Hawke's Salvation (2 page)

When he dipped his head and pressed his mouth to hers, she went up in flames, melting underneath him. He tasted like sin, and felt like heaven. She wanted him more than she wanted her next breath, which was exactly why she had to grow a backbone and push him away.

He released her, but they were both panting, and glaring at each other. “You’re a liar, Doc, and I plan on proving it to you.”

With that, he spun on his boot heel and marched to the back of the barn, leaving her alone and trembling with desire. This was bad. This was very, very bad.

H
awke had
to hide out in the tack room for a good ten minutes before he could face his brothers again. They were already giving him shit for acting like an infatuated puppy, mooning over Jeanette all the time. The last thing he needed was for them to see him rocking a hard-on, too.

Damn the woman. She knew how to trip his trigger, and shut him down in the blink of an eye. He couldn’t grasp why she kept running away from him. They were both single, unattached adults. There was nothing stopping them from exploring the sparks between them, and yet she kept pushing him away.

Throwing himself into helping with the cleanup and care for the new baby, he didn’t even notice that the ranch hands had all left the barn until Romeo slapped him on the back stopping his hay toss mid throw.

“Working off your blue balls, bro?”

Roman ‘Romeo’ Freemont was grinning at him like a loon, and it took everything he had not to punch him in his pretty nose.

“Shut up. I’m just doing my part. I plan to cut out early tonight and head into town. I figured D wouldn’t give me as much shit if I helped with the cleanup first.” The words tasted sour on his tongue because they were an all-out lie, but he continued with his arrogant attitude to cover his growing desire for Jeanette.

“Finally giving up on her, huh?” Drannon said as he approached them.

“Who?” Hawke ignored the look exchanged between Drannon and Romeo, and pushed on with the lie. “I was thinking I’d call Abby, or maybe Nicole. Those girls are always up for a good time.”

Romeo’s face turned red. “Why would you want to do that? Those two are trash.”

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” Hawke threw back. “Why do you care?”

“If you want to ruin your life, go ahead, play with fire, but don’t call me when you get burned,” Romeo snarled, slamming out of the barn with more anger rolling off him than Hawke had seen in a long time.

“What the hell?” he murmured, more to himself than to Drannon, but it was his older brother who responded.

“You know how Romeo feels about Abby. Hell, you saw that stunt she pulled at the Fourth of July fair with Franki,” Drannon said with a shrug.

“And Nicole? Every time I bring up her name, he flips his shit,” Hawke asked.

“I don’t know the details, but I assume there’s history there. Just stop needling him.”

Hawke glared back, “Like he’s going to stop pushing Jeanette in my face?”

“That’s different. You’re head over heels for the good Doc,” Drannon said, chuckling. “And if it counts for anything, I think you’re making headway.”

“I thought you two were going to burn the barn down with that kiss,” Vin added, passing them both a cold beer. “What woman can resist that kind of chemistry?”

“Apparently that woman,” Hawke grumbled. “Just when we start to get close, she pulls back.”

“Hmm…gotta be something there she hasn’t revealed yet. Did you try asking?” Drannon offered.

“Asking what? Why don’t you want to fuck me? Oh yeah, I’ll get right on that. It’s no wonder you were single for so long, D.” Hawke tipped the beer and guzzled half of it before wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “I’m done chasing her. I need to get laid, and I know there are willing women in town.”

Vin sighed heavily. “Don’t do it, Hawke.”

“Bad move,” Drannon agreed.

“She said no. I’m not gonna force her.”

“No one said you should, but that doesn’t mean you give up,” Vin explained. “Like Drannon said, ask her about herself. Get to know her. Tell her about your past.”

“Fuck no. I don’t want to scare her off; I want to get her in my bed,” Hawke said with a loud, fake laugh.

“I had to face my shit in order to get Lauren to give me the time of day again, remember?” Vin shrugged, and took a drink of beer. “Turns out, I have a lot of shit I buried pretty damn deep.”

