Hiding In His Dreams (11 page)

This was the kind of love he wanted.
This was the kind of love he had read about in novels, but doubted
that it existed. And he was sure that this was the kind of love he
had with Alyssa. They had been through a lot together, and they
still managed to stay together.

As he gazed at the old couple, a
thought came to him.

No, a resolve.

No. A vow.

I am not going to let my fears cripple
me, he thought. I love Alyssa. And Alyssa loves me.

Take a
chance
, she had said.
I shouldn’t have to convince you to marry me.

She’s right, he thought. She shouldn’t
have to convince me to marry her. I should want to. And I
do.

I’m going to take a chance, he avowed.
Screw the fears and doubts. Screw it all.

Luke felt himself getting hot all
over.

When the sky train stopped at his
station, he rushed onto the platform so quickly that he nearly
forgot his briefcase.

He bolted in the rain, hurrying past
the stores, ignoring the blustery wind and the pelting
rain.

He had let doubt imprison him for too
long. He would embrace love in all its glory.

He would take a chance with the only
girl he had ever loved, and will ever love.

I will propose to her informally
tonight, he thought. Then take her to Taylor Park to do it
officially tomorrow, when the rain stopped.

A big smile enveloped his wet face as
he made his way to his apartment. He was even whistling when he
turned inserted the key in his door.

He felt like a new man.

He was whistling still when he went
into their bedroom. He examined the room and noticed that it looked
off.

Items were missing. Alyssa’s
paintbrushes and canvass.

At first, he thought that they had been
burglarized, but when he looked into the closet, he saw that it was
only half-empty.

All his clothes were there. Alyssa’s
were not.

Puzzled, he wandered into the living
room and saw a message written with care on the mini blackboard.
The blackboard looked as though it had been wiped several
times.

I can’t be with you
anymore. A.

Just
A
.

No
Love, A
.

Just
A
.

His first thought was that this was a
joke. But Alyssa was not one to make jokes like this.

Maybe she’s punishing me, he thought.
She’s punishing me for taking her for granted. She’s trying to give
me a good scare.

Outside, he heard thunder, then saw a
flash of lightning out of the corner of his eye.

He looked around the room frantically,
looking for any sign that her leaving was a joke. Most of her
paintings of landscapes and cherry blossoms had been removed from
their proud places on the walls of the living room. Only a measly
three were left. His living room was a huge concert hall without an
audience.

When he saw a cherry blossom on the
coffee table, he knew this was no joke.

He knew that he had not left it there.
It was usually kept in their bedroom, on their nightstand. The
blossom had been put there on purpose.

Luke walked over to the table, and
picked up the flower. He cradled it in his hand, like he would a
newborn. His own newborn.

He stared at the cherry blossom that
she had given him on their first date. It was starting to
wither.

* * * * *

Chapter 9

Luke wasted no time. He called all her
friends, but they said they had not seen her. Where could she have
gone?

He called her mother’s place
last.

“
Hello?” Florence Caldwell’s
scratchy voice said.

“
Florence, it’s me, Luke. Is
Alyssa there?”

“
Oh, it’s you.“ She sighed.
“So you tracked her down. Yes, she is. But she doesn’t want to
speak to you.”

“
Would you please put her
on? This is important.”

“
This is out of my control.
I’ll have to ask her.”

In the background, Luke could hear a
laugh track from a sitcom on TV. Then, he heard muffled voices, one
of which sounded urgent and angry.

He thought he could make out a
‘no.’

Finally, Florence’s voice came back on
the line.

“
She’s not interested in
speaking with you. She tells you to stop calling her and let her
move on.”

“
Move on to where?” Luke’s
voice was demanding, with just a hint of fear.

“
I don’t know. I have to go
now.”

“
Wait, don’t hang up,” Luke
said, but it was too late. He heard a click, then the dial
tone.

He put the phone down, then stared out
the window. The rain was really starting to come down.

No, he decided. I am not going to lose
her. I am going to win her back. Everything’s different now. I know
what‘s important now.

He decided that he would go to her
mother’s townhouse and coax her to come home. He grabbed the
diamond engagement ring in his bedroom and went out the
door.

He drove the half hour to Langley. The
highway was dark and windy. He felt as though he were in the centre
of a tornado.

He finally arrived at the townhouse in
the countryside. It was still, as though the storm had not even
touched the wilderness of Langley. The rain, if it had been there
at all, had stopped completely.

Luke parked the car, and perked up when
he saw her Ford Escort parked in front of the house.

He dashed up to the door and rang the
doorbell. The porch light flashed on, blinding him
momentarily.

He waited for a while, but there was no
answer. He was not going to give up. He would not leave until
Alyssa was in his car, going back to Vancouver with him.

He kept ringing the
doorbell.

Finally, the door opened.

Florence stood there in her pink
bathrobe, her hair in curls. “Didn’t I tell you that Alyssa doesn’t
want to see you?”

“
I’m not leaving without
her,” he said defiantly.

“
Then be prepared to spend
the night in your car,” the lady said, slamming the door in his
face.

Luke pounded on the door, but no one
answered. He rang the doorbell continuously, but after a few rings,
there was no sound when he pressed the bell.

Florence must have disabled the
doorbell system, he thought.

