Hold Me Close (3 page)

In a blink, she rose up and shoved a handful of snow down the front of his shirt. Damn, it was cold. It immediately melted against his warm skin and dripped a cool river that pooled at his waistband.

She took off running again. This time, her laughter echoed in her wake. It was such a good sound to hear that he stood for a moment and just absorbed it, allowed it to captivate his entire being.

But her taunt pulled him out of his bubble of enjoyment.

“Sucker!”

He knew he was, but he’d never admit it to her. He ran after her again, quickly gaining ground. Her harsh “Oh, fuck” whooshed out just before he tackled her in the snow. He grabbed a handful of snow and rubbed it on her face. She yelped and squealed.

Shane kept her pinned to the ground but gave her a minute to catch her breath. She blinked rapidly, knocking snowflakes from her lids and lashes. Instead of being pissed, she smiled up at him. “Okay, you win.”

“Nice try.”

“What do you mean?” Her eyes went wide as if she were some innocent kid.

He held up another ball of snow and reached for her shirt. Her hand slapped down on her collar. “You wouldn’t.”

“Of course I would. Fair’s fair.”

“But I said you won. I give up.”

“And I know better.”

With her other hand, she shoved at his torso. “Get up, you’re squishing me.”

In truth, he probably was, but he didn’t want to give her an inch. Maggie was the type of girl who’d run away with a mile if he did. She finally flopped her arms out wide in surrender. “I give up. You win. For real this time.”

Watching her capitulate stirred some unwelcome feelings. He jumped off her and held out a hand to help her up. She eyed him through narrow slits. “What’s your game?”

“Nothing. Truce.”

She placed her hand in his, which felt natural, and tugged at those same unwelcome desires. He yanked her to standing. Her face was lit with a smile. Unfortunately for her, she was a little too smug. He scooped her shirt open at the top and dumped in a handful of snow. Her sharp intake of breath gave him great satisfaction.

“Never underestimate your opponent,” he said, and then turned to take off.

He’d only gotten a few steps when Maggie launched herself onto his back. She squeezed his neck tightly and wrapped her legs around his hips. “You called a truce!”

“Yeah, and you fell for it. Now we’re even.”

Instead of another jab, she rubbed the top of his head. “I’ve missed this.”

The friendly gesture settled him back to where he should be.

“Me too.” He continued to walk back toward his truck with her on his back. “You want to tell me what your family did now?”

As he unlocked his truck, she slid off his back. “Just the usual.”

“You’ve been in Ireland for over a year. How is anything usual?”

She climbed into the cab of the truck and waited for him to get behind the steering wheel. “They treat me like a little kid. They fawn all over me like I’ve just recovered from a terminal illness, but then they tiptoe around me. It’s annoying.”

He started the truck and asked, “Where to?”

“Anywhere but here.” She stared out the windshield. Her cheeks were red from the cold and the snow. Her laughter was gone, and he wanted it back.

“Dinner?”

“Sure.”

Because she didn’t offer an opinion about where to go, Shane just drove. She had something on her mind, something more than her family hovering. When he pulled into the parking lot of their favorite hot dog stand, she sighed.

“How’d you know?”

“Everyone knows you can’t get a decent hot dog outside Chicago. Plus you look like you could use some fries and a chocolate shake.”

Her smile returned for a flash. As he reached to open his door, she grabbed his arm. “Wait.”

He stopped.

“Todd’s getting out.”

His entire body hardened. He despised hearing that asshole’s name on her lips. He said nothing because he didn’t want to lie about Ryan already telling him.

“Ryan got the letter informing me while I was gone.” The muscle in her jaw twitched, and she nodded as if to answer some thought in her head.

“Are you okay?”

“I guess. It’s not like I thought he’d be in jail forever. I knew this day would come. What really annoyed me is that Ryan knew—shit, my whole family probably knew—and no one told me. They’re all so afraid I’m going to break. I’m stronger than that.”

“Mags, I’m sure—”

She shook her head. “Please don’t defend them.”

How could she not know how difficult it was for all of them? Todd
had
broken her. He’d stolen a piece of her. “They worry about you, but they don’t think you’re going to break.”