Drannon and Hawke exchanged a look of concern before turning their full attention on their brother. Nudging Vin’s shoulder, Drannon said lightly, “I didn’t think your well went that deep man.”

“Me either.” Vin laughed but his shoulders slumped as he shook his head. “Been having some flashbacks lately.”

Hawke hissed out a breath. “Oh shit, you haven’t had troubles for a while. Do you think Lauren is triggering them?”

“No, I think moving on with my life is triggering them. I went through a lot during my time in the service and prison. I guess I thought I could just come home and forget it all, but it turns out I just locked it up in some corner of my brain and refused to deal with it. Jeanette offered to schedule some time to talk, but I’m not sure I need a shrink. I think I just need to absorb it all, ya know?”

“We’re here to listen, too,” Drannon offered. “If you don’t want to talk to Jeanette, you can always lay it on us.”

“You know what we should do?” Hawke gestured with his beer to the horse in the stall nearby. “We should take out the horses for a long trail ride. Maybe camp out, just the four of us guys. Or five, I’d bet Nolan could use a break from Todd.”

“We can’t go camping in the middle of winter.” Chuckling, Vin shook his head, “With our luck we’d get lost in a blizzard and freeze to death on our own back forty.”

“Well then, something else. We need a guy’s night. Time to drink beer and fart without women scolding us,” Hawke grumbled, picking at the paper label on his beer bottle. He knew Vin was right, but he hated being made a fool. Even when it came to something so silly.

“A guy’s night, huh? Yeah sure, what the hell. We can do another poker night like we did for D’s bachelor party. I’d bet Mick and Carly would let us use the bar again.” Vin’s eyes lost their sadness and took on a bit more enthusiasm. “It would be great to get Nolan and Kyler in on it this time, too.”

“Kyler? I thought he was going back to Seattle?”

Vin shook his head, “I’m not sure. I kinda got the impression that he might want to stay on a while. Maybe work around here and try to get his life back together. I don’t think he has much to go back to in Seattle.”

“No kidding?” Drannon looked thoughtful. “We don’t really need the extra help this winter, but we will in the spring. Do you really think it’s a good idea? Taking on a former drug addict? I mean, we’ve got a houseful of women and children now.”

“This is Kyler DeWitt we’re talking about. If nothing else, we owe it to Amelia to help him out,” Hawke told his older brother. He knew what Kyler was, but that didn’t mean he was a bad person. They’d all made mistakes. “We took you both back and you two went to jail. Everyone gets a second chance at Crawley Creek. Everyone.”

Drannon’s expression turned contrite. “You’re right. Sorry. I’ll talk to Kyler and see how we can help him, but we need to keep an eye on him anyway. I don’t want him to fall back into his old ways.”

“Of course. None of us do,” Vin agreed. “Hopefully getting him away from his old environment will help him stay clean.”

“Do you three ever work?” Romeo called out as he reentered the barn with a saddle over his shoulder. “I seem to keep finding you sitting around drinking beer instead of working.”

“You’re just jealous you weren’t invited to this party,” Drannon teased, shaking his beer at the other man. “What’s got your panties in a twist today?”

For a moment, Hawke thought Romeo might actually tell them what was going on, but then he just shrugged and dropped the saddle on the ground at his feet. “I’m good, just feeling a bit claustrophobic in the house lately.”

“It has been a mite full with two infants around,” Hawke agreed, “That’s why I’m hella glad I moved out into a cabin before they all moved in.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have a woman who spends all her time working in the main house. I never thought I’d see Franki so caught up in the world of babies.” Romeo looked forlorn, and slightly green at the gills.

“Oh shit, are you guys talking about kids already?” Vin laughed so hard he took a step backwards to steady himself, “I can’t even picture you holding a baby of your own man. Damn, from playboy to daddy in less than a year. That’s a big ass change, even for you.”

“Shut up. We’re not talking about having kids yet. We’re not even talking about getting married yet. Franki’s just distracted by the babies. She worries about them like they’re hers or something. I don’t know. It’s got to be a woman thing.” Romeo reached out and stole Hawke’s beer, taking a big gulp before he could protest. “Drannon’s the only one going to be facing daddyhood anytime soon.”

