Hiding In His Dreams (15 page)

Maybe I knew where it was all along,
Luke thought. And my subconscious, in the form of Alyssa, confirmed
it for me.

But he was no psychiatrist. And he
would refuse to see an actual one too.

“
Are you even listening to
me?” His supervisor interrupted his daydream. “You just cost one of
our most important clients millions of dollars and you’re not even
listening!”

Luke froze up. He did not what to tell
his boss. He knew his expression was pathetic. If he were his own
boss, he would have fired himself.

His boss’ expression softened. “Are you
sure everything’s OK? Did something happen?”

For a moment, Luke considered telling
Stew about the recent events in his life, but he knew that Stew did
not care. He was merely putting on a show, pretending to care about
his employees by inquiring about their personal lives.

Luke shook his head. “No, sir. I will
fix it right away.”

“
How?” Stew held his hands
out. “The damage has already been done. There’s nothing you can do
to fix it.”

His boss stabbed the air with his
fingers. “This is the second time you’ve screwed up, Luke.
Investment banking is a fickle, unstable industry. Only the cream
of the crop is invited to perform. The stakes are high. And that’s
why the money is too. It does not tolerate mistakes of any
kind.”

Stew waited for a response from Luke,
but none came. The boss pounded the table once. “Luke, you’re
fired. Pack your bags and get out.” He indicated the
door.

Luke stared at his boss’ worked-up
face.

Months ago, he would have cared. But
things have changed. All he wanted to do was see Alyssa in
dreamland. That was all that was important to him.

* * * * *

When he got home, a message was waiting
for him on the answering machine.

“
Luke, it’s Florence.
Alyssa’s funeral is next Wednesday. If you’re coming, call me to
confirm.”

I will not call her, he thought. I will
not go. Why should I see Alyssa’s dead corpse in a casket when I
can see her every night in my dreams?

* * * * *

That night in his dreams, he was high
above the clouds again. This time, the sun had already set, so he
was sitting on a cloud in the darkness. The stars had come out,
twinkling, and were even moving around. They formed a heart shape,
then dissolved.

Patiently, he waited for Alyssa. He
watched as the moon began its trek across the sky. He watched as
the shiny round globe moved from his left, all the way to his
right.

It seemed like it had taken a long time
to make that voyage (he could never tell the passage of time in
dreams).

Patiently, he waited some
more.

Alyssa still had not
arrived.

He looked around. Nothing but stars
snuggled into the sky.

The sound of silence.

The smell of freshness.

The rejuvenating breeze.

All he needed was Alyssa to enjoy this
with him.

But she did not show up that
time.

* * * * *

Luke awoke naturally, and not to the
sound of his alarm clock, for once. He glanced at the clock. 9
am.

He realized he was late for work, so he
got up in a hurry, brushed his teeth, and began to get
dressed.

Then he remembered that he had been
fired.

He had nowhere to go.

He took off his dress shirt and pants,
and fell back in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Alyssa did not come. Why? Something
about the Wind?

He felt like he was going insane. The
boundaries of reality and dreamland were mixing, and he was
beginning to have trouble telling them apart.

He just had to see Alyssa
again.

You really don’t know what you have til
it’s gone, he thought.

He wished he had appreciated her more
when she was alive. He missed the sound of her voice. And he missed
her “mkay.”

Why had I not recorded her voice? He
thought. If I did, then I could play it back to myself whenever I
wanted to.

Wait. He just remembered something. He
had her voice on the answering machine. They had recorded it
together when she first moved in.

He moved over the machine and pressed
“Play recorded message.”

The machine beeped. Then, he heard her
voice come on, “You’ve reached Luke and Alyssa’s. Luke is busy
making money and Alyssa is busy teaching and caring for children,
so please leave a message and we’ll return your call.
Thanks.”

It was exactly like something Alyssa
would say, thought Luke. The sound of her voice made him
smile.

It’s Alyssa, he thought with
excitement. It’s really her.

He pressed the “Play recorded message”
button again.

She said her little speech.

He smiled.

He pressed it again.

And again.

And another time.

He pressed it until he thought he had
broken the button.

He stood back. Her voice was playing
again, loud and clear. He wished he could keep it on the background
forever.

But, he knew it was artificial. It
wasn’t really her.

I have to go back to sleep, he thought.
I need to see the real her. I need to hold her in my arms, kiss her
soft lips, and smell the fruit fragrance of her hair.

He went back to bed, closed his eyes,
but he knew that he could not sleep again. He had just woken up
after eight full hours. He had not had that many hours since he
started working as an investment banker.

Luke picked up the cherry blossom from
his nightstand, and held it close to his heart.

He lay there for a good hour, while
knowing that it was hopeless the whole time.

So, he got up and wandered around the
apartment. The day was gray and dreary. What could he do today? He
racked his brain and came up empty. He usually worked all day and
night. And when he was not working, he spent time with Alyssa. He
had no hobbies.

Alyssa. Spending time with
Alyssa.

Yes, that was what he would do. Now
that he had been fired, he could spend all day and night with her.
He would try to go back to sleep again. He just had to.

Thinking back to the recorded,
artificial voice of Alyssa, he realized that although he could not
induce sleep naturally, he could do it artificially.