“Yeah, they do. They all take this placating tone with me. Damn, my mother still can’t say that I was raped. Like saying the word itself gives it more power or something.” She squeezed his hand. “That’s why I needed to see you. You make me feel normal. We’re just regular friends hanging out.”

Even though a bit of guilt sat on his chest, he squeezed her hand in return. “I’m up for a snowball fight anytime.”

Maggie spent the next two days visiting old friends and trying to figure out how to talk to Ryan. If she had a choice, she’d ask another sibling, but Ryan still ran the bar. Colin could probably hire her, but if they went behind Ryan’s back, it would cause more tension between Colin and Ryan. The two of them finally seemed to have worked things out, and she didn’t want to be the cause of fresh problems. So it had to be Ryan.

Her friend from the neighborhood, Olivia, offered to meet her for lunch at the bar. Maggie figured having a friend would be a good buffer.

She sat in her car in the parking lot of O’Leary’s and stared at the oak doors. She took a deep breath and felt the inside of her car cooling off since she’d cut the engine. The air outside was bitter cold, icing over all the piles of snow. Maybe she should’ve waited until spring to come home.

Spring in Chicago was happy and warm and fun. Winter? Not so much.

She took another deep breath. If she couldn’t even do this much, how could she expect to work here?

It’s just a door. Just a bar, like any other bar.
She’d been to plenty of pubs while in Ireland. She could do this. She opened the door of her car and almost crept back in her seat when a blast of frigid air hit her.

A sudden knock on the window her made her jump. Olivia.

Maggie looked through the open door, and Olivia asked, “You okay?”

She nodded and climbed out of the car.

“Come on. It’s freezing out here.” She slipped her arm around Maggie’s elbow and tugged her toward the bar. “I missed you so much. I want to hear all about Europe. I’m sure the pictures you sent didn’t do anything justice.”

Before she knew it, Olivia was swinging them through the heavy wood doors and into the bar. The interior was dimmer than she remembered, but the sounds and the smells reminded her of her childhood. The lunch crowd filled much of the bar space, but the conversation remained quiet.

Maggie took a moment and stared at the surrounding dark wood and waited for the bad feelings to wash over her, for something to trigger the panic. But it didn’t.

Olivia ran her hand up and down Maggie’s arm. “Good?” she whispered.

Maggie nodded and said, “Yeah, I think so.” She walked to the bar and sat on a stool. The woman behind the counter wasn’t someone she recognized, not that she should since she hadn’t been there in so long, but she hoped to see Mary, the manager. This woman’s name tag said Jenna.

Jenna faced Maggie and Olivia. “Hi. What can I get you?”

“Hi. I’m Maggie O’Leary. Is my brother Ryan here?”

Jenna’s eyebrows wrinkled. “Uh . . . yeah. I’ll go get him.” She backed away from the bar and went to get Ryan.

“What was that about?” Olivia asked.

“She probably didn’t know Ryan had another sister. If she’s been here any length of time she’s probably met all the O’Learys. Except me.” She took off her jacket and hung it on the back of her stool.

Olivia reached a little farther down the bar and picked up a menu. “So what’s good?”

Maggie leaned closer. “To tell you the truth, I have no idea. Even when I worked here, I hardly ate anything. We’ll ask Ryan.”

While Olivia scanned the menu, Maggie looked around, trying to see what had changed. She saw nothing different. Was it possible that nothing had changed in five years?

“Maggie?”

At the sound of Ryan’s voice, she spun in her chair. “Hey.”

His face filled with worry. “You’re here.”

“Yeah. I thought it was about time.”

His mouth opened and then closed. “Are you okay?”

She hopped off her stool. “I’m good. I thought it would be harder, but it’s kind of like walking into any other bar. Except this one has some great memories.”

“And some not great ones.”

“You know, I still don’t remember much from that night. I thought walking in here might trigger something, but as I’m sitting here, I’m remembering good times.” She turned and pointed toward the back of the bar. “Like the time Shane played darts with Michael after work and they’d both had too much to drink. Shane’s dart flew across the room and nailed Michael in the arm.”