“Damn straight. Babies scare the hell out of Lauren, so I know I’m safe for a bit.” Vin said with a nod.

“I thought you wanted kids?” Drannon shot back.

“I do, but not just yet. I like being able to walk around my cabin naked and screw my woman whenever and wherever I want.” Vin’s face broke out in a wide, wicked grin as the other guys all made gagging sounds.

“That’s Lauren you’re talking about. Shut your mouth or you’re likely to lose some teeth,” Romeo growled at him.

Lauren had spent enough time at Crawley Creek as a child that they all considered her an honorary sister, and the idea of her having sex with anyone—much less one of their own—was unsettling. Vin and Lauren had been an item when they were kids, but when Vin was arrested and given the choice of prison or the military, they’d gone their separate ways. He’d entered the Marines, and Lauren had gone on to college. It had been Drannon’s impending marriage that had drawn Lauren back to Crawley Creek, and sparks flew from the moment the former lovers had faced each other again. It was no surprise to Hawke when they’d announced that Lauren would be moving back to the ranch and starting over with Vin at her side.

“I’m just saying, don’t buy any extra cigars for me and Lauren just yet. We’re planning on enjoying each other for a long while before we add to our mix,” Vin explained.

“You know what they say about making plans,” Drannon joked. “It’s not like Lacy and I expected to get pregnant so quickly.”

“Didn’t she stop taking birth control?” Hawke laughed at his brother even as a small piece of him envied his impending fatherhood.

“Yeah, but Mark told me it could take a while for her to get pregnant after stopping the medicine. I guess he was wrong.” Drannon shook his empty beer bottle. “That’s it boys, break time is over. We’ve got a new baby to check on and horses to bring in.”

“Slave driver,” Vin grumbled, tipping his own bottle to down the rest of it. “I’ll leave the horses to you guys while I go finish putting that carburetor in the Jeep. I want to get it done before that auction next weekend.”

Hawke’s ears perked up, “What auction?”

“That police auction down in Minot. I decided I’m going to go and see what I can get my hands on cheap.”

Drannon snorted out a laugh as he and Romeo wandered off leaving Hawke and Vin behind.

“Is Lauren going with you?”

Vin boosted the saddle Romeo had left behind up over his shoulder, grunting with the weight. “Nah, I think she’s sticking close. Said something about needing to help Marilyn wrap gifts.”

“Hell I haven’t even bought gifts, much less wrapped them. I’m thinking I’ll hand out I.O.U.’s this year,” Hawke joked, following Vin into the tack room to dump the beer bottles in the bin.

“Good luck with that. Having a ranch full of women again means Christmas is bound to be big this year,” Vin warned. “Oh, by the way, I need a hand with the trim work in Mr. Hyde at some point.”

Mr. Hyde was the name of one of the guest cabins that had been damaged in the flood a few months back. They’d all taken turns working on the repairs to the cabins trying to get them back up and running. As the ranch’s resident carpenter, Hawke had spent most of his time covered in sawdust when working on the cabins. “Yeah sure, let me know when.”

As they walked off in different directions Hawke felt a piece of him wilt. It seemed lately everyone was going down a new and different path, except him. He was the only one still trudging along like nothing had changed. Lusting after a woman, and fighting his growing desire for more in his life. Maybe it was time for him to change, too.

I
t took
Jeanette the better part of the day to recover from Hawke’s lethal attempt at seduction. She’d focused all her energies on mundane tasks, but it seemed every time she let her mind wander, it wandered right back to the sexy rancher.

Damn him for being so intriguing.
It wasn’t like she hadn’t been the subject of a man’s attentions before, but she’d never dealt with anyone so persistent and hardheaded.

Carrying a load of laundry into the main house, she ran headlong into Nolan Meyers, yet another Crawley Creek family member who had just recently moved back home. His young son, Todd, squealed with delight at the sight of Jeanette, and she grinned back.

