Hiding In His Dreams (12 page)

* * * * *

That night, he tossed and turned. The
bed felt eerily vacant and incomplete without her, as though it
were missing a puzzle piece.

Outside, the unstable weather was at it
again.

* * * * *

The next day at work, Luke inspected
the poem that he had written.

What would I say if I tell
you,

How much you touched
me.

You’re the freshness after
the summer rain

A bird in the trees,
singing in the morning

You’re the quiet after dusk
falls

The mischievous smile on a
doll

What would I say if I tell
you,

How much you mean to
me.

You are the sparkle in
Christmas lights

The tranquil mist floating
through the night

You are a wispy cloud
drifting in the magenta sky

The glint of happiness in
my eye

What would I say to tell
you,

Just how much I love
you.

Luke leaned back in his
chair. Alyssa would love it. He would present it to her that night.
He almost laughed when he thought about what he had said to Mike
months earlier.
Poetry wasn’t for
me.

He looked at the four-carat diamond
ring on his office desk. He was about to taste the sweet joy of
reconciliation.

He had it all figured out. He would go
with his original plan. He would take Alyssa back to the park where
they had their first date.

She would forgive him for his
stupidity, and they would embrace in a joyful reunion. He would
read his poem aloud then get down on his knees, showing her the
ring. She would say yes, and they would live happily ever
after.

He could imagine it now.

That evening, Taylor Park
would be deserted and quiet. The summer night would be temperate,
and the grass on the hill lush.

He would lead Alyssa by the
hand, up the hill, to the cherry blossom tree.

They would stand there and
breath in the evening air, admiring the view of the three cities
merging together, becoming one giant city.

He would turn to her and
hold her hand. She would be radiant in the moonlight as usual, the
perfect girl in his eyes.

“
This isn’t an ordinary
date,” he would say. “I took you here to read something to you,
then ask you something.”

She would raise her
eyebrows, even though she already knew. “Oh?”

Luke would take out the
poem and read it aloud to her. He would read it slowly, enunciating
every word, as red soaked onto his cheeks. He would bare his soul
to her, and feel relieved and embarrassed at the same time for
being so vulnerable.

When he finished, he would
look up at her. He would barely be able to see her in the dark, but
she would be in a dreamlike state.

The cherry blossom tree
would sway in the wind, and a few blossoms would drop, some landing
on their hands.

Finally, she would speak.
“That was beautiful.”

He would get down on his
knees, and take out the ring from his pocket.

“
Alyssa, I’ve been such an
idiot. I’m so sorry. Will you marry me?”

She would put a hand to her
mouth, her eyes growing wide.

“
Yes,” she would whisper.
Then, louder. “Yes!”

There it would be again.
That weightlessness. He would be a floating astronaut in a
spaceship.

He would get up, and grab
her tight, as though afraid she would be plucked away by the wind
any second.

She would rest her head on
his shoulder, and they would stand there for a long time. When they
would finally part, he would lead her to the bench, the same one
that had the inscription JWC + JKB = Love Forever. Picking up a
jagged rock from the ground, he would carve something right beside
it.

LJ+ AH = Love
Forever.

He would then etch the
shape of a heart around the declaration.

Turning to her, he would
say, “There, now everyone will know how we feel about each
other.”

A single cherry blossom
would blow in their direction. Luke would bend down and picked it
up. This one would be a milky white.

He would put it in his open
palm, and offer it to her.

She would move her hand so
that it would hover just above the open palm, but not touching the
flower, forming a protective bubble.

They would sit down on the
bench, and he would put one arm around her. They would sit there
until they were bathed in darkness, until the breeze turned cool,
until all that was visible was the city lights.

Then, they would start
planning their lives together.

* * * * *

He snapped out of his daydream and
looked at the clock.

5:45pm. It was time.

Luke got ready to leave the office.
Holding a bouquet of roses in one hand, and the engagement ring in
the other, he checked his appearance in the washroom mirror. He was
in a black suit. His short dark hair was combed. His brown eyes
were ready.

He looked like a man about to
propose.

He drove his car like an Indie 500
racer to Taylor Park. When he arrived, it was exactly 6pm. Alyssa
was not there yet.

That was OK. He would wait for her on
the hill. She would walk up the hill to find her knight in shining
armor waiting there for her. Of course, there was a slight chance
that she would not show up, but he refused to allow himself to
think the unthinkable.

The late summer sun was still fierce at
6pm. It beamed down on the park, making everything unbearably
bright.

The park was relatively deserted. There
were children playing on the slide and swings and a teenage couple
snuggling on a bench.

He glanced at his watch. It was
6:15.

He started to walk up the hill,
stopping under the cherry blossom tree.

She’s just a little late, he
rationalized. She’ll be here soon.

6:15 became 6:30.

6:30 became 7:00.

An hour late.

Or maybe she had decided not to show up
at all, he thought.

He watched the gorgeous summer sunset
splash the sky with strips of salmon pink and plum purple. He
watched as the lights faded away, until darkness replaced the
sky.

He glanced anxiously at the direction
of the parking lot. No new cars had arrived.

This was nothing like how he had
envisioned it.