Remembering that night made Maggie smile. Michael had been cursing a blue streak, and Shane had doubled over laughing. Maggie had to yank the dart from Michael’s arm. She remembered it wobbling as Michael yelled at Shane for his poor aim.

Then she turned to the end of the bar. “Or the time Shane and I played beer pong and busted the mirror.”

Ryan crossed his arms. “When exactly did that happen?”

Maggie smiled and kissed his cheek. “Sorry. Thought you knew.”

“So what brings you here? Other than to tell me all the juvenile things you’ve done in my bar.”

“Olivia and I came for lunch. What’s good?”

“Everything’s good, of course.”

“Spoken like a true business owner.” She sat back on the stool.

Ryan nodded to Olivia. “Hi, Olivia. How are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you since the block party.”

“I’m good. Finally moved out and into my own apartment. Still bring my laundry home, though.”

“Well, I have work to do, but you two enjoy lunch on me.” He bent over and kissed Maggie’s head. “Come find me if you need me.”

“I’ll be okay.” She watched Ryan walk away. Jenna returned and handed her a menu.

“Can I start you off with a drink?”

“Just a Coke for me,” Maggie said.

“Me too,” Olivia added.

When Jenna left to pour their drinks, Olivia asked, “So you’re really okay?”

“Yeah. It’s weird because I feel totally normal. Like I keep waiting for it to hit, but nothing. Like I told Ryan, I’m just remembering the good times.”

Jenna returned with their Cokes, and both Maggie and Olivia ordered burgers. For the next couple of hours, Maggie sat in her family’s bar and hung out with an old friend. They laughed and shared stories and caught up.

By the time they were ready to put on their coats and brave the cold again, Maggie finally felt as if she had come home. Only the nagging feelings about why she’d stayed away remained.

CHAPTER 3

S
hane walked through his new apartment. Not that it really qualified as a living space. Every wall had been gutted. At least they’d gotten around to insulating the walls. Otherwise he’d be able to see his breath. He walked to the nearest radiator and touched. No heat, which wasn’t a huge surprise. The pipes would probably need to be bled. That would be the top priority.

A stack of drywall sat in the corner waiting to be hung. He flipped a switch and a bare bulb in the ceiling lit. In the bathroom, he found all new fixtures installed. He turned the tap and water flowed. As long as the plumbing and electric were complete, the rest would be easy for him.

He’d have to talk to Ryan about the kitchen and what he wanted done there, and when Ryan would be able to order the materials. His dad could probably use his contractor’s discount to get Ryan a deal. He didn’t know why Ryan hadn’t asked his dad to come in and do the work.

Then again, the only time he saw Ryan was while he was with Maggie, and in those cases, Ryan would never bring up the bar.

He turned and sat on the stack of drywall. What the hell had he gotten himself into? This would be like juggling a third job. College had been hard enough when he had to go to class and work nights here. Now he’d have to work with his dad, work at the bar, and squeeze in time to finish this place.

His best hope was that Ryan would schedule Maggie for only a couple of nights a week. He watched the remaining bit of his social life slip away.

But Maggie was home and she was safe.

As he had the thought his phone rang, and without looking at the screen he knew it was Maggie. He pulled the phone from his pocket. He was right. “Hey.”

“I did it.”

He heard the smile in her voice. “Did what?”

“I went to O’Leary’s for lunch today with Olivia.”

Shane’s muscles tensed.

“I talked with Dr. Janzen, and she suggested what I planned anyway. Just go to the bar to see if I would have any reaction. And you know what? Nothing. At least nothing bad. I sat there and remembered nothing but good times.”

He smiled. “I’m glad. Did you talk to Ryan about coming to work?”

“Not yet. I’m going to wait until Sunday dinner with the family.”

Good. He had time to get moved in and settled. Hopefully with walls. Looked like he knew what he’d be doing this weekend. He stood.

“What are you doing tonight? I want to celebrate.”

He glanced at the bare room again. He closed his eyes. “Nothing. Where do you want to go?”