“Hey guys! What are you two up to?”

Nolan’s light hazel eyes were warm and friendly as he smiled down at his son’s playful giggles. “We’re going out for some fresh air before the snow moves in tonight. Todd’s been fussy today, and I think we’re both going stir crazy.”

“Fussy? Todd?” Jeanette tickled the baby who gurgled with pleasure. “Never! I don’t believe it. Just look at what a sweetie pie he is.”

“Ha, he might seem sweet and cuddly, but he has a dark side,” Nolan joked. “Just try and take his Cheetos from him.”

Adjusting her laundry basket while she laughed, Jeanette nodded her agreement. She’d seen how devoted Todd was to the cheesy treat. “Well, I won’t keep you, but I bet you won’t be out long. The temperature’s dropping already.”

“Good to know. Guess I’d better grab us both hats before we head out. Have fun doing laundry,” Nolan called as he backtracked in search of warmer gear for him and his son.

Jeanette admired Nolan’s strength and devotion to his son. He’d lost his wife Amelia in a car accident just months after Todd was born, yet he’d managed to continue on, building a life for him and his son. His move to Crawley Creek had been a huge point of contention with his mother-in-law who still lived in Arizona, and of course, adjusting to life in a new place was hard on kids, but Todd was a happy baby, and Jeanette and the rest of the Crawley Creek family adored him.

The ranch’s laundry room was large enough to house two washers and driers, and both were large capacity versions that seemed way too big for her one basket full of clothes. At first she’d felt guilty even using them, but seeing as how the closest laundromat was over thirty minutes away in Montford, she’d accepted it pretty quickly.

Snapping the lid closed and starting the wash, she tapped her nails on the top of the metal bin wondering what to do with herself for the next thirty minutes. She could find a book to read in the study, or maybe watch TV in the family room, but neither appealed to her chaotic frame of mind. What she really wanted to do was search out Hawke and give him hell for riling her up again.

Following the sound of voices, she made her way into the kitchen where she found Marilyn and Lauren poring over huge stacks of index cards.

“We have four different ones for lemon bars, and each one is slightly different. How do we know which one to use?” Lauren asked, twirling a lock of her shoulder length blonde hair between her fingers.

Marilyn shrugged. “I know I don’t fancy using shortening in my cookie recipes, so I would say we can chuck that one, but if you’d rather, we can make a batch of each and have the guys vote which is the best.”

“Oh Lord, if we do that with all of these we’ll never be finished sorting this out.” Lauren glanced up and noticed her hovering in the doorway. “Hey Jeanette, sorry, didn’t see you there.”

“I just came in to do some laundry. I figured I’d check around and see if anyone else had any wash they needed done while I was in there,” Jeanette offered, moving closer to see the cards they were looking at all contained handwritten recipes. Many were faded and stained, and obviously well used. “What is all of this?’

“Lauren seems to think my recipes need organizing,” Marilyn said with a wry grin. “Don’t exactly understand why; they’ll just get messed up again when I’m looking for something.”

With a heavy sigh, Lauren shook her head. “All I wanted to do was make some Christmas cookies. When I went looking for the recipes, I realized she has four recipe boxes crammed full and stacks of cards scattered everywhere. Lots of them are duplicates.”

“I’m not sure what the problem is. It seems to me having all those great recipes is a good thing,” Jeanette observed, frowning down at a recipe for something called Yellow Snow. It took her a moment to realize it was a dessert and not a joke.

“It’s a truly wonderful thing, and I remember some of these recipes as childhood favorites. I just wanted to help somehow.” Lauren looked away, and she shrugged her shoulders in defeat. “I feel useless around here.”

Marilyn reached out to rub Lauren’s back. “Oh honey, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just used to doing things a certain way. I’m sure I’ll adjust to a new system, but you’ll have to be patient with me. I’m old.”

“You’re not old,” Lauren protested vehemently.

“Oh yes, dear, I’m ever so much more than twenty,” Marilyn said with a laugh. The phrase tickled a memory in the back of Jeanette’s mind, and it took her a moment to place it. It was a line from a book.