He went into the bathroom and looked
around for sleeping pills. He found a bottle and rattled it. There
were pills in there.

He popped open the lid and stuffed some
pills into his mouth, then took some water.

Alyssa, here I come, he
thought.

He went back into his bedroom and lay
down.

He squeezed his eyes shut, wiling his
mind to shut off. She had told him to will himself to dream of her
again. He would do that. He focused on his energy into seeing his
girl in his mind.

For a while, his mind was a cesspool of
racing thoughts. Them gradually, the pills kicked in, and he was
off.

* * * * *

He dreamt that he was standing on the
beach, a quiet contemplative beach. The waves rolled in and out, in
and out. It was eerily reminiscent of Qualicum Beach, the only time
he had truly been happy.

Then, the waves rushed in and
surrounded him, leaving him stranded on a tiny island made of soft
sand. It was jutting out a little into the ocean.

A gentle wind caressed his face as he
stared into the night. The slight mist blocked his views across the
ocean. He saw merely the hypnotic pattern of the waves.

Anxiously, he glanced around. It was
just him, the beach and the ocean. No Alyssa.

He tried desperately to remember if
there was something he could do to call Alyssa.

"Alyssa!" he yelled into the night.
"Where are you?"

What if she were captured by the Wind?
What if he never got to see her again?

“
Alyssa,” he yelled
again.

"Luke," Alyssa's voice said.

It was the most beautiful thing he had
ever heard.

He whirled around to the
source.

There she was, in the same beautiful
white silk evening gown, with a smile on her face. In the
moonlight, she resembled a medieval princess whose hand knights
would strive to win by going on dangerous quests.

He almost jumped on her as he enveloped
her in his embrace.

He inhaled. She smelled like her, a mix
of vanilla and peach, of course.

“
Where have you
been?”

“
I can’t come every night,
Luke. I told you. It’s too dangerous I’m not even sure I should be
here right now.” She eyed the waves suspiciously.

"Is it because of me? I'm sorry,
Lissie."

"I told you. It's not. We have to be
careful of the Wind."

He held her in his
arms.
"Am I dreaming of you or are you
coming to me?"

"Why does it matter?"

“
I mean, are you real or are
you just a figment of my imagination?”

“
I’m real,” she
replied.

“
I’m going crazy, Lissie. I
can’t tell what’s real and what’s in my dreams."

She caressed his biceps and he could
feel the smooth sensation. She was real, alright.

"I am real and love is real. That‘s why
I keep coming to you. Love made me stay behind. Sometimes I think
love is the only thing that’s real." She slid further into his
arms.

He felt the warmth of her body against
his as he thought about what she had said. He decided she was
right. It was the only thing that was real.

She snuggled deeper into his chest as a
cold draft surrounded them. He looked out at the ocean. The mist
was gone. In its place was a beautiful darkness. And the waves. Of
course. The waves were there too.

The moment was perfect. He knew it was
time. He had wanted to do this before she died. Now, he finally had
a chance.

He let go of her, and got down on his
knees. “Will you marry me?”

He held her hand and looked up at his
girl sincerely.

She smiled, and put a hand to her
mouth. “Yes, Luke. I will marry you.”

It was dark now, but Luke could see the
excitement in her eyes.

He realized it was time to put the ring
on her finger, but then he discovered he had no ring.

“
Don’t worry about the
ring,” she said. “I don’t need that to know you love
me.”

He grabbed her and kissed her hard,
kissed her as though it was the last time he would ever kiss her.
He had forgotten how good it felt.

When he pulled back, she was all
smiles.

Something colorful in the distance
caught his attention. It was a rainbow, but not just any rainbow.
This rainbow stretched across the sky, and had not only the usual
colors, but variations and mixture of other colors. Blue-green,
red-orange, red-purple.

He pointed to it and Alyssa turned
around.

“
That’s gorgeous,” she said.
“It’s our wedding gift.”

He stroked her cheek with one finger.
“So where should we go for our honeymoon?”

“
I have an idea.” She
whistled and Luke saw something descend from the heavens. It was a
puffy white cloud, but also a vehicle. It looked like a giant
marshmallow. Luke peered inside and saw it had enough room for
two.

Come on,” Alyssa said, stepping into
the vehicle. “This is really fun.” She held out her hand and Luke
held it. She pulled him into the cloud.

“
What is this?” he
asked.

“
I call it a cloud
transport. It lets you fly, just like in one of those flying
dreams.”

She tapped the cloud lightly and it
revved to life. It began to rise. Luke felt his entire body getting
lighter.

The cloud transport suddenly quivered,
and Luke held onto Alyssa to steady himself. It reminded him of
being on the ferry to Vancouver Island. They were nearing the port
at Nanaimo when the ferry suddenly shook. He remembered the sense
of security he felt while holding onto her.

He buried his face into her neck as
they began their ascent. The night air meshed with her skin to
become a sweet scent, like the smell of vanilla ice
cream.

When the transport stopped moving, Luke
looked around. The water was a deep abyss below. The sky above was
a deep blue. The stars were shining. And he had the most beautiful
girl in his arms.

He inhaled again, as though her
redolent scent was his oxygen. There, up above the clouds, under
the moon, with Alyssa in his arms, he felt like he had hit the
jackpot.

He savored the moment. He did not know
when he would be this happy again.