“How about Sorrentino’s? I’ve missed their pizza.”

“Sounds good. Pick you up at seven?”

“Fabulous.”

He disconnected and turned off the meager light in the room. Before locking up, he shot a quick text to Ryan to ask about the radiators. After work tomorrow, he’d get his dad to help him move his bed in. The majority of the rest of his things would go into storage. The less he had to work around in here, the smoother it would go.

Shane spent the next few hours packing the last of his stuff. He’d lived with Joe for the past three years, but he hadn’t accumulated much in the way of possessions. He had a dresser, bed, and nightstand. The living room furniture was all Joe’s. Except the TV. That was his, but he wasn’t sure he’d bother trying to hook it up until he finished the living room. At least football season had ended.

He showered, changed, and left to pick up Maggie. When he arrived at her house, he knocked and waited.

Mrs. O’Leary opened the door. He towered over her as always, but she looked good. If he hadn’t known she suffered a heart attack a few months back, he’d never have guessed it.

“Shane. Come in. It’s good to see you.” She opened the door wider.

He bent over and kissed her cheek as he pulled her into a hug. He’d learned over the years that Mrs. O’Leary would never initiate a hug, but she’d welcome it from him. She squeezed him back.

“I’ve missed seeing you. What have you been up to?” she asked as she locked up.

“Working with my dad. Waiting for the police department to call. The same things I’ve been doing.”

“You should talk to Jimmy. Maybe he could help with the police.”

“Jimmy?”

“Jimmy O’Malley. Moira’s fiancé. He’s a detective, you know. Worked on a big case for the mayor last summer.” She ushered him into the living room and sat on her chair.

He moved to the couch. Jimmy O’Malley had never crossed his mind. He knew of him, maybe even had met him a few times over the years. He knew Jimmy and Liam were friends.

“Maggie’ll be down in a minute.” A quiet smile stole across the woman’s face.

“I’m glad she finally came home.”

“We all are.” Her gaze shot over his shoulder to the stairs that led to Maggie’s room. “Ryan told me what Maggie plans.”

Shit. He’d asked Ryan not to tell anyone.

“Thank you for looking after my girl.”

“I’d do anything for her.”

“You’re a good boy.”

Thundering feet on the steps drew his attention. That was a sound he would always associate with Maggie and the O’Leary house. For such a small woman, she had the feet of an elephant.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said with a smile.

“That’s something I can count on.”

“I’m not
always
late.”

“You keep telling yourself that.” He kept the joking going to distract himself from how beautiful she looked.

She wore nothing special. It wasn’t like this was a date. Although he hadn’t seen Maggie dress up for a date in years, he remembered what it did to him. He tried not to stare as she bent over to tug on her boots.

Her jeans were snug on her slight curves. The plaid shirt she wore open over a tight-fitting tank slipped off one shoulder exposing her smooth skin. She might as well be dressed to go to a painting party, but he was getting turned on. She shouldn’t still have this effect on him.

As she straightened, she flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Ready?”

“Yep.”

“See you later, Mom. Don’t wait up.” She gave her mom a quick kiss on the cheek.

Mrs. O’Leary looked at him. “You be careful driving, now. The roads are still slick.”

“I’ll bring her back safely.”

When they arrived at the restaurant, the warmth of Sorrentino’s wrapped around them. The interior could only be described as cozy. Low lights, candles flickering on the tables. Although the setting could be romantic, it was still very much a family restaurant.

Maggie inhaled deeply. “Oh, man. That smells so good. You have no idea how much I’ve missed Chicago pizza.”

“I think I do. I remember when we FaceTimed while I was eating leftovers.”

She looked over her shoulder with her blue eyes narrowing. “That was just mean. You did it to make me envious.”

He smirked. “I wanted you to know what you were missing.”

The hostess led them to a corner booth. It was the same booth where he’d planned to ask Maggie out a year and a half ago and instead she’d told him she was leaving Chicago. He’d planned a perfect night and thought he’d had the right words to convince her they would be good together. Her announcement told him how wrong he’d been.

He waited until she slid in, and he sat across from her. The hostess left menus on the table and returned moments later with glasses of water and a basket of bread.