“
Peter Pan
,” she heard herself murmur, and Marilyn winked her way.

“I think I’m just struggling to find my place here,” Lauren admitted. “Back in Arkansas, I rarely had downtime. I was either working at Fast-Aid, or planning an event for someone. Cooking was my outlet, but here…”

Jeanette nodded her understanding, and Marilyn rose from her stool to throw her arms around Lauren. “Honey, here you can do anything you’d like. In fact, if you’d like to help with the cooking, or managing the house, I’d be right grateful. Like I said, I’m getting older, and these bones act up on me—especially in the winter. I haven’t even managed to get the Christmas decorations up yet, and this year we have so much to celebrate. Having you and Nolan back, and Lacy and Franki in the family,” Marilyn glanced over at Jeanette and held out her arm, indicating she wanted her to join their embrace. Jeanette did as she was bid, but it felt strange. She wasn’t used to all the hugging that went on around Crawley Creek. “Even Jeanette and Destiny have become part of the Crawley Creek family. I love seeing all of you come back to the nest, but I don’t recall the nest being so hard to keep clean twenty years ago.”

The three women all laughed together, and Lauren swiped at the moisture in her eyes, “I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you out.”

Marilyn made a tsking noise and rolled her eyes. “You wouldn’t be able to push me out if you wanted to. This is my home, and you’ve all been my life for near on forty years, but I can admit I need help. I was reluctant to say anything because I didn’t want to pressure you into working around the ranch if you wanted to do something else with your life. You have so little time to follow your dreams, and I don’t want you feeling obligated to take care of me.”

“Sounds to me like you two are cut from the same cloth,” Jeanette surmised. Reaching for a card she’d noticed, she held it up. “And by the way, these are my all-time favorite cookies, any chance we could double up the batches so that I can hide some in my place?”

“I love no-bake cookies too!” Lauren agreed. “We’ll triple it.”

“I’d better check my cocoa supply, because those are Hawke’s favorite, too.” Marilyn took the card, and headed for the pantry, patting them both on her way past.

Lauren turned to Jeanette the moment the older woman was out of sight. “I can’t believe that all came out. It’s been driving me crazy trying to figure out how to talk to her about it, and then it just—”

“Exploded?”

Nodding, Lauren smiled. “I feel so much better now. Like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders.”

“Good, because as I recall, it takes strong shoulders to roll out five dozen no-bake cookies,” Jeanette teased.

“Five dozen? I thought we figured up four?”

“Are you kidding? She said Hawke liked them, too. You’ve seen these guys eat. We’ll need at least five dozen if we want any.”

Lauren’s eyes narrowed, and she pursed her lips. “Hmm, better make it six. I’ll have to make a grocery run. Want to come?”

“I can’t, I need to finish my laundry.” Jeanette turned to leave. “Could you do me a huge favor and pick up my order from Amelia?”

“Chocolate?” Lauren asked, laughing when Jeanette nodded. “Will do.”

Heading back to the washing machine just as it buzzed, Jeanette found herself smiling at nothing. She’d found Crawley Creek to be a place full of good people, and a sense of family. While she’d been raised with dozens of cousins, she’d never really felt like she was a part of the whole. Being an only child from the black sheep of the family, orphaned young, she’d been an outcast in a way. It was nice to feel like she belonged.

H
awke was just pulling
his boots off with plans to jump in the shower when his cell phone rang. Groaning with the weariness of a long day’s work in his muscles, he tugged the device from his pocket. To his surprise, the person on the other end was Lauren.

“Hey Hawke, I need a favor.”

Heaving an exaggerated sigh he said, “Hello to you too, Lola-brat.”

“I hate that nickname.”

“I know, that’s why I use it. What’s this favor you want?”

“A tree. A Christmas tree.”

“Huh?” He had a bad feeling he knew exactly what she was asking for, and he wasn’t surprised in the least when she answered.