The air turned chilly. He felt
sprinkles of rain fall on his head.

If Alyssa were there, she would teach
me to appreciate the sound of the falling rain, he
thought.

Panic gripped him. She’s not coming, is
she? he thought.

He looked at his watch again.
7:30.

The kids and the teenage couple
gradually trickled out of the park, leaving him the only person
there.

He strolled over to the bench and sat
down. He turned around to inspect it and saw that this was the same
bench he had been sitting on when he kissed Alyssa for the first
time.

Someone else’s declaration of love was
still there. The same one that inspired the conversation they had
had about loving someone so much that the whole world just had to
know.

JWC + JKB = Love
Forever.

Eying a jagged piece of rock, Luke
carved his and Alyssa’s initials into the bench.

LJ + AH = Love
Forever.

He then surrounded the declaration in
the shape of a heart.

Luke looked around. The park was still
and quiet. He glanced at the parking lot. Only his car was parked
there.

His head down, he trudged toward his
car, passing a garbage can. He looked at the bouquet of roses, the
poem he had slaved over and the engagement ring in his hands.
Soaked by the rain, the roses had begun to sag.

She didn’t come, he thought. I guess
she’s out of my life forever. Those were her words, after
all.

He chucked all three items into the
garbage can, then got into his car.

* * * * *

Chapter 10

When Luke got home, he saw a blinking
red light on his answering machine. He pressed the play button.
Maybe it was Alyssa with a very good reason she did not show
up.

A gruff voice said, “I tried to call
you at work, but I didn’t have your work number. Call me at home.
It’s about Alyssa. It’s urgent.”

It was Florence. Luke was surprised.
Florence had never called him before.

He picked up the phone right away and
dialed her number.

Florence picked up before the first
ring was over. “Hello?”

“
Florence, it’s Luke.”
She was silent for a while.

Then, she continued, “Listen, you and I
may not have hit it off, but we both love Alyssa very much.
Something happened.” She sounded like she had been crying. She took
a deep breath, then started to talk.

“
After Alyssa hit her head
last night, she complained of headaches all through the night. I
told her to go to the ER and get it checked out, but she insisted
she was fine.” She paused. “A couple hours ago, the headache became
unbearable, so I took her to the hospital. It turned out she had
what the doctors called a ‘subdural hematoma.’ It’s all a bunch of
medical babble to me, but it’s basically internal bleeding, or a
hemorrhage. The doctors performed emergency surgery right away, but
it was too late. I’m sorry.”

The finality of her tone of voice
struck Luke as odd. What was she sorry for?

It was too late,
she had said.

Then, all at once, he realized what she
meant.

Luke was numb. It was like being struck
on the head by a football. He had so many questions he did not know
where to start.

“
Why didn’t you call me?” he
finally asked, his voice rising several tones.

“
I called your work at 6,
but no one picked up. So I called your house and left a
message.”

“
But this doesn’t make any
sense. She’s a nurse. She would know the symptoms.” Luke tried to
process what had happened.

“
You know her. She took care
of everyone but herself. She had to teach today and she promised
the kids a treat.” She paused. “Her body‘s at Vancouver General
Hospital. I‘m holding a service next week.”

He was completely silent. His mind was
processing too much at the same time. He felt like he needed to sit
down before his head exploded.

“
Florence,” he began
tentatively. “Did Alyssa mention if she was going to meet me at the
park?” He did not feel like talking, but he had to know.

“
She didn’t say. She said
‘bye’ to me in the morning, then went to work. That’s all I know.”
She paused. “You know, I might have been hard on her, but I loved
my little girl. I just wanted her to be her best.”

Florence began to cry. Her choking sob
turned into hyperventilation.

Luke tried to inhale, but found he was
unable to. He felt like an invisible hand was squeezing his
throat.

“
But I was going to propose
to her,” he muttered. “I was going to propose to her.”

He did not know whether Florence had
heard him. She was still weeping hysterically.

“
I’m sorry,” she said. “I
can’t talk anymore.”

Then, she hung up.

Luke stood there in the stillness of
his apartment with the phone receiver in one hand.

As he stared out the window at the
starry night, his only thought was, I wished I had gone on that
walk with her.

* * * * *

That night, he lay in bed, but could
not close his eyes.

He got up and turned on the lights,
desperate to have the cherry blossom in his hands. He opened every
drawer in the room, but it was not there. Where had he put
it?

Giving up, he went back to
bed.

He turned on his side and looked at
Alyssa’s side of the bed. He put his nose on her pillow and
inhaled. It was her unique smell, a mix of peach, vanilla and
something that was just…her. It was her Alyssaness.

In the kitchen, the faucet began to
cry.

Drip. Drip.
Drip.

It made him aware of how big and empty
his apartment was.

A few weeks earlier, he had had Alyssa
and twin babies. Now, he had neither.

Take some
Tylenol
, he had said.

It was the last thing I said to her, he
thought. Why wasn’t it ‘I love you’ instead? And why didn’t I walk
her to the house to make sure she was OK? Why didn’t I insist that
I keep her company? Why didn’t I insist that she go see a
doctor?