Maggie snatched a piece of bread and slathered it with butter.

“Tell me about going to the bar. Does your family know?”

She nodded. “Ryan was there.” She chewed and swallowed. “I don’t know what I was so worried about. It was nothing.”

“That’s not true, Maggie. Going there was a huge deal.”

She shook her head. “Maybe years ago it would’ve been momentous. It wasn’t, though. It kind of pisses me off. I stayed away for years out of fear. But you know what hit me when I sat there eating a cheeseburger? Good memories.”

“I’m glad.” The tension in his muscles eased a fraction. A lot of times, Maggie would cover what happened so her family wouldn’t worry, but she didn’t keep things from him. She wasn’t just painting a pretty picture here.

“Remember the time you nailed Michael with a dart?”

“How could I forget?” Michael had made him do extra work for the next week, claiming his arm was too injured. In addition to his duties as bouncer, Shane had lugged up cases of beer and alcohol from the basement to “help” Michael. The help ended when he caught Michael doing one-armed push-ups to impress a chick.

Shane took a gulp of water and asked the question he wasn’t sure if she’d answer. “So you didn’t have any flashbacks or think about . . .”

“Todd? No. He didn’t come to mind at all, except when I started to get mad at myself for staying away.”

Hearing her say that asshole’s name turned his stomach. He hated giving him any space in their conversation.

The waitress arrived and took their pizza order. After she left, Maggie looked like she was somewhere else.

“What are you thinking?”

She began pulling the crust off the bread and making a small pile on her plate. Not a good sign.

He reached across the table and covered her hands with his, stilling them. With a smile, he said, “Come on, Magpie, you can tell me anything.”

Maggie stared at Shane’s big hands on top of hers. His words reassured her. She’d always been able to tell him anything. Things she could never tell her family. Her fears, her nightmares, her hopes, her dreams—Shane had heard them all. Why hold back now?

“Part of why today made me angry was that I thought this was something I needed to get over. Something I needed to accomplish in order to fix myself. I’m mad because as it turns out, this wasn’t holding me back.” She itched to move, but Shane held her hands fast. She swung her legs out under the table instead.

“Holding you back from what?” He looked directly into her eyes.

She loved that he did that. Like he could see every piece of her. Except for the pieces she couldn’t show anyone.

She leaned forward on the table and spoke quietly. “I feel like myself. Mostly. Like before Todd raped me. I don’t walk around in fear all the time. I feel like I can live life again.”

“That’s good, Mags.” Shane’s thumb stroked her hand.

“But I can’t . . . I’ve tried. . . .” Why the hell couldn’t she just say it?

“Can’t what?”

“Have sex.”

His thumb froze, and for a flicker she saw his muscles twitch before he covered with a smile. “Uh . . .”

“We don’t have to talk about this. It’s okay.” Sex was one thing she had never talked to Shane about. They’d both had relationships over the years, and they respected that, but they didn’t get into the nitty-gritty details.

“We can talk about whatever you need to talk about. I’m just not sure what going to O’Leary’s has to do with sex. Other than the obvious, of course.”

She slid her hands away from him and sank back in the booth. The cool, red vinyl was smooth under her palm. “While I was in Ireland, I dated a few guys. There was one guy, Ian, and I liked him a lot. We had a great time together. But when I wanted to have sex with him, I couldn’t follow through.”

Shane’s hand curled into a fist. “Please tell me he didn’t—”

“Oh, God, no. I mean, he wasn’t happy I called it quits, but he was a good guy.” She took a sip of water. “I thought that I couldn’t sleep with him because of my unresolved issues here. And if I didn’t have an issue at the bar, then there’s still something wrong with me.”

He ran a hand over his head. “Christ, Maggie. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’ll happen when you’re ready. You’re just not ready. And if some guy can’t be patient and wait, then he doesn’t deserve you.”

Her cheeks warmed. Shane always made her feel better. Not because of the words, although they were nice to hear, but because he meant them. “Thanks. That’s pretty much what Dr. Janzen said. I’m just frustrated.”