“We need a Christmas tree for the main house. I’m in town, and I just found a bunch of lights and a new wreath for the door. We have all those ornaments of Sera’s boxed up in storage, but we need a tree to put them on.”

“Isn’t it too early to put up the Christmas tree?”

“No, it’s not. In fact, Sera used to insist on putting the tree up the day after Thanksgiving. I know you remember that because you helped every year.”

Memories swamped him before he could push them back, and his breath caught in his throat. Christmas had always been a big deal to Sera Crawley. She was a woman of strong faith, but she never pushed it on the kids who came to live with her and Abe. However, at Christmas time, she abided by several important traditions. A nativity scene on the piano. An angel on the tree, and a family prayer of thanks Christmas morning. Those traditions had been too painful to follow last Christmas, but with all the new family at Crawley Creek, he shouldn’t be so surprised that his siblings wanted to start them again.

“Have you talked this over with Vin? Or D or Romeo? Are you sure they’re up for this? We didn’t do it last year, because of Abe…”

Lauren was silent for a moment. “Abe’s been gone almost two years, Hawke, and he would be pissed if he thought everything had stopped because he wasn’t around.”

Hawke laughed with a snort at the mental image of his foster father with his thick arms crossed over his barrel chest and his gray Stetson low on his brow. It was an image he’d seen in person too many times to count when he was still an angry kid with a chip on his shoulder for authority figures. Blinking back moisture in his eyes, he cleared his throat and sniffed.

“How big a tree you want?”

“Thanks bro. I knew I could count on you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I don’t have it yet. I’ll have to go out searching for one tomorrow. That will give you some time to mention it to the other guys before we spring a decorating party on them.”

“Deal. And as for the size, the bigger the better. We have a massive living room, let’s make the most of it.”

He laughed at her enthusiasm, “Do you even realize how much like Sera you are, Lola-brat?”

She made a rude sound before saying goodbye and ending the call, leaving Hawke sitting in his quiet cabin alone with a goofy grin on his face. Unexpected though it might have been, he was really glad Lauren was pushing the family into resuming the traditions of the past that they’d let slip. He hadn’t realized how important they were to him until they’d stopped.

He didn’t have as many memories of his first five years of life, but he had one clear one of the day his grandmother had fallen in the hallway of their doublewide trailer and broken her hip. He’d managed to follow her directions and call for help only to see her forced into a nursing home by the state, and find himself whisked away by Child Protective Services. According to his own research, Social Services had attempted to track down his biological mother. She had signed over custody of him to her mother—his grandmother—when he was born. When they couldn’t find her, the state had ultimately taken over his custody in place of his grandmother, and he’d been taken to a foster home in Grand Forks.

That had been a short stint, so short he barely remembered it at all. The family was nice, but distant from him, and unable to help him in his grief-stricken, heartbroken state when his grandmother succumbed to pneumonia a few short weeks later and died. The day of her funeral he was able to visit her gravesite, but there was no money to pay for a memorial service, so her freshly covered grave was marked only by a small plastic grave marker. In his mind’s eye he could still see the dead leaves dropping from the trees above, as if they too grieved for his loss.

Later that same day, Danica Washington had driven him several hours away to the Crawley Creek ranch, and at only five years old, he’d become a member of the ever-growing group of strays.

It hadn’t been an easy road over the years, but somehow, thanks to Sera, Abe, and Marilyn, he’d not only survived, but also thrived. Abe taught him carpentry skills and everything he knew about ranching. Sera helped him learn to read and write, taught him the fine art of playing the piano, and guided him through the chaos that is adolescence and dating. Marilyn was his mama-bear, his rock. She’d been the one who insisted that he and his brothers learn to cook, and how to sew buttons back on their own shirts. The three adults had been more than any young foster kid with no family to call his own could have hoped for, and now, two of the three were gone, and he knew Marilyn would be gone someday too.

The idea of being alone terrified him, but he’d never admit it out loud. Seeing his brothers find such happiness with their women, made him crave that stability and unconditional love. Maybe Jeanette wasn’t the right woman for him, but she was better than nothing, right?