He tried desperately to peek inside the
house, but all the blinds and curtains had been drawn.

He stood on the porch with his arms
hanging by his side. Then, he turned around, marched back to his
car, and got in.

Florence had told him to prepare to
spend the night in his car. He was prepared to do just
that.

As he looked around his surroundings,
he noticed the silence in the countryside. Total
silence.

He rolled down the window. A refreshing
breeze brushed past him. A fresh scent permeated through the air,
the scent of pure cleanliness after the summer rain.

He took in a deep breath. Alyssa had
taught him to enjoy the beauty of nature. He wanted her to be there
to enjoy it with him.

His muscles ached. He was exhausted. It
had been a long day.

He closed his eyes, intending to rest
them for just a few minutes.

He must have drifted off, because the
next thing, he knew, there was a knock on his car’s half
rolled-down window.

Luke opened his eyes, wishing he could
sleep just a bit longer. He looked at the clock in his car. He had
been asleep for two hours.

Then, he looked out his window. There,
right outside, was Alyssa, illuminated by a single orange
streetlight. She was in a warm raincoat. Her hair was tied back
conservatively, and she looked as tired as he felt.

“
You were really going to
sleep in the car tonight, weren’t you?” She asked the question as
if she already knew the answer.

“
Yes, I was. And if I had
to, I would have missed work tomorrow.”

She looked touched, but then a familiar
expression crept back onto her face.

“
What’s the point? There’s
no future for us. No happy ending.”

He opened the door and she stepped
back.

He got out and took her by the hand.
“No, there is. I had a revelation. I saw this old couple on the sky
train, and you should have seen how they were looking at each
other. Nothing but deep love.”

Alyssa sighed. “I’m tired of fighting.
I’m just tired in general.”

“
I was afraid of the pain.
The pain that exists in every relationship.” He looked in her eyes,
and saw hope in it. That little flash of hope was all it took for
him to go on.

“
But screw the pain. I want
to marry you,” he declared. His loud voice sounded unnatural in the
quiet of the night. “I want to take a chance.”

“
I’ve heard this all
before,” she said wearily.

He had never seen this side of Alyssa
before. It was such a contrast to her usual loving
demeanor.

“
I know,” he said. “But this
time, I mean it. I wish I could show you what‘s in my heart. But
since I can‘t, here‘s the next best thing.”

Alyssa pursed her lips, deep in
thought, as though at a loss for words.

Luke got down on his knees. He felt wet
mud press into his pants, but he did not care. He took out the tiny
box that housed the engagement ring.

Then, he opened it, revealing the ring
to her.

“
Alyssa,” he said. “Will you
marry me?”

She did not answer.

Her face registered a series of
emotions. He detected surprise, then suspicion, then joy, then
finally, ambivalence.

She continued to say nothing. The only
sound was the wind rustling through the leaves.

Luke felt sweat assault his brow. He
thought for sure she would say ‘yes.’

After a minute had passed without a
response, Luke spoke.

“
I want to do this properly.
Meet me at Taylor Park tomorrow at 6pm. Wear your best dress. I
will have everything ready. Just please promise me you’ll show up,
and I’ll take care of everything else.”

She crossed her arms, and stared
directly at him. The wind lifted her hair, blowing it
back.

“
I don’t know,” she finally
whispered.

Luke was not prepared for this. Just
then, he felt something precious slipping out of his grasp. And
there was nothing he could do about it.

Her face, lit just a little by the
honey streetlight, betrayed no emotion.

She sighed again. “How about this? If I
come tomorrow, then it means I’ve decided to forgive you and marry
you. But if I don’t, I’m out of your life forever.”

Luke started to reply, but was
interrupted.

“
And there is no
negotiation,” she asserted. “Take it or leave it.”

He looked at her unwavering face. She
looked like such a disciplinarian right then. He felt like the
Alyssa he had once known had been become this stranger. Or maybe
she had always been this stranger.

“
I’ll take it,” he
said.

“
OK.”

He reached in to hug her, but she had
already turned her back on him, marching back to the
house.

Then, as she was halfway to the door,
she slipped on the wet grass, then dove to the ground, hitting her
head on the pavement.

Luke hurried over to her. “Are you OK?”
Her crash was reminiscent of how she had lost the
babies.

She clutched her head. Her clothes were
all muddy now. “I have a headache, but I‘ll be fine.”

She rubbed her head. “Owww,” she
complained, wincing.

"Take some Tylenol. You’ll feel better
in the morning.”

And there, after that little normal
exchange, he felt as if nothing had changed between them, that they
were still just Luke and Alyssa, a couple about to have babies
together, a couple about to be engaged.

He helped her up, then stood there
watching her walk away, making sure she got in alright. She opened
the door and closed it without looking back.

He supposed he did not deserve a hug.
He now knew he should have appreciated her more. All those late
nights at the office, instead of spending more time with his
pregnant girlfriend. Refusing to go for a walk with her. Allowing
his fears to stop him from marrying her.

Things were going to be different now.
He was going to be a better man. She had made him want to
change.

Although he was relieved that they
would probably make up, he was no longer certain that she was going
to accept his proposal. At least, there was still a chance. That
was better than a definite ‘no.’ All he could do was
hope.