid. There were no presents, or decorations, or family members making cocoa and cookies. There was only isolation and pain.

Before she could retreat to her room again, Romeo looked up and smiled at her. “Hey Destiny, what do you think?”

She coughed to clear the emotion from her throat before she murmured, “Looks nice.”

“Yeah, it sure does. I’m sure it will look better once it’s decorated though.” Romeo turned to Vin. “Have you seen D around? I figured he’d want to be part